People make snap judgements about who they think you are based on extremely subtle cues.That’s how it is, but we can take advantage of this aspect of human nature.Here are some small ‘superficial’ changes you can make to increase your perceived value, status and respectability:

Why Is This For You?

Just the tiniest shift by standing a little taller, sitting up, and injecting a sense of pride into your general demeanour will do two things. Firstly, people will sense the difference and associate you with higher status, even if there’s nothing else contributing to this idea. We’re still basically chimps in clothes. The leader of the pack walks tall and a little slower.

1. Straighten up your posture a fraction.

Ok, wise guy — I didn’t say don’t smile at all, so don’t give me shit for this. Also, this applies far more to men than women.A non-smiley man is mysterious and often sexy to ladies.Not the case for women.If you NEVER smile, however, regardless of sex, you just seem miserable and thus lower in social standing.However, if you’re sparing with your smiles, you actually come across as more authentic — they did studies on this.Plus, when you DO smile, its effect is magnified, which melts hearts.

2. Smile less.

You must look your best physically, given the cards you were dealt.I’m sorry that human nature is the way it is and things aren’t fair, but nature is not fair.There is a lot, however, we can do to improve our looks through losing that extra weight,, getting a haircut, fixing our teeth, and so on.Slovenly-looking schlubs are simply more likely to be viewed as lower status. If you take care of yourself others will take care of you.

3. Physical looks.

Talking and moving a fraction slower tells us this: you don’t rush for anyone; you’re comfortable in your skin and have faith that things will work out. Rushers are subservient to time. Slow movers have the world mould to their reality. The other advantage of this, beyond attracting attention as a high-value person, is that everything becomes easier. Rushing complicates, and it also puts others at ease.

4. Slower movements.

Whether we like it or not, an unironed shirt suggests you care less than the guy standing tall with an ironed shirt and clean shoes.Tidy up before you head out the door. Comb your knotted hair. Wash out the stains on your trousers.Tiny changes — major influence.

5. Sharpen up your clothing.

You needn’t be combative, critical or judgemental. I’m talking about being a little slower to agree with those you’re with.Give what people are saying some thought.Allow for some space in conversations.Be ok with silence.

6. Slower to agree.

It is implied through behaviour, mannerisms, and what isn’t said. True ‘high status’ isn’t a material thing at all — it’s far more to do with one’s character. The high-status individual cares more that they win while others are also winning. So they focus their attention on what’s good about other people and make a point of making others feel important. This is highly respectable. In this way, you can be broke but possess status through how you relate to people.

7. Rarely draw attention to self.

Why?Because leaders have the power to lift those around them; otherwise, they couldn’t make any impact.This is highly attractive and can take courage, especially when stressed.You will stand out when you can keep things light and motivate people to act, no matter the situation.

8. Stay Upbeat.

Here are some small ‘superficial’ changes you can make to increase your perceived value, status and respectability: Just the tiniest shift by standing a little taller, sitting up, and injecting a…

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Personal Development

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Motivation & Inspiration

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Communication

8 behaviours that instantly increase your perceived value

The only luxury is time. The time you get to spend with your family.

Every time I say something that is extremely truthful, out loud…it literally breaks the internet. So what are we getting all the rest of the time.

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Love & Relationships

Kanye West quotes on Kim and his family

Many things contribute to the way we define ourselves. Some we have no choice on, like where you’re born, while others we get to define, like an affiliation with a political party.We tend to think of the events of our past as something in the “no choice” category. They happened and we can’t change how it’s affected us, right? But what if you can change the way your past impacts your identity?From the foods we love to the situations that are uncomfortable, it’s all information we picked up through past experience.Past experiences become the lens through which we view life and ourselves.

How To Change The Way You See Your Past — And Reclaim Your Future

Explore the negative impacts of a past experience. Start by asking yourself how an experience has made you see yourself. Maybe getting bullied on the playground made you feel different from other people. Maybe you have a hard time expressing yourself now, or maybe you identify as having low self-esteem. You can’t change the events of the past, but you can tell yourself a different story about it. A story where you’re the hero. Look for ways you have grown from the experience. How have you taken that negative period from your past and made it into a strength?

Choose a New Perspective

Finding strengths you’ve picked up due to the past can sometimes feel a little like rewarding the person or people who created the negative situation — but it’s not. It’s not about appreciating the individual for their bad acts. It’s appreciating yourself for making lemonade out of the lemons you were handed. You don’t have to feel grateful for people who have hurt you.You get to feel strong for the ways you’ve improved, despite those bad actors.

