Humans form many bonds throughout their lives, beginning with the bonds formed with their caregivers in infancy. These early bonds help to shape an individual’s later sense of social attachment into adulthood. They also affect individuals neurologically and influence how people react to and cope with stressful social and <a href="https://thehumancondition.com/humanness-and-emotions/emotions/">emotional</a> situations.

Attachment Theory: Overview and Implications

Attachment theory is a psychosocial explanation for human bonding. Attachment styles inform many social relationships, including romantic attachments, family relations, friendships, long-term partnerships, and even interactions with strangers.

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

health

Health

mentalhealth

Mental Health

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

Attachment Theory: Overview and Implications - The Human Condition

More and more, we live in bubbles. Most of us are surrounded by people who look like us, vote like us, earn like us, spend money like us, have educations like us and worship like us.The result is an empathy deficit, and it’s at the root of many of our biggest problems. It’s because of how homogeneous people’s social circles have become, and also because humans naturally hold biases. But researchers have discovered that far from being an immutable trait, empathy can be developed.

Empathy Deficit

So what is empathy? It’s understanding how others feel and being compassionate toward them. It happens when two parts of the brain work together, neuroscientists say — the emotional center perceives the feelings of others and the cognitive center tries to understand why they feel that way and how we can be helpful to them. Empathy makes people better managers and workers, and better family members and friends. But it’s bigger than just its personal effect. We’re all in this together, and researchers say that connection and compassion are crucial to a sustainable and humane future.

Practice Empathy

<ul><li>Start conversations with strangers or invite a colleague or neighbour you don’t know well to lunch. Go beyond small talk – ask them how they’re doing and what their daily life is like.</li><li>Follow people on social media with different backgrounds than you have (different race, religion or political persuasion). </li><li>Put away your phone and other screens when you’re having conversations, even with the people you see every day, so you can fully listen and notice their facial expressions and gestures. </li></ul>

Talk to New People

Don’t just stand in someone else’s shoes, as the saying goes, but take a walk in them.Attend someone else’s church, mosque, synagogue or other house of worship for a few weeks while they attend yours, or visit a village in a developing country and volunteer. Spend time in a new neighborhood, or strike up a conversation with a homeless person in your community.

Try Out Someone Else’s Life

Working on a project with other people reinforces everyone’s individual expertise and humanity, and minimizes the differences that can divide people.<ul><li>Work on a community garden.</li><li>Do political organizing.</li><li>Join a church committee.</li><li>If you have experienced grief or loss, join with others who have experienced something similar.</li></ul>

Join Forces for a Shared Cause

We’re all biased. Acknowledging that is the first step. The second step is taking action to overcome it.Bias is a natural part of the human condition. This is adaptive for us to take mental shortcuts and make conclusions about the people around us. Actively working to combat that is what matters.

Admit You're Biased

The flip side of bias is privilege. Bias puts certain groups of people at a disadvantage in our society, while privilege puts other groups at an advantage. Your privileges are things that give you special status that you didn’t earn and don’t necessarily realize you benefit from. One example is when white people, unlike African-Americans, don’t worry about police violence during a routine traffic stop. Another is when someone raised with enough money has never thought about whether they can afford to eat.

Be Honest With Yourself: Check Your Privilege

One of the most important ways to confront bias and privilege in your life is to hear from others about their everyday lives, and consider how they’re different from yours.It can be as simple as having lunch with a colleague and asking about their routines, she said. Maybe you’ll learn that they leave early to care for a family member or drive a different commute because they’re afraid of interacting with the police. Perhaps they never feel heard in meetings, or struggle to find a time and place to pump breast milk during the day.

Again, Talking to People Helps

Empathy should drive us to act compassionately toward others. The next step, after acknowledging your privileges, is to put them to use on behalf of groups who don’t have them.Donate money to causes that help people in need or attend a rally in support of them. Speak up when someone makes a discriminatory comment or interrupts. This is especially important to do when you’re not part of the community that is being undermined.

