Board-certified psychologist and behavioral sleep doctor Shelby Harris explains that, oftentimes, feelings of overwhelm occur when your <a href="https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/how-to-tame-your-fight-or-flight-response">fight-or-flight response </a>is activated without an obvious stimulus. which can feel confusing and create more uncertainty.

Why Do We Feel Overwhelmed? 

When you're overwhelmed, it can be difficult to focus on anything other than your nervous energy, much less figure out how to overcome it. Even breathing exercises can sometimes cause you to become even more agitated. Holding your nose to do alternate nostril breathing can be embarassing and remembering to count while trying to prolong your breath can sometimes overwhelm you even more.The key to soothing this distress (especially if your anxiety flareups are random) is a quick grounding exercise. One that's super easy to do.

Why It's Important

Take a moment to see it, identify it and accept it. Affirm that its s ok to feel unexplained anxiousness. Do not brush it under the carpet or insist on a ‘good vibes' approach to how you feel. Instead, change how you view the situation.In a study of college students assigned to give a speech, reappraising (aka reframing) or accepting their nerves was more effective at reducing physical distress than suppressing it. In fact, reappraising was shown to be the most effective technique when it came to moderating those feelings.

1. But First:  See It, Recognize It And Accept It

Now, here's where the Rule of 3 comes in.Its as simple as naming 3 things. 3-3-3 of certain groups, that can actually ground you in the moment and creating mindfulness that forces you to think of something—anything!—to bring you back to the present moment.Though some would suggest sticking to sight, sound and touch combi; it can be 3 things you're thankful about, colors. It can also be moving 3 different parts of your body.

2.  The Rule Of 3

Allow yourself to worry about only 3 things at any given time. Once you have the 3 you allow yourself to think about, that's it you're maxed out. If you see another thing that will potentially make you worry, you either have to let go of 1 of your initial 3, or you choose not to add the last one to your worries. By thinking about your fears in this straightforward way, it becomes obvious that while some of your problems have actionable solutions and others are completely out of your control, worrying does very little to help either.

3. Allow Yourself To Worry About Only 3 Things At A Time

It's helpful to have a simple tool readily available that you csn use for overwhelming situations without having to cue up a guided meditation or scroll through Google

Behavioral sleep doctor Shelby Harris, PsyD, DBSM, explains how to practice the 3-3-3 technique, as well as why it can help with moments of anxiousness.

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

mindfulness

Mindfulness

health

Health

mentalhealth

Mental Health

The 3-3-3 Technique That's Better Than The 4-7-8 Technique For Overcoming Anxious Moments

In today's fast-changing world, companies increasingly need to be proactively resilient to be successful. They need to assemble teams quickly, draw on collective knowledge, find expertise, collect information in real time, and communicate strategic messages. To build those capabilities, organisations need a culture that enables employees to become "gig mindsetters" - salaried employees who behave and think like freelancers.

Thriving in a fast-changing world 

Gig mindsetters are continuous learners. They manage themselves, take the initiative, focus more on skills and less on roles, use better processes, and are confident to question the status quo. They share what they learn, take ownership of their growth, and have the ability to influence people.

Gig mindsetters

Large scale learning programmes often fail because they don't encourage people to take the initiative. Another approach is the learn, apply, share strategy. People who want to continue learning answer a formal but simple document that lists six questions. <ul><li>What will I learn?</li><li>How will I learn?</li><li>How will my company and I benefit from my investment?</li><li>When will I learn?</li><li>Where will I learn?</li><li>Who will help me make this a success, for my company and myself?</li></ul>

The learn, apply, share strategy

People want a sense of purpose. To establish whether your organisation has a gig mindset learning culture, consider the following questions: <ul><li>Are your employees able to communicate directly with senior leaders?</li><li>Are they encouraged to challenge the status quo?</li><li>Are teams built by focusing on skills and knowledge?</li><li>Are teams encouraged to share their work before it is completed?</li><li>When an experimental initiative fails, is it considered a positive experience?</li><li>Are people given time for external networking?</li></ul>

Creating a gig mindset learning culture

If gig mindsetters continually encounter obstacles, they may look elsewhere for more suitable places to work. Gig mindsetters may encounter difficulties at work because managers may think they are disrespectful or self-centred if they challenge the status quo. However, people with a gig mindset show loyalty to the organisation, not the processes. They are willing to improve things that will benefit the organisation.