You’re the hero of this story

This is not about denial or changing the facts. It’s okay to recognize the feelings that come up when thinking about difficult past events.At the same time, though, you can adopt a positive outlook about yourself as a result. This will encourage you to take on a new identity, one where you feel strong and confident. One where you see the skills you’ve learned and ways you’ve become a better version of yourself.The very act of putting the spotlight on the positive ways you’ve turned the past around is an act of control. You’re in charge of how you see yourself.

A change for the better 

The story we tell ourselves about who we are and how we are is a mindset. A mindset is a habitual perspective - a story we tell ourselves over and over. It is a way of seeing things. The good news is, habits are changeable. It just takes a little commitment. Your perspective of your identity is the foundation of your self-esteem. No matter how negatively a past experience has impacted you, the very fact that you’re still here makes you a survivor. Even if you struggle, your tenacity allows you to keep going.

Finding the better story

Here are some ways to uncover the positive elements of your story.List a few of the most pivotal moments from your past.Maybe you’re more compassionate and understanding toward others who are going through something similar. Perhaps, you’ve become more patient with people. You might be quick to make newcomers feel included because you grew up feeling shy. Or, maybe you’re a good listener because of something you’ve gone through.How have these experiences helped you appreciate things?Maybe you sought solace in nature or with animals and now you’re an animal lover or enjoy natural spaces.

Writing a new story of you

What strengths or skills have you developed as a result of those negative past events?Are you a good planner, as a result of growing up in a chaotic house? Maybe, you’re a natural peacekeeper due to feuding parents. What are some of the positive experiences from your past?Our built-in negativity bias puts the focus on the hard times. What positive experiences allowed you to grow and flourish in ways you’re still experiencing today?

Remember, it doesn’t mean you need to feel glad for past difficulties, especially if you were victimized. You’re not telling the person or circumstances that what happened is okay. Instead, you’re choosing to view yourself as a strong, resilient survivor. You’re turning lemons into lemonade, not for them, but for yourself.

Past Difficulties

“The old you is only a shadow of the reality which is the new you. The shadow is useless without its reality.”-Efrat Cybulkiewicz

Quote on the past

How to  Change the Way You View the Past - And Reclaim Your Future

Past Experiences Become The Lens Through Which We View Life And Ourselves. Here's How To Shift Them For A Brighter Future.

Julie d'Aubigny's  father might have worked in the stables of Louis XIV, maybe as an ex musketeer, anyway, a soldier good with horses.She moves to Versailles following her dad at about 9 years old where she witnessed some of the greatness of Louis XIV's court.Her hobbies are riding and fencing. For practical reasons she would dress in boys clothes and she would kick ass with a sword.She was also an opera singer and she saw opera performances hosted in the Versailles stables. Quite some stables, apparently.

Julie who?

She becomes a mistress of her dad's boss: she's 14 and he's 46. Gasp!Then she get's married off just to keep up appearances (husband sent away, while she stays in Paris with the old dude). Get's another lover, this time a more adventurous guy, a fencer. They flee Paris together because he does an illegal duel.They become a duo fencer. They flee to Marseille where they give fencing demonstrations. Julie does mixed gender fighting while wearing men's clothing, so people assume she's a bloke. When people misgender her, she flashes her boobs, silencing the crowd. Gasp, again!

She has a very busy a sex life

Her dad and her official husband are not around, so she's more in charge of herself than other women in her time.She sings duets with the adventurous guy in the Marseille opera and gets admired for her low voice and her beauty.Then she gets herself a new lover: a woman this time, a daughter of a local merchant. They fall in love, but her family sends her to a convent. Julie enters the convent as a novice and then they escape when a fellow nun dies and they steal her body and burn it. They escape while the nuns try to put out the fire. They get caught and Julie dodges an execution.

Woman lover

She is challenged to a duel by a dude who doesn't know she's a woman and she wounds him. Then she takes care of him, and not surprisingly, they become lovers for a while.She's off to Poitiers next where she's taking singing lessons.Meets a baritone singer, becomes her lover, goes back to Paris. Get hired to the Opera. She's only 17 by this time (talk about really living!!!). Now is when she takes her stage name Mademoiselle La Maupin. She's a star.

Famous & very busy sex life again

Goes to a Paris party dressed as a man and kisses a woman. She get's asked to a duel by some jealous men whom she defeats.She then runs to Brussels and gets involved with a Bavarian prince like figure. Maximilian, the princely dude, can't handle her and tries to give her money just to go away. Auch! She doesn't take them and leaves.She obviously had a temper and allegedly attacked her landlord when he refuses to make her dinner (hangry much?). No judging, I would do the same! :))She beats an actor who tries to seduce her because he's too pushy (wohoo!).

