The first mistake some introverts make in conversation is forcing themselves to be outgoing all the time. Doing this will drain your social battery fast, so instead learn to front-load your enthusiasm. This means using your social energy in the moments that matter most: entrances and introductions.<ul><li>This doesn't mean you need to go dancing into every room; you can do this by being a big hugger or even just a big smiler.</li><li>Bring energy and enthusiasm to those first few minutes of conversation and later you can transition to whatever energy level feels natural to you.</li></ul>

Front-load your enthusiasm

There's a trick you can use to get people to listen to you, without raising your voice: use hand signals to capture attention.
Hold your pointer finger up while pausing mid-sentence and you can really captivate people without needing to be loud.

Use a hand signal to capture attention

A super easy trick to make people enjoy talking to you even more and that's speaking through a smile.

Speak through a smile

If you're not the talkative type, you can still make people love being around you just by being a likable listener. One fantastic habit for making conversation more fun for yourself and for making people like you is to listen with the intention of laughing.Sometimes the thing that makes people like you most is not when you are funny but when you make them feel funny watchQuick warning: never fake a laugh. Doing this will backfire and make people immediately distrust you.

Listen with the intention of laughing

Join Over 13,000+ Members At Charisma University: https://bit.ly/3CzfIMy Subscribe to Charisma On Command’s YouTube Account: http://bit.ly/COC-Subscribe If you’re an introvert, you may think that you’re destined to suffer socially. But one of today's MOST popular celebrities is a self-proclaimed introvert. Even more amazing, Zendaya captivates people without pretending to be extroverted, which can feel exhausting and fake. So today, you’ll learn 4 easy tricks to be charming as an introvert, without changing your personality. Our writing assistant and resident introvert Hadley will walk you through them. ⏰TIMESTAMPS⏰ 0:00 - Intro 0:23 - #1: Front load your enthusiasm 1:07 - #2: Use hand signals to capture attention 2:00 - #3: Speak through a smile 2:26 - #4: Listen with the intention of laughing -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- #Zendaya #CharismaOnCommand -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Connect with us further: Website: http://www.charismaoncommand.com Facebook: http://facebook.com/charismaoncommand Instagram: @CharismaOnCommand

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

communication

Communication

videos

Videos

Join Over 13,000+ Members At Charisma University:
https://bit.ly/3CzfIMy

Subscribe to Charisma On Command’s YouTube Account: 
http://bit.ly/COC-Subscribe


If you’re an introvert, you may think that you’re destined to suffer socially.  But one of today's MOST popular celebrities is a self-proclaimed introvert.

Even more amazing, Zendaya captivates people without pretending to be extroverted, which can feel exhausting and fake.

So today, you’ll learn 4 easy tricks to be charming as an introvert, without changing your personality.
Our writing assistant and resident introvert Hadley will walk you through them.

 
⏰TIMESTAMPS⏰ 

0:00 - Intro
0:23 - #1: Front load your enthusiasm
1:07 - #2: Use hand signals to capture attention
2:00 - #3: Speak through a smile
2:26 - #4: Listen with the intention of laughing


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 #Zendaya #CharismaOnCommand
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Connect with us further:
Website: http://www.charismaoncommand.com
Facebook: http://facebook.com/charismaoncommand
Instagram: @CharismaOnCommand

Want to be more charismatic and confident?  We make videos to help you learn how to be more confident, how to make people laugh, how to be more likable - basically everything about exuding charisma.  Relationships in life are everything, so we want to teach you to turn on your most confident, charismatic self in the moments that matter most.

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Charisma on Command

4 Social Skills To Be Charming If You’re Quiet

4 Tricks To Be Charming As An Introvert

“ Sometimes the one thing you need for growth is the one thing you are afraid to do.”

“ We grow by making little great changes.”

“ Interest isn’t just something you feel. It’s something you live.”

“ Don’t kill yourself when your scorching sun intensifies; the very hot sun is a very good recipe for a heavy rainfall.”

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56 quotes have been tagged as life-changes: Shannon L. Alder: ‘Sometimes the one thing you need for growth is the one thing you are afraid to do.’, Larry...

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

motivationandinspiration

Motivation & Inspiration

Life Changes Quotes (56 quotes)

When Bo Seo moved as an eight-year-old from South Korea to Australia, he didn’t speak English. He quickly learned that the hardest part of crossing language lines was adjusting to real-life conversation, and the hardest conversations to adjust to were disagreements. That was where passions ran high, ordinary rhythms of speech broke down, and people started to interrupt.