Retaining gig mindsetters

These employees manage themselves, take initiative, and don’t hesitate to question the status quo — all helpful traits during uncertain times.

corporateculture

Corporate Culture

travel

Travel

How Workers with a “Gig Mindset” Can Help Your Company Thrive

Internal family systems (IFS) is a <a href="https://thehumancondition.com/psychotherapy-introduction-benefits/">psychotherapeutic model</a> through which people are viewed as having a core Self surrounded by multiple parts.1 IFS practitioners believe that by helping people learn to harness the power of their core Self, they can help their clients heal the wounded, inner parts of themselves and become more connected both inwardly and outwardly.

Internal Family Systems (IFS): What It Is, Background, and Benefits

Internal family systems (IFS) is a psychotherapeutic model through which people are viewed as having a core Self surrounded by multiple inner parts.

moneyandinvestments

Money & Investments

Internal Family Systems (IFS): What It Is, Background, and Benefits - The Human Condition

<ul><li>Feeling what someone else feels</li><li>Actively listening to what they have to say</li><li>Not judging</li><li>Being aware of nuances and non-verbal cues</li><li>Discovering their perspective</li><li>Acknowledging everyone's feelings.</li></ul>Empathy is the ability to understand and share a person’s feelings. An empathetic person can feel someone else’s emotions, regardless of their personal experiences.You’re able to discover their perspective with awareness of non-verbal cues. You’re also able to simply listen without feeling forced to provide unwanted advice.

What is empathy? 

<ul><li>Having thoughts about what someone feels</li><li>When in conversation, giving unasked advice</li><li>Passing judgment</li><li>Only noticing the surface level issue</li><li>Understanding only from your perspective</li><li>Ignoring or suppressing your own emotions.</li></ul>Unlike empathy, practicing sympathy doesn’t mean you feel what someone else feels. Instead, you feel pity or sorry for someone else’s feelings.You feel bad for someone, but you don’t understand how they feel.A sympathetic approach only provides a surface-level understanding of someone else’s situation. This understanding is typically from your perspective, not theirs.

What is sympathy?

Learn the main differences between empathy vs sympathy and similar concepts like compassion and apathy. Plus, read about the best ways to practice empathy.

communication

Communication

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

Empathy vs. sympathy: understanding key differences

Yesterday, I completed a Marathi Novel called ‘Nave Daivat’.  It was Horror fiction and it is written by Narayan Dharap . Narayan Dharap  is not only a great author but he can give a solid form to the emotions and expressions we can’t describe. This is the story of that emotion of negativity we all have. The plot of the story is like this: A man in his forties gets a letter from a crazy person who praised his poem and forms a ‘New God’ to make his wishes comes true and that ‘New God’ started murdering people under that psychopath’s command.

Book And It's Idea 

If we ‘read between the lines you’ll see, what the writer wants to say. The core idea of this book is about the extreme negativity, depression, and vengeful thoughts of a person. We can’t even imagine how a person can think and how deeply it will affect him/her. As Shri Krushna said, our body is Kshetra and two Prakrutis are having war. The first is ‘Sat’ and the second is ‘Asat’ (As in right and wrong nature). The end of the war is Death and on the brink of death, either one of them will win (most likely Sat).

Shri Krishna And His  Theory 

The author tells the difference between types of people. Nope, I’m not talking about personalities, personas, or psychological things here but I’m talking about the ‘Societical term’ for personalities. There are three types of ‘Societical’ personalities.