Temper and fights and more lovers

A bit of opera is written for her where the main character is not a soprano (quite unusual). The character is a muslim sword fighting woman. A lot like Julie wouldn't you say?Finally in 1703 she falls in real love with Madame la Marquise de Florensac (a super beauty) and they live together for 2 years in total happiness,  until the Marquise falls ill and dies (soooo saaad).Ironically, it is said that Julie entered a convent (again with the nuns) where she dies at 33. Talk about living fully.

Finally true love (but also death)

Julie d'Aubigny seems to have been quite a character for her time. A famous bisexual sword fighting opera singer who had tones of lovers, amazing success in her career, and managed to find true love, even if short lived.

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You're Dead To Me

Some people say, “Knock on wood,” and then knock on something made of wood for good luck, when they have made a remark that has been true up to that point and they want it to continue to be true: “I've never had an accident yet, knock on wood.”

What does it mean when you knock on wood?

Knock on wood definition at Dictionary.com, a free online dictionary with pronunciation, synonyms and translation. Look it up now!

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Knock on wood Definition & Meaning

Romulus Augustus, the last emperor of the Western Roman Empire, is deposed by Odoacer, a German barbarian who proclaims himself king of Italy. Odoacer was a mercenary leader in the Roman imperial army when he launched his mutiny against the young emperor.

Who deposed the last emperor of the Roman West?

Romulus Augustus, the last emperor of the Western Roman Empire, is deposed by Odoacer, a German barbarian who proclaims himself king of Italy. Odoacer was a

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Western Roman Empire falls - HISTORY

For a human or animal to learn whether to avoid, or seek out, a particular experience again in the future, their brain must associate a positive or negative feeling, or “valence” with that stimulus. The brain’s ability to link these feelings with a memory is called “valence assignment”.

Valence And Valence Assignment

In 2016, Kay Tye, today a professor in Salk’s Systems Neurobiology Laboratory and a Howard Hughes Medical Institute Investigator, discovered that a group of neurons in the brain’s basolateral amygdala (BLA) helps assign valence when mice are learning. One set of BLA neurons was activated with positive valence, as the animals learned to associate a tone with a sweet taste. A separate set of BLA neurons was activated with negative valence, as the animals learned to associate a different tone with a bitter taste.

The Neurons Assigning Valence

In the new study, the researchers homed in on the importance of the signaling molecule neurotensin to these BLA neurons. They already knew that neurotensin is a neuropeptide produced by the cells associated with valence processing, but so are a few other neurotransmitters. So, they used CRISPR gene editing approaches to selectively remove the gene for neurotensin from the cells—the first time that CRISPR has been used to isolate specific neurotransmitter function.

The Molecule Signaling Valence 

Without neurotensin signaling in the BLA, mice could no longer assign positive valence and didn’t learn to associate the first tone with a positive stimulus. Interestingly, the absence of neurotensin did not block negative valence. The animals instead became even better at negative valence, having a stronger association between the second tone and a negative stimulus.

Blocking Valence

The findings suggest that the brain’s default state is to have a bias toward fear—the neurons associated with negative valence are activated until neurotensin is released, switching on the neurons associated with positive valence. From an evolutionary perspective, Tye says, this makes sense because it helps people avoid potentially dangerous situations—and it probably resonates with people who tend to find the worst in a situation.

Negative Valence Is The Default State

“We can actually manipulate this switch to turn on positive or negative learning,” says co-first author Hao Li, a postdoctoral fellow in the Tye Lab. “Ultimately, we’d like to try to identify novel therapeutic targets for this pathway.”The researchers still have questions about whether levels of neurotensin can be modulated in people’s brains to treat anxiety or PTSD. They are also planning future studies to probe what other brain pathways and molecules are responsible for triggering the release of neurotensin.

Manipulating Valence

“We’ve basically gotten a handle on the fundamental biological process of how you can remember if something is good or bad,” says senior author Kay Tye. “This is something that’s core to our experience of life, and the notion that it can boil down to a single molecule is incredibly exciting.”

Valence And Prevalence (Valēre And Praevalēre)

Researchers discovered a specific neurotransmitter that helps assign either positive or negative emotions to memories. Their discovery paves the way for a better understanding of why some people are more likely to retain negative emotions than positive ones—as can occur with anxiety, depression or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Researchers discovered a specific neurotransmitter that helps assign either positive or negative emotions to memories.

