Therapist John Kim (The Angry Therapist) shares his own experiences with failure and heartache in this entertaining and helpful memoir-cum-guide for living intended to help men in need of guidance on how to turn their lives around.Kim concentrates on what he considers the hardest areas for men to change: processing emotions, developing open communication, defining healthy relationships, and maintaining a healthy work/leisure balance.

I Used to Be a Miserable F*ck: An Everyman’s Guide to a Meaningful Life

Kim advises that cultivating self-awareness (which takes hard work) coupled with three steps (accept what is, lean into it, and have the courage to change) will help readers through tough times. With chapters explaining such topics as the difference between (for boys) being nice and (for mature adults) being kind and how indecision can be a sign of immaturity, Kim’s blunt tone and easy-to-follow tips will appeal to any man looking for self-improvement. (source slides 1 and 2: https://www.publishersweekly.com/9780062856340)

1.    Being a man is a way of life; it's about everyday choices that lead you to live toward your potential.2.    The self is a fancy word for answering the question, Who are you? And the answer is created through action.3.    You will be doing only what feels good and easy in the moment, and that is my definition of a boy. Not a man.4.    I lived most of my life with a "to-me" mindset. Something happened to me. She dumped me. He took something from me. Life did something to me. Or nothing happened to me. When something happens to you, you're in victim mode -- the most powerless state.

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5.    You are a conduit, and something greater than you is working through you to project your unique gifts into the world.6.    When I play back my life, my douchery was the most prevalent when I felt the most insecure. Being a douche is like turning on a black light that exposes your insecurities.7.    Truly confident people don't need to prove anything. They focus on giving their value instead of announcing it. 8.    What if you didn't feel the need to prove anything? What would that look like in your everyday life? How would that change your dialogue, behavior, attitude and energy?

9.    Focus less on outcomes. Instead, focus on the process. When we put all our chips on what we need to achieve, our ego is on the line. Because we tie our worth (ego) to our ability. We believe that if we don't accomplish -- close the deal, land the raise, get the girl, win the race -- we are diminished, "less than."

10.    If you allow your purpose, the greater good, to be your true north, you will be less concerned about your problems and fears and more concerned about the kind of dent you can make. Always hang your purpose above your passion and your ego will fall in line, be checked. Your purpose not just in your work, but also as a father, brother, husband, and friend.

11.    As men we have a responsibility for our own happiness. Whining and complaining only make a bad or difficult situation worse.12.    We must realize that our differences aren't what's lacking in us but rather are what makes us valuable.13.    Life is not about waiting. It's about seeking, discovering, learning, growing, and in this process producing joy. Because happy doesn't fall into our laps. We must produce it.

14.    Seek joy, always, in everything you do. It doesn't matter if you're doing the dishes, going on a date, or building an empire; this mindset will allow you to be open and aware, to unlock yourself so that you can unleash your gifts. The world needs you. You were meant to change it.15.    [On meditation] You just have to sit still and focus on your breath for fifteen minutes a day. But every... single... day. You must commit to it. Make it a priority. Because there's something at stake. The person you could be.

16.    The best way to practice mindfulness is to hang it on an activity. When you're eating, don't inhale your food. Instead, chew slowly. Take in the taste, texture, color, smell -- use all your senses. Eat like it's your last meal. When you're working out, don't just focus on reps and weight. Be fully present by noticing your body and your connection to it: your breath, what hurts, what feels good. Notice the feeling of the weights in your hand, and challenge yourself to push through the discomfort.

When you're kissing someone, let it be more than just a gateway to sex. Notice the softness of her lips, the shape, the energy, the dance. Kiss like it's your last time. Pick one activity to hang mindfulness on. Then build on it until mindfulness comes naturally as a way of life. The world will brighten.