Societical Personalities

The first one, is those who believe in God (or energy), destiny, luck, and Karma, those who like to do hard work but prefer happiness over everything. The other one, who try to find shortcuts for fame, publicity, money, and success, and lastly, those who don’t believe in all of this and only focuses on their goals and aims, they don’t think of God, short cuts, luck, destiny blah, blah only their main focus is to achieve their goals. Honestly, if you observe, you’ll see these kinds of people all around you! Heck! You’ll fit in (or in between) them. I’m one of them too! (lol)

Types Of Personalities

The actual point of this writing is, that even if you find these personalities harmless you can’t say the same about their mind. You can’t even say the same for your mind too! Through these harmless personalities’ criminals are born, leaders are born, and commoners too. So, it is the mind’s game. (I’m not saying brain because the brain is a scientific term and we are talking about emotions and emotions don’t have any logic, science, and rationality).

The Effect 

In our twenties, we think differently and in our forties, it’s different. Twenty is the age where we easily get agitated, irritated, frustrated, and angry. We rebel, make bad decisions (sometimes good too), fall in love, we hope for dreams, we passionately work for them, try to find the meaning of our life, try to make our life. The twenties are like a roller-coaster ride we can never forget.

The Twenties

In our mid-thirties or late twenties, we somewhat started accepting reality, the fog of passion gets cleared this time we’re more determined, experienced, hard-skinned, and think in profit and loss. In the forties, we’re well-defined human beings according to society. Means, we’re more settled, we have money, we’re wise enough to have our opinions, we’re more responsible, logical, practical, and other adjectives of perfect human being you can add.

Thirties And Forties 

And trust me, we never blame this negativity internally. We blame society and ourselves. We always praise this negativity because through this we get affection, sympathy, and our mind love that but this Deity is not giving us anything but it is sucking our energy (mentally and physically too). (Remember, Devil’s den is any empty mind).

Negativity

So, in the end, when we have had enough of this, we started to look for solutions. Back to our Societical Personalities, some people may find their solutions through religious or spiritual way, some may take extreme steps like ending a life (which is not helpful) and some may visit a psychologist, therapist to treat their disorder. Everyone tries to find their kind of solution and this cycle will continue till the end. The only thing we need to learn from this rant is TO NEVER PRAY FOR THE DEITY OF NEGATIVITY!

Deity Of Negativity

This blog is written by me and it is about the effects of negativity on human mind. How it affects us and our mind in every stage and age of our life 

A man in his forties gets a letter from a crazy person who praised his poem and forms a ‘New God’ to make his wishes comes true and that ‘New God’ started murdering people under that psychopath’s command

Deity of Negativity

There may be moments in life where we hold a lot of anger and resentment. These grievances should be dealt with, as they offer only a lifetime of hurt. No matter how enormous the pain may feel, it is possible to let go and forgive. Forgiveness is good for the soul, and it has positive benefits on our mental and physical wellbeing.

Research Findings

Pain in life is inevitable. Suffering, on the other hand, is optional.

Forgiveness is a process, whilst the duration and difficulty will vary significantly, it can be equally applied to all levels of pain.Dr Frederic Luskin found from his research that forgiveness training helps people:<ul><li>Feel significantly less hurt</li><li>Learn techniques for forgiveness</li><li>Forgive the person who has caused them pain</li></ul>

The Science Behind Forgiveness

If I develop bad feelings toward those who make me suffer, this will only destroy my own peace of mind. But if I forgive, my mind becomes calm.

Forgiveness is essential for a fully functional society.Medically speaking, there does not appear to be any downside to forgiveness. It is clear from ongoing research that forgiveness of day to day incidental issues and longer term grudges, offers prolonged physical, emotional and spiritual healing.

Positive Psychology Research 

Forgiveness is perhaps the most challenging of all the resources available to us - and the most transformational.

Acceptance shifts the balance. Your view of what is happening alters.You separate the pain that is inevitable from the suffering that is optional.To forgive, you must accept the past. You don't need to like it, but it has happened - and cannot be undone.