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Science & Nature

What’s Making a Memory Positive or Negative

Storytelling is essential-whether you're trying to get a promotion, a new job, or simply make a lasting connection. It is a proven fact that everyone loves a story. Personal anecdotes bring people together and strengthen ties with your listeners.Keep these six secrets of good storytelling in mind.

A Story: The Most Powerful Way To Connect

<ul><li>Talking about ourselves releases dopamine, a hormone that can be dangerous if you’re rambling.</li><li>Keep your narrative short and to the point.</li><li>Don’t turn a short story into a long and winding verbal road.</li></ul>Example: Suppose you’re in a job interview and the recruiter says, “Tell me about a problem you solved.” You get excited and go on about every facet of the problem you solved. Five minutes later you’re still speaking—but now you’ve lost your audience (and job).

Be Brief

<ul><li>The best stories get listeners involved in the tale emotionally.</li><li>Make the main character someone the audience can relate to.</li><li>Pretend you are the victim, and the audience is with you all the way.</li><li>Tell a story about how you were walking your French bulldog and someone tried to grab that little pup in an off-leash park.</li></ul>

Engage With The Listener's Emotions

<ul><li>The best point to make is one that is inspiring and uplifting</li><li>Telling stories that inspire with a clear, uplifting point is a great skill</li><li>Tell a story about how inspired you were when you first met the person you are honouring today</li></ul>

Make a point

Build your story chronologically: with a past, present, and future:Past: "I've always loved people, and that's why I'm passionate about this job in HR. I was outgoing and extrovertish even when young."Present: "In my last two HR positions, I have developed programs that make employees feel safe and engaged. One program I am particularly proud of is our Mental Health offering."Future: "This job is my dream job, and as an HR professional I know I would be a great fit for this role."

Let It Flow

<ul><li>Don't rush your delivery.</li><li>Give your audience time to process what you are saying and react to it.</li><li>Speaking slowly creates an aura of suspense.</li><li>Be genuine, show that you are delivering something that is meaningful to you, and the audience will respond in kind.</li></ul>

Tell Your Story Well

<ul><li>Every story you tell about yourself should end with some kind of action or resolution. If you are mentoring someone and you’re sharing a story about what you learned from your first boss, end with an upbeat and meaningful action.</li><li>The end is the action that embodies the moral of the story—the lesson learned.</li></ul>Example: "And so, what I learned, and what I'd like to see you do, is to lead no matter what your position in the company."

Ending With A Call To Action

Storytelling is essential—whether you’re trying to get a promotion, a new job, or simply make a lasting connection.

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Career

6 secrets to telling your story in a way that lands you a job

As a manager, you’ve likely had things crop up at the last minute and disrupt your schedule: customer emergencies, unscheduled calls with your own manager, last-minute trips. But when your own boss cancels on you frequently, it’s not only frustrating, but it can feel like a slight or make you worry about your standing. If you find yourself on the receiving end of too many cancellations, it’s essential to talk to your boss about it directly.

Disruption In Your Schedule

A cancellation may feel like a <a href="https://hbr.org/2019/05/the-little-things-that-affect-our-work-relationships">slight</a> against you, but chances are, if your manager misses your meetings, they’re probably cancelling other meetings at the last minute, too. Take note of your boss’s schedule and be attuned to what other people say. Where appropriate, you can discreetly ask a trusted colleague if they’ve experienced the same thing. Having a clear sense of the behavioural pattern will enable you to step back from your anger and see the bigger pattern of your boss’s habits, not just their behaviour toward you.

Don’t Take It Personally

The last thing you want to do is come off as passive-aggressive by throwing a barb at your boss or making them feel defensive. Having a neutral, non-accusatory tone will ensure you get off on the right foot. Think about all the reasons you can relate to that might cause your manager to be a no-show. They might be <a href="https://hbr.org/2002/02/beware-the-busy-manager">harried or overscheduled</a>. Sometimes people genuinely don’t know they’re chronically cancelling meetings, especially if they have an assistant managing their schedule.

Get Your Tone Right

If you have a close relationship with your boss where you can be direct, you can say something like, “There are times that I need your guidance or I’m waiting for your input. When you cancel at the last minute, it puts me behind since I’m often counting on this time together. It also makes it hard for me to plan the rest of my day, since I spend some of it preparing for our meeting."Another option is to have a <a href="https://hbr.org/2022/04/where-we-go-wrong-with-collaboration">collaborative conversation</a> about the meeting itself, which can identify the reason behind the cancellations and potentially head off future ones.

