1) They believe they must agree on everything.<ul><li>Their ritual approval may seem attentive, in truth, it's a version of not listening at all.</li></ul>2) Their praise is ill-targeted<ul><li>Plenty of nice things are being said, but they're not the one we happen to value.</li><li>Everyone loves being praised, but to be praised inaccurately is its own kind of insult.</li></ul>3) Their friendliness is remorselessly upbeat.<ul><li>They only focus on the good parts of our life, ignoring the dark, gloomy, and lonelier side of it.</li></ul>

The Overly Friendly are Guilty of 3 Large Errors

<ol><li>That disagreement isn't necessarily or always terrible.</li><li>That people only wants to be complimented on things they are actively proud of.</li><li>That we are not cheered up not so much by people who say cheery things, as by people who appear to understand us, sympathize with us.</li></ol>

Keep 3 Things Closely in Mind to Properly Please a Person

"Other people cannot, deep down, ever be very 'other' , and therefore that, in core ways, what one knows about oneself will be the master-key to understanding and getting along with stranger; not in every case, but enough of the time to make the difference."

<ul><li>We must first accept the risk that we might well displease them through a candid expression of our being.</li><li>Successful charm relies on a initial secure sense that we could survive social failure.</li><li>We must reconcile ourselves to the risk of not making friends to stand any chance of actually making any.</li></ul>

How To Stop Being A People Pleaser 

Friendliness is a great virtue. Over-friendliness can be an unexpected problem. For gifts and more from The School of Life, visit our online shop: https://goo.gl/81j1IR Join our exclusive mailing list: http://bit.ly/2e0TQNJ Or visit us in person at our London HQ: https://goo.gl/NT09Ap vnKbbV FURTHER READING “There is a particularly poignant way to be a social disaster: through over-friendliness, a pattern of behaviour driven by the very best of motives which ends up feeling as irritating as outright rudeness. We meet the over-friendly at the office, laughing at the jokes of the senior management; behind the desk at the hotel, wishing Sir or Madam a highly enjoyable stay and across the table on a first date, lavishly endorsing their would-be partner’s every opinion about recent books and films. …” You can read more on this and other topics on our blog TheBookofLife.org at this link: https://goo.gl/jfPQtO MORE SCHOOL OF LIFE Our website has classes, articles and products to help you think and grow: https://goo.gl/H36P9B Watch more films on Self in our playlist: http://bit.ly/TSOLself Do you speak a different language to English? Did you know you can submit Subtitles on all of our videos on YouTube? For instructions how to do this click here: https://goo.gl/bMELqM SOCIAL MEDIA Feel free to follow us at the links below: vnKbbV Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theschooloflifelondon/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheSchoolOfLife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theschooloflifelondon/ CREDITS Produced in collaboration with: Lois de Silva http://www.loisdesilva.com #TheSchoolOfLife

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Friendliness is a great virtue. Over-friendliness can be an unexpected problem.  For gifts and more from The School of Life, visit our online shop: https://goo.gl/81j1IR
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FURTHER READING

“There is a particularly poignant way to be a social disaster: through over-friendliness, a pattern of behaviour driven by the very best of motives which ends up feeling as irritating as outright rudeness.
We meet the over-friendly at the office, laughing at the jokes of the senior management; behind the desk at the hotel, wishing Sir or Madam a highly enjoyable stay and across the table on a first date, lavishly endorsing their would-be partner’s every opinion about recent books and films.
…”

You can read more on this and other topics on our blog TheBookofLife.org at this link: https://goo.gl/jfPQtO 


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The Problem with Over-Friendly People

"We fall in love with those who care for us in familiar ways."

<ul><li>As adults, we find ourselves rejecting certain candidates not because they're wrong for us, but because they're a little too right.</li><li>We are unfamiliar with such rightness, it feels foreign and unearned.</li></ul>

Why are we scared of the love we deserve?

"To choose our partner wisely, we need to tease out how certain compulsions to suffering may be playing themselves out in our feeling of attraction."

"It's your job to make your significant other happier — not happy, but happier. They should already be happy before they get into the relationship; it isn't fair to you that you be their source of happiness."

We are actually (only) attracted by people who have the style of love similar to our parent's in the past. And our choices are limited by that tendency, which sometimes result in toxic relationship. To choose a partner wisely, we should examine our past and free ourselves from it (e.g. When we have a toxic parent.)

