We all have two instinctual urges and desires, based on innate human needs and instincts, that make UPR an effective tool:

• The drive towards socially constructive behavior, meaning interacting effectively and positively with others.
• The need for self-determination, or the right and responsibility to choose one’s own path.

When the clients need for self-determination feels respected, and the therapist adopts the attitude that the client is doing the best they can, the client is more likely to allow their urge towards socially constructive behavior to drive their decisions and actions.

One of the best representations of UPR in therapy sessions is a scenario in which the client shares thoughts, feelings, or behaviors with the therapist that are considered morally wrong or simply unacceptable.

In this case, the therapist can display unconditional acceptance by asking the client about their feelings and what they believe drove the thought or behavior rather than focusing on how the client’s actions would hurt someone else or on the illegality or immorality of the action.

For another example, therapists have the opportunity to display UPR when a client shares a habit or behavior with the therapist that is self-detrimental or self-harmful, such as abusing drugs or alcohol, cutting, or binge-eating.

Instead of chiding the client for this behavior or ignoring its potential to harm, the therapist might help the client realize that the behavior is harmful while simultaneously assuring the client that they are worthy of love and self-care and that they deserve to have a healthy and happy life.

You can repeat these sayings as a twist on the usual self-focus of mantras or affirmations:

• “My child’s worth is non-negotiable and does not need to be earned.”
• “I approve of my child without condition, although I may not approve of all the choices my child makes.”
• “I give my child permission to make mistakes and I believe in his/her ability to learn from them.”
• “I believe in my child’s ability to become who they are meant to be.”
• “I am here to help, understand, and provide guidelines—not to criticize.”

Guidance for teachers and parents on how to implement UPR and encourage the development of a child’s self-worth and self-esteem.

• Giving the child honest recognition for their success and achievement.
• Offering specific (as opposed to overly general) praise for their good decisions and actions.
• Respecting the child by offering them choices, abiding by their decisions, and explaining the reasoning behind our own decisions.
• Help them achieve competence by encouraging them to be independent and offer diverse opportunities to be challenged and to be successful.