Arguing For And Arguing About: To Argue Is Not To Fight

Bo Seo sensed that his differences from his peers, if exposed, could mark him as an outsider and let slip whatever foothold of belonging he had achieved in this new place. That made him resolve to be very agreeable, to smile, to nod, and to keep most of his thoughts to himself. What broke him out of that posture of conflict aversion was a promise from his fifth-grade teacher that in debate, when one person speaks, no one else does. To someone used to being spoken over and spun out of conversation, that sounded like a kind of salvation.

Debate Can Unleash Our Voice

An argument is not a random grab bag of thoughts or exclamations. It’s not a repetition of all the things you think about a particular subject. An argument is a tool for changing minds, and it has two basic burdens of proof. First, showing that its main claim is true, and second, that this claim is important.

An Argument’s Burdens Of Proof: Truth And Importance

Imagine arguing that we should stop eating meat because vegetarianism benefits the environment. For that argument to succeed, first you have to show that being vegetarian is, in fact, good for the environment. Otherwise you have no legs to stand on for the claim that healing the environment means no longer eating meat.

Proving Truth

Second, the true question at the core of this argument asks, why should we privilege the health of the environment over personal enjoyment? It’s often that second part that people neglect. It’s not enough to show that you have a point—you have to make it count for the other side. That involves asking why the truth of this argument should change your mind and behavior.

Proving Importance

When you start picking up the strategies and secrets of good debate, every objectionable thing people say seems like an opportunity to quarrel and make a point. To the one holding the hammer, everything seems like a nail. But we know that good conversations and relationships have agreement alongside disagreement. If one measure of cleverness is the ability to argue well and make a point, then wisdom rests in knowing when to argue and when to stop. Bo Seo got around this problem by developing the RISA Checklist.

Choose Your Battles

So, you face a disagreement. Is it:<ul><li>Real?</li><li>Important?</li><li>Specific? and</li><li>Aligned?</li></ul>Before entering into a disagreement, for example, ask yourself if this is a real disagreement as opposed to an imagined slight, or something like that. Second, is the disagreement important enough to justify arguing? Third, is the disagreement specific enough that you can make progress within the allotted time? And fourth, are the two sides aligned in their objectives for the dispute? For instance, is the other side just looking to hurt your feelings?

The RISA Disagreement Checlist

Meeting the RISA Checklist doesn’t guarantee that an argument will go well, but it suggests that there are conditions such that the argument could go well. By being deliberate and not jumping into disagreements out of pride or defensiveness, we can focus on disagreements that are most likely to be productive.

Argue Deliberately 

As a kid, Bo Seo used to hate being told to empathize with my classmates because He didn’t know what “empathy” meant. Some described it as a magical, mental connection that spontaneously arises when you look into the eyes of another person. Others described it as a virtue that the best of us possess and the rest of us can hope to find. In debate, he learned a different way of understanding empathy: empathy as a series of actions.

Debate, Magical Empathy And Practical Empathy

Much of debating is an exercise in certainty. You fully inhabit your perspective and come up with the best possible arguments for your side, recruiting the most persuasive evidence for your case. But in the last five minutes before the start of a round, the best debaters do something extraordinary. They turn to a new sheet of paper and come up with the four best arguments for the other side, or they look over their speech through the eyes of an opponent and try to find as many problems as they can. Those are known as “side-switch exercises.”

The “Side-Switch Exercises”

“Side-switch exercises” don’t help you achieve empathy, exactly, because there is no substitute for really hearing where the other side is coming from. But it does create wriggle room. It gives you the sense that there may be another way of viewing this issue. At a time when many of our disagreements feel like trench warfare, with each side frozen in their position, unable to fathom where the other side is coming from, Bo Seo thinks that wriggle room can help. It creates a space through which empathy might be able to arise.

The “Wriggle Room”

The opposite of bad disagreement is good disagreement. For most of history, entire groups of people were barred from speaking by virtue of their station in life. Multitudes lacked any platform or capacity to be heard. What we’re doing today—embracing diversity in our communities, giving people platforms to raise their voices in the public square, and trying to manage our arguments—all feels unprecedented. Bo Seo sees the project of good arguments as utopian writing towards the future, the full outlines of which we cannot yet see at present.