1. Acceptance 🤲

Research shows that you cannot suppress negative emotions. So become aware of your emotions, recognize and label them, and interrupt and calm your response. An important factor for forgiveness is that you need to be aware of the hurt, anger and grief you may be facing.

2. Emotional Regulation Label

Cease to be a slave to your selfish narrative by taking a step back and shift your perspective so you may observe your thoughts, feelings and bodily sensations. Observing anger is not the same as being angry.Mindfulness practices provide a practical path to shifting your perspective to allow you to see that your experiences do not define who you are.

3. Shifting Perspectives 👀 

Putting your self in someone else's shoes, can be incredibly helpful on the path to forgiveness.Empathy is powerful at understanding the pain of another.Compassion encourages you to take action needed to reduce that suffering.

4. Empathy And Compassion 💞

Be accountable for yourself, own your actions, thoughts, feelings and behaviour. Instead of reacting with fear and running away, or denying you have any power over whats happening, you must take action to avoid recurring harmful behaviour.Recognise unhealthy behaviours, without judgement, and take responsibility.

5. Responsibility Check

The process of forgiveness helps you to remove emotional barriers to finding happiness. Forgiveness provides vital benefits to your mental and physical wellbeing such as a reduction in:<ul><li>Depression</li><li>Anger</li><li>Stress</li><li>Cardiovascular disease</li><li>Pain.</li></ul>Increases and improvements in:<ul><li>Compassion</li><li>Hope</li><li>Immune response</li><li>Self confidence </li></ul>

Benefits Of Forgiveness

Forgiveness provides us with a powerful path to reduce our suffering and bring greater dignity and harmony to our life.

Use good feelings to focus on the positives.A rude comment from someone in a store should not outweigh the beauty of the sunshine or the joy in seeing your child doing something new.The TV remote is used as a metaphor for choosing the channel we watch on a day to day basis. Rather than remain on the grievance channel, we must regularly tune in to what is right in our lives. Choose LOVE, BEAUTY and FORGIVENESS.

Tools For Forgiveness 

When a painful experience hits us, we need something immediate.PERT can be performed in less than a minute, discreetly returning you to a state of calm, restore control, and prepare you to make useful decisions.<ol><li>Find a comfortable place to sit and focus on your breath, inhaling and exhaling.</li><li>On the third breath, focus on someone you love.</li><li>Breathe gently, maintain focus, experiencing the emotions deeply.</li><li>Ask yourself what you can do to overcome the present difficulty.</li></ol>

Positive Emotion Refocusing Technique (PERT)

Forgiveness frees us from the pain we hold so close that it damages our physical and mental wellbeing, along with our happiness.Bad things can't always be prevented, you have the choice on how you respond and shape your life for the better.

Final Message

Forgiveness is good for the soul and has positive benefits for our mental and physical wellbeing. We explore the psychology of forgiveness.

Psychology of Forgiveness | 10+ Fascinating Research Findings

Bias exists, in part, because our brains naturally seek shortcuts for understanding our complicated world. We categorize things we encounter in life (including people) and then absorb “cultural knowledge” (including societal beliefs and attitudes toward different groups of people), which leads to stereotyping and biased expectations in our everyday interactions. This happens unconsciously so that even if we’re not consciously prejudiced, we are still prone to automatic stereotyping—especially when we’re low-energy or stressed.