17.    Here are some things I do daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly to help myself appreciate the moment and get more mindful:<ul><li>Daily: Get up early. Notice the morning. Walk to a coffee shop, not drive, taking in the sky and trees. Journal. Write for me (not for work). Create a space for my thoughts, ideas, and feelings to swim.</li><li>Weekly: Seek a sunset, sunrise, mountain, beach -- any form of nature. Take off my shoes and walk in the sand, on grass, dirt. Swim in the ocean. Connect to the earth.</li></ul>

<ul><li>Monthly: Travel, even if it's to a different nearby city. See something I've never seen before. Taste something different. Meet new people. Do it with an open mind and curiosity, as if you're an alien visiting earth.</li><li>Yearly: Do something that scares me. Maybe an activity like swimming with sharks in a cage or starting a new project. Try to take it in mindfully instead of panicking. Notice everything, and allow mindfulness to eclipse the fear.</li></ul>

18.    Any opportunity you get to travel, just fucking take it. Life doesn't give us an invitation to go anywhere. We have to make it happen.19.    A well-traveled man is a wise man.20.    A man's diet is a direct reflection of his self-control, discipline, and how much he loves himself.21.    Cook meals like I'm cooking for someone, even if it's just me.22.    Laughter is life.

23.    The difference between feeling good and feeling alive is fear. We are not afraid of things that make us feel good. A safe job, a comfortable relationship, twenty minutes on a treadmill. These things don't require much effort. We are not scared of them. But if you want to feel alive, there must be an element of fear. 24.    Good falls into our lap. Alive doesn't.25.    If you're content with good, content is all you'll ever be.

26.    Boys have something to prove because they need approval. Men let their work speak for itself.27.    It's about getting comfortable with the uncomfortable.28.    When we respond, we don't just deflect our pain or frustration. We understand it, which gives it less power. W react, we are picking scabs. When we respond, we are applying ointment.

29.    Men who can't admit when they are wrong are basically refusing to grow. In every relationship, if you're not growing together, you are growing apart. So if you won't admit it when you're wrong, it's just a matter of time before your partner feels as if she's outgrown you. Plain and simple.30.    Admitting when we are wrong isn't a sign of weakness. It is a sign of strength. It takes courage to acknowledge our mistakes, defects, and shortcomings. Make "I was wrong" (or, if it's easier, "You were right") your new superpower.

31.    Your house is your safe tree, your temple, and a direct reflection of what's happening inside. Keep it clean. Set the tone.32.    What you do doesn't determine your true value. Your value lives in your character and capacity. Your heart and your story.33.    "If you can't find something to live for, you best find something to die for." Tupac34.    Every man must ask himself two questions: First, Where am I going? And second, Who's coming with me? If he reverses the order, he will be going alone.

1.    Worth is not something you believe. It's something you build.2.    It's not about how many times we fight. It's about how we fight. Fight fair. Understand before trying to be understood. And don't walk away.3.    Treat people in service -- valets, servers, bartenders, hosts -- extra kindly. Don't treat them like they are beneath you. They are making your life easier. The way you treat people in service is a direct reflection of your true character.4.    Do not exchange your truth for membership.

“Every man must ask himself two questions: First, Where am I going? And second, Who’s coming with me? If he reverses the order, he will be going alone.”-John Kim, I Used to Be a Miserable F*ck: An Everyman’s Guide to a Meaningful Life: An Everyman’s Guide to a Meaningful Life

John Kim Quote

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

motivationandinspiration

Motivation & Inspiration

habits

Habits

books

Books

Notes & Quotes: I Used to Be a Miserable F*ck by John Kim

<ul><li>Self discipline is one of the most important skills to learn in life. </li><li>By having the ability to control your feelings, emotions, what you do, you are more likely to be successful.</li></ul>-By no means it is easy

Why Is Self Discipline Important? 

Learning how to gain self discipline is a game-changer! The following five steps will help you on your journey:

How To Develop Self Discipline? 

In an ideal situation, you can do anything you wish whether you feel like it or not. But that's not possible if your starting from scratch. First start with something small like drinking water every morning or practicing gratitude, start small. Your consistency will build confidence in your ability to follow though.