The Opposite Of Bad Disagreement Is Not Agreement

“Debate” comes from the Old French word “debatre” (“to fight or contend,”), which in turn comes from the Latin “dis-“ (expressing reversal) + “battere” (to fight).We must regain confidence and faith in what good arguments can be, realizing that disagreement can be the basis of richer conversations, intimate connections, and more searching inquiries than mere agreement can ever hope to achieve. We must see argument as a skill, as an art form, as labor—not something we simply stumble into.

Debates And Arguments Are Types Of Discussions, Not Of Fights

The debate world acts as a symbol for what a community built around—not despite—disagreement can be, and harbors knowledge that we can apply in our day-to-day lives to start realizing that future. A future based not around agreeableness, but on good disagreement, which accounts for the richness of our differences and allows us to talk about them.

Build Upon Good Disagreement, Not Upon Agreeableness

“Raise your words, not your voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder.” - Rumi

World champion debater Bo Seo shares 5 key insights from his new book, Good Arguments: How Debate Teaches Us to Listen and Be Heard.

problemsolving

Problem Solving

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

Good Arguments: How Debate Teaches Us to Listen and Be Heard

You only get <a href="https://www.theladders.com/static/images/basicSite/pdfs/TheLadders-EyeTracking-StudyC2.pdf">less than 7.5 seconds </a>to grab a hiring manager's attention when they read your resume for the first time.

Quick First Impression

Being responsible for something is just a circumstance. Saying you were "responsible for [X]" is a weak and generic way to describe your abilities and accomplishments.Of course you had responsibilities. Doesn't everyone? And if not, then did you really bring any value to the company?It's also advised to stay away from general office buzzwords and confusing phrases. These are words that you might hear people say all the time, but are often incredibly vague.

Avoid "Responsible For"

Here are 35 strong, confident and truly descriptive resume words that companies want to see:

Power Words

1. Directed 2. Managed 3. Spearheaded 4. Supervised 5. Trained

Leadership Words

6. Collaborated 7. Contributed 8. Joined 9. Integrated 10. Synchronized

Teamwork Words

11. Accomplished 12. Completed 13. Delivered 14. Established 15. Formulated

Achievement Words

16. Authored 17. Connected 18. Defined 19. Illustrated 20. Presented

Communication Words

21. Advanced 22. Boosted 23. Enhanced 24. Increased 25. Maximized

Improvement Words

26. Assessed 27. Identified 28. Mapped 29. Tested 30. Verified

Research Words

31. Built 32. Constructed 33. Designed 34. Developed 35. Inspired

Creativity Words

Should check these tips to improve your resume.

The best resumes have powerful and descriptive action verbs, says career coach and bestselling author Ken Coleman. He shares the two words to remove from your resume ASAP — and what to use instead.

career

Career

leadershipandmanagement

Leadership & Management

'Avoid these 2 resume words at all costs,' says career expert—here are 35 power verbs to use instead

Today’s average employee spends close to 30 percent of their work hours on email and receives 120 messages per day. A recent study conducted by Slack showed that 62 percent of their users spend over three hours of their work day in Slack, and another study found that 91 percent of businesses use two or more messaging apps simultaneously.But digital correspondence doesn’t need to be soul-sucking. Instead, think of them as bite-sized opportunities to invite genuine connection with your coworkers and partners. Even a touch of levity can start a chain reaction that shifts the dynamic.

Humor as a way of connecting with coworkers 

A callback references a shared experience between you and the recipient, transforming a single moment into an inside joke. Callbacks are particularly powerful because they make it easy for the other person to reply in kind. Calling back a shared moment of any kind usually does the trick — but calling back a moment when you and the recipient laughed together, as Daria did, is particularly powerful.

Use callbacks

In a series of famous studies on direct mail response, professor and author Siegfried Vogele found that 90 percent of people read the postscript before the body of the letter. Meaning that your PS is likely to be your recipient’s first impression, not the last.The same is true in email. It’s like finally living out the childhood dream of dessert before dinner. As such, a PS is an impactful way to slip a little levity into an otherwise serious email.