Summary

We’re given very little guidance on how to choose our partners and tend to leave it to that mysterious force we know as ‘instinct’. However, it truly pays to be a little more rational in this area and work out how our instincts operate and why they push us towards some people and away from others. For gifts and more from The School of Life, visit our online shop: https://goo.gl/lLmtDZ Join our mailing list: http://bit.ly/2e0TQNJ Or visit us in person at our London HQ: https://goo.gl/scNBv2 FURTHER READING “How do we choose the people we fall in love with? The Romantic answer is that our instincts naturally guide us to individuals who are kind and good for us. Love is a sort of ecstasy that descends when we feel ourselves in the presence of a benign and nourishing soul, who will answer our emotional needs, understand our sadness and strengthen us for the hard tasks of our lives. In order to locate our lover, we must let our instincts carry us along, taking care never to impede them through pedantic psychological analysis and introspection or else considerations of status, wealth or lineage. Our feelings will tell us clearly enough when we have reached our destiny. To ask someone with any degree of rigour why exactly they have chosen a particular partner is – in the Romantic world-view – simply an unnecessary and offensive misunderstanding of love: true love is an instinct that accurately and naturally settles on those with a capacity to make us happy.…” You can read more on this and other subjects on our blog, here: https://goo.gl/IkAGvy MORE SCHOOL OF LIFE Our website has classes, articles and products to help you think and grow: https://goo.gl/1y98gz Watch more films on RELATIONSHIPS in our playlist: http://bit.ly/TSOLrelationships Do you speak a different language to English? Did you know you can submit Subtitles on all of our videos on YouTube? For instructions how to do this click here: https://goo.gl/J1yL37 S6UUH4 SOCIAL MEDIA Feel free to follow us at the links below: S6UUH4 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theschooloflifelondon/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheSchoolOfLife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theschooloflifelondon/ CREDITS Produced in collaboration with: Zedem media http://www.zedemanimations.com/ #TheSchoolOfLife

Understand yourself and those around you.

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We’re given very little guidance on how to choose our partners and tend to leave it to that mysterious force we know as ‘instinct’. However, it truly pays to be a little more rational in this area and work out how our instincts operate and why they push us towards some people and away from others.  For gifts and more from The School of Life, visit our online shop:  https://goo.gl/lLmtDZ
Join our mailing list: http://bit.ly/2e0TQNJ 
Or visit us in person at our London HQ: https://goo.gl/scNBv2


FURTHER READING
“How do we choose the people we fall in love with? The Romantic answer is that our instincts naturally guide us to individuals who are kind and good for us. Love is a sort of ecstasy that descends when we feel ourselves in the presence of a benign and nourishing soul, who will answer our emotional needs, understand our sadness and strengthen us for the hard tasks of our lives. In order to locate our lover, we must let our instincts carry us along, taking care never to impede them through pedantic psychological analysis and introspection or else considerations of status, wealth or lineage. Our feelings will tell us clearly enough when we have reached our destiny. To ask someone with any degree of rigour why exactly they have chosen a particular partner is – in the Romantic world-view – simply an unnecessary and offensive misunderstanding of love: true love is an instinct that accurately and naturally settles on those with a capacity to make us happy.…”
You can read more on this and other subjects on our blog, here: https://goo.gl/IkAGvy


MORE SCHOOL OF LIFE

Our website has classes, articles and products to help you think and grow: https://goo.gl/1y98gz

Watch more films on RELATIONSHIPS in our playlist: 
http://bit.ly/TSOLrelationships

Do you speak a different language to English?  Did you know you can submit Subtitles on all of our videos on YouTube?  For instructions how to do this click here: https://goo.gl/J1yL37
S6UUH4


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How To Choose A Partner Wisely

"There's no prize in winning other than self-satisfied loneliness."