1. Be Consistent With Small Habits. 

What distracts you? What are your temptations? Maybe you are well aware of them. Chances are you many not able to fully cut them off, you still can reduce them. <ul><li class="ql-align-justify">By decreasing the number of things that can derail you, your energy and effort are spent on important tasks</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Removal is one of the main keys to improving self-discipline because it allows you to have better control of your habits.</li></ul>

Reduce Distractions Or Temptations

Eating nutritious food, drinking plenty of water, exercising, and getting enough sleep makes a massive impact.<ul><li>If you’re not taking care of your health, improving your self-discipline will be challenging.</li><li>When you’re health is in check, you’ll feel better. Although you still have to complete the tasks ahead of you, you’ll go in feeling good.</li></ul>Another aspect of health is taking breaks. Being self-disciplined doesn’t mean you’re working 10 hours a day without taking a break<ul><li>Schedule a time to relax, catch some fresh air or catch up with friends. Never over work your self</li></ul>

Taking Care Of Your Health

Having support is essential. It can be friends, family or even a online group<ul><li>Not only will they hold you accountable, but they’ll also encourage you to continue developing your self</li><li>Things won't always be smooth sailing. They’ll help you get through the tough times, discomfort, and temptation to take the easy way out.</li><li>Your support system needs to have people that genuinely care and want you to succeed.</li><li>It may be difficult to find the right people, but it’s worth doing.</li></ul>

Get Support. 

You're not going to be perfect. Building self discipline is a life long journey. You can get better at it but perfection? That's impossible.<ul><li>When you experience failure, get back up and keep going.</li><li>It’s also important to forgive yourself, don’t use failure as a reason to stop.</li><li>Don’t be too hard on yourself. New things can be difficult. Naturally, you’ll want to stay in your comfort zone.</li><li> Applaud yourself for your commitment to building self-discipline and keep going.</li></ul>

Get Back Up, And Keep On Going! 

<ul><li>Self discipline helps make progress and active goal</li><li>It's may not be easy but most definitely is worth it</li></ul>

Conclusion:

Self discipline is not doing what you don't want to do, but it's self love. You love your self that much that you will do what you need to do. (Hope that made sense) 

Self-discipline is the ability to control your feelings and what you do even if you don't feel like doing it. Learn how to do it.

productivity

Productivity

health

Health

How to Improve Your Self-Discipline (5 Ways That Work) - Next Level Gents

The mobile home screen is the biggest time sink of today. I realized keeping my home screen minimal dramatically reduced my tendency to check apps with no prime purpose.p.s- I'm using a productivity launcher since the start of this year and it's amazing!

#1. De-clutter Your Mobile Home Screen

Remember that we are trying to fight the best behavioral scientists in the world whose job is to keep us hooked to our apps.Poor chance we will win.Install time blockers!

#2. Put Time Limits On All Apps Where You Tend To Waste Time

You will not be able to fight distraction if your mobile screen is constantly pinging with what's happening, or your screen shows you how many messages you've missed!Remove all of them. It should look like this, all the time.

#3. Remove All Notifications And Red Color Badges

One of the worst things we do to ourselves is to wake up just in time for our day.We feel rushed.It disorients us. For the entire day. The first thing I do is sip water for 15 mins.No phone. No book. No music. No person.Just me, water, and my thoughts.

#4. Wake up Slow

If our glucose levels go down, we feel drained out of energy.If they remain too high, we tend to overeat.

#5. Maintain Your Glucose Levels Sideways

We all have a zone where we are most productive.Guard that period ferociously. Schedule the toughest or most impactful things for that period. For me, it is my mornings. Reserved for the most important things with most of it thinking time

#6. Find your max energy period

A powerful way to keep your mind focused.A 30-min slot is 1 pomodoro25 mins of work5 mins of breakRepeatAfter 4 pomodoros, take a long 20-30 min break. Download a Pomodoro timer - there are plenty of good ones.

