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Four Steps to Feeling Better about Yourself

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/four_steps_to_feeling_better_about_yourself

greatergood.berkeley.edu

Four Steps to Feeling Better about Yourself
What gives you a sense of self-worth? Data from my well-being survey recently revealed that positive self-views (or feeling good about oneself, a general belief that we are good, worthwhile human beings) were the best predictor of happiness-even more so than 19 other emotional processes including gratitude and strong personal relationships.

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Figure out your needs

Figure out your needs

People tend to feel badly about themselves when they feel powerless to get their needs met. 

Clarify for yourself what you need and don't expect others to fulfill your every want. What people, places, or experiences are must-haves to live a fulfilling life? What aspects of your life—if removed—would leave you without a sense of purpose?

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Live authentically

Live authentically

Standing up for yourself and living a life that is authentically yours generates positive self-views.

You have to start thinking about how you will communicate your needs, how you will start creating a life that meets your needs, and what you will do if people in your life can’t meet those needs.

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Forgive yourself

Forgive yourself

Almost everyone has said something hurtful, forgotten an important event, or betrayed someone they love.

We have to remember that our mistakes do not define us. If we learn and grow from them, then they make us better people. Forgive yourself, and give yourself credit for trying not to make the same mistakes again.

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Celebrate your quirks

Celebrate your quirks

Instead of focusing on all the things wrong with us, self-celebration enables us to derive deep satisfaction from being uniquely us. 

Practice self-celebration by enjoying your awkward laugh or poking fun at your inability to remember people’s names. 

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The three why’s

Before acting on a decision, ask yourself “Why?” Follow up your response with another “Why?” And then a third. 

If you can find three good reasons to pursue something, you’ll have clarit...

Expand your emotional vocabulary

Putting your feelings into words has a therapeutic effect on your brain; if you’re unable to articulate how you feel, that can create stress. 

Practice saying 'no' to yourself

The ability to say “no” to yourself to put off short-term gratification ( from daily temptations like social media or junk food) for the long-term gain is an important life-skill. 

Like a muscle, it is strengthened with exercise

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Workplace Anxiety

It happens when you feel restless and stuck, and you have a sense of vague fear which leads to unproductiveness. It is an existential feeling that is hard to articulate. A constant sens...

Anxiety Vs Negative Emotion

Negative emotions (lack of confidence, toxic energy, fear) can also cause anxiety. The difference between the two is the feeling of being unsafe that comes with anxiety.

When you are anxious, the ability to think clearly is lost, and so is the perspective. Breathing exercises and making space in your mind by slowing down is the first step towards remaining calm in this general state of anxiety.

Objectify The Problem

Start journaling, asking specific questions to bring the main issue in focus, to get organized and gain clarity. Ask yourself these four questions:

  1. What feels wrong?
  2. How can the problem be defined?
  3. What are the fears with regards to making changes?
  4. What actions can be taken that would improve the situation?

You Have A Boundary Issue If…

  • you feel like people take advantage of you or use your emotions for their own gain.
  • you feel like you’re constantly having to “save” people close to you and fix their problems all the ...

Personal Boundaries

Having healthy personal boundaries means taking responsibility for your own actions and emotions, while NOT blaming others.

People with high self-esteem have strong personal boundaries. And practicing strong personal boundaries is one way to build self-esteem.

Poor Boundaries 

People who blame others for their own emotions and actions do so because they believe that if they constantly paint themselves as a victim, eventually someone will come to save them.

People who take the blame for other people’s emotions and actions are always looking to save someone.

Predictably, these two types of people are drawn strongly to one another, yet completely fail to meet each other's true need to feel loved. The real solution would be for both to take responsibility for their own problems.