A conversation is one of the most powerful ways to build knowledge, awareness, and empathy, and ultimately effect change. It is also a primal way for people to form bonds, build trust and create community. When people are given the opportunity to have a conversation after being exposed to new information they are more likely to have changes in behavior.We are more likely to talk, listen, influence, and be influenced through productive conversation.

The Power of Conversation

The PRESS model is created by Robert Livingston, the author of this book and a public policy lecturer at Harvard Kennedy School.This model offers corporate and organizational leaders to implement effective interventions to address racism. PRESS stands for:Problem awarenessRoot-cause analysisEmpathyStrategiesSacrificeThis model applies not only to racism but to almost any personal or social problem.

The PRESS Model

People are not entirely rational or objective ... It is important to understand how emotions, needs, and desires impact the interpretation of facts, and what people accept as truth.

The very existence of racism violates the notion that the world is fair and just, which makes people feel uncomfortable.

If people are only attacked, threatened, or criticized, then they will retreat. If you confront and correct while giving resources, reassurance, and opportunity to grow, then many will rise to the challenge.

There are many definitions going around for "racism" however, the author wants to underscore his definition of it:Racism occurs when individuals or institutions show more favorable evaluation or treatment of an individual or group based on race or ethnicity.The author believes that racism can manifest in the forms of "evaluation" and "treatment." Moreover, racism is mostly about how society operates. It doesn't have to involve hatred toward the "other" but it is frequently motivated by an opportunistic desire to promote self-interest or group interest.

Racism

This is a term that is used to refer to a form of racism that is embedded in the laws and regulations of a society or an organization. It doesn't have anything to do with what's in your heart, brain, or intentions but it is all about how your actions and inactions allow the dynamics that are already in place.

Systemic Racism

The two types of privilege are: individual and institutional.Institutional privilege refers to all the advantages of Whiteness that are inherited through baked-in foundational forces and their impact on political, economic, legal, and social structures, policies, and practices. Individual privilege is what individuals obtain for themselves, often called "achieved" status.Institutional privilege is tied to individual privilege because a lack of the former constrains or restricts the latter.The only group of people who have full privilege is the group of high-class Whites.

The 2 Types of Privilege

White privilege is the term used to refer to the inherent advantages that are possessed by a white person on the basis of their race in a society that is characterized by racial inequality and injustice. It, along with Black Stigma, are residual effects of enslavement.Robert Livingston underscores three points:<ul><li>White people are socioeconomically disadvantaged;</li><li>There is a racial caste system that makes the nature of the social disadvantages facing Whites and Blacks quite distinct; and</li><li>That the angst of the working-class Whites is misdirected.</li></ul>

White Privilege

Social dominance theory has identified the two primary mechanisms that help maintain social hierarchies: legitimizing myths and institutional terror.Legitimizing myths are widely held with fictitious beliefs (meritocracy, divine right of the kings) where people accept valid explanations for social hierarchical positions, but when people stop believing in myths, institutional terror then actively maintains the hierarchy through the use of force, intimidation, violence, or oppressive legal policies or practices.

The Mechanisms That Maintain Social Hierarchy

Contrary to popular belief, not everyone wants social justice. There are people who prefer oppression and social inequality as long as they or their group is doing the oppressing.Racism is perpetuated to the extent that people are willing to turn a blind eye to racist systems. These systems have been put in place hundreds of years ago but it is still alive today — continuing to perpetuate racial inequality without requiring those who benefit from the systems to be aware of its existence.

The Impetus Behind The Injustice

<ul><li>Structural Threat - a disruption to the racial hierarchy or status quo</li><li>Psychological Threat - is comprised of an individual's sense of competence, certainty, status, or self-worth</li></ul>These two types of threats can occur simultaneously, a great example would be the film Mississippi Burning.

Threats That Perpetuates Racial Inequality

Power.The origin of racism (even sexism) comes from the desire to maintain power and the fear of losing power.The name of the game is the preservation of the existing social hierarchy, in large because it is an arrangement that feels comfortable, secure, and familiar to many Whites. On the flip side, feeling uncomfortable and insecure can lead to higher levels of racial bias.

The Origin of Racism

<ol><li>Have the people be mindful. There are people who are not aware that their feelings about their own shortcomings are directly tied to their political leanings and racial evaluations of other people.</li><li>Practice self-affirmation. Power has a palliative effect on fear. It does nothing to cure the underlying insecurities caused by fear, but it sure does make people feel better about themselves by providing the illusion of invulnerability.</li></ol>

Breaking the Fall into Racism Traps

According to the optimal distinctiveness theory, humans are drawn to social groups that simultaneously fulfill two conflicting needs: the need for assimilation (the desire for social connection and belonging) and differentiation (the desire to be unique).In order to satisfy both needs at the same time, we must join optimally distinct (or medium-sized) groups of similar others.