#7. Use Pomodoro Technique

Your mind should be used to think.Not to remember.Use the calendar, emails, and notes app to record everything.From to-do lists to reminders and beyond.

#8. Do Not Try To Remember Anything

We are living in a world of information abundance. And the more sources you have of information, the more you will constantly be consuming, as against doing real work.

#9. Restrict Information To Max 3 Sources

Even with 3 sources, you could spend your entire day consumed by them.Schedule time for them.

#10. Schedule time for these sources

We crave distraction because it is the forbidden fruit.Dopamine is addictive. You could fight it by setting up a scheduled time to "waste time"Our mind then anticipates it, instead of craving it.

#11. Setup distraction time

When we write we tell our brain that this is important.Which is one of the best ways to get our mind off that thing. So the next time you feel distracted, just write down that thought.

#12. Keep a  journal for distracting thoughts

Our mind is designed to focus on things that we haven't finished, as against things that we have. Do not add to your pile of unfinished things.

#13. If anything can be done in 2 mins and needs to be done, do it.

Nothing beats distraction than having a routine. The absence of which is you willingly giving away control of your day to external stimuli.

#14. Maintain a routine

This thread will help you in cutting the distraction off and doing more with our time!

leadershipandmanagement

Leadership & Management

14 Ways To Beat Distraction🚫

<ul><li class="ql-align-center">You dedicate most of your time to building one thing. Others split their time between many things.</li><li class="ql-align-center">You understand that feeling bored is a sign that you need to work through and make peace with the resistance.</li><li class="ql-align-center">You do, while others plan</li></ul>

<ul><li class="ql-align-center">You have a clear goal/s AND a system.</li><li class="ql-align-center">Your primary mode of action is to advance with urgency.</li><li class="ql-align-center">You understand yourself and speak your truth.</li></ul>

<ul><li class="ql-align-center">You understand the significance of money, and you will seek new means to increase income. </li><li class="ql-align-center">You understand how the concept of compound interest applies to your work output .</li></ul>

<ul><li class="ql-align-center">The Internet has very little control over you. Others are seduced by its power.</li><li class="ql-align-center">Your source of learning is mostly through experience — creating, testing and adapting.</li><li class="ql-align-center">You take notice of your 5, but you do not react — instead taking considered action .</li></ul>

<ul><li class="ql-align-center">To gain ground, you will do what others would consider unreasonable. </li><li class="ql-align-center">You are humble and take action even when you feel embarrassed or vulnerable.</li></ul>

Let’s not mess about and get straight into it…. “15 reasons you will succeed (in the next 5 years) when others will not” is published by Alex Mathers.

timemanagement

Time Management

15 reasons you will succeed (in the next 5 years) when others will not

The survey found that the majority of new parents are getting between 5 and 6 hours of sleep each night. Sadly, no surprises there. On average, each new parent loses a staggering 109 minutes of sleep every night for the first year after having a baby.

How many hours of sleep do you lose when you have a baby?

It’s like pulling all-nighters in college all over again, but without the partying and the option to sleep through the day.

New Data Reveals Just How Much Sleep Parents Are Losing Nightly

Most people spend so much time trying to understand their low self-esteem, that they don’t have any energy left to build higher self-esteem. If you want better self-esteem, focus on identifying and building consistent habits that will improve your self-esteem. Here are four pretty good ones to start with.

Self-esteem is something you can build with better habits.

The people you consistently spend time with affect your wellbeing and self-esteem too. If you constantly hang around people who don’t particularly like you, that’s gonna rub off and it’s going to be harder to like yourself more. On the other hand, if you spend a lot of time with people who genuinely like you and enjoy spending time with you, it’s going to be much easier to like yourself more.

1. Spend More Time with People You Actually Enjoy

Self-talk is a behavior. It’s something we do. And sometimes, it’s something we do so often that it becomes a habit. If you’re constantly cruel to yourself, you’re going to feel the same as if another person was constantly cruel to you. The best way to undo a habit of overly negative self-talk is to focus on one simple idea: gentleness.Be gentle with yourself and you’ll find it a lot easier to like yourself.

