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This Is How To Increase Emotional Intelligence
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The 5 components of EI
- Self-Awareness: understanding of one’s emotions.
- Self-Regulation: it frees us from being prisoners of our feelings.
- Motivation: having an intrinsic desire to achieve things.
- Empathy: the ability to understand emotions of other people.
- Social Skill: the ability to build rapport and manage relationships.
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There are 3 types of empathy
- Emotional empathy: “You feel awful? Then I feel awful too!”
- Cognitive empathy: “I understand that you are feeling awful. That must suck.”
- Compassion: “You feel awful? I feel for you. How can I help?”
Compassion is what we focus on for emotional intelligence.
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Emotional intelligence
It's the ability to accurately perceive your own and others’ emotions, to understand the signals that emotions send about relationships, and to manage your own and others’ emotions.
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Feelings are summary judgments
Most of the time we don’t second guess them, and even if we do, they often end up overwhelming us.
Negative feelings are very powerful and harder to question: we identify with them effo...
Misunderstanding resilience
Resilience is most times associated with being tough. But that’s not gonna get you very far with feelings. Don't try to be invulnerable. Aim for flexibility instead.
You cannot avoid or resist all pain in life. But you can learn to live with your discomfort better.
"Solving" emotions
We have trouble dealing with feelings because the usual problem-solving rules don't really apply to them.
When faced with a problem, we can always avoid it or deny it. But attempting to resist negative feelings won’t work. Any attempt at suppression only amplifies them. We must go from avoidance to acceptance.
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The Impostor Syndrome
It is the feeling that you are not worthy of your designation, title, position or success.
Your accomplishments may be due to luck or effort, but you feel you lack the talent or skill ...
The Reality of Impostor Syndrome
- The impostor syndrome is like a nagging feeling that our success might be due to luck, good timing, or even a computer error.
- It makes us think we have done nothing, and that we secretly are a fraud for taking undue credit.
- The person suffering from an impostor syndrome lives in fear that soon the 'secret' about his true nature will be uncovered.
The Impostor Syndrome: Self-Efficacy Is The Antidote
The antidote to the impostor syndrome is self-efficacy, which is about learning one's own value.
Self-efficacy is described as a perceived ability to succeed at a particular task. It means having rock-solid confidence, a supercharged belief in your ability.
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People That Cause Grief
We all know a few people that cause grief, not merely because they have a bad day but because they have severe problems and are unwilling to change.
We can learn enough to recogniz...
High-conflict people (HCP)
- Narcissistic HCPs: They may seem charming at first but think themselves to be superior. They insult, humiliate, mislead, and lack empathy while demanding respect and attention.
- Borderline HCPs: They start out friendly but can suddenly change into being extremely angry. During this rage, they may seek revenge for minor insults.
- Antisocial (or Sociopathic/Psychopathic) HCPs There extreme charm is a cover for their drive to dominate others through lying, stealing, publicly humiliating people, physically injuring them, and sometimes murdering them.
While these are disorders and these people are suffering, mental health professionals would advise you to keep your distance from them, if at all possible.
Behavior Patterns Of HCP
Everybody has bad days or weeks. To tell if someone is a High Conflict Person, we can look for four traits of behavior.
- Lots of all-or-nothing thinking: When problems arise, it is their solution or no solution. They don't compromise or listen to different points of view.
- Intense or unmanaged emotions: HCPs become very emotional about their points of view. Their responses are out of proportion to whatever is happening.
- Extreme behavior or threats: They engage in extreme negative behavior that includes physical harm, spreading lies about someone else, emotional manipulation, or obsessive contact.
- A preoccupation with blaming others: They frequently blame other people close to them or people in authority over them.
Nobody is perfect, but if someone has all four traits, they almost certainly are an HCP.