Stand Up for Others

<ul><li>Remember that you don’t need to understand everything about someone to make them feel respected.</li><li>Advocate for things that will help others, even if they don’t directly affect you.</li><li>Don’t make assumptions about people based on what your life is like.</li><li>In workplaces, women and people of colour do more of what researchers call office housework – unglamorous chores like getting coffee for a meeting or arranging a colleague’s goodbye party.</li></ul>

It's Not About You

Reading is one of the best ways to open your mind to the experiences of others.Reading literary fiction requires people to enter characters’ lives and minds – and by doing so, it increases people’s capacity to understand other people’s thoughts and feelings, researchers at the New School<a href="https://www.newschool.edu/pressroom/pressreleases/2013/CastanoKidd.htm"> have found</a>. People who read literary fiction performed better on tests of empathy and emotional intelligence afterwards. Read and watch first-person accounts of the experiences of others in magazines and newspapers, on social media and in podcasts and documentaries.

Read Books

Ask children what they think characters in books or during imaginative play are feeling, based on their facial expressions or what’s happening to them in the story.Don’t instruct your kid to say sorry. Instead, ask questions like: “How do you think he’s feeling? What could you do to help him feel better?”Help your children name their emotions. When they’re crying in frustration or anger, or don’t want bedtime to come or school to start, give them words for their feelings.

Raise Empathetic Kids

Many parents, especially those who are white, try to avoid talking about race, gender identity, income level or other differences among people, believing that if they expose their children to diversity without making a big deal about it, their children will grow up without prejudice. But research has shown that’s not true. Even preschoolers see differences – and also hold biases. When adults don’t talk to children about it, it can make it worse – children end up absorbing societal stereotypes or assuming it’s a taboo topic.

Talk About Bias

Researchers say children are aware of stereotypes by age 3. Counter them by encouraging children to do a wide variety of activities and spend time with a range of friends. Model the same in your own life — starting with sharing the chores at home. Teach them what to do if they experience discrimination or see someone else experiencing it, and role play with them. Teach them to say, “Stop” or “That’s unkind,” or to stand next to the person who’s being targeted, or to find a trusted adult.

Teach Them to Fight Stereotypes

the<a href="https://changemyview.net/subreddit/"> Change My View subreddit</a> is a discussion board with a twist. People have<a href="https://www.wired.com/story/free-speech-issue-reddit-change-my-view/"> described it</a> as the most civilized place on the internet, where people respectfully discuss controversial topics and are open to <a href="https://www.npr.org/2017/06/29/534916052/change-my-view-on-reddit-helps-people-challenge-their-own-opinions">changing their minds</a>.The goal is not to be comfortable. It’s to stretch ourselves and expose ourselves to others’ points of view. You can compare it to yoga – getting comfortable by being uncomfortable. If you are comfortable, you probably aren’t doing it right.

Change My View: Twitter Without The Trolls

If you’re uncomfortable with the topic of conversation, or if someone has told you that you said something that was offensive, the first step is to listen. Some common errors, experts say, are:<ul><li>focusing on your own feelings instead of the other person’s</li><li>making the conversation about you</li><li>blaming the victim or denying that their experiences happened. </li></ul>

Hard Conversations

<ul><li>Step One: Don’t say anything. Just listen.</li><li>Step Two: If you offended someone, apologize (and apologize earnestly).</li><li>Step Three: Do your research. Read articles written by people who have had firsthand experiences with what you’re discussing.</li></ul>

The Three Steps

<ul><li>Don’t be rude or hostile.</li><li>Don’t create echo chambers: Express opposing views, and explain the reasoning behind them.</li><li>Engage in the conversation: Don’t state your position and walk away.</li><li>If no one has changed their mind after three rounds of going back and forth, consider agreeing to disagree.</li><li>If you change your mind, be proud of it and tell people you did so. </li></ul>

Be Open to Changing Your Mind

Use your body language to show that you’re open to listening: uncross your arms, lean slightly forward, and make eye contact. Pay close attention to the speaker’s facial expressions and body language, which can convey more emotions than their words. <ul><li>Don’t interrupt.</li><li>Ask open-ended questions.</li><li>Put away your phone. </li></ul>

Learn to Listen

More and more, we live in bubbles. But there are steps people can take to acknowledge their biases and move beyond their own worldviews to try to understand those of other people. 