The roots of bias

<ul><li>Don’t try to ignore difference. Instead, it’s important to recognize difference and work to decrease your stereotypical responses.</li><li>Learn your history. A better understanding of systemic causes of racism, for example, can motivate people to revise their biased views. </li><li>Work on reducing your stress levels when you’re interacting with people who are different from you, because negative encounters can promote more bias and less self-reflection. </li><li>Increase your sense of common humanity by purposefully engaging with people of different backgrounds.</li><li>Recognize how undoing bias has meaning for you. </li></ul>

Tips for reducing personal bias

<ul><li>Uncover places within your organization where workers are evaluated from a personal rather than objective perspective.</li><li>Stay open to listening to people within your organization who may challenge the usual way of doing things, recognizing that you may have blind spots when it comes to bias.</li><li>Consider enacting a form of affirmative action, prioritizing the addition of and support for those who are underrepresented within the organization at all levels.</li><li>Partner with people who have expertise in bias reduction to come up with new ways of doing things, rather than relying solely on past expertise.</li></ul>

Tips for reducing organizational bias

Bias is ubiquitous, but we can take steps to overcome it if we understand where it comes from, a new book argues.

artsandculture

Society, Arts & Culture

Tips for Rooting Out Bias in Yourself and Your Organization

Postpartum depression is a dangerous medical illness involving feelings of extreme sadness, indifference and/or anxiety, as well as changes in energy, sleep and appetite. It carries risks for the mother and child.During pregnancy and the period shortly after delivery, mothers go through a lot of physical, emotional, financial and social changes. This puts some women at risk of developing mental health issues like depression and anxiety.

Postpartum Depression

Over half of all new mothers experience 'baby blues', which involves crying for no reason, irritability, restlessness and anxiety. But baby blues are different than postpartum depression as they last only a week or two.If these feelings go on for a longer period of time, it can be postpartum depression.

Baby Blues

"There are safe medications which can help mothers without affecting the baby. The stigma around psychiatric medicine during pregnancy bars most women from seeking treatment. However, I can assure you that we now have safe medications that do not affect the pregnancy or lactating baby," Dr Chhabra said.Along with the medicine, Dr Shweta Sharma said, it is also important for new mothers to get psychotherapy. The psychotherapy helps new mothers gain self-insight .

IS POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION TREATABLE

There are some symptoms that can clearly indicate that a mother is suffering from depression.According to Dr Chhabra, signs of postpartum depression that family and friends must look out for include crying more than usual, anxiety, decreased sleep, decreased appetite and feeling of suffocation.New mothers who are suffering from postpartum depression also tend to have a lot of negative thoughts like - I am not a good mother, I am not good for my baby, I cannot handle it, life is not worth living, etc.

WHAT ARE SYMPTOMS/SIGNS FAMILY MUST WATCH OUT FOR 

New mothers who experience decreased sleep and hunger for several days along with negative thoughts and death wishes must consult a psychiatrist immediately, Dr Chhabra said."People must remember, doctors are good, medicines are good. They must not be afraid of the treatment," he said."The mental illness begins with thoughts and the patients need to learn to manage their thoughts to get better," she said.

WHEN IS IT TIME TO GO TO DOCTOR

"Good routine, better diet, no intake of intoxicants, good sleep schedule, yoga and meditation, and managing professional and personal stress can all help reduce the risk of postpartum depression," Dr Chhabra said.According to Dr Shweta , expecting parents must visit psychologists at least once every trimester to assess their mental health and identify any red flags. "Just like when they go to monthly physical examination, expecting parents must visit a psychologist at least once every trimester and once after the baby is born to understand their emotions and identify any red flags," she said.

CAN POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION BE PREVENTED

Postpartum depression is a dangerous medical illness affecting mothers after their pregnancy. This article explains what it is, what to do, ways to prevent it, and it's symptoms. 

Explained | What is postpartum depression

A reliable way to make people believe in falsehoods is frequent repetition, because familiarity is not easily distinguished from truth. Authoritarian institutions and marketers have always known this fact.

Nothing in life is as important as you think it is, while you are thinking about it

Our comforting conviction that the world makes sense rests on a secure foundation: our almost unlimited ability to ignore our ignorance.

This is the essence of intuitive heuristics: when faced with a difficult question, we often answer an easier one instead, usually without noticing the substitution.

We are prone to overestimate how much we understand about the world and to underestimate the role of chance in events.