PS: Add a PS

How you say goodbye when you leave a job makes a lasting impression. A psychological principle called the “peak-end rule” explains that the moments people remember most from an experience are: the most emotionally heightened one and the final one. This means that after you’re gone from the job, people are most likely to recall two key things: that one big exciting project you worked on, and how you said goodbye.

Say goodbye with humanity

writing

Reading & Writing

entertainment

Entertainment

3 ways to fold humor and humanity into your work emails

Save your energy for things that actually matter (like building your company) by disentangling yourself from toxic people.We've all encountered emotional vampires in our lives.They're the colleague that can't stop talking about themselves, the acquaintance who always leaves you exhausted after even a short meeting, or that guy at the next desk over who draws you into hour-long bitch-fests about every little annoyance in the office.They love the drama, but you just lose valuable time (and energy) you could put into making your company more successful.

How to Spot an Emotional Vampire and a 5-Step Process to Defeat One When You Do

You can definitively identify an emotional vampire with one simple test: If after hanging out with someone, you feel worn out and depleted, that person is a vampire. If after hanging out with someone, you still feel full of energy, that person is not a vampire.

Identifying Emotional Vampires

So, what do you do once you spot an emotional vampire sucking up too much of your time and energy? Here is a simple five-step plan for neutralizing their toxic effects.

Actions To Take

Your first impulse upon encountering an emotional vampire might be to just roll your eyes and walk away. That can work if the person is someone you never have to see again, but if it's a work colleague, the experts have another suggestion: Try a little empathy. Sure their overdramatizing and self-absorption are annoying, but these behaviors often are just reactions to the same kind of insecurities and anxieties we all struggle with. Recognizing that is more likely to give you the insight (and stamina) you need to negotiate problematic relationships long-term.

1.Opt for empathy.

We all complain sometimes. The healthy way to do it involves laying out the problem and genuinely searching for solutions. The emotional vampire way to do it is just moan endlessly while looking for ever more validation. Which is why your best bet when confronted with an emotional vampire's endless rants is to gently guide them back to a better mode of complaining.

2. Validate and redirect.

If your co-worker is complaining about a particular work struggle, for example, say something like, “That sounds really difficult. Have you thought about what you're going to do?: Or maybe, “Have you talked to [the person they are complaining about] directly about it? Did your manager have any advice?” This can remind them that they do have the option of taking action to change their situation.

You might think that vigorously agreeing with an emotional vampire might give them what they want so that they go away. Not so. Like the classic-blood sucking variety, emotional vampires have an endless thirst, only theirs is for drama. The more you give them, the more they'll demand. Do your best to stay emotionally blank when interacting with them (some call this the gray rock method, as in try as much as possible to resemble a gray rock when interacting with toxic people.) This isn't rudeness, it's teaching the energy vampire that you are not going to be a reliable source of energy.

3. Don't feed the beast. 

While empathy can give you the stamina to deal with unavoidable emotional vampires, that doesn't mean you should tolerate behavior that leaves you drained. Continue training your emotional vampire that you're useless as a victim by being firm with your boundaries. Tell them at the outset of a conversation, "I only have X minutes to talk," for instance, and stick to your guns.

4. Set consistent boundaries. 

The goal of this whole process is to keep yourself sane (and your schedule on track). It's totally OK to outright tell an emotional vampire that as long as you do it nicely. Go ahead and tell your drama queen colleagues that you're falling behind and really need to be heads down for awhile. Besides being true, it also encourages them to find more constructive ways to deal with their issues.

5. Focus on self care. 

Allow the emotional vampires prowling the halls of your office free rein and they'll drain you to a husk. Take the simple steps above and you should be able to preserve your energy for more useful tasks than feeding their egos and taming their anxieties.

“Yes, the people around us can be insensitive, narcissistic, toxic, and sometimes even abusive, but it is up to us to take that energy on or let it flow through us. No one is responsible for taking away our happiness but us.”-Aletheia Luna, Awakened Empath: The Ultimate Guide to Emotional, Psychological and Spiritual Healing

Quote on Energy Vampires #1

“If you’ve ever met an energy vampire (and you probably have), you’ll get the distinct feeling that this person has an intense need to prey off the vitality of others. There is a kind of acute neediness present in energy vampires which can be quite overwhelming and depleting to those they come in contact with.”-Mateo Sol, Awakened Empath: The Ultimate Guide to Emotional, Psychological and Spiritual Healing

