Four words every writer is dying to hear at least once in life: “One million copies sold.” But you wouldn’t expect to hear them four months after the publication of your second book. Then again, <a href="https://jordanbpeterson.com/about/">Jordan Peterson’s </a> <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/30257963-12-rules-for-life">12 Rules For Life </a>  isn’t just a book. As for his first one, Peterson spent years collecting and refining the ideas that would create a sort of blueprint for a good life. This time, however, the book didn’t flop and sell less than 500 copies.

12 Rules For Life - Book Summary 

Since its publication in January and Peterson’s accompanying world tour, <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/30257963-12-rules-for-life">12 Rules For Life </a>  completely exploded, dominating bestseller lists around the globe. Suddenly, millions view, listen to, and follow Peterson on social media, he’s racked up over $60,000 in monthly donations through Patreon, and, of course, one million copies sold.

Whether he’s just struck the right nerve at the right time or put his finger on true significance and meaning, only time will tell, but with thousands of people messaging him how the book’s changed their lives, chances are good it’s the latter. Let’s look at 3 of his 12 <a href="http://fourminutebooks.com/simple-rules-summary/">rules </a>to begin to find out:<ol><li>Sweep in front of your own door before pointing out the street is dirty.</li><li>Treat yourself like a child you’re responsible for.</li><li>Aim to do what is meaningful, not convenient.</li></ol>These form the premise Peterson’s book is built on and thus, the context for understanding why it’s been such a success. Let’s go!

Life isn’t fair. We all learn that one way or other. Some of us sooner, some later, some in small ways, some from terrifying blows. But we all realize it eventually. Like the Russian writer <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leo_Tolstoy">Leo Tolstoy </a>, who, in his short, philosophical piece, <a href="https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/A_Confession_(Maudes_translation)">A Confession </a>, concluded there are only four reasonable responses to the absurdity of life: <ol><li>Ignorance, like a child refusing to accept reality. </li><li>Pleasure, like an addict on the <a href="https://fourminutebooks.com/the-code-of-the-extraordinary-mind-summary/">hedonic treadmill </a>. </li><li>Suicide. </li><li>Holding on, despite everything. </li> </ol>

Lesson 1: Before you judge the world, take responsibility for your own life.

Even though he concluded suicide was the most honest answer, Tolstoy himself chose the last option, forever struggling on, which tells you a lot about his and Peterson’s beliefs about a good life: No matter how unfair life gets, you should never blame the world . There’s always someone who’s suffered worse than you. Like <a href="https://fourminutebooks.com/mans-search-for-meaning-summary/">Viktor Frankl </a>, for example. Besides, even though the future may sometimes look bleak, if you can focus on taking responsibility and keeping your own house clean, so to speak, you’ll find the bad times will pass.

Have you ever gotten a prescription from the doctor and thought: “Naaa, I don’t need that?” Over one third of people do it regularly. According to Peterson, it’s neither smart nor smug. It’s a subversive form of self-punishment. We do it a lot and, as a result, tend to take better care of others than ourselves.

Lesson 2: Care for yourself like you would for a loved one.

Peterson suggests this is a consequence of our inability to deal with the insanity of life described above. Just like Adam and Eve had to taste the forbidden fruit of knowledge, we too indulge in our dark sides from time to time and thus, feel we deserve punishment. But, as with the unfairness of life, we all got thrown out of the Garden of Eden. Like <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yin_and_yang">Yin and Yang </a>, we all carry both light and dark inside us. One can’t exist without the other.

That means instead of just striving for either one, we should seek balance, which is why his second rule is to care for yourself like you would care for a loved one: do what is best for you, even though it might not always make you happy .

Balancing your light and your dark side can take many different forms. Sometimes, it may be staying in bed to get healthy, even though you want to work. Other times, it might mean staying late at work on a Friday. However it looks like, it always involves choosing meaning by making a sacrifice, rather than temporary happiness by choosing pleasure .

Lesson 3: Seek meaning through sacrifice, not happiness through pleasure.

Peterson says this is a great coping mechanism, because it helps balance your life between drowning in hedonism and being so righteous it drives you mad. Of course not all sacrifices are equal. Those you make for personal gain, like working overtime to pay for a vacation, hold less meaning than those you make for the greater good, like volunteering on a Saturday.

Even though it might feel like it when you do it, sacrifice is never really about giving up rewards, it’s about deferring them until you can get something even better, usually a feeling of whole-ness or contentment. As such, it’s also <a href="http://niklasgoeke.com/increase-willpower/">great willpower training </a>. I’ll leave you with an analogy Peterson makes. The Lotus flower starts out at the very bottom of the lake, drenched in darkness. Inch by inch, it grows its way towards the surface, until, eventually, it breaks through and into the sunlight. I could sure think of worse ways to spend a life than to <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6C6QhD0CGjM">be a Lotus flower </a>.