The Origins of All Intergroup Biases

Racial microaggressions are subtle and often inadvertent messages sent to people of color by "well-intentioned" white people that are unaware of the hidden meanings sent to them. Basically, unconsciously acting with bias.Microaggressions (e.g., a higher tendency to interrupt people of color who are speaking, ignoring input from people of color, or displaying cold or hostile nonverbal behaviors) manifest racism directly—so much so that some scholars and practitioners have begun using the term racial harassment, in place of microaggression, to convey the seriousness of their impact.

Racial Microaggressions

“I no longer believe we can “win” justice simply by filing lawsuits, flexing our political muscles, or boosting voter turnout. Yes, we absolutely must do that work, but none of it—not even working for some form of political revolution—will ever be enough on its own. Without a moral or spiritual awakening, we will remain forever trapped in political games fueled by fear, greed, and the hunger for power”

Equality simply means everyone is treated the same exact way, regardless of need or any other individual difference. Equity, on the other hand, means everyone is provided with what they need to succeed. Thus, equity entails treating people differently but that is not the same as "special" treatment. The latter is based on pure favorites or cronyism, not need, merit, obstacles, or other criteria of commensuration.Equal treatment in the face of unlevel playing fields and disparate barrier heights merely perpetuates systems of injustice that are already in place.

Equality vs Equity

Racism is a textbook example of harm because it hurts people of color in every sense imaginable—psychologically, physically, financially, and professionally.It epitomizes how past events continue to produce harmful attitudes and outcomes in the present. The social, economic, political, and health disparities created by historical structures are still with us today. Moreover, racism persists because people allow self-interest, tribalism, and other factors to conveniently distort their conception of fairness, values, and moral foundations.

How Racism Hurts People

<ul><li>Having diversity provides a sense of equity and belonging. The business case for diversity and moral case are intertwined—the former requires the latter in order to work.</li><li>Failure to do so could damage the organization's reputation.</li><li>Having people of color in an organization can provide to new markets.</li><li>Diversity is a valuable asset unto itself. Diverse teams can generate higher levels of creativity and effectiveness.</li><li>Diversity reduces social cohesion.</li></ul>However, it is important to keep in mind that in order for diversity to pay dividends, it must be fully committed to equity and inclusion.

Why Organizations Should Care About Diversity

Strong reasons for ending racism can be made on the basis of both self-interest and collective interest. Systems of racial oppression don’t just harm Black people; they harm other people of color, and many White people as well.People who are prejudiced against one social group are very likely to be prejudiced against multiple social groups. When you condone hatred against one group, you simultaneously enable or increase the likelihood of hatred against other groups, including, quite possibly, your own.

The Negative Effect of Racism on All of Humanity

The derogation of one stigmatized group by another is an effective way to remove oneself from the very bottom of the barrel, it serves merely as an emotional salve that temporarily assuaged feelings of threat and shame. It does nothing to address the actual problem and enables and exacerbates it by ignoring its real source.

<ol><li>Control your behavior and seek out repetitive contact with or substantive exposure to out-group members.</li><li>Be mindful of societal-level power differences without perpetuating them yourself.</li><li>Be respectful.</li><li>Leaders should devote considerable effort and attention to creating the right conditions for optimal intergroup contact.</li><li>Practice simple empathetic mental exercises like putting yourself in someone else's shoes and thinking about what life is from their perspective.</li><li>People must be given the chance or opportunity to do better.</li></ol>

What Everyone Can Do to Promote Racial Equity

<ol><li>You can reduce prejudice simply by feeling good, calm, and secure. Practicing self-affirmation helps but also pondering the ways of love and kindness.</li><li>White people should resist the temptation of falling victim to White solidarity.  If there is no willingness to incur inconvenience, it will not work.</li><li>Have actionable goals that pose a clear idea of what you can do to achieve the outcomes that matter to you.</li></ol>

Combating Racism on a Psychological Level

<ol><li>There must be an institutional-based incentive to embrace diversity, by having so, opens up opportunities for individual behavioral changes.</li><li>Hold organizations accountable for diversity in a clear, measurable, and unambiguous way. By examining the core values of the organization will help to clarify the utility of diversity and help the organization to establish priorities. </li><li>Leaders have the ability to affect organizational culture through their words, actions, and policies, which influences employees' decision and behaviors. </li></ol>

Combating Racism on a Structural Level

Building diversity, equity, and inclusion requires the courage to do things differently. Individuals, businesses, community leaders, and large organizational all have a role to play. It is within our discretion to do the hard work for the changes that we want to see happen.

A Final Note on "Sacrifice"

In this book, Robert Livingston has culled theory, data, and research from a range of scientific disciplines, including social psychology, behavioral economics, sociology, organizational behavior, political science, history, and evolutionary and molecular biology to address the fundamental question of how we can better name, understand, discuss, and resolve the problem of racism in society and the workplace. 