Quote on Energy Vampires #2

“Energy vampires prey on others because they are in pain, and their behavior is a disguised cry for help. However, the important thing to remember is that you are not responsible for resolving their issues. While you can offer help to an energy vampire, it is ultimately their responsibility to sort our their struggles.”-Aletheia Luna, Awakened Empath: The Ultimate Guide to Emotional, Psychological and Spiritual Healing

Quote on Energy Vampires #3

“An energy vampire can never “steal” energy from us unless we consciously or unconsciously permit them to.”-Mateo Sol, Awakened Empath: The Ultimate Guide to Emotional, Psychological and Spiritual Healing

Quote on Energy Vampires #4

5 Step Process for Dealing with Emotional Vampires

Save your energy for things that actually matter (like building your company) by disentangling yourself from toxic people.

mentalhealth

Mental Health

<ul><li>The Flooding Smile: Pause a second and smile.</li><li>Sticky Eyes: Notice eye color.</li><li>Epoxy Eyes: Keep looking at the person, even when someone else is talking.</li><li>Hang by your teeth: Pretend you are hanging by your teeth. Head up.</li><li>The big baby pivot: Show how much you like them. Undivided attention.</li><li>Hello old friend: See a new person as an old friend.</li><li>Limit the fidget: Keep your hands away from your face.</li></ul>

<ul><li>Hans horse sense: Keep a keen eye on how your listener is reacting.</li><li>Watch the scene before you make the scene: VISUALIZE yourself a Super Somebody.</li><li>Make a mood match: Copy their mood and postures.</li><li>Prosaic with passion: Tone is more important than words.</li><li>Always wear a “What’s It”: Wear or Carry something unusual (for attention).</li><li>Who is that?: Make your friend to introduce you to others.</li></ul>

<ul><li>Never the naked city: Never give a one-word answer about your city.</li><li>Be a good word detective: listen more than talking.</li><li>Parroting: Repeat the last few words.</li><li>Encore: Request them to the repeat performance.(sing,dance,joke..)</li><li>Accentuate the positive: And eliminate the negative.</li><li>The latest news: Know what’s trending.</li><li>What do you do,NOT!: Instead ask, “how do you spend most of your time?”.</li></ul>

<ul><li>The nutshell resume: Pack a nutshell about your own life.</li><li>Your personal thesaurus: Try out a few new words.</li><li>Kill the quick “me too”: Delay revealing your similarity, or let them discover it.</li><li>Comm-YOU-nication: Start every sentence with “you”.</li><li>The exclusive smile: Reserve an big, flooding smile for your important ones.</li><li>Use Jawsmith’s Jive: Make ’em rhyme, make ’em clever, make ’em funny, make ’em relevant.</li></ul>

<ul><li>Call a Spade a Spade: Don't hide behind euphemisms. </li><li>Trash the teasing: Never make a joke at anyone else's expense.</li><li>It’s the receivers ball: Deliver with the appropriate emotional emphasis.</li><li>The broken record: When someone questions on an unwelcome topic , repeat your original response.</li><li>Never the naked thank you: Say “thank you for…” (reason)</li><li>Scramble therapy: Participate in activities you’d never think of indulging in.</li><li>Baring Their Hot Button: Ask the hottest issues going on in their field.</li></ul>

"You'll not only break the ice, you'll melt it away with your new skills." -- Larry King "The lost art of verbal communication may be revitalized by Leil Lowndes." -- Harvey McKay, author of “How to Swim with the Sharks Without Being Eaten Alive” What is that magic quality makes some people instantly loved and respected? Everyone wants to be their friend (or, if single, their lover!) In business, they rise swiftly to the top of the corporate ladder. What is their "Midas touch?" What it boils down to is a more skillful way of dealing with people. The author has spent her career teaching people how to communicate for success. In her book How to Talk to Anyone (Contemporary Books, October 2003) Lowndes offers 92 easy and effective sure-fire success techniques-- she takes the reader from first meeting all the way up to sophisticated techniques used by the big winners in life. In this information-packed book you’ll find: 9 ways to make a dynamite first impression 14 ways to master small talk, "big talk," and body language 14 ways to walk and talk like a VIP or celebrity 6 ways to sound like an insider in any crowd 7 ways to establish deep subliminal rapport with anyone 9 ways to feed someone's ego (and know when NOT to!) 11 ways to make your phone a powerful communications tool 15 ways to work a party like a politician works a room 7 ways to talk with tigers and not get eaten alive In her trademark entertaining and straight-shooting style, Leil gives the techniques catchy names so you'll remember them when you really need them, including: "Rubberneck the Room," "Be a Copyclass," "Come Hither Hands," “Bare Their Hot Button,” “The Great Scorecard in the Sky," and "Play the Tombstone Game,” for big success in your social life, romance, and business. How to Talk to Anyone, which is an update of her popular book, Talking the Winner's Way (see the 5-star reviews of the latter) is based on solid research about techniques that work! By the way, don't confuse How to Talk to Anyone with one of Leil's previous books, How to Talk to Anybody About Anything. This one is completely different!

