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Openness

It means seeing things for what they are, not what we think they should be.

To cultivate openness, we have to become aware of our misconceptions, default beliefs, biases, expectations and stereotypes about the world and actively try to overcome them. Keeping a Decision Journal is a good way to start.

@ishank

Know Thyself: 3 Essential Skills for Better Self-Reflection

nickwignall.com

Observation

It means being able to look at yourself with perspective and distance.

Real-time self-reflection requires us to shift our attention away from what’s happening outside and instead observe what’s happening inside. Mindfulness meditation practice is the best way to cultivate this ability.

Objectivity

It means separating your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors from your identity and sense of self. We are more than the contents of our minds (thoughts, emotions, desires).

Keeping a Thought Diary is a helpful way to reinforce this understanding.

Self-Reflection

It's the ability to pay attention to your own thoughts, emotions, decisions, and behaviors.

There are three skills that can be practiced and will lead to better self-reflection: openness, observation, and objectivity.

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The Cherokee Indian Legend Of Two Wolves

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. He tells him a fight between two wolfs rages inside him, and in every other person too. One wolf is filled with good emotions and another filled with negative ones. The youth asks which will win. The old man answers: “The one you feed.”

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IDEAS

  1. Practice mindfulness meditation, focusing your attention to your breath or a mantra.
  2. Note the thought and ‘park’ it, reminding yourself to tackle it later.
  3. Do not distract yourself in a way that makes your mind rebound towards the unwanted thought you are trying to avoid.
  4. Do not take comfort or reassurance in others, as it can be a cause of false beliefs and incorrect notions.
  5. Do not worry, ruminate or delve into negative self-talk.

This actually makes it harder to control your aggression.

The solution is to turn the relationship around. Acknowledge and accept your anger for what it is. Then, direct your efforts at control toward your aggression.