Major New York Times bestseller Winner of the National Academy of Sciences Best Book Award in 2012 Selected by the New York Times Book Review as one of the ten best books of 2011 A Globe and Mail Best Books of the Year 2011 Title One of The Economist's 2011 Books of the Year One of The Wall Street Journal's Best Nonfiction Books of the Year 2011 2013 Presidential Medal of Freedom Recipient Kahneman's work with Amos Tversky is the subject of Michael Lewis's The Undoing Project: A Friendship That Changed Our Minds In the international bestseller, Thinking, Fast and Slow, Daniel Kahneman, the renowned psychologist and winner of the Nobel Prize in Economics, takes us on a groundbreaking tour of the mind and explains the two systems that drive the way we think. System 1 is fast, intuitive, and emotional; System 2 is slower, more deliberative, and more logical. The impact of overconfidence on corporate strategies, the difficulties of predicting what will make us happy in the future, the profound effect of cognitive biases on everything from playing the stock market to planning our next vacation—each of these can be understood only by knowing how the two systems shape our judgments and decisions. Engaging the reader in a lively conversation about how we think, Kahneman reveals where we can and cannot trust our intuitions and how we can tap into the benefits of slow thinking. He offers practical and enlightening insights into how choices are made in both our business and our personal lives—and how we can use different techniques to guard against the mental glitches that often get us into trouble. Winner of the National Academy of Sciences Best Book Award and the Los Angeles Times Book Prize and selected by The New York Times Book Review as one of the ten best books of 2011, Thinking, Fast and Slow is destined to be a classic.

motivationandinspiration

Motivation & Inspiration

Major New York Times bestseller Winner of the National Academy of Sciences Best Book Award in 2012 Selected by the New York Times Book Review as one of the ten best books of 2011 A Globe and Mail Best Books of the Year 2011 Title One of The Economist's 2011 Books of the Year One of The Wall Street Journal's Best Nonfiction Books of the Year 2011 2013 Presidential Medal of Freedom Recipient Kahneman's work with Amos Tversky is the subject of Michael Lewis's The Undoing Project: A Friendship That Changed Our Minds In his mega bestseller, Thinking, Fast and Slow, Daniel Kahneman, the renowned psychologist and winner of the Nobel Prize in Economics, takes us on a groundbreaking tour of the mind and explains the two systems that drive the way we think. System 1 is fast, intuitive, and emotional; System 2 is slower, more deliberative, and more logical. The impact of overconfidence on corporate strategies, the difficulties of predicting what will make us happy in the future, the profound effect of cognitive biases on everything from playing the stock market to planning our next vacation—each of these can be understood only by knowing how the two systems shape our judgments and decisions. Engaging the reader in a lively conversation about how we think, Kahneman reveals where we can and cannot trust our intuitions and how we can tap into the benefits of slow thinking. He offers practical and enlightening insights into how choices are made in both our business and our personal lives—and how we can use different techniques to guard against the mental glitches that often get us into trouble. Winner of the National Academy of Sciences Best Book Award and the Los Angeles Times Book Prize and selected by The New York Times Book Review as one of the ten best books of 2011, Thinking, Fast and Slow is destined to be a classic.

Daniel Kahneman (born 5 March 1934) is an Israeli-American psychologist and winner of the 2002 Nobel Memorial Prize in Economic Sciences, notable for his work on behavioral finance and hedonic psychology.With Amos Tversky and others, Kahneman established a cognitive basis for common human errors using heuristics and biases (Kahneman & Tversky, 1973, Kahneman, Slovic & Tversky, 1982), and developed Prospect theory (Kahneman & Tversky, 1979). He was awarded the 2002 Nobel Prize in Economics for his work in Prospect theory. Currently, he is professor emeritus of psychology at Princeton University's Department of Psychology.