FINALIST FOR THE FINANCIAL TIMES AND MCKINSEY BUSINESS BOOK OF THE YEAR AWARD An essential tool for individuals, organizations, and communities of all sizes to jump-start dialogue on racism and bias and to transform well-intentioned statements on diversity into concrete actions—from a leading Harvard social psychologist. “Livingston has made the important and challenging task of addressing systemic racism within an organization approachable and achievable.”—Alex Timm, co-founder and CEO, Root Insurance Company How can I become part of the solution? In the wake of the social unrest of 2020 and growing calls for racial justice, many business leaders and ordinary citizens are asking that very question. This book provides a compass for all those seeking to begin the work of anti-racism. In The Conversation, Robert Livingston addresses three simple but profound questions: What is racism? Why should everyone be more concerned about it? What can we do to eradicate it? For some, the existence of systemic racism against Black people is hard to accept because it violates the notion that the world is fair and just. But the rigid racial hierarchy created by slavery did not collapse after it was abolished, nor did it end with the civil rights era. Whether it’s the composition of a company’s leadership team or the composition of one’s neighborhood, these racial divides and disparities continue to show up in every facet of society. For Livingston, the difference between a solvable problem and a solved problem is knowledge, investment, and determination. And the goal of making organizations more diverse, equitable, and inclusive is within our capability. Livingston’s lifework is showing people how to turn difficult conversations about race into productive instances of real change. For decades he has translated science into practice for numerous organizations, including Airbnb, Deloitte, Microsoft, Under Armour, L’Oreal, and JPMorgan Chase. In The Conversation, Livingston distills this knowledge and experience into an eye-opening immersion in the science of racism and bias. Drawing on examples from pop culture and his own life experience, Livingston, with clarity and wit, explores the root causes of racism, the factors that explain why some people care about it and others do not, and the most promising paths toward profound and sustainable progress, all while inviting readers to challenge their assumptions. Social change requires social exchange. Founded on principles of psychology, sociology, management, and behavioral economics, The Conversation is a road map for uprooting entrenched biases and sharing candid, fact-based perspectives on race that will lead to increased awareness, empathy, and action.

Understand yourself and those around you.

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A FINANCIAL TIMES BEST BOOK OF THE YEAR • An essential tool for individuals, organizations, and communities of all sizes to jump-start dialogue on racism and bias and to transform well-intentioned statements on diversity into concrete actions—from a leading Harvard social psychologist. NAACP IMAGE AWARD NOMINEE FOR OUTSTANDING LITERARY ACHIEVEMENT • LONGLISTED FOR THE PORCHLIGHT BUSINESS BOOK AWARD “Livingston has made the important and challenging task of addressing systemic racism within an organization approachable and achievable.”—Alex Timm, co-founder and CEO, Root Insurance Company How can I become part of the solution? In the wake of the social unrest of 2020 and growing calls for racial justice, many business leaders and ordinary citizens are asking that very question. This book provides a compass for all those seeking to begin the work of anti-racism. In The Conversation, Robert Livingston addresses three simple but profound questions: What is racism? Why should everyone be more concerned about it? What can we do to eradicate it?  For some, the existence of systemic racism against Black people is hard to accept because it violates the notion that the world is fair and just. But the rigid racial hierarchy created by slavery did not collapse after it was abolished, nor did it end with the civil rights era. Whether it’s the composition of a company’s leadership team or the composition of one’s neighborhood, these racial divides and disparities continue to show up in every facet of society. For Livingston, the difference between a solvable problem and a solved problem is knowledge, investment, and determination. And the goal of making organizations more diverse, equitable, and inclusive is within our capability. Livingston’s lifework is showing people how to turn difficult conversations about race into productive instances of real change. For decades he has translated science into practice for numerous organizations, including Airbnb, Deloitte, Microsoft, Under Armour, L’Oreal, and JPMorgan Chase. In The Conversation, Livingston distills this knowledge and experience into an eye-opening immersion in the science of racism and bias. Drawing on examples from pop culture and his own life experience, Livingston, with clarity and wit, explores the root causes of racism, the factors that explain why some people care about it and others do not, and the most promising paths toward profound and sustainable progress, all while inviting readers to challenge their assumptions. Social change requires social exchange. Founded on principles of psychology, sociology, management, and behavioral economics, The Conversation is a road map for uprooting entrenched biases and sharing candid, fact-based perspectives on race that will lead to increased awareness, empathy, and action.

Robert Livingston

The Conversation

Unlike chemical addictions that may come to mind more easily, Internet Addiction Disorder (IAD) is not caused by a substance. It is part of behavioural addictions, along with gambling disorder, gaming disorder, and more. That doesn’t make it less serious, and it can still dramatically affect someone’s life.
Just like chemical addictions, Internet Addiction Disorder includes the following symptoms:
<ul>
<li>Mood alteration</li>
<li>Loss of control</li>
<li>Pleasure derived from the addiction</li>
<li>Withdrawal: anxiety and/or irritation when the person can’t access the Internet or their devices, cravings</li>
</ul>

Internet Addiction Disorder

There are several IAD tests that you can find online, but you can mostly tell addiction from bad habits with the following:<ul><li>One’s Internet use negatively affects other areas of their life, yet they keep at it</li><li>They plan their life around their time online</li><li>They can’t control their Internet use</li></ul>

Key Factors Proving Addiction

Persuasive design is the technology that “changes” human behaviour. Ethics related to persuasion is about to what extent we may influence the behaviour and thoughts of our users.How do we identify persuasive design? Here are some powerful questions to guide our assessment:<ul><li>What is motivating the use of a given design decision?</li><li>Are users feeling pressured?</li><li>Would they react differently if they better understood how the product works? If it was more transparent or straightforward?</li><li>Would they then feel deceived?</li></ul>

Persuasive and addictive design

<a href="https://link.springer.com/epdf/10.1007/s13347-019-00376-5">User benefit</a> is an interesting dimension to look at, but it’s not a criterion to categorise a design pattern as non-persuasive or non-addictive. Resorting to persuasive mechanisms can be framed as being in the user’s best interest, and user benefit is subjective. A dating app sending you 4 <a href="https://thistooshallgrow.com/blog/mindful-notifications">notifications</a> per day to complete your profile is good for you, because it will help you attract the right people. Meditation app Headspace uses a daily streak feature, creating artificial pressure on users so that they meditate daily if they don’t want to lose their streak.

User Benefit

Is the persuasion used to align user behaviour with goals that they themselves explicitly selected? Let’s look at the recommendations YouTube makes after you finished watching a video. What if, instead of pushing the video most people watched next — which can be <a href="https://foundation.mozilla.org/en/campaigns/regrets-reporter/findings/">harmful</a> as recommendations promote more and more extreme videos — it pushed one from your own “Watch later” list?The only form of ethical persuasion that exists in the world is when the goals of the persuaders are aligned with the goals of the persuadees(users).

Aligning To User Behaviour

Addictive design can bring a variety of burdens into someone’s life. An obvious one is spending more time online than they wanted to, but the drawbacks can also consist of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) and a sense of isolation, a drop in happiness levels, self-esteem and body image issues, dopamine dependency, and experiencing more outrage. Physiologically, addictive design can also lead to sleep issues and eye strain.

Design implications

The variable rewards used by many online platforms keep us scrolling or returning to a product because they provide us with dopamine surges we get hooked on. For instance, displaying an image feed with very aesthetically pleasing items next to ones we’re indifferent to, or sending completely irrelevant notifications mixed with very enticing ones are ways to induce rewards variability. As it turns out, we experience these addictive rewards <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3480687/">even more intensely</a> when they come from mood-enhancing content, such as pornography, video games, dating platforms, <a href="https://www.cambridge.org/core/services/aop-cambridge-core/content/view/1CC67609A12E9A912BB8A291FDFFE799/S1052150X20000329a.pdf/div-class-title-ethics-of-the-attention-economy-the-problem-of-social-media-addiction-div.pdf">social media</a>, and gambling.

Variable rewards

You should only display that there is only 2 items left in stock, or only 4 hours left to participate in something, if it’s truthful and relevant.<a href="https://uxdesign.cc/do-stories-make-social-media-more-addictive-3a1519983565">Social media stories</a> also create a sense of urgency: you have 24 hours to view them. The reduced friction (easily moving from one story to the next), induced FOMO, and variability of content are also addictive factors. If your product contains stories, you could downplay the ephemerality by extending their lifetime.

Truthfulness In Scarcity and Urgency

These can be used persuasively. Testimonials are useful, but some metrics don’t make any sense. Here are the “Top Rankings” from AliExpress, displaying the amount of followers a product has, the number of times it was ordered, and how many people have expressed interest in it. As you’ve noticed, none of these signs actually says anything about the quality of the item, or the satisfaction from people who purchased it. “3123 orders” and “605406 followers”

Social proof and Authority

Do you remember when we didn’t have a “seen” icon in messaging apps? Good old times. Have you ever felt more pressure to reply because of it? Do you feel that you need to reply faster and not “leave them on read” (we use such a telling expression)? Does it stay on your mind until you do so?

Reciprocation

Obligations are often artificially created by streaks, that many platforms use, nudging people into visiting them daily. The bigger the commitment, the bigger the pressure: if you are to lose your streak, a 3-day one doesn’t take as long to rebuild as a 256-day one.Contrary to reciprocation that we saw just above, this pattern doesn’t involve anyone on the other end of the line expecting a certain behaviour from you.

