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4 Types of Difficult People and How to Deal With Them | Science of People
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4 different types of difficult people
- The Downers (the Negative Nancys): almost impossible to please, they always have something bad to say. They complain, critique and judge.
- The Know It Alls: They like to show off and to impress. They use name-dropping and comparisons.
- The Passives: They don’t contribute much and let others do the hard work.
- The Tanks: They are explosive and bossy. They want their way and will do anything to get it.
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Disengaging difficult personalities
Don't try changing people, try understanding them.
When you try to change someone they tend to resent you, dig in their heels, and get worse. The way to disengage a difficult person is to try understanding where they are coming from.
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Finding The Value Language
When trying to understand difficult people, search for their value language.
A value language is what someone values most. It is what drives their decisions. For some people it is money; for others, it is power or knowledge.
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Don’t try to fix the difficult person
Accept them exactly as they are.
Accept that they are unable to change, at least at this point in time. Unless you see real change — proof that this person is making an effort&nb...
Be present and direct
Try to avoid getting into a fight-or-flight response, which inevitably leads to becoming defensive.
- Be direct and assertive when you express yourself.
- Stay focused on how you respond.
- Know when the discussion or argument has accelerated to the point of no return. If it gets to this point, stop the interaction, and leave the conversation.
Encourage difficult people to express themselves
Let them fully state their point of view about the issue/conflict/problem without interruption. What do they feel people misunderstand about them? What do they want or expect from others?
The idea is to remain as neutral as possible. Just listening may be enough to allow someone to feel like they have the opportunity to say what’s on their mind.
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Develop Your Self-awareness
- Learn to manage your own emotions.
- Practice noticing your feelings, thoughts, and behavior--your triggers. Document things as they com...
Be Assertive and Set Boundaries
An assertive person takes full responsibility for herself and her actions.
- Seek self-control, be fair and reasonable, take on the part of the problem that belongs to you, and keep the rest of the problem where it belongs--with the difficult person.
- Set limits and stand up for yourself so others won't take advantage.
- Use "I" statements, not "you" statements (these tend to lead to attack and blame).
Listen
- Give the difficult person a chance to finish without interrupting.
- Ask clarifying questions if confused, and use paraphrasing and mirroring to check the accuracy of hearing.
- Acknowledge the other person's feelings. So, if the other person is angry, say, "You must be feeling very frustrated..."
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Post-Breakup Loneliness
The process of breaking up can sometimes be compared to the death of a loved one.
Transitional Loneliness
Major changes can create a sense of loneliness, even if they're positive. You might be leaving a job or starting a new job, ending a relationship or embarking on a new relationship, getting married, getting divorced, [or] starting a family.
When struggling with the adjustment period, it can help to acknowledge the feeling and also acknowledge that it's likely temporary.
Caregiver Loneliness
There's very specific loneliness that can creep in when you're responsible for the care of another person — be it an elderly parent, a sick sibling, a disabled partner, etc.
So even though it's a big job, it's important to not forget about yourself. Find a supportive friend to talk to without judgment, or attend a support group.