I haven’t gotten around to reading the full book, but I’d like to. It’s full of stories, science, myths, a broad mix of engaging ways to get his message across. It’s mainly targeted at male millennials, but don’t let that stop you. There’s something for everyone in <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/30257963-12-rules-for-life">12 Rules For Life </a> .

12 Rules For Life - Book Review

This 12 Rules For Life summary explains the key lessons from Jordan Peterson's bestselling self-help book 12 Rules For Life. Read it now.

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Philosophy

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Religion & Spirituality

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Personal Development

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Mindfulness

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Motivation & Inspiration

12 Rules For Life Summary

If you're a perfectionist, that might mean you can be pretty hard on yourself. A mistake at work, for example, could result is some pretty negative self-talk or actions, like depriving yourself of a snack later that day. In other words, you're punishing yourself. But self-punishment doesn't encourage growth, says Katherine Morgan Schafler, a psychotherapist and author of "The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control."

"Punishment doesn't work," she writes in her book. "When you punish someone, that person doesn't learn how to change; they learn how to avoid the source of the punishment."  If you are the source of your own punishment then you learn to avoid yourself. This might look like overworking, overspending, or numbing yourself with excessive consumption of social media or TV shows. None of this actually helps you grow, though.  Punishment can be mistaken for a handful of things: discipline, personal accountability, natural consequence, and rehabilitation.

<ul><li>Punishment vs. Discipline: "Punishment seeks to increase pain. Discipline seeks to increase structure," Schafler writes in her book. Punishment is about control and discouraging negative behavior. Discipline is about promoting structure to increase positive behavior.  </li> </ul>

<ul><li>Punishment vs. personal accountability: Personal accountability is about owning up to your mistake and taking responsibility for the solution. Personal responsibility requires you to apologize to who you've hurt and make a pledge to improve. Punishment doesn't really come with a plan other than blaming yourself. "Punishment is lazy," she writes.  </li> </ul>

<ul><li>Punishment vs. natural consequence:  Punishment relies on fear to help you learn, but natural consequence relies on understanding that your choices had impact, perhaps one you didn't like. Instead of being scared to act, natural consequence might encourage you to act in a way that will net a positive result.  </li> </ul>

<ul><li>Punishment vs. rehabilitation: Punishment seeks to "demoralize and disempower" while rehabilitation seeks to "stabilize and empower," Schafler writes. Rehabilitation focuses on building positive growth on a healthy foundation.  </li> </ul>

Instead of punishing yourself for making a mistake, Schafler writes it is more effective to practice self-compassion. In her book she references the broaden-and-build theory, a positive psychology theory that was developed by social psychologist Barbara Fredrickson in 1998.  Broaden-and-build theory suggests that when you're in a positive headspace you feel more able to face different challenges and make choices based on the possibility of positive outcomes.

The broaden-and-build theory

When you're in a negative headspace your view narrows and you aren't inspired or encouraged to think differently.  In order to put yourself in a positive headspace, you need to practice self-compassion, Schafler says.

"Research demonstrates self compassion's positive association with a greater sense of self-worth, increased personal initiative, increased resilience to stress, more realistic self-appraisals of strengths and weaknesses, lower levels of depression and anxiety, reduced rates of burnout, increased motivation to make amends for past mistakes, and the list goes on," Schafler says.

Opting for self-compassion instead of self-punishment means you are more likely to learn from your mistakes and grow as a person.

This Positive Psychology Theory Will Help You Learn From Your Mistakes 

"When you punish someone, that person doesn't learn how to change; they learn how to avoid the source of the punishment." 

Understand yourself and those around you.

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This positive psychology theory will help you learn from your mistakes: 'Punishment doesn't work'

<ul><li>When people notice you are sure about yourself. This communicates strength.</li><li>When people see you are not trying to be confident. Trying reveals desperation. Desperation isn't sexy.</li><li>When you allow others to be themselves in your presence. You allow others to shine and aren't intent upon hogging the attention or making it about yourself.</li><li>When people see that you are not about competing with others. Nobody enjoys someone who makes it about their ego to be above or better than others.</li><li>When people notice that you actively listen and appreciate what others are saying. You make others feel seen.</li></ul>

You appear charming to others

<ul><li>When you choose to speak, you speak intelligently and have got jokes. Intelligence with self-effacing humor is charming. It shows that you are smart but at the same time you understand that the world doesn't revolve around you.</li></ul>

Humans are not the object that you need to impress. They are neither worthy nor unworthy. They are just like you are.You can't control others. Why not focus entirely on controlling your conduct and centering it around values that make you respect yourself?Your expectations must be to uphold your values. How dignified, mannerful, and decent you are to your fellow human species is how you decide what to think of yourself.

