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How to Overcome Feeling Insecure in a Relationship | Tony Robbins
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What causes insecurity in a relationship
If your partner feels insecure, it’s because they haven’t dealt with whatever is putting them in a negative state.
This could be that their needs aren’t being met by your relationship, or it could have to do with something outside your union, like their own lack of self-confidence or fear of the unknown.
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How to overcome romantic insecurity
The best thing you can do is effectively communicate with your partner.
How does your partner communicate? What’s their communication style? It will take time, effective communication and the desire to improve your relationship to overcome romantic insecurity.
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Meet each other’s needs
There are basic human needs that affect every single person on the planet.
- We all strive to feel certain that we can avoid pain and gain pleasure;
- we crave variety in life;
- we want to feel significant;
- connection to others is essential
- growth and contribution help us find fulfillment.
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Balance your polarity
In every relationship, there is one partner with masculine energy and another with feminine energy.
If both partners take on masculine or feminine traits, it can cause insecurities to arise. Look at how your roles have changed over time. How can you restore polarity and banish insecurity?
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Act like you’re a new couple
When you start dating someone new, the energy is electrifying. As you become better acquainted with your partner, the fireworks you first felt start to fizzle.
Bring back the passion in your relationship and act like you did when you started dating. Compliment your partner. Plan surprising dates. These small acts can help to squash insecurities and help your partner feel wanted.
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Create new stories
Instead of insisting that your partner always does something that irritates you, try shifting your mindset.
Accept your partner for who they are and decide to create a beautiful new story together instead of reliving past pain.
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Understand your attachment style
We come out of our family of origin with a blueprint of how we attach to others. The closer someone is to another person, the greater the likelihood that their attachment style can becom...
Identify your triggers
Journal about the experiences in your relationship that trigger behaviors you experience as self-sabotaging. Ask yourself: What was happening? What did you feel at the time? What were you afraid of? How likely is it that the outcome you feared would happen?
Having an awareness of what triggers these behaviors can prepare us for the inevitable conflicts that arise.
Be mindful of your behavior
Insecurity in relationships is inevitable because everybody has issues to work on.
It’s critical to know what yours are. With this insight, a person can then stop negative behaviors, learn to tolerate the discomfort, and engage in alternative and more healthy behavior.
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Key Ideas
The Negativity Bias
Any further action that is ...
Magnified Faults
The Negativity Effect magnifies and distorts your partner's faults, whether real or imaginary.
The partner starts to wonder why isn't there any appreciation for all the good that is being done, and why the focus is only on the one bad thing.
Going Downhill
Relationships, especially long-term ones, don't get better with time but are kept intact by avoiding decline.
Married couples find contentment in other sources and remain satisfied with each other, and if not so, then the marriage breaks down.
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A toxic relationship
Is any relationship between people who don’t support each other, where there’s conflict and one seeks to undermine the other, where there is competition and there is disrespect.
...What makes a relationship toxic
People who consistently undermine or cause harm to a partner (whether intentionally or not) often have a reason for their behavior, even if it’s subconscious.
Maybe they were in a toxic relationship, either romantically or as a child. Maybe they didn’t have the most supportive, loving upbringing. They could have been bullied in school. They could be suffering from an undiagnosed mental health disorder.
Warning signs
The most serious warning signs include any form of violence, abuse or harassment, which should be dealt with immediately. But in many cases, the indicators of a toxic relationship are much more subtle: Persistent unhappiness, negative shifts in your mental health, personality or self-esteem, feeling like you can’t talk with or voice concerns to your significant other.