<ul><li>Maybe you're criticizing them for their bad habits, e.g. Drinking, Addictions, Not Enough Exercise, Poor Money Management, etc.</li><li>There are no prizes in love for correctly discerning the flaws of our partners.</li><li>By attacking our partner with clinical energy, we reduces our chances  of ever reaching the real goal : the evolution of the person we have to live with</li></ul>

On Criticizing Our Partner

<ul><li>What makes us bristle and deny everything generally isn't generally the accusation themselves.</li><li>We know our flaws far too well.</li><li>We know the other person is right, we just can't bear to take their criticism on board, given how severely it's been delivered.</li><li>We start to deny everything, not because the accusations are wrong, but because we are too terrified; the light of truth is shining too bright.</li><li class="ql-indent-1">The fear is that if we admitted our failings, we would be crushed, shown up as worthless, required to attempt an arduous, miserable process of change without requisite sympathy.</li></ul>

On the Receiving Side

<ul><li>Both sides must be ready to evolve, and during this process of evolution give and take sympathy and vulnerability with each other.</li><li>Both partners accept that they are flawed, but not - on this basis - ever beyond the need for love and kindness.</li><li>Take and give a well-considered criticism, layered by both,  reassurance and sympathy.</li><li>We need to be generous enough in our love in order that our partner can admit when they are in the wrong.</li></ul>

The Answer

"People don't change when they are told what's wrong with them, they change when they feel sufficiently supported to undertake the change they already know is due."

There's no more common response to a partner's remarks than to find oneself in a 'defensive' mood. It's hugely understandable, but at points unfruitful. What follows is a short guide to reversing out of defensive moods for the sake of healthier communication. Sign up to our new newsletter and get 10% off your first online order of a book, product or class: https://bit.ly/2LayJ9F For gifts and more from The School of Life, visit our online shop: https://bit.ly/2RZTysj Our website has classes, articles and products to help you think and grow: https://bit.ly/2AaQTEG Download our App no on Android, IOS + PC: https://bit.ly/2R8n6Ed FURTHER READING You can read more on this and other subjects on our blog, here: https://bit.ly/2BhJtkP “We often operate in romantic life under the mistaken view – unconsciously imported from law courts and school debating traditions – that the person who is ‘right’ or has the stronger case should, legitimately, ‘win’ any argument. But this is fundamentally to misunderstand what the point of relationships might be. It is not to defeat an opponent (there are no prizes for ‘winning’ other than self-satisfied loneliness) so much as to try to help each other to evolve into the best versions of ourselves.” MORE SCHOOL OF LIFE Visit us in person at our London HQ: https://bit.ly/2FIGuX9 Watch more films on RELATIONSHIPS in our playlist: http://bit.ly/TSOLrelationships You can submit translations and transcripts on all of our videos here: https://www.youtube.com/timedtext_cs_panel?c=UC7IcJI8PUf5Z3zKxnZvTBog&tab=2 Find out how more here: https://support.google.com/youtube/answer/6054623?hl=en-GB SOCIAL MEDIA Feel free to follow us at the links below: 2R8n6Ed Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theschooloflifelondon/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheSchoolOfLife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theschooloflifelondon/ CREDITS Produced in collaboration with: Deanca Rensyta Mihardja https://deancarensyta.brushd.com/work/23840/show-reel #TheSchoolOfLife #Relationships #Arguments

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There's no more common response to a partner's remarks than to find oneself in a 'defensive' mood. It's hugely understandable, but at points unfruitful. What follows is a short guide to reversing out of defensive moods for the sake of healthier communication.
 Sign up to our new newsletter and get 10% off your first online order of a book, product or class: https://bit.ly/2LayJ9F
For gifts and more from The School of Life, visit our online shop: https://bit.ly/2RZTysj
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Download our App no on Android, IOS + PC: https://bit.ly/2R8n6Ed

FURTHER READING

You can read more on this and other subjects on our blog, here: https://bit.ly/2BhJtkP

“We often operate in romantic life under the mistaken view – unconsciously imported from law courts and school debating traditions – that the person who is ‘right’ or has the stronger case should, legitimately, ‘win’ any argument. But this is fundamentally to misunderstand what the point of relationships might be. It is not to defeat an opponent (there are no prizes for ‘winning’ other than self-satisfied loneliness) so much as to try to help each other to evolve into the best versions of ourselves.”


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How Not to Be Defensive in Relationships

Most women first begin developing menopause symptoms about four years before their last period.Symptoms often continue until about four years after a woman’s last period.

Menopause Process

Menopause can negatively affect libido in several ways.During menopause, testosterone and estrogen levels both decrease, making it more difficult to get aroused.