books

Books

"You'll not only break the ice, you'll melt it away with your new skills." -- Larry King "The lost art of verbal communication may be revitalized by Leil Lowndes." -- Harvey McKay, author of “How to Swim with the Sharks Without Being Eaten Alive” What is that magic quality makes some people instantly loved and respected? Everyone wants to be their friend (or, if single, their lover!) In business, they rise swiftly to the top of the corporate ladder. What is their "Midas touch?" What it boils down to is a more skillful way of dealing with people. The author has spent her career teaching people how to communicate for success. In her book How to Talk to Anyone (Contemporary Books, October 2003) Lowndes offers 92 easy and effective sure-fire success techniques-- she takes the reader from first meeting all the way up to sophisticated techniques used by the big winners in life. In this information-packed book you’ll find: <ul><li>9 ways to make a dynamite first impression</li> <li>14 ways to master small talk, "big talk," and body language</li> <li>14 ways to walk and talk like a VIP or celebrity</li> <li>6 ways to sound like an insider in any crowd</li> <li>7 ways to establish deep subliminal rapport with anyone</li> <li>9 ways to feed someone's ego (and know when NOT to!)</li> <li>11 ways to make your phone a powerful communications tool</li> <li>15 ways to work a party like a politician works a room</li> <li>7 ways to talk with tigers and not get eaten alive </li></ul> In her trademark entertaining and straight-shooting style, Leil gives the techniques catchy names so you'll remember them when you really need them, including: "Rubberneck the Room," "Be a Copyclass," "Come Hither Hands," “Bare Their Hot Button,” “The Great Scorecard in the Sky," and "Play the Tombstone Game,” for big success in your social life, romance, and business. How to Talk to Anyone, which is an update of her popular book, Talking the Winner's Way (see the 5-star reviews of the latter) is based on solid research about techniques that work! By the way, don't confuse How to Talk to Anyone with one of Leil's previous books, How to Talk to Anybody About Anything. This one is completely different!

Leil Lowndes is an author and internationally recognized communications expert who specializes in subconscious interactions. She has conducted hundreds of seminars in the US and around the world for major corporations, associations, and the general public, and frequently appears as a guest expert on national television shows and major news networks. She has authored ten bestselling books on communications — most recently, How to Talk to Anyone at Work: 72 Little Tricks for Big Success Communicating on the Job — and is published in over 26 foreign languages. She lives in New York City.

Leil Lowndes

How to Talk to Anyone : 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships

So, why aren’t more of us multilingual? There are dozens of decent answers but a common retort doesn’t have much merit at all: the idea that adults, just can’t learn languages as easily as children can.Cildren tend to pick up new languages quickly and easily, it has more to do with how they learn than how old they are. Kids absorb and infer lots of information about language simply by listening to family, friends, teachers and the media around them.By contrast, adults tend to learn in rigid academic settings where they have little say in what they study and where the stakes are also higher.

Why aren’t more people multilingual?

There is no magical point at which it becomes impossible to learn a new language

If you dream of being bilingual, your age does not disqualify you. Make the process more fun—and, by extension, more successful—with these tips:

How to learn a new language

Wish you had paid more attention in high school Spanish? Consider why you didn’t. Perhaps all you wanted out of the class was a good grade, or to fulfill a graduation requirement. Linguists call these incentives “extrinsic motivators,” but the most successful language students are “intrinsically” motivated, sincerely invested in their own learning. So pick a language you are excited to use, whether on a grand vacation or on your couch watching foreign-language soap operas.