Technology-induced guilt or obligations

Inserting natural stops in the experience is a good way to avoid people being stuck in a <a href="https://medium.com/swlh/how-to-break-the-ludic-loop-and-stop-scrolling-2beef97955a1">ludic loop</a>, which is an addictive pattern. You could use pagination instead of infinite scroll, or at least regularly verify with users whether they do want to keep scrolling. A few self-reflective check-ins:<ul><li>How well are you spending your time? (on a 5-point scale)</li><li>Are you happy with what you are doing in this instant? (closed question)</li><li>What is your current activity bringing you? (open question, adds more friction because it’s not binary, but gives a greater opportunity for introspection)</li></ul>

Lack of friction

Gamification consists of incorporating game mechanics into non-gaming software. Its whole point is to ignite dopamine surges with frequent rewards.Gamification is particularly bad when it looks like this:<ul><li>Created your account on the app? You get a badge for signing up!</li><li>Took your first photo? Get 25 points!</li><li>Published your first post? Woah, level-up!</li></ul>

Gamification

We’re all familiar with being caught up in an article and when a pop-in suddenly blocks our view and asks us to subscribe to a newsletter. And how about being stopped dead in our tracks to download an app when we’re using a mobile site, as Reddit does?These nudging interruptions can be frustrating and confusing, and particularly so to <a href="https://uxdesign.cc/inclusive-ux-in-an-era-of-anxiety-dc89c39ec202">people with anxiety</a>. My immediate reaction is that I just want this thing out of my way, and while these are persuasive design patterns, I only experience them as annoying ones.

Interruptions

In 1996, Dr Kimberly Young was one of the first scientists to warn against the addictiveness of computer use. That’s right, 25 years ago. Fast-forward to today, dark patterns are still rampant, and…

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What designers can do about internet addiction

<ul>
<li>We write to share a message. To sell a product. A service. An idea.</li>
<li>Unclear messages mean you lose the opportunity to connect</li>
<li>It means you exclude people. You piss them off. And you lose out. It could mean a lost follower. A lost sale. A lost event participant.</li>
<li>Research shows that readers only grasp about 20 percent of words on average.</li>
<li>Words are often not a priority within design and development.</li>
</ul>

Write to be read, not ignored

<ul>
<li>US federal agencies must write plainly according to the Plain Writing Act of 2010 — so the public can easily understand and use the information.</li>
<li>England’s Parliament passed a Clearer Timeshare Act in 1993 to encourage plain language for the legal profession.</li>
</ul>
Plain language isn’t a trend. Plain language isn’t just for the government. It’s for businesses who want to sell. It’s for not-for-profits who want to raise funds. It’s for bloggers who want to be found on Google.
Plain language is for everyone. In every language.

The importance of plain language

Writing in simple, clear language helps us whether we’re sighted, blind, or have a cognitive disability. When we:
<ul>
<li>Need to book a vaccination online.</li>
<li>Shop online late at night after a long day.</li>
<li>Want to buy a property and need to understand the conditions.</li>
<li>Walk around the streets looking for a new restaurant on our phones.</li>
<li>Read a video transcript or captions because the kids have the tv volume up loud.</li>
</ul>

How plain language helps everyone

<ul><li>We’ve been conditioned to write with complex words and walls of text in school.</li><li>We were encouraged to learn bigger, harder words at school. Snazzy words and long paragraphs made our essays and exam answers sound impressive.</li><li>Perhaps we’ve scored interviews with swanky applications.</li><li>We think our reports, websites, and media releases sound better with flowy, 10 line sentences.</li></ul>

Why do we find it hard to write in plain language?

You might be reading this on an iPhone. Apple products are so damn easy to use, aren’t they? But you might not realize the effort behind them.It takes more effort and time to write simply.
Yet we can all create a better experience for our readers by using plain language.

Plain language is harder to craft than most people think

The Myth most of us believe in:‘My target readers are professionals with higher education.’The Truth:<ul><li>Writing simply isn’t about education or ego.</li><li>Our readers are bombarded with content from all directions, every day. They choose to spend mental energy on some tasks.</li><li>They can’t put 100% of their energies into everything that calls for their attention every day.</li><li>Complex writing slows them.</li><li>Usability experts, Nielsen Norman Group discovered even experts prefer plain language.</li></ul>

A myth that holds us back from writing in plain language

<ul><li>It is possible to express legal concepts in plain language</li><li>Plain language saves money</li><li>Judges prefer plain language</li><li>The public prefers plain language</li></ul> Key takeaway: College-educated professionals and experts appreciate plain language.

4 great reasons to write in plain language from a lawyer

<ul><li>In Lower Literacy Users: Writing for a Broad Consumer Audience, Nielsen Norman Group recommends we write at a grade 6 level on homepages. And a grade 8 level on other web pages.</li><li>This is consistent with the W3C (World Wide Web Consortium) recommendation:</li><li>Write text for a lower secondary education level</li><li>A lower secondary level is defined by the W3C as more than 9 years of school. If the content isn’t at that level, then extra content needs to be shared at a lower reading level.</li></ul>

Tips For Writing In Plainspeak: Write at a lower secondary reading level

Have you ever read a website’s terms and conditions? A privacy policy? Or a legal document? These documents are known for being ridiculously tedious and so damn hard to understand.Don’t make me think!Usability expert Norman Nielson Group ran research on how users read on the web. Participants complained about writing that was hard to understand.