Start The Talk

If the behaviour persists — or if you come to learn that you’re the only person they’re cancelling on — it’s important to go back to your boss for a second conversation and be frank. You could say, “I have a delicate matter to raise with you, and I think it’s important for both of us. I’m finding that you’re still canceling our meetings regularly and I seem to be the only one who’s experiencing this. If there are any issues I should know about my performance, I’d like you to tell me.”

The Last Resort

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Corporate Culture

So Your Boss Is Always Canceling Meetings Last Minute

The popular belief that a friendship shouldn’t make you uncomfortable and that you should cut someone off at the first sign of tension or disappointment has seeped into the collective consciousnessRelationship experts agree: That’s not real friendship.<ul><li>Honing your ability to work through conflict in a long-term platonic relationship is no different than learning to do so in a committed romantic partnership.</li><li>Open, non-blaming conversations lead to deeper intimacy.</li><li>When the challenge arises, don't run from the chance to deepen your bond.</li></ul>

Real Friendship

Coping with conflict is the goal, but that doesn't mean you have to confront your friend every single time they do something that bothers or annoys you.A helpful way to assess if it's worth going to them about it is if it is a recurring issue or a situation that has continued to affect how you perceive your friend and how you show up in your friendship.

Examining The Problem

Your level of closeness to the person is a factor worth considering when deciding whether to bring up an issue with your friend.Conflict isn't automatically an indicator of incompatibility; it may simply be the sign of differing preferences that can be bridged with communication.

Assess the Relationship

<ul><li>Timing is everything</li><li>Consider if you have the immediate capacity for it.</li><li>Carve out an entire afternoon - or day, if you need it - so that you aren't rushing through your chat and have time to process any emotions you may feel afterwards.</li></ul>

Take The Time

If you've given yourself a chance to prepare for the conversation, you should also extend the same courtesy to your friend.Consider if they are in a space where they can actually receive and process your feelings. If not, it's likely that they will go into fight-or-flight mode.

Provide a Warning

<ul><li>Use authentic feelings as leverage.</li><li>Be open about your feelings and be honest about your nerves. This may help ease your friend’s nerves and expand their ability to receive and receive your emotions. You can also build trust with someone by being open and honest with them.</li></ul>

Lean into vulnerability

<ul><li>How you start the conversation influences the mood, tone, and direction of the talk more than you know.</li><li>Use verbiage that welcomes your friend in rather than alienates them, positive framing script.</li><li>An example would be: "Hey, I was wondering if we can talk about something that's been on my mind."</li></ul>

Use Inviting Language

When sharing your dilemma, keep the focus of your words on you and how you feel by using "I" statements.Start by expressing how it made you feel when your friend did what they did. Feelings are information, not fact.This also helps you understand that there is more than one reality, and going towards factual reality is a two-way process involving both.

Speak to Your Reality, Not Theirs

<ul><li>What you're trying to do is to embrace something called mutuality.</li><li>You're considering their experience and your experience at the same time.</li><li>True mutuality is not about right or wrong, it's about finding balance and understanding.</li><li>Don't kowtow to their reasoning, but listen to them out.</li></ul>

Ask About Their Experience

If you have been approached by a friend about how you've hurt them, remember that they care enough to bring it to you and are willing to be their vulnerable self with youThis is your friend showing that they're invested in you enough to want to work through this issue

View It as An Act of Love

<ul><li>Do what you need to do to refrain from sending emotions into overdrive</li><li>De-escalate if necessary, even if it means taking a break during the conversation</li><li>If the dialogue gets heated, verbalize that you need a moment instead of shutting down</li></ul>

Protect Yourself from Fight or Flight

In the heat of the moment, it's hard to remember that we are real people.Take a pause, ask for a moment, and call back later, or even take a day or two. It will help your relationship in the long run and give you space to be receptive rather than reactive.

<ul><li>Frame your friend's feelings as information instead.</li><li>A certain word or action may trigger them, but it might not trigger you and vice versa.</li><li>It's simply about respecting and honouring their request next time.</li><li>Don't let them tell you they hate you.</li></ul>

Depersonalize It

Before the conversation ends, let your friend know that you hear them. Confirm what has upset them, and verbalize that you care and understand where they're coming from.If you would like to avoid hurting them in the future, express how you will go about it next time.

Listen to Understand

Learn the best methods for navigating disagreements with friends, whether you’re bringing up or responding to hurt feelings.

The Art of Friendship: How to Address and Respond to Conflict

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