Find your motivation to learn a new language

It might take some trial and error, but you’ll figure out which resources work best for you. Mobile apps such as Duolingo and Babbel gamify your learning, so if you could easily spend hours playing on your phone, you’ll likely find these similarly addictive. Others such as Rosetta Stone and Pimsleur are less gimmicky but more rigorously researched. Consider a conversation-based class on Italki or Idlewild. And don’t neglect books. McGraw Hill and Barron’s offer excellent textbooks, grammar guides and workbooks with answer keys to let you see how you’re doing.

Pick your tools (like a language learning app)

Immerse yourself in your chosen language as much as you can. Watch movies or listen to songs, even if they are just on in the background. Periodically look around you and see how many things you can name in the language you’re studying. Or, better yet, label items around your home with those words. You’ll have no choice but to see them and, in very little time, learn them.

Dive into learning a new language

Practicing with other people helps solidify what you’ve already learned and makes you more aware of which ideas you’re able to express. These need not be native speakers you chat with, though various websites and apps such as languageexchange.com, HelloTalk and TalkAbroad can connect you with some, either free or for a small fee.

Get social while learning your new language

Sometimes you’ll miss the mark as you unknowingly stumble on an irregular verb or an exception to the rule. But more often you’ll be right. And even when you do falter, those who are fluent should still be able to understand what you mean.

Don’t sweat your language learning mistakes

It seems counterintuitive, but you’re more receptive to pick up on language patterns when you aren’t hyper­focused on learning them. So rather than stare intently at a vocabulary list when learning, glance over the words while you listen to instrumental music. Or turn on subtitles in the language you’re learning even as you watch TV in English. Don’t devote your full attention to them—just enjoy the show and absorb what you can. The less you stress, the more you’ll be able to learn.

Try less when learning a new language

Learn a second or third language will bring some advantages. Bilingual brains are better shielded against cognitive disorders such as Alzheimer’s disease. And according to a poll conducted by the language app Babbel, knowing multiple languages can make you more attractive. Here's some tips to do it easier.

Yearning to become bilingual? Get started with these important tips for how to learn a new language—it's not as hard as it seems.

education

Learning & Education

How to Learn a New Language as an Adult

As important and valuable as it is to build our internal and external networks, create goodwill with colleagues and managers, and be seen as credible, reliable, and a team players, we need to start making requests in our careers earlier than we think.

Asking for what we need at work

According to relationship researcher John Gottman, healthy, stable relationships have a “magic ratio” of 5 to 1. This means that for every negative feeling or interaction between people in a relationship, there must be five positive feelings or interactions.Rather than spending time ruminating over whether you should ask someone to do something for you when you don’t know them well enough, use that time to increase your positive interactions with them.

Apply the "magic ratio" of healthy relationships

Be direct, be willing to ask, and be able to move on if the answer is no.Show consideration for the other person's needs, values, and interests, and give them an out if they don't accept your request.

Make requests, not demands

A "no" could mean a combination of the following"<ul><li>No, not now. (When would be a better time?)</li><li>No, not at that amount. (What amount would work?)</li><li>No, not to this cause. (What causes do you care about?)</li></ul>

Get curious about what “no” means so you can get to a yes

<ul><li>Approach others with visible joy instead of frustration or anger.</li><li>Make a request from a position of comfort rather than a sense of desperation.</li><li>When you are cheerful, you are more likely to brighten someone else's day.</li><li>Keep the best case scenario n mind: the person you are reaching out to says they can't help you.</li><li>Use your positive attitude to bounce back.</li></ul>

Cultivate a positive affect

It can be hard to ask make “cold asks” early in our careers and relationships. But by applying the science of what makes relationships work, and combining it with the art of connecting, we can hopefully get what we need without seeming needy. This article covers four strategies to get the most out of the early days of a new relationship: 1) Apply the magic 5:1 ratio of healthy relationships. This means that for every negative feeling or interaction between people in a relationship, there must be five positive feelings or interactions. 2) Make requests, not demands. A demand is something to which the other person feels obligated to say yes, whereas a request is something to which the other person can say “yes”, “no”, or make a counter-offer. 3) Get curious about what “no” means so you can get to a yes. Ask questions about the reasons behind the “no”and then make a better ask next time. 4) Cultivate a positive affect. Who is more likely to give you their time, energy, attention, and resources: someone who is experiencing you as needy and negative, or someone who experiences you as upbeat and hopeful? It’s likely the latter.

