This Is How To Have Emotionally Intelligent Relationships: 4 Secrets - Barking Up The Wrong Tree
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When we deal with others, we aren't thinking; we're just reacting.
Often we know these interpersonal habits are bad, but they're wired deep from years of "practice".
We learned these "lessons" about how to deal with people and stumbled on "solutions" that helped at that time, in that context - but they've been more harm than good over the long haul.
If we try to resist that programming, it gets very uncomfortable. It's like trying to break any bad habit or addiction.
This is when you respond as you normally respond but instead, this time you need to do something different.
All you have to do right now is... Nothing. Don't do the bad thing. Just stop. Observe what's going on in your brain.
Identify: Find your fatal flaw. Whether it’s hostility, withdrawal, compliance or whatever, identify that bad social habit that always causes you grief.
The Moment of Choice: Next time you reflexively want to engage in that bad coping behaviour, all you have to do is nothing. There’s a moment of choice in there, shimmering. You can choose to do something else.
You’re not the weather; you’re the sky.
Defuse: When the thoughts and fears run rampant through your head just say, “Thank you, Mind.” Those thoughts are advisors, not dictators. Then choose to act on your values.
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Working with people is hard enough, being a boos is not enough. Being a leader is what we should strive for.
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