2. Practice Gentle Self-Talk

Having clear values means you have a well-defined vision for the things that matter most to you.The term values includes everything from traditional virtues like honesty and integrity all the way down to more mundane but still important commitments like maintaining your physical health through exercise or spending quality time with good friends.When your values are unclear, they’re not very motivating.

3. Clarify Your Values

People with low self-esteem are usually really good at keeping their promises to other people and really bad at keeping promises to themselves. They’re so concerned with other people’s wants and needs that they end up constantly compromising what they want. And when this compromise becomes a habit, their self-esteem takes a serious hit.True self-esteem comes from balancing the wants and needs of others with the wants and needs of yourself.In order to feel good about yourself, make sure you’re putting fuel in your own tank. And the best ways to do that is to keep your promises to yourself.

4. Keep Your Promises to Yourself

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

communication

Communication

4 Simple Habits for Better Self-Esteem

After falling in one of the worst periods of depression in my life, I realized how perspective and habits are helpful tools for our days. Take one or various activities and adapt at your own routine; and if you do not have one, then it is time to create it.Cheers!

Morning routine, time to live.

Even if I work until 9 AM, I decide to wake up at 6:30 AM.But I slept at 10:30 PM to have my 8 sleep hours, which are the most important base for starting with energy in the morning.

Early bird.

At the first alarm, just jump from the bed. Do not wait until you are finally awake because that will never happen; it is better to get up and turn your alarm off.Advice: Set you phone or clock far from the bed to make you get up to turn it off.

No snooze, get up.

If you are surrounded by darkness, you will not get energy.After you click your alarm, you need to turn your lights on or open your windows to let the light filter.

Lights on.

Make your bed.Do not be lazy. If you can do it, you will feel satisfied because it is the first thing that you did in that new day.

Get the first thing done.

After getting up, I appreciate three things aloud. No matter how simple those are, sometimes we forget we have it.Example: I am grateful for having the opportunity to move, I am greateful because I still have a job, etc.If you believe in a religion, you can pray to thank for all those things as well.

Be grateful.

Find you perfect position. Sitting, standing up, laying down, or stretching, do as you prefer. Then, breath deeply and keep a short period of only breathing, cleaning your thoughts.You can use a guide meditation if you need.

Meditation.

No matter how much, just do it. Even if it is only a stretching 5-min-routine, you need to do something to help your body.	 And after that, a refreshing shower will make you feel as new.

Exercise.

Avoid coffee as first thing in the morning.Better to drink half cup of water to wake up your mind.

Drink water.

Do not skip any meal. At least eat something light, but your body needs energy and the best source is the food.

Eating breakfast.

Hello. Let's talk about morning routines and the best activities you should do at the beginning of your days. Believe me, this routine has helped me a lot. Hope you find interesting. Cheers!

My morning routine, my life savoir.

Most of us have very little sense of our priorities. We’re all over the place. Enjoy this interactive thread to make you more focused and zeroed in on the things that matter the most to you. These are questions you can refer to as a daily habit to maintain laser-sharp focus:

Introduction 

<ul><li>What five things must I avoid at all costs in my life? How will I ensure they don’t happen? </li><li>What’s one thing I can do today to simplify my life by at least 5%? </li><li>What five things will I ensure get done by the end of today, no matter what?</li><li>What are the things I can create in batches to stay in flow and save time? When exactly do these get done each week? </li></ul>

SET-I

<ul><li>What are 5 things I need to quit or cut down that drain my time and energy the most?</li><li>What is one skill I can sharpen that will propel me quickly toward my goals?</li><li>Who is one person who could help me accelerate my progress to what I want the most? How will I hook up with them or someone like them? </li></ul>

SET-II

<ul><li>What 10 things must happen in my life before I die to be happy on my death bed?</li><li>What are my top five 12-month goals? </li><li>What are my top five 5-year goals?</li></ul>

SET-III

Most of us have very little sense of our priorities.. “15 quick questions that make you laser-focused so your productivity quadruples” is published by Alex Mathers.

problemsolving

Problem Solving

10 Questions To Ask Yourself For A More Fulfilling Life

My Dad taught me lessons that have shaped me into the person I am today and I’ve shared three of my favourites that will stay with me forever.