Ask for What You Need at Work

Left unchecked, comparison can make you miserable. Seeing people be better at something than you are can feel like a vicious uprooting. But with the right tools, you can use your envy to uncover what you value.

Unchecked Comparison Makes You Miserable

Here’s how to take your envy, decode it and turn it into positive action: <ol><li>Listen to your strongest triggers</li><li>Make sure your envy doesn’t become malicious</li><li>Pick a broader baseline</li><li>Compare the nitty-gritty</li><li>Compare present you against past you</li></ol>

5 Ways To Turn Unchecked Comparison Into Action

Comparison can teach you what you value when you see yourself envying someone doing something you want, even if you haven’t consciously allowed yourself to want it.Self-awareness can help you turn your feelings into something useful, so the next time envy rears its head, ask yourself: <ul><li class="ql-align-justify">What do they have that makes me feel less than?</li><li class="ql-align-justify">What void do I believe having it would fill?</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Do I really want what they have?</li><li class="ql-align-justify">If yes, how much, and is it worth taking action to try to get it for myself?</li></ul>The more specific your answers, the better you’ll be able to redirect your emotion into actions and strategies.

Listen To Your Strongest Triggers

Comparison-induced envy can be a great motivator and guide. It can also make us bitter. Psychologists distinguish between benign envy, when we admire someone and try to emulate them, and malicious envy, when we dislike the other person for having what we want. It’s the difference between “They have a penthouse apartment, and it’s cool how they got it” and “I hate that their home has panoramic views, and I want them to suffer.” To be clear: Both are painful. Benign envy motivates us to work harder to improve, while malicious envy makes us nasty. We often feel malicious envy when we perceive scarcity. But in many cases, another person’s ability to achieve something is evidence that it’s possible for us, too.

To shift your thinking from malicious to benign envy, try these phrases:
• “I’m inspired by _____. Maybe I can learn from them, or ask them to be my mentor.”
• “I haven’t done what they’ve done . . . yet.”
• “Every person is on their own journey. I’m grateful for mine.”

Shift From Malicious To Benign Envy

If you see a friend hitting a personal milestone, it’s easy to feel you’re far behind in life. But if you think of 10 or 20 of your acquaintances, chances are a bunch will be in the same boat as you – and might even be happily sailing along. In an experiment, researchers asked people to assess their running abilities. They found that participants spontaneously compared themselves with the best runner they could think of and deemed themselves not so great. The researchers then prompted the participants to list the top 10 runners they knew personally. By reflecting on the seventh- or ninth-best runner they had rubbed shoulders with, people suddenly felt a lot better. Comparing themselves with a broader group diminished the enormous gulf between themselves and what they thought of as “good.” Psychologists also find that broadening your perspective can be helpful when you experience what they call deprivation intolerance: when you don’t get what you want and that causes you to plunge into a pit of despair.

Thinking through a day-in-the-life can help you make better comparisons, for example by asking yourself:<ul><li>What would a day-in-the-life look like?</li><li>What specific pieces of that life do I want?</li><li>What specific pieces of that life do I not want?</li><li>What experience does this person have?</li><li>Is this comparison based on some imagined/ better version of myself or other people’s/ society’s expectation of me?</li></ul>Am I willing to give up the good things in my current life to have that?

Compare The Nitty-Gritty

You may not always be exactly where you want to be, but chances are you’re not where you used to be, either. Pausing to take stock of your accomplishments – and the skills you’ve developed as a result – can help you feel proud of your progress and untangle yourself from malicious envy.
A simple way to make this type of self-comparison a habit is to take a few minutes at the end of each month to reflect on these prompts:
<ul>
<li>What have I learned over the past few weeks?</li>
<li>What was difficult, and how would I approach it differently given what I know now?</li>
<li>What progress did I make?</li>
</ul>

Compare Present You Against Past You

Yes, comparing yourself with others is unavoidable, but by applying some of this advice, you can learn to use it to your advantage. Remember that you only see the tip of the iceberg, especially on social media – someone whose life seems perfect on Instagram may be dealing with struggles that you’re completely unaware of. One last good rule of thumb is to balance comparing up (looking at people who have more than you) with comparing down (looking at those who are worse off than you).

Comparing Up With Comparing Down

Comparing yourself to others is a sure route to misery — 5 ways to turn it into action instead

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