Tips For Writing In Plainspeak: Use conversational language

A great way to start writing plainly is to use simple words instead of complex words.Example of simple word replacementsInstead of:<ul><li>Prohibit: use ‘ban’</li><li>Communicate: use ‘tell us’, ‘let us know’</li><li>Demonstrate: use ‘show’</li><li>Diversity: use ‘range’</li><li>Facilitate: use ‘help’</li><li>Amendment: use ‘change’</li></ul>

Tips For Writing In Plainspeak: Choose simple words over complex words

Cutting long sentences is a simple way to improve readability. It’s easier to digest it on mobile too. Yet many people don’t bother.

Tips For Writing In Plainspeak: Cut your sentences and paragraphs

Usability expert Nielson Norman Group recommends we:<ul><li>Spell out abbreviations, initialisms, and acronyms.</li><li>Immediately include their abbreviation in the first instance.</li></ul>This is helpful for all users including people who use a screen reader.Exceptions:<ul><li>It’s ok to use abbreviations for widely used words, such as DVD</li><li>Avoid using unexplained abbreviations in navigation links</li><li>Don’t confuse your reader. Don’t make your prospect think.</li></ul>Key takeaway: Clarify acronyms that aren’t widely known.

Tips For Writing In Plainspeak: Clarify acronyms

Your readers — your prospects — are busy. They read in a range of situations. On a range of devices.They don’t have time for big words, walls of text, and acronyms they have to rack their brains to figure out.You respect their time when you use plain language. You make it easy for them to quickly digest your message. To follow you. To download your trial product. To buy from you.

Writing In Plainspeak: The Bottomline

He didn’t understand a few sentences I’d written. It was tempting to ignore that feedback and put it down to him being a plumber who’s “not great with words”. My client speaks to his customers every…

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How to win business and influence people: write in plain language

Each of us is occasionally overwhelmed by a multitude of competing desires: pursue job offer A or B? Start a new relationship or stay single? Sign up to run a marathon, or enjoy not getting up early to train? 
But life is full of marathons, and they don’t necessarily involve running. It’s good to know which desires to pursue and which ones to leave behind – to know which marathons are worth running. In this Guide, I aim to show you how.

How to know what you really want

It’s true that when people strongly desire something, such as a new shirt, they might feel like they ‘need’ it – but they don’t need it in the same way that they need water or food. Their survival isn’t at stake.
Desire (as opposed to need) is an intellectual appetite for things that you perceive to be good, but that you have no physical, instinctual basis for wanting – and that’s true whether those things are actually good or not.

Desires are fundamentally different from needs

Your intellectual appetites might include knowing the answer to a mathematics problem; the satisfaction of receiving a text from someone you have a crush on; or getting a coveted job offer. 
These things won’t necessarily cause physical pleasure. They might spill over into physical enjoyment, but they are not dependent on it. Rather, the pleasure is primarily intellectual.

Intellectual pleasure

French social theorist René Girard realised one peculiar feature of desire: ‘We would like our desires to come from our deepest selves, our personal depths,’ he said, ‘but if it did, it would not be desire. Desire is always for something we feel we lack.’ Girard noted that desire is not, as we often imagine it, something that we ourselves fully control. It is not something that we can generate or manufacture on our own. It is largely the product of a social process.Our desires are mimetic, they don’t come from within; rather, we mimic what other people want.

Desire is a social process – it is mimetic

When I think about the lifestyle that I would most like to have, who do I feel most embodies it?
 In reality, this person almost certainly does not live the lifestyle you imagine them to have, but it’s still good to identify those you pay attention to the most when you’re thinking about the kind of life you want.

Influence: Identify the people influencing what you want

Is there anyone I would not like to see succeed? 
Are there certain people whose achievements make me uncomfortable or self-conscious? This is the first clue that they might be a ‘negative model of desire’ – ie, someone you are constantly measuring yourself against.

Influence: The question of success

It’s useful to recognise what kind of models are influencing you. Girard identified two main types: those inside your world, and those outside it.Models inside your world (‘internal’ models of desire) are the people you might really come into contact with: friends, family, co-workers, or really anyone you can actually interact with in some way – it could be the person who cuts your hair, for instance. These are people whose desires are in some sense intertwined with your own – they can affect your desires, and you can in turn affect theirs.

Categorise your models as internal and external

Online or offline, the closer someone seems to being like you, the more you can relate to them – and the more you are likely to pay attention to what they want. Who are most people more jealous of?
Jeff Bezos, the richest man in the world? Or the colleague who has a similar education to you, and a similar job and works roughly the same hours, but who makes an extra $5,000 a year? For almost everyone, it’s the second person. The difference between the internal and the external mediation of desire explains why.