Stop Trying to Impress People

The motivation to 'Improve talking skills so people will like you more' is desperate.Instead focus on making your mind a beautiful place filled with knowledge, facts, wisdom, and perspectives, and people will enjoy conversing with you as a result.

Make Your Mind a Beautiful Place

Send your problems on Instagram, and do give a follow: https://www.instagram.com/gangstaphilosopher/You can puchase my book here: https://linktr.ee/gangstaph...

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<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/54447585-75-hard">75 Hard </a>is a fitness challenge and book that teaches mental toughness by making you commit to five daily critical tasks for 75 days straight, including drinking a gallon of water, reading 10 pages of a non-fiction book, doing two 45-minute workouts, taking a progress picture, and following a diet.

75 Hard - Book Summary 

"I firmly believe that no matter who you are; man or woman; how intelligent you are; how talented you are; no matter what skills you lack...you can develop mental toughness."-Andy Frisell

Author Quote 

A few months ago, my sister randomly texted me and said, “I just listened to a podcast you might be interested in.” She then sent me the link to <a href="https://andyfrisella.com/">Andy Frisella </a>’s Real AF podcast, where he talks about the 75 Hard mental toughness challenge.  Fast-forward to just a few weeks ago, and I was completing my last day of the challenge. My only regret was that I hadn’t started sooner. This thing is one of the hardest, most life-changing things I’ve ever done, and it’s a ton of fun. It gets you out of your comfort zone and in ways that you can’t <a href="https://fourminutebooks.com/imagine-it-forward-summary/">imagine </a>. And it brings out the <a href="https://fourminutebooks.com/becoming-the-boss-summary/">boss </a>inside of you that you’ve always wished would take charge. But, most of all, it’s a pathway to building consistent mental toughness, which is the ability to stick to the right things even when you don’t feel like it.  The challenge involves completing five critical tasks every day for 75 days straight, including:

The challenge involves completing five critical tasks every day for 75 days straight, including: <ol><li>Take a progress picture. </li><li>Drink a gallon of water. </li><li>Complete two 45-minute workouts, one of which has to be outside. </li><li>Follow a diet (and no cheat meals). </li><li>Read 10 pages of a non-fiction book. </li> </ol>

The Challenge 

After doing all of these myself for 75 days in a row, I can say that it’s 100% something you should consider yourself if you want to develop mental toughness. And one of the best ways to learn about it is Andy’s book called <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/54447585-75-hard">75 Hard: A Tactical Guide to Winning the War With Yourself </a>.

<ol>
<li>The purpose of 75 Hard is to develop mental toughness, which is the key to getting happiness and anything you want in life.</li>
<li>To complete the 75 Hard challenge, you must follow five critical tasks for 75 days straight and start over if you miss even one.</li>
<li>There are eight “eras” of the challenge that you must be aware of and prepared for if you want to complete it.</li>
</ol>
Let’s get into it and start developing mental toughness!

Top 3 Book Lessons

Andy Frisella didn’t have that exciting of a childhood. But he did have a supportive father who taught him <a href="https://fourminutebooks.com/mind-gym-summary/">mental toughness </a>.  This lesson would help Andy go on to put in years of effort to <a href="https://fourminutebooks.com/the-leadership-challenge-summary/">build a massively successful business </a>. All seemed to be going well until the night he almost lost his life.

Lesson 1:  The key to happiness and getting anything you want is mental toughness, which is why Andy Frisella created 75 Hard.

Andy was walking back from a club and heard a guy in a car yelling racial slurs at one of Andy’s friends. Andy confronted him about it, but when he started walking away, the man attacked. Multiple stab wounds to the face left Andy bleeding out, but he miraculously survived. The pain left, but the scars didn’t. It was embarrassing for him to have people asking about it all the time, and he wanted to give up.  Then one day, after talking with a woman who also had scars on her face, he decided his pity party was over. Instead, Andy began a podcast to share his business and life lessons.

One day he had a guest that had completed 50 ironmans in 50 days in all 50 states. He taught Andy that the key to happiness and success is mental toughness. And you get it intentionally putting yourself into uncomfortable situations.  Andy had always wanted to teach others how to be mentally tough, and this guest’s words led him to create the 75 Hard challenge to make it happen!

If you want to get mental toughness to get whatever you want out of life, you should take the 75 Hard challenge.  The first critical task is to commit to a <a href="https://fourminutebooks.com/the-bulletproof-diet-summary/">diet </a>. This can be anything designed to improve your health. But you must stick to it–and no <a href="https://fourminutebooks.com/the-4-hour-body-summary/">cheat meals </a>! Of course, this also means no alcohol. Critical task number two is drinking a gallon of water a day . Wherever you find water, you find life, and you can remember this as a symbol that you’re doing this because you want your life to flourish.

Lesson 2:  There are five critical tasks to complete every day for 75 days straight to complete the 75 Hard challenge.

The next critical task is to complete two 45-minute workouts . One of them has to be outside. