The 5 Psychological Stages Of Forgiveness - Deepstash

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The 5 Psychological Stages Of Forgiveness

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/psychological-stages-of-f_b_955731

huffpost.com

The 5 Psychological Stages Of Forgiveness
Forgiveness has been a misunderstood concept used mostly by religion to encourage humans not to hold a grudge and to let go. However, most humans have an innate need to comprehend and rationalize something to be able to truly follow it through. In other words, consciously or unconsciously, you may ask this question: Why should I forgive?

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Define who and what

Define who and what
Identify the person who has affected you negatively.

Identify the specific behavior that damaged you. Consider the person as a whole with positive and negative behaviors. The person is not the behavior, but the behavior is a part of that person.

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Let the feeling be felt

Any feelings that are attached to the damaging behavior need to be brought to the surface.

If you feel safe communicating with the person who hurt you, talk about your feelings or write them to him. 

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Forgiveness is good for you

Many of us have anxious and negative attachments to people who have hurt us in the form of anger, hate, resentment, irrational guilt or shame.

Removing the negative attachment through forgiveness will make you feel liberated and open you to the positive that life has to offer.

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Have clear boundaries

Make sure you rebuild a place of safety for yourself by having clear boundaries with the person who wronged you. 

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It takes courage

We tend to avoid facing our deep emotions since they make us feel anxious, at first.

Understand that it may be so in the beginning but in the end, it will be more liberating. Be patient with the process.

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Forgiveness

  • Forgiveness is choosing to accept what happened as it happened rather than what could or should have happened. 
  • Forgiveness can mean that you let go. 
  • Forgiveness can...

Forgiveness is a process

Forgiveness takes time for most. Shock and anger often come before forgiveness. Deal with the hurt feelings before moving into forgiveness.

The act of forgiving is one of realizing that holding onto the anger and resentment no longer carries the same weight on us.

Forgiveness ≠ weakness

One roadblock people face with forgiveness is the idea of being seen as "weak" and saying that what the offender did is excusable.

It requires more strength to forgive. Staying angry, resentful, and vengeful can have a detrimental impact on your physical and emotional health as well as your relationships.

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Moral Luck

We judge ourselves and others morally for things that didn't come out as intended, were unforeseen, or were influenced by factors beyond one's control. 

The judgment we should rece...

Feeling Morally Responsible

Some people do their parenting in difficult circumstances, and nothing that is done by them as parents is fully under their control.

The good and bad traits that parents possess can find their way in the child, with them having no say as to what the child will eventually become or do.

The Inner Paradox

Due to so many factors at play, parents are relying on good luck, pulling off a gamble on the child that is being raised. They don't have much leverage on the outcome, the net result of the actions of their offspring.

There is an inner paradox, a duality that exists in the minds of parents, which can make them accept and also reject the responsibility they have towards their kids' actions.

What forgiveness is

Forgiveness does not mean forgetting or minimising the pain we feel; nor is it about excusing others. 

Forgiveness means making a conscious and deliberate decision to let go of our fe...

A proper apology

One thing that often helps people to forgive is receiving an apology.

A good apology ideally has three parts: an admission of responsibility, a demonstration of sorrow, and doing something to remedy the offence, or prevent a repetition of it. 

Apologies and understanding

An apology is not telling others we feel sorry they are angry it is telling them we understand why they are angry with us, regret making them feel that way, and wanting to take their anger away. 

An effective apology is showing the person we understand why they are hurting.