The Hidden Life Lessons from My Childhood

"Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory."

As humans we have a tendency to continuously hanker after the next thing we want to do, have or see rather than savouring the present moment.I have goals and aspirations for my future, so I'm not condemning those who dream big. However, I do encourage you to spend at least 50-60% of your time living in the present moment. It is impossible for us to know how long we have on this earth, so savour every moment as much as you can, no matter how big or how small the moment may be.

Life’s Lesson #1 — Enjoy and Savour the present moment and everything that comes after that is a bonus

I'd venture to say that most people spend their time talking and worrying about things they can't control while overlooking the things they can.While I have no control over whether it will rain or not, I do have the choice of standing out in it.If circumstances are making you feel down, look for things you can change and influence.You don't like how the company you work for has changed from what it was? then go look for another job.You have to make every effort to come to terms with and move past the things that cannot be altered and spend your energy on the areas you can.

Life's Lesson #2 — Only worry about the things that you can change

“That the birds of worry and care fly over your head, this you cannot change, but that they build nests in your hair, this you can prevent.”

With the help of social media platforms like Facebook, Instagram, etc. anyone can make their lives appear extraordinary. I say this because it can be dangerous to assume that just because others have different circumstances, possessions, etc. that they are any happier than you are.The point is that you can't envy one aspect of someone's life when you haven't taken the same path they have since you don't truly know what circumstances brought them there; they might have had a horrific childhood while you might have had a great one - would you truly want to trade?

Lifes Lesson #3 — You can’t envy one part of someone’s life

"Envy is the art of counting the other fellow's blessings instead of your own."

These kinds of life lessons are important to me because they have helped me in building a solid foundation for success, happiness, and contentment in my life. They have also enabled me to see things from different perspectives.

There are 2 factors that drive person to do work - 1)Motivation, 2)Consitency Motivation <ul><li>Motivation is like "Self-kick" that helps us to do our work to reach goals.</li></ul>It's of 2 types -<ul><li>Intrinsic- means we're doing that work for "Internal satisfaction"</li><li>Extrinsic- means there is a FORCE that's driving us to do work. It can be money,car, luxury, or any other external lurable things. </li></ul>But Consistency is different , that is👇🏻

Motivation

<ul><li>Consistency is doing "WORK" daily without giving much thought & make them HABITS.</li><li>Here "WORK" means it must be 'Productive' and 'Necessary' . For eg- Studying,Following passion,building skills & revising old ones(so they cannot be forgotten) are all productive things, and Eating, keeping body clean & fit, participating in Sports activities, etc are necessary things , an individual must practice daily.</li><li>"Without giving much thought" means you have "Planned" the 'road' on which you go to achieve your specified goal. And you just need to focus 'daily' on "small tasks" that will lead to that. </li></ul>

Consistency 

Motivation is like "Self-kick" to get us on track & Consistency is track on which we have to run to achieve our goals(Success).On track, we have to use our "energy & time" Wisely (Statistically- with planning) to get goal fastlyAnd Motivation "triggers" to go on that 'Consistency route'

Motivation & Consistency Relation

<ul><li>No one is always motivated & productive , there comes HABIT, which helps to do essential work & utilise time properly. </li><li>To do work, sometimes motivation will not be there but is you are consistent , your habit will help you to complete the task on time.</li></ul>

"I accumulated small but consistent habits that ultimately led to results that were unimaginable when I started"

Being consistent increases the chances of success whereas motivation helps to be pushed to do work , so which is more important. 

career

Career

Motivation v/s Consistency

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