The comparisons

Advertisements also model desires to us, obviously, but notice how they usually work: the companies serving the ads typically show you not the thing itself, but other people wanting the thing. Advertisers play right into our mimetic nature.
Be aware that internal models lead to more volatility of desire in your life because the world of internal models is highly reflexive: you can affect one another’s desires, which isn’t possible in the world of external models.

Advertisements stoking desire

Because desire is mimetic, people are naturally drawn to want what others want. Two desires converging on the same object are bound to clash. This means that mimetic desire often leads people into unnecessary competition and rivalry with one another in an infernal game of status anxiety. 
Mimetic desire is why a class of students can enter a university with very different ideas of what they want to do when they graduate yet converge on a much smaller set of opportunities – which they mimetically reinforce in one another – by the time they graduate.

Beware of becoming obsessively focused on what your neighbours have or want

Be aware that your desires can become hijacked through this process of mimetic attraction. It’s easy to become obsessively focused on what your neighbours have or want, rather than on your immediate responsibilities and relationship commitments. 
We humans are social creatures who know others so that we can also know ourselves, and that’s a good thing – but, if we’re not careful, we can become excessively concerned with others.

Hijacking Of Desires

As well as identifying the specific models influencing your desires, it is also helpful to consider whether you have become embedded in a particular system of desire. For example, consider the chef Sébastien Bras, owner of Le Suquet restaurant in Laguiole, France, who had three Michelin stars – the highest culinary distinction for a French restaurant – for a full 18 years. Until 2018. That year, he took the unprecedented step of asking the Michelin Guide to stop rating his restaurant and never come back.

Map out the systems of desire in your life

Less extreme mimetic desires might include the desire to go to a specific university because all your friends want to go there. Yet the desire could also have something to do with the school’s academic reputation. Desires can have many different influences, some mimetic and some non-mimetic. The key is to understand the forces at work, and to separate the wheat from the chaff.

Take ownership of your desires

To be anti-mimetic is to be free from the unintentional following of desires without knowing where they came from; it’s freedom from the herd mentality; freedom from the ‘default’ mode that causes us to pursue things without examining why.It’s possible to develop anti-mimetic machinery in your guts – things that have traditionally been called virtues, or habits of being, such as prudence, fortitude, courage and honesty – that keep you grounded in something deeper even while the mimetic waters swirl around you

Live an anti-mimetic life

The restlessness of desire is not necessarily a bad thing – it’s what pushes people to seek more – but a persistent feeling of restlessness could be a sign that the desires you are chasing lack the power to satisfy.

Restlessness 

<ul><li>Desires are fundamentally different from needs. </li><li>Desire is a social process – it’s mimetic. Our desires don’t come from within; rather, we mimic what other people want.</li><li>Identify the people or ‘models’ influencing what you want. </li><li>Categorise these models. Find out who is influencing you from within your world, and who is influencing you from the outside.</li><li>Beware of becoming obsessively focused on what your neighbours have or want.</li><li>Map out the systems of desire in your life. </li><li>Take ownership of your desires. </li><li>Live an anti-mimetic life.</li></ul>

Key points – How to know what you really want

From career choices to new purchases, use René Girard’s mimetic theory to resist the herd and forge your own path in life

productivity

Productivity

problemsolving

Problem Solving

This is where hope lives for all of us - the unique adaptability of our miraculous brains.what has happened to us in past shapes who are we , how we behave and how we do things.Through the lens we can build a renewed sense of self worth and ultimately recalibrate our responses to circumstances, situations and relationships.it is in other words, the key to reshape our lives.

What Happened To You?

Not only is “what happened to you?” The key question of you want to understand someone, you need to understand their brain.In other words, personal history, people and places in your life influences your brain development. The result is they each of the brains are unique. Our life experiences shape our lives and each one of us looks and perceives world in their own way.This is why asking “ What happened to you?” Is so important in understanding what’s going on with you now.

Making Sense Of The World.

How much do you think about your heart?since before you were born, that miraculous machine has been steadily pumping energy of life throughout your body. Day in, day out at least 115,000 beats each day, with sole purpose of keeping you alive.

Seeking Balance 

Given love, the unloved can become loving .if you are loved , you learn to love The capacity to love is the core of the success of human kind, the reason we have survived on this planet is that we have been able to form and maintain effective groups. Isolated and disconnected, we are vulnerable.Relational glue keeps our species alive, and love is relational super glue.

How We Were Loved 

As you revisit your past, know that no matter what happened simply being here, alive makes you worthy. And know that there is hope.wellness is possible.It happens one moment, one step at a time.

The Spectrum Of Trauma 

making the connection, finally understanding both cause and effect of myself is a game changer for me.As you consider your individual response patterns, know that by putting a small moment of space between the immediate feeling and your instinctive reaction, you are allowing yourself to stay in present and ultimately regain control.