Menopause and Libido

<ol><li>See your doctor</li><li>Treatment</li><li>Hormone replacement therapy (HRT)</li><li>Lubricant</li><li>Exercise - Exercise not only helps combat weight gain, but can also improve your mood. That’s because exercise releases endorphins, which can reduce stress and trigger positive emotions.</li><li>Communicate with your partner</li><li>Focus on intimacy</li><li>Therapy - Therapy, both alone and with your partner, can help you manage some of the mood symptoms of menopause and understand how to manage a decreased libido.</li><li>Outlook</li></ol>

Things every woman should know about menopause:

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Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

Love isn’t something we need to seek, it’s our nature. It’s who we are. When we don’t embody love, it’s because we’ve erected something to block it.

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Quote by Rumi

A good conscience is a continual Christmas.

If my Valentine you won't be, I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree.

Oh the weather outside is frightful,But the fire is so delightful,And since we've no place to go,Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

Nothing ever seems too bad, too hard, or too sad when you've got a Christmas tree in the living room.

God never gives someone a gift they are not capable of receiving. If He gives us the gift of Christmas, it is because we all have the ability to understand and receive it.

Christmas is most truly Christmas when we celebrate it by giving the light of love to those who need it most.

Christmas is built upon a beautiful and intentional paradox; that the birth of the homeless should be celebrated in every home.

The rooms were very still while the pages were softly turned and the winter sunshine crept in to touch the bright heads and serious faces with a Christmas greeting.

Freshly cut Christmas trees smelling of stars and snow and pine resin—inhale deeply and fill your soul with wintry night.

Some Christmas tree ornaments do more than glitter and glow, they represent a gift of love given a long time ago.

Santa Claus is anyone who loves another and seeks to make them happy; who gives himself by thought or word or deed in every gift that he bestows.

Christmas will always be as long as we stand heart to heart and hand in hand.

I love the Christmas-tide, and yet,I notice this, each year I live;I always like the gifts I get,But how I love the gifts I give!

City sidewalksBusy sidewalksDressed in holiday styleIn the airThere's a feelingOf Christmas.

Let us have music for Christmas…Sound the trumpet of joy and rebirth;Let each of us try, with a song in our hearts,To bring peace to men on earth.

As for me, I like to take my Christmas a little at a time, all through the year.

Mankind is a great, an immense family. This is proved by what we feel in our hearts at Christmas.

For Christmas is tradition time—Traditions that recallThe precious memories down the years,The sameness of them all.

God goes to those who have time to hear him—and so on this cloudless night he went to simple shepherds.

And that, of course, is the message of Christmas. We are never alone. Not when the night is darkest, the wind coldest, the world seemingly most indifferent...

Christmas gives us an opportunity to pause and reflect on the important things around us.

It's not how much we give but how much love we put into giving.

There is no greater sound in the world than the rustle of Santa's sleigh bells on Christmas Eve.

Share these short sayings with family and friends. Merry Christmas! 🎅 

23 Famous Christmas Quotes to Inspire You This Holiday Season

A fulfilling <a href="https://parade.com/936221/marynliles/romantic-love-quotes/">romantic </a><a href="https://parade.com/living/red-flags-in-a-relationship">relationship </a>is what many of us strive for. Going through <a href="https://parade.com/937586/parade/life-quotes/">life </a>with our <a href="https://parade.com/333113/viannguyen/if-soul-mates-were-real-what-are-the-chances-youd-find-yours/">soulmate </a>can be a beautiful thing. It can also be complicated. No matter how strong the <a href="https://parade.com/1095291/marynliles/what-is-love/">love </a>is between the couple, there are differences in each individual's personality, interests and goals. Even little things that may have been tolerated at the beginning of a relationship can become annoying as the couple gets more comfortable with each other. As odd as that may sound, there are actually four major stages in a relationship .

This definitely does not mean doom and gloom is expected with any potential relationship. It just means that there will be challenges from time to time depending on the stage of the relationship that you are in. Luckily, there are some easy ways to overcome conflicts and true love will prevail. There is no definite time period for each of the following stages. Some couples get through all of them rather quickly and with others, it takes more time.

<a href="https://drstanhyman.com/the-four-stages-of-a-relationship-what-stage-is-yours-in/#:%7e:text=Dr.,Four%20Stages%20Of%20A%20Relationship.">Dr. Stan Hyman </a>, therapist and coach, works with couples every day who are struggling in their relationship. Dr. Hyman has explained that "couples struggling with the process of growing a relationship need to understand that it is similar to parenting a growing child from birth to adulthood. All parents are challenged during this time." And he goes on to say, "Serious love relationships go through stages of development which parallel individual human stages of development, from infancy to maturity."

