Every time we think or talk, we tend to fall into the role of one of these characters:

1. a preacher, who is only interested in expressing himself
2. a prosecutor, whose goal is to win
3. a politician, a people pleaser
4. a scientist, who knows what they don't know and is willing to unlearn and rethink

We should teach ourselves to be confident but modest.

We should live by our personal values, instead. This will allow us to let go of our beliefs without crisis if they turn out to be wrong or go outdated.

Adam Grants explains two types of conflicts:

1. relationship conflicts, and
2. task conflicts.

Task conflicts are constructive by nature. In relationship conflicts, it takes great respect for each other for such conflicts to be constructive. 

They do not attack the other side nor defend their position!

1. They find common ground. 
2. They present only a few reasons to support their case. 
3. They ask questions.

In Grant Adam's words:

"They appeared less assertive, but much like in a dance, they led by letting their partners step forward."

We can't change others, but we can motivate them to change by using motivational interviewing:

1. Ask open-ended questions
2. Engage in reflective listening
3. Affirm the person’s desire and ability to change

The goal is not to persuade but to look for...

• sustain talk, and
• change talk.

When you identify change talk, you may ask questions that help people go deeper to motivate them to change.

To be a good motivational interviewer, you must cultivate a genuine desire to help people reach their goals.

An organization with a culture of learning requires:

1. psychological safety and
2. accountability to both the process and outcome.

So, these are what they do:

• They avoid best practices and keep rethinking their solutions.
• They are not afraid of making mistakes and learn from them.
• Team members ask themselves and others, “How do you know?” in a nonjudgmental way.