Connecting The Dots 

What ever your past experience created in your brain, you can’t just delete them. You can’t get rid of the past.Therapy is more about new associations. This is why understanding how resume impacts your health for everyone.

From Coping To Healing 

We take our focus off the tragedy, move on with our lives, telling ourselves that “they” will be okay.The impact of trauma doesn’t simply fade away.We can help each other heal, but often assumptions about resilience and girt blind us to the healing that leads us down the painful path to wisdom.

Post Traumatic Wisdom 

Very often, “what happened” takes years to reveal itself. It takes courage to comfort our actions, peel back the layers of trauma in our lives and expose the raw truth of our past. But this is where healing begins

Our Brains, Our Biases, Our Systems 

It is easy to be discouraged and overwhelmed by many problems in the society, to be demoralized by the many problems in our society and trauma that are all too pervasive in our world.our world is filled with so many kind, capable and creative people.We will continue to discover, invent and learn.We can make our world a safer , more just, and humane place for all.

What We Need Now 

Our earliest experiences shape our lives far down the road, and What Happened to You? provides powerful scientific and emotional insights into the behavioral patterns so many of us struggle to understand.

#1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER Our earliest experiences shape our lives far down the road, and What Happened to You? provides powerful scientific and emotional insights into the behavioral patterns so many of us struggle to understand. “Through this lens we can build a renewed sense of personal self-worth and ultimately recalibrate our responses to circumstances, situations, and relationships. It is, in other words, the key to reshaping our very lives.”—Oprah Winfrey This book is going to change the way you see your life. Have you ever wondered "Why did I do that?" or "Why can't I just control my behavior?" Others may judge our reactions and think, "What's wrong with that person?" When questioning our emotions, it's easy to place the blame on ourselves; holding ourselves and those around us to an impossible standard. It's time we started asking a different question. Through deeply personal conversations, Oprah Winfrey and renowned brain and trauma expert Dr. Bruce Perry offer a groundbreaking and profound shift from asking “What’s wrong with you?” to “What happened to you?” Here, Winfrey shares stories from her own past, understanding through experience the vulnerability that comes from facing trauma and adversity at a young age. In conversation throughout the book, she and Dr. Perry focus on understanding people, behavior, and ourselves. It’s a subtle but profound shift in our approach to trauma, and it’s one that allows us to understand our pasts in order to clear a path to our future—opening the door to resilience and healing in a proven, powerful way.

health

Health

motivationandinspiration

Motivation & Inspiration

ONE MILLION COPIES SOLD #1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER Our earliest experiences shape our lives far down the road, and What Happened to You? provides powerful scientific and emotional insights into the behavioral patterns so many of us struggle to understand. “Through this lens we can build a renewed sense of personal self-worth and ultimately recalibrate our responses to circumstances, situations, and relationships. It is, in other words, the key to reshaping our very lives.”—Oprah Winfrey This book is going to change the way you see your life. Have you ever wondered "Why did I do that?" or "Why can't I just control my behavior?" Others may judge our reactions and think, "What's wrong with that person?" When questioning our emotions, it's easy to place the blame on ourselves; holding ourselves and those around us to an impossible standard. It's time we started asking a different question. Through deeply personal conversations, Oprah Winfrey and renowned brain and trauma expert Dr. Bruce Perry offer a groundbreaking and profound shift from asking “What’s wrong with you?” to “What happened to you?” Here, Winfrey shares stories from her own past, understanding through experience the vulnerability that comes from facing trauma and adversity at a young age. In conversation throughout the book, she and Dr. Perry focus on understanding people, behavior, and ourselves. It’s a subtle but profound shift in our approach to trauma, and it’s one that allows us to understand our pasts in order to clear a path to our future—opening the door to resilience and healing in a proven, powerful way.

As the visionary and leader behind OWN: Oprah Winfrey Network and formerly the supervising producer and host of the top-rated, award-winning “The Oprah Winfrey Show,” Oprah has entertained and inspired millions of viewers to live their best lives. Her accomplishments as a global media leader and philanthropist have established her as one of the most respected and admired public figures today.

Oprah Winfrey

Bruce D. Perry is an American psychiatrist, currently the senior fellow of the Child Trauma Academy in Houston, Texas and an adjunct professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at the Feinberg School of Medicine in Chicago, Illinois.

Bruce D. Perry

What Happened to You?

When someone bothers or offends you, it’s natural to say, it’s no big deal and assumes the other person had positive intent. But, often, that phrase is used to avoid conflict and is a sign that you should take action.
Though speaking up can be difficult, it’s the only way the issue will really get resolved. The best course of action is to schedule a time to talk to the offending party or pull them aside in private. Let time pass, so you’re not emotionally charged. And treat it as an opportunity to gain more information.

"It's no big deal"

Are you overlooking serious problems because you’re conflict averse?

The Problem with Saying “It’s No Big Deal”

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