The Four Major Stages of a Relationship

The euphoric stage is the falling-in-love stage. It's when we can overlook any and all faults of the other person. For this reason, there is very little conflict at this stage. A feeling of oneness is strong. In fact, the connection and chemistry are strong enough to bring about separation <a href="https://parade.com/951718/parade/anxiety-quotes/">anxiety </a>—you want to be with the other person all of the time. It's also probably the most likely time that a woman will receive flowers.

Stage 1: The Euphoric Stage

According to <a href="https://sitn.hms.harvard.edu/flash/2017/love-actually-science-behind-lust-attraction-companionship/">scientists </a>, the brain produces dopamine and norepinephrine when we are doing something that feels good to us. Since high levels of these chemicals are released at the beginning of a relationship, a person tends to feel extra giddy or euphoric when falling in love. This stage typically lasts around six months (but can go up to around two years). During this stage, it's probably best to not make any major decisions about the relationship. The time it takes to really get to know the other person is crucial for future <a href="https://parade.com/living/success-quotes">success </a>.

Human <a href="https://parade.com/1034896/marynliles/nature-quotes/">nature </a>tends to be selfish. At some point, our individual needs and interests will be revisited and annoyances will not be tolerated as easily as in the first stage of love. Life also gets hectic with other responsibilities and commitments and it becomes harder to get that good quality one-on-one time.Psychotherapist Samantha Westhouse, LLMSW , tells Parade , "In the first stage, you may have wanted to spend all your time with each other, but as you enter stage two, it's normal and healthy to want time separate from your partner.

Stage 2: The Reality Check

If you start finding yourself defensive as your partner starts wanting more alone time, know it's not personal and it's actually healthy."For the relationship to be successful, this has to be a time of serious communication and some self-sacrifice. While our needs are important, so are the needs of the one we love. Many strong relationships still thrive in this stage and a little bit of compromise goes a long way. When individuals can grow on their own and still maintain a strong connection as a couple, it is a good, powerful thing.

The working out of conflicts that begin to emerge at this stage is what brings about a stronger attachment.

Once a couple makes it through the reality check and a stronger attachment is formed, then comes the crisis stage. At this stage, everything about each other is out in the open. Since you have become even more comfortable with each other, you really know each other's strengths and weaknesses. Westhouse explains, "As you enter this stage, it's so important to have your expectations and dealbreakers. Many people at this stage may feel like they have invested a lot of time into the relationship and, of course, find it hard to end it.

Stage 3: The Crisis Stage

If you want kids and your partner has been adamant about not having children, this may come to a breaking point in this stage."At this point, couples will usually decide if this is the true person they want to be with. For many couples, this stage is also confirming when you are still deeply in love with the other person. However, when couples are not in harmony, this could be the breaking point of the relationship.

At this point, a couple has learned to communicate with each other and knows how to weather any storms. It's a calm stage where the couple has respect for each other and has a feeling of security in the relationship. "This is the most mature love," Westhouse explains. "Many folks in this stage that battle with instability in relationships may find this stage to be boring or signal to them that since it's not 'dramatic' like before, it's not real love. But that couldn't be further from the truth."

Stage 4: The Settling Down Stage

This is the stage where a couple finds they are able to finish each other's sentences (pardon the cliché). They know each other so well and an even deeper attachment is formed and when you find each other predictable, it can be incredibly comforting.

Experts Say There Are 4 Major Stages to Every Relationship: Which One Are You In?

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Parenting

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Teamwork

Passive aggresive behaviour isn’t always intentional. A study found that people who have these tendencies often just struggle with being honest about their emotions. Here are phrases that we can avoid to not being passive aggresive

Intro

It's a “throat clearer” — an indirect attempt to demand attention or a faster response. Other phrases to eliminate: “Per my last email...,” “Not sure if you got the memo, but...” or “As I mentioned before...”These phrases only camouflage your request and make the other person think you’re trying to nag, blame or be bossy.What to say instead: Be direct. If you need a quick turnaround, there’s nothing wrong with saying, “Hey, I’m sorry to bug you again, but I need a response.”

1. “Just a friendly reminder...”

This phrase almost always prefaces something annoying or offensive.What to say instead: If so, it’s fine to say: “Is this a good time to talk? There’s something that’s been bothering me” or “I’m concerned about your performance. Let’s talk about it.”

2. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but…”

Sometimes, this is just another phrase for “Yep, okay.” But the sarcastic version means something different: “Shut up, I heard you” or “You’re annoying, leave me alone.”What to say instead: Examine why you’re upset. Then try saying, “I’m sorry if I seem annoyed. I’m having a hard time with this assignment” or “I’m stressed because I already have two deadlines today.”

3. “Got it.”

Softening a request might seem polite, but it can also be a form of passive aggression. Think of other “softeners” like “Thanks in advance” or “Hey, what’s our ETA looking like?”If you’re asking for something as a boss or colleague, don’t pretend like you’re being a pal. It’s fine to be explicit and state what you need and when.What to say instead: Be upfront. Remind them of the deadline, then explain the stakes of missing it: “I really need this by tomorrow or the client will be very upset.”

4. “Hey, how are we doing with that task I’m waiting for?”

This phrase implies disapproval. Other passive aggressive judgement signals include “Just so you know...” or “For future reference...”Your listener hears a common refrain in each of these phrases: “I don’t agree. Don’t you know who I am? You messed up again.” What to say instead:People don’t usually make decisions to upset you. If you disagree, speak up. But lead with the benefit of the doubt. Is your input required? Is this the right time to say something?If so, be polite and direct as you advocate for what you think is best: “What if we take this course of action for this benefit?”

5. “If that’s what you want to do…”

We should avoid these phrases that only serve to irritate the listener.

Want to be more likeable and well-respected? Public speaking expert John Bowe shares five passive-aggressive phrases to avoid—and what to say instead. 

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Career

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Communication

5 passive-aggressive phrases that 'make people respect you less': Public speaking expert

There is no reason to show that you are paying attention when you are in fact... paying attention.

Not just put down your phone, your car keys, or whatever that is in your hand.But also be present, be in that moment. Be completely involved in the conversation.

1. Do Not Multitask

You need to enter every conversation assuming that you have something to learn. Always assume the other person knows something you don't. So try to listen and learn.

2. Dont Pontificate

If you want to state your opinion, without any opportunity for response, argument, pushback, or growth. Write a blog.

If your mouth is open, you are not learning.

Start your questions with who, what, when, where, why, or how.Instead of asking "Was it scary?", ask "How did you feel?" or "How was it like?"Let them describe it. They are the ones who know.

3. Use Open Ended Questions

In the middle of a conversation if you just remembered some exciting past event you want to share or you got a cool question you want to ask, let it be. Let them come, let them go.First, be present and listen to the speaker. Then you may talk about whatever you recalled.

4. Go With The Flow

It's okay to not know everything in the world. If you don't know something, say you don't know. Err on the side of caution.

5. If You Don't Know Something, Accept It

Every experience is unique and individual. Do not try to equate them with your experiences. Try to listen to others instead of making the conversation about you.

6. Don't Equate Your Experiences With Theirs

Conversations are not promotional activities. You don't have to show how smart, how cool, or how brave you are.

Speak with clarity and intent. Do not go over the same things over and over.This happens especially when you are talking about yourself or when you are trying to make a point, without even realizing it.

7. Try Not To Repeat Yourself

People don't care about the exact date, the exact place, or the names that much. They care about you, they care about what you're like, what you have in common.So forget the details. Leave them out.

8. Dont Fixate Too Much On The Details

Try to understand what the person has to say. Be interested in others.Listening takes effort and energy. But if you can't do that, you are just two people shouting barely related sentences in the same place.

9. Listen

Most of us don't listen with the intent to understand, we listen with the intent to reply.

Keep it short. Keep it simple. Cover all the main details. Talk with purpose, intent, and clarity.

10. Be Brief

A good conversation is like a miniskirt, short enough to retain interest but long enough to cover the subject.