Daniel Kahneman

Thinking, Fast and Slow

We start out with the hardest question on the planet for most people to answer: "<a href="https://www.inc.com/bill-murphy-jr/people-who-embracethe-z-y-x-rule-have-very-highemotional-intelligence.html">Why? </a>"<ul><li>Why do you want that job? </li><li>Why are you so interested in that reward? </li><li>Why are you spending your time--your most valuable and limited resource, by the way--on the specific things that consume your day? </li></ul>We can answer "why" to most things superficially, but that's not enough.<ul><li>I want the job because I want to make money. (OK, but why?) </li><li>Well, I need money because I have to maintain this lifestyle. (OK, but why?) </li><li>If I don't maintain this lifestyle, I'll feel like a failure. (OK, but why?) </li></ul>

1. Learn to ask why (over and over)

"Don't just stand there," some people say. "Do something!" But often, that's backward. (Don't just do something. Stand there.) Learn to <a href="https://www.inc.com/bill-murphy-jr/people-who-use-this-brilliantly-simple-trick-have-very-high-emotional-intelligence.html">wait a minute </a> (or an hour, or a day) before acting. I promise, there is power in restraint. There is potency in silence. He or she who pauses before responding to almost any external stimuli -- be it an email, or a message, or an insult, or a complaint, or even an opportunity -- often winds up with the upper hand.

2. Learn to pace yourself

For all the<a href="https://www.inc.com/bill-murphy-jr/people-who-embrace-this-controversial-word-have-very-high-emotional-intelligence.html">emotional baggage </a> attached to the simple, four-letter word, "quit," in our society, emotionally intelligent people understand that quite often, quitting is the answer. How can that be? We grow up hearing that quitters never win, and that quitting small things makes it easier to quit bigger things later in life. Sometimes, yes. Sometimes, no. But quitting in a vacuum is a morally neutral act; it's the thing one quits, among other factors, that lends its relevance. But, it takes emotional intelligence and bravery to learn to admit the possibility.

3. Learn to quit, when it's time to quit

No matter what you choose, you might actually do the same thing afterward: sit still, look receptive, try to listen. But the latter language choices inspire openness and the welcoming of an ongoing relationship. We all have habits we're not even aware of: especially language habits.  Emotionally intelligent people recognize this, and therefore they work hard to develop language habits with intention -- literally, specific words and phrases -- because they understand that these choices are likely to inspire emotions.

4. Learn to rehearse what you'll say

We say honesty is the best policy; I think that's right. But, it's not just about just honesty toward other people; it's about being honest with yourself. Here's an example. As a boss, you might smartly make a habit of asking your employees if they have everything they need to be successful. Maybe they tell you they do, and that's comforting to hear. But, an emotionally intelligent boss might put himself or herself in the employee's shoes, and think of some of the emotional reactions that might go into their response.

5. Learn to look for hard truths

This is the corollary to the second habit, above. Don't just look for your "why." Ask yourself what motivates other people to do the things they do, too. Often enough, you can come up with a working theory. You might ask more questions to clarify. But often (this is the emotionally intelligent part) you won't share your conclusions. Why not? Because you're trying to do at least two things at the same time:  <ul><li>Identify other people's emotional motivations; and </li><li>Avoid triggering additional emotional reactions, which might be counterproductive to the result you seek. </li> </ul>

6: Learn to dissect other people's motivations

People often go into conversations without a clear goal in mind, or a clear structure. If they do think about structure, they sometimes do so only in basic terms, by articulating length and goals:<ul><li>By the end of this 20-minute meeting, I hope we can agree on X, Y, and Z. </li><li>Let's take a minute to talk about where we want to go to dinner tonight. </li><li>Can we clear the air briefly? I hope I didn't offend you with my comment the other day. </li></ul>Honestly, these are good starts. But, truly emotionally intelligent people recognize that there are other structural dimensions to conversations.

