How Attachment Styles Affect Adult Relationships - Deepstash

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How Attachment Styles Affect Adult Relationships

helpguide.org

How Attachment Styles Affect Adult Relationships

Whatever your specific relationship problems, it’s important to know that your brain remains capable of change throughout life.

By identifying your attachment style, you can learn to challenge your insecurities, develop a more securely attached way of relating to others, and build stronge...

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What Attachment Is

Attachment is the emotional connection you formed as an infant with your primary caregiver—probably your mother.

According to attachment theory, pioneered by British psychiatrist John Bowlby and American psychologist Mary Ainsworth, the quality of the bonding you experien...

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Attachment Styles and How They Shape Adult Relationships

The infant brain is so profoundly influenced by the attachment bond. Understanding your attachment style can offer vital clues as to why you may be having problems in your adult relationships. There arefour main attachment styles:

  • Secure attachment
  • Ambivalent (or anxious-pre...

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The Secure Attachment Style

It’s likely your primary caretaker was able to stay engaged with you as an infant and effectively manage their own stress as well as calm and soothe you when you were distressed. Having a secure attachment style might look like this:

  • You’re able to be yourself in an intimate relation...

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Ambivalent or Anxious Attachment Style

It’s likely your parent or primary caregiver was inconsistent in their parenting style, sometimes engaged and responsive to your needs as an infant, other times unavailable or distracted.

People with an ambivalent attachment style tend to be overly needy:

  • You may find it diffi...

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Avoidant Attachment Style

An avoidant attachment style often stems from a parent who was unavailable or rejecting during your infancy. Since your needs were never regularly or predictably met by your caregiver, you were forced to self-soothe.

As someone with an avoidant-dismissive attachment style:

  • You...

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Disorganized Attachment Style

Your parental figure may have ignored or overlooked your needs as an infant, or their erratic, chaotic behavior could have been frightening or traumatizing to you.

If you have a disorganized attachment style, you’ve likely never learned to self-soothe your emotions:

  • You swing ...

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Getting Help for Insecure Attachment

If you recognize an insecure attachment style in either yourself or your romantic partner, here's what you can do:

  • A therapist can help you make sense of your past emotional experience and become more secure.
  • Improve your nonverbal communication skills
  • Boost your em...

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