When your job hinges on how well you talk to people, you learn a lot about how to have conversations -- and that most of us don't converse very well. Celeste Headlee has worked as a radio host for decades, and she knows the ingredients of a great conversation: Honesty, brevity, clarity and a healthy amount of listening. In this insightful talk, she shares 10 useful rules for having better conversations. "Go out, talk to people, listen to people," she says. "And, most importantly, be prepared to be amazed." Visit http://TED.com to get our entire library of TED Talks, transcripts, translations, personalized talk recommendations and more. The TED Talks channel features the best talks and performances from the TED Conference, where the world's leading thinkers and doers give the talk of their lives in 18 minutes (or less). Look for talks on Technology, Entertainment and Design -- plus science, business, global issues, the arts and more. You're welcome to link to or embed these videos, forward them to others and share these ideas with people you know. Become a TED Member: http://ted.com/membership Follow TED on Twitter: http://twitter.com/TEDTalks Like TED on Facebook: http://facebook.com/TED Subscribe to our channel: http://youtube.com/TED TED's videos may be used for non-commercial purposes under a Creative Commons License, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives (or the CC BY – NC – ND 4.0 International) and in accordance with our TED Talks Usage Policy (https://www.ted.com/about/our-organization/our-policies-terms/ted-talks-usage-policy). For more information on using TED for commercial purposes (e.g. employee learning, in a film or online course), please submit a Media Request at https://media-requests.ted.com

When your job hinges on how well you talk to people, you learn a lot about how to have conversations -- and that most of us don't converse very well. Celeste Headlee has worked as a radio host for decades, and she knows the ingredients of a great conversation: Honesty, brevity, clarity and a healthy amount of listening. In this insightful talk, she shares 10 useful rules for having better conversations. "Go out, talk to people, listen to people," she says. "And, most importantly, be prepared to be amazed."

Visit http://TED.com to get our entire library of TED Talks, transcripts, translations, personalized talk recommendations and more.

The TED Talks channel features the best talks and performances from the TED Conference, where the world's leading thinkers and doers give the talk of their lives in 18 minutes (or less). Look for talks on Technology, Entertainment and Design -- plus science, business, global issues, the arts and more. You're welcome to link to or embed these videos, forward them to others and share these ideas with people you know. 

Become a TED Member: http://ted.com/membership
Follow TED on Twitter: http://twitter.com/TEDTalks
Like TED on Facebook: http://facebook.com/TED
Subscribe to our channel: http://youtube.com/TED

TED's videos may be used for non-commercial purposes under a Creative Commons License, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives (or the CC BY – NC – ND 4.0 International) and in accordance with our TED Talks Usage Policy (https://www.ted.com/about/our-organization/our-policies-terms/ted-talks-usage-policy). For more information on using TED for commercial purposes (e.g. employee learning, in a film or online course), please submit a Media Request at https://media-requests.ted.com

The TED Talks channel features the best talks and performances from the TED Conference, where the world's leading thinkers and doers give the talk of their lives in 18 minutes (or less). Look for talks on Technology, Entertainment and Design -- plus science, business, global issues, the arts and more. You're welcome to link to or embed these videos, forward them to others and share these ideas with people you know.

TED's videos may be used for non-commercial purposes under a Creative Commons License, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives (or the CC BY – NC – ND 4.0 International) and in accordance with our TED Talks Usage Policy: https://www.ted.com/about/our-organization/our-policies-terms/ted-talks-usage-policy. For more information on using TED for commercial purposes (e.g. employee learning, in a film or online course), please submit a Media Request at https://media-requests.ted.com

Celeste Headlee: 10 ways to have a better conversation | TED

Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit but the highest form of intelligence.

It may have taken years, but research suggests that Wilde was correct in his analysis of sarcasm. In fact, neuropsychologists are encouraging people not to avoid and condemn appropriate sarcasm in the office but to use it with care and moderation and reap the benefits it may offer.Researchers say that sarcasm is an instigator of conflict but also a catalyst for creativity when used moderately and appropriately amongst people who trust one another.

Sarcasm is an instigator of conflict

Harmless forms of sarcasm promote creativity through abstract thinking for those on both the giving and receiving end of sarcastic exchanges. Studies indicate that sarcasm exercises the brain more than sincere statements since the brain must work harder to understand and translate it. This extra processing may make us sharper because it activates abstract thinking.

Sarcasm exercises the brain more than sincere statements

An old adage says we tend to tease the ones we love, as we are more likely to use sarcasm with people we care for. Parents may offer up a teasing remark, for instance, to soften what otherwise may be seen as criticism. "I saw how neatly you made your bed this morning," rather than a more biting remark about a child's neglect to perform this expected chore; it will send the same message but lovingly. "I hate it when you're right" is a playful and endearing way to thank someone for valuable insight. Of course, there are limits to be observed.

The use of sarcasm is also an indication of a healthy ability to show affection

Scientific American is the essential guide to the most awe-inspiring advances in science and technology, explaining how they change our understanding of the world and shape our lives.

The Surprising Benefits of Sarcasm

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