7. Learn to think about conversational geometry

We could write an entire book simply on learning this particular habit. I may just do so. But for now, let's focus on just one easy example: <a href="https://www.inc.com/bill-murphy-jr/how-rule-of-3-makes-people-listen-better-remember-more-understand-what-you-have-to-say.html">the rule of three </a>.In short, we're hard-wired to respond better, and remember things more easily, if they're grouped in threes. So, wherever possible, emotionally intelligent people try to make their three points at a time.This is why the late Steve Jobs organized almost every product unveiling (<a href="https://www.inc.com/bill-murphy-jr/how-emotionally-intelligent-minds-like-steve-jobs-use-rule-of-3-to-become-exceptionally-persuasive.html">the original Macintosh, the iPod, the iPhone, etc. </a>) with a 3-point structure.

Every conversation is made up of many smaller conversations, and people with high emotional intelligence understand that there's a sense of momentum that can ebb or flow as you proceed.That's why it can be so useful to structure conversations so that you pile up agreements and understandings along the way--leading to even bigger and better understandings.One way to learn to do that sometimes is to be strategically vulnerable.I've written before about one of the most controversial manifestations of this (but one I believe is accurate): the use of vocal uptick, or high rising terminal.

8. Learn to be strategically vulnerable

I'm sure you can envision this: Their voice trends upward during the course of a sentence? So that even though they're making a statement, it sounds like a question? And it's been stereotypically associated with younger people, and perhaps with women? While I think this habit requires care and calibration, it comes from a place of high emotional intelligence. There's an astute recognition that someone has less power in a conversation. So, he or she has to guide others through their points, chalking off small points of agreements and understandings along the way.

I'm sure you can envision this: Their voice trends upward during the course of a sentence? So that even though they're making a statement, it sounds like a question? And it's been stereotypically associated with younger people, and perhaps with women? While I think this habit requires care and calibration, it comes from a place of high emotional intelligence. There's an astute recognition that someone has less power in a conversation (a junior employee, for example). So, he or she has to guide others through their points, chalking off small points of agreements and understandings along the way.<warningtag>In a difficult conversation, for example, perhaps you can learn to structure what you're saying so that the emotional undercurrent becomes, "</warningtag><warningtag>we all face this common problem sometimes, let's solve it </warningtag><warningtag>," as opposed to, "</warningtag><warningtag>you did something wrong and you need to fix it </warningtag><warningtag>."</warningtag><ul><li><warningtag>"I wonder if you might have forgotten about our meeting Monday? I've done this a few times myself; I know it's tough to start the week that way."</warningtag></li><li><warningtag>"You promised you'd be there Monday, and you skipped it. What gives?"</warningtag></li></ul>

We started with the hardest lesson to learn (asking "why" over and over), so let's end on the easiest: Emotionally intelligent people will go out of their way to find something they can express gratitude for, toward the end of every conversation.Even better: Learn to express thanks for something you know the other side will agree with, rather than something that might trigger an undesired emotional reaction. <ul><li>easy examples: "Thank you for meeting with me today," "Thank you for taking the time to talk."</li><li>Tougher one: "Thanks for understanding," "Thank you for coming around to my way of thinking."</li></ul>

9. Learn to end with gratitude

The point here is to leave people feeling good about your gratitude; rather than bothered by disagreement. "People will forget what you said," someone once said (I think it was Maya Angelou, but there's some controversy. "People will forget what you did. But, people will never forget how you made them feel." In that spirit, allow me to end on gratitude.

In a difficult conversation, for example, perhaps you can learn to structure what you're saying so that the emotional undercurrent becomes, "we all face this common problem sometimes, let's solve it ," as opposed to, "you did something wrong and you need to fix it .""I wonder if you might have forgotten about our meeting Monday? I've done this a few times myself; I know it's tough to start the week that way.""You promised you'd be there Monday, and you skipped it. What gives?"

Continuation Of Habit 8

After spending more than a year at my current job, emotional intelligence is clearly a skill that I need to nourish. Therefore, this is my first result in searching about it

Habit #5: Learn to look for the difficult truths.

9 Simple Habits That Will Improve Your Emotional Intelligence

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