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

How to Be More Empathetic - A Year of Living Better Guides

We hide stuff from other people because we are afraid of intimacy, ashamed of our past, and what does secrecy cost us?Michael Slepian, a psychologist at Columbia University, has spent a decade studying secrets and has a lot to say about what they are and what motivates them.

Secrets and Lies

The hardest part of keeping a secret isn’t hiding it in conversation, it’s having to live with the secret alone and being unsure whether you’re doing the right thing.Most common secrets include romantic desire, money and finances, family secrets, secret ambitions, and violating another person’s trust.

I Know A Secret

We hold secrets back for the right reasons.Sometimes it's just too soon to reveal something, but like a week later, it's better to reveal it.The question is, when is that the right thing to do?Is this a one-time issue and it's not going to come up again, there are folks who advise you to say, yeah, don’t reveal it because this is not some larger problem. If this is something that's continuously happening, then it's a much bigger deal to be holding this issue back.

Keep Or Not To Keep

What keeping secrets does to you

Give honest, sincere appreciation. Be hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise, and people will cherish your words and treasure them and repeat them over a lifetime - repeat them years after you have forgotten them.

• Be warm and radiate high energy(especially when making introductions and goodbyes)• Give positive and honest feedback. People are most likely to improve when encouraged.• Sincere appreciation can only be displayed if you are genuinely interested in the other person. Be interested in learning from the other person.• Shift your mental awareness away from yourself (ego) to the other person (true appreciation)

Genuine Appreciation

Everyone you will ever meet knows something that you don't

Listening is a skill we can all work on.Be an active listener to truly learn from others and find out the other person's perspective.• Put yourself in the other person's shoes, look at things from the other person's perspective • Show that you are actively engaging in listening to what is said, one way to achieve this is " back-channeling".

The Art of Listening 

• Back channeling is providing short and encouraging responses to the speaker to show that you are actively listening to what is said, this also encourages the speaker to continue • Examples include: "mm-hmm", "totally", "yeah", nodding or shaking of the head, etc.• Ask questions about the given information

Back-Channeling

Everyone you meet feels they are special in some way and we all have insecurities.Rather than always telling stories of your highlights also share your mistakes to be relatable. Nobody is perfect and people are more receptive to those who aren't afraid to point to their shortcomings. • It's okay to be vulnerable.• Be honest as this will free you and other people from any shame of who you are.

Be human 

LAW 46Never Appear Too Perfect Appearing better than others is always dangerous, but most dangerous of all is to appear to have no faults or weaknesses. Envy creates silent enemies. It is smart to occasionally display defects, and admit to harmless vices, to deflect envy and appear more human and approachable. Only gods and the dead can seem perfect with impunity.

• We usually remember the first and last parts of interaction this is why it's important to have high energy when you introduce yourself and as you end an interaction.• Assume that you will see the other person again Credit:Brielle (ga_brielle)

Ending on a good note 

Credit:Brielle (ga_brielle) Tips on how to connect with your fellow humans

communication

Communication

A GOOD CONVERSATION

Grief is undoubtedly stressful. It typically involves a long time of sadness or sorrow, but often other 'negative' feelings such as anxiety, guilt or anger.  The idea that our lives would be better without grief seems misguided.  People assume it's good to try to prevent others from suffering. But in the case of grief, most of us would be hesitant about trying to wipe out the grief of a bereaved friend. Not experiencing grief at all thus seems worse than experiencing grief.

Grief should not be avoided, despite feeling bad

Those with whom we have close relationships are not interchangeable commodities that can be replaced. So we grieve ultimately for how others’ deaths are losses to us. We do not grieve the deaths of everyone but only those with whom we have a relationship that is central to our understanding of ourselves and of what is most important to our lives. These deaths can also evoke a kind of identity crisis ('I've lost a part of myself').

Grief can cause a kind of identity crisis

Our emotions can inform us about what we value. In the case of grief, what we feel notifies us about what we value in our relationship with the person who is now deceased.  Grief allows us to appreciate how that person contributed to our day-to-day lives, shaped our goals and commitments, and showed traits we might emulate or avoid. The hurt we feel causes us to notice and reflect on these things.  Grief drained of all painful emotions would not be very valuable, as it would deprive us of critical information about what we have lost. The pain of grief is essential to understanding loss.

Grief signals loss

Because grief is distressing, it motivates us to learn how to live in light of the loss.  Our relationships cannot continue the same way as before. Grief offers us an abundance of information about how to change the relationship. For example, widows and widowers often must decide whether to continue to live in the same willing they had shared with their spouse, which belongings to retain or give away, and which charities should receive the deceased's assets.

Grief helps address the loss

Not every manifestation of grief is helpful. Sometimes the pain of grief is unbearable.  Grief is stressful, but not a shameful state that we should hope will resolve as quickly as possible. It is a potentially powerful tool for adapting to the loss.

Grieving is a tool

Grief feels bad, but that doesn’t mean we’d be better without it. By highlighting what we value, it can help us adapt to loss

There is consolation in a philosophical approach to grief | Psyche Ideas

What is love?Scientists in fields ranging from anthropology to neuroscience have been asking this question for decades.The scientific basis of love is often sensationalized, and as with most science, we don’t know enough to draw firm conclusions about every piece of the puzzle.What we do know, however, is that much of love can be explained by chemistry.

The Science Behind Love

Think of the last time you ran into someone you find attractive. You may have stammered, you may have said something incredibly silly or foolish and tripped spectacularly. And chances are, your heart was thudding in your chest.It’s no surprise that, for centuries, people thought love (and most other emotions, for that matter) arose from the heart. As it turns out, love is all about the brain – which, in turn, makes the rest of your body go haywire.

Total Eclipse Of The Brain

According to a team of scientists led by Dr. Helen Fisher, romantic love can be broken down into three categories:<ul><li>lust - driven by testosterone and estrogen</li><li>attraction - created by dopamine, norepinephrine and serotonin</li><li>attachment - mediated by oxytocin and vasopressin</li></ul>Though there are overlaps and subtleties to each, each type is characterized by its own set of hormones stemming from the brain.

Breaking Down Love

Lust is driven by the desire for sexual gratification. The evolutionary basis for this stems from our need to reproduce.The hypothalamus of the brain plays a big role in stimulating the production of the sex hormones testosterone and estrogen. While these chemicals are often stereotyped as being male and female, respectively, both play a role in men and women.Testosterone increases libido in everyone. The effects are less pronounced with estrogen, but some women report being more sexually motivated around the time they ovulate, when estrogen levels are highest.

Let's Get Chemical 

The testes and ovaries secrete the sex hormones testosterone and estrogen, driving sexual desire.Dopamine, oxytocin, and vasopressin are all made in the hypothalamus, a region of the brain that controls many vital functions as well as emotion.Lust and attraction shut off the prefrontal cortex of the brain, which includes rational behavior.

Chemical Breakdown

While we can certainly lust for someone we are attracted to, one can happen without the other. Attraction involves the brain pathways that control reward behavior which explains why the first few weeks or months of a relationship can be so exhilarating and even all-consuming.Dopamine, produced by the hypothalamus, is a particularly well-publicized player in the brain’s reward pathway – it’s released when we do things that feel good to us. In this case, these things include spending time with loved ones and having sex. High levels of dopamine and norepinephrine, are released during attraction.

Love Is Its Own Reward

These chemicals make us giddy, energetic, and euphoric, even leading to decreased appetite and insomnia. In fact, norepinephrine, also known as noradrenalin, which play a large role in the fight or flight response, kicks into high gear when we’re stressed and keeps us alert. Brain scans of people in love have actually shown that the primary reward centers of the brain, fire like crazy when people are shown a photo of someone they are intensely attracted to, compared to when they are shown someone they feel neutral towards.

Last but not least, attachment is the predominant factor in long-term relationships. While lust and attraction are pretty much exclusive to romantic entanglements, attachment mediates friendships, parent-infant bonding, social cordiality, and many other intimacies as well. The two primary hormones here appear to be oxytocin and vasopressin.

The Friend Zone

Oxytocin is often nicknamed “cuddle hormone” for this reason. Like dopamine, oxytocin is produced by the hypothalamus and released in large quantities during sex, breastfeeding, and childbirth.The common factor here is that all of these events are precursors to bonding. It also makes it pretty clear why having separate areas for attachment, lust, and attraction is important: we are attached to our immediate family, but those other emotions have no business there.

This all paints quite the rosy picture of love: hormones are released, making us feel good, rewarded, and close to our romantic partners. Love is often accompanied by jealousy, erratic behavior, and irrationality, along with a host of other less-than-positive emotions and moods. It seems that our friendly cohort of hormones is also responsible for the downsides of love.Dopamine is the hormone responsible for the vast majority of the brain’s reward pathway – and that means controlling both the good and the bad. We experience surges of dopamine for our virtues and our vices.

Love Hurts

The dopamine pathway is particularly well studied when it comes to addiction. The same regions that light up when we’re feeling attraction light up when drug addicts take cocaine and when we binge eat sweets.Cocaine maintains dopamine signaling for much longer than usual, leading to a temporary high. Attraction is much like an addiction to another human being.The same brain regions light up when addicted to material goods as when emotionally dependent on our partners. Addicts going into withdrawal are not unlike love-struck people craving the company of someone they can't see.

Attraction Addiction

Dopamine, which runs the reward pathways in our brain, is great in moderate doses, helping us enjoy food, exciting events, and relationships.However, we can push the dopamine pathway too far when we become addicted to food or drugs.Similarly, too much dopamine in a relationship can underlie unhealthy emotional dependence on our partners.While healthy levels of oxytocin help us bond and feel warm and fuzzy towards our companions, elevated oxytocin can also fuel prejudice.

The Dope In Dopamine

The story is somewhat similar for oxytocin: too much of a good thing can be bad. Recent studies on party drugs such as MDMA and GHB shows that oxytocin may be the hormone behind the feel-good, sociable effects these chemicals produce.These positive feelings are taken to an extreme in this case, causing the user to dissociate from his or her environment and act wildly and recklessly. Furthermore, oxytocin’s role as a “bonding” hormone appears to help reinforce the positive feelings we already feel towards the people we love.

Feel Good Drug

That is, as we become more attached to our families, friends, and significant others, oxytocin is working in the background, reminding us why we like these people and increasing our affection for them. While this may be a good things for monogamy, such associations are not always positive. For example, oxytocin has also been suggested to play a role in ethnocentrism, increasing our love for people in our already-established cultural groups and making those unlike us seem more foreign.

The Double Edged Sword

And finally, what would love be without embarrassment? Sexual arousal (but not necessarily attachment) appears to turn off regions in our brain that regulate critical thinking, self-awareness, and rational behavior, including parts of the prefrontal cortex.in short, love makes us dumb. Have you ever done something when you were in love that you later regretted?

Losing Your Self?

As we’ve realized by now, it’s not just the hormone side of the equation that’s complicated. Love can be both the best and worst thing for you – it can be the thing that gets us up in the morning, or what makes us never want to wake up again. I’m not sure I could define “love” for you if I kept you here for another ten thousand pages.In the end, everyone is capable of defining love for themselves. And, for better or for worse, if it’s all hormones, maybe each of us can have “chemistry” with just about anyone. But whether or not it goes further is still up to ourselves.

Formula For Love?

scienceandnature

Science & Nature

Love, Actually | The science behind lust, attraction, & companionship

One is better than the other in most situations.Thought they were the same? You're not alone (an empathetic reaction) and sorry if this is jarring information for you (a sympathetic reaction). But the two emotions are totally different.They feel different, when a person has empathy, they resonate with how the other person feels as a fellow and equal human being. Sympathy is pity. When someone pities someone else, they are looking down on that person.

The Difference Between Empathy And Sympathy

Empathy and sympathy each have their own set of circumstances where one might be the best emotional reaction over the other. Sometimes, you might want to try to relate to someone on their level—and if you've ever been in their position, that may even come naturally. Other times, you might not be able to relate to what they're going through, especially in situations where it might not be appropriate or possible, like losing a parent, for example.

Situational Usage

The biggest difference between empathy and sympathy is how much you are trying to connect with someone on a personal level in your interaction. Empathy is when you really listen for a feeling and try to relate to the feeling for a moment and you convey an understanding of that person’s feelings, whereas sympathy is focused on feeling sorry for someone and potentially even pitying them. You’re not working to understand how they feel; you’re putting yourself at a distance.

Empathy vs. Sympathy, Explained

One example she gives to illustrate this difference: If a sympathetic person sees a houseless person, they might give that person change and go on about their day. An empathetic person, however, would spend time with a houseless person, maybe taking them for a meal, and attempt to connect with them on a human level.

What It *Actually* Means To Be An Empath

When you're expressing empathy...<ul><li>You try to connect with the person.</li><li>You offer validating statements that let the person know it's okay to have these emotions.</li><li>You might respond with phrases like, "I get it. You have every right to feel that way."</li></ul>When you're expressing sympathy...<ul><li>You can't necessarily relate to the person's situation.</li><li>Your statements put a little bit of distance between you and that person.</li><li>You might respond with phrases like, "I feel sorry for you" or "You poor thing."</li></ul>

To break down the concept of empathy vs. sympathy further:

The short answer? Almost always. By trying to relate your friend's feelings, you're not only validating them and their reaction; you're also letting them know that the emotional reaction they're having is okay—it's human. The key here is that the other person should then act on their feelings in an emotionally intelligent or constructive way. Empathy does not give them a free pass to respond however they may want.

When should you say you have empathy for someone?

Empathy, helps a person feel less alone in their plight and feel connected and close to someone. This can help them feel that they’re more apt or able to solve their own problems.You may not have gone through this person's exact situation, but you can tap into other moments in your life where you've experienced that emotion. Think more about relating to the feeling than trying to understand the situation itself. Feelings are universal...I know exactly how it feels to feel left out. I know exactly how it feels to feel put down. Trying to understand the feeling—that’s what you’re going for.

What Is Emotional Sobriety?

When you think you might be leaning toward sympathy or pity with a loved one, remember to relate to them through the feeling they're expressing. When was the last time you felt such a way, and what do you wish someone might've told you during that time? That can help guide you toward an empathetic response in appropriate situations.

When should you say you have sympathy for someone?

Compassion is the basis of both sympathy and empathy. Leonard likes to think of compassion as "trying to understand and feeling for another person," which means it's a useful tool in both sympathetic and empathetic reactions. Sometimes, tapping into your compassionate side can help you bridge the gap between yourself and someone else. And any time you're trying your best to understand another person, says Leonard, you're doing something right.

How does compassion play into all this?

“Compassion is the wish to see others free from suffering.”-Dalai Lama

Compassion Quote

The Difference Between Empathy and Sympathy

Empathy and sympathy are often mixed up, but they're totally different emotions. A psychotherapist explains the key differences between the two reactions:

FYI: Empathy And Sympathy Are Totally Different

There is a lot of value in empathy at work. Understanding your colleagues' situations can help you work more effectively with them. Understanding customers and clients can help to provide better service. Some people naturally consider other people’s perspectives and emotions when interacting with them, while others can be oblivious to their goals, motivations, and feelings.  If empathy doesn’t come naturally to you, there are some ways to learn to show more empathy and make a habit of it.

The value of empathy at work

If you want to show more empathy, you have to notice what is happening with the people around you and then incorporate it into your interactions.  It is helpful to remember the following three questions:<ol><li>What does this person want? Thinking about their goals is important. The emotions people experience is directly related to how things are going for them motivationally.</li><li>What situation are they in? When you understand what they are dealing with, you can better empathise with them.</li><li>What are they displaying to you? Watching them closely will give you a sense of what is landing with them. </li></ol>

Have three questions and a statement in mind

If empathy doesn’t come naturally to you, an effective strategy is to simulate the situation and play different roles in it.  Empathic design makes use of this simulation. With this technique, a team uses a product or service while simulating conditions a particular kind of user might experience. This first-person perspective can lead to new insights about flaws in an existing product or service.

Practice

Reading transports you into the mind and situation of someone else who is likely to be different from yourself. Experiencing their world for a while gives you insight into the variety of ways that other people’s lives and thought processes differ from your own.

Read novels

Empathy is an essential workplace skill, whether you want to be a good coworker, a strong leader, or build a robust client base.

Is empathy something you can learn?

“Eat healthy foods to reduce cholesterol and keep your cardiovascular system humming,” she adds. “This will ensure that circulation is at peak performance for the ‘southern hemisphere.’”

1. Eat healthy.

Want to put your wife in the mood for better sex? “Help around the house,” says Mandel. “The best foreplay happens outside the bedroom. By helping with chores and errands, you make them feel valued.”

2. Do your household chores.

“Even as little as 15 minutes of exercise daily will improve self-esteem, self-image, and libido,” he says. “Exercise makes the physical aspects of sex more enjoyable. Furthermore, making exercise a habit promotes cardiovascular health, which is necessary for normal erectile function.”

3. Exercise.

Too much exercise can have the opposite effect, says Pete McCall, MS, an exercise physiologist with the American Council on Exercise. “Being in an overtraining state produces general feelings of fatigue and low energy and can disrupt sleep patterns and change mood,” he says. “This is hardly a good combination for wooing a romantic partner.”

4. But don’t overdo it.

If exercise is good, then exercising with your lover is an even better sex tip, says Mandel. “Working out together ensures that both libidos and endorphins will be up,” she says. “Since you’re both already sweating, take it to the next level. Stretching together is also a good idea.”

5. In fact, work out together.

As time passes in a relationship, it’s easy to get into a rut and just go through the motions, rather than express what you really want (and need) in bed. Sex therapist Williams Lucena, FMD, says it’s time to break this cycle with some frank talk. “Ask each other, ‘What do I need in bed from you?’” he suggests. “Get back to the communication you used to have.”

6. Talk about sex.

Abstinence as a sex tip? Believe it or not, it’s a surefire way to improve sex and make your next encounter with your lover even more exciting. “Practice abstinence for a couple of days, a weekend, or a week,” says Mandel. “Abstinence does make the heart grow fonder and makes you lust after forbidden fruit.”

7. Abstain A Bit.

It may not sound that romantic, but Dr. Simmons says it’s a great way to improve your sex life and satisfy women. Construct a plan for having sex, he suggests: “Setting aside time or arranging opportunities for sex is very important, especially for busy couples or those with children. Don’t let the frequency of sex dwindle due to fatigue or the inability to find the ‘right time

8. Plan for sex.

Want to keep her in the mood for sex later that night while you’re stuck at the office? Use your cell phone or e-mail. “Send her sexy messages throughout the day,”.

9. Make use of technology.

Want a foolproof way to drive her wild and ensure better sex? “Find a particular feature, and tell her that she is the best in this class,”

10. Compliment her body.

Men like to get excited for better sex, but women are more likely to get in the mood through relaxation. “Wash her hair in the shower or massage her scalp to relax her,”

11. Focus on relaxation.

Regardless of how you get revved up for better sex, Matthew N. Simmons, MD, PhD, of the Glickman Urological and Kidney Institute in Cleveland, suggests not skimping on the foreplay — no matter how long you have been together as a couple. “Foreplay contributes greatly to stronger orgasms and improved sex,” he says. “Gearing up your autonomic nervous system will increase sensitivity, excitement, and strength of orgasm. Your patience and attentiveness will pay dividends.”

12. Foreplay.

Natalie Bencivenga, co-founder, editor, and writer of twodaymag.com, advises thinking like a woman. “To think like a woman in bed, you don’t have to be one,” she says. “Give attention to some of her most neglected areas, like her neck, her feet, her inner thighs. Tease her mercilessly. Make her want it. You will be surprised what a build-up will bring!”

13. Think like a woman.

Men so often take the lead in bed. Sometimes, the key to better sex is letting her be in charge. “Don’t be afraid to let your mate lead,” says Joyce Morley, EdD, a licensed counselor in Decatur, Ga. “Allow your mate to initiate sexual pleasure on occasions, as well as taking the top position.”

14. Let her take the lead.

According to Bencivenga, there’s no shame in using lubricant to satisfy women. “Many guys think that since women get wet, if we aren’t wet, then we aren’t into it,” she says. “That’s not true. Sometimes, whether it’s stress, certain times of the month, or fatigue, women can have a hard time getting physically aroused even when they are mentally in the game. Lubricant in the bedside drawer is your new best friend.”

15. Don’t overlook lubricant.

If you’re experiencing a case of the “same-old, same-old,” working on adding a little variety is the key to better sex, says Simmons. “Spice things up by planning and discussing variations on your usual sexual habits,” he explains. “Lingerie, toys, new positions, and other creative additions can enhance intimacy and orgasm.”

16. Switch things up.

Another way to add variety and improve sex life, suggests Mandel, is to try someplace new. “Do it in different places to experience a different energy,” she says. “Take it outdoors if you are overwhelmed with technology and want to get back your natural rhythm.”

17. Change the location.

Does it feel lately like it’s just sex? “Try making love,” advises Dr. Morley. “You make love with that special someone, but you have sex with anybody.”

18. Make love instead.

Even when you’re not having sex, you can still improve your sex life by using touch in an intimate, but not sexual, way. “Touching is important, but doesn’t always mean sex,” says Morley. “It is important to be intimate with your mate by touching her with love and affection on a daily basis. Kiss daily, and don’t be afraid to allow her to reciprocate.”

19. Use touch even without sex. 

“Take good care of your penis,” says Dr. Simmons. “Penile injury is usually sustained when your partner is on top or when the penis buckles from missed penetration. If things are getting out of hand, ask your partner to ease up. If you suspect a penile fracture due to a perceived ‘pop’ followed by bruising, see a urologist immediately.”

20. Practice self-care

Hey dudes over there! Tips to improve your libido. 

Try these twenty pointers for a better bedroom romp. Learn more at Everyday Health.

20 Great Sex Tips for Men

Empathy is the ability to understand and share someone's emotions. Empathy is vital for moral development, maintaining close relationships, fostering relations between groups and preventing aggression.  Most empathy-building interventions focus on developing the ability to take another person's perspective. However, having a clear understanding of oneself is also important for the ability to empathise.

Empathising well

Those who lack a clear self-concept might get consumed by another’s experience, becoming distressed rather than helpful

Why self-understanding could be important for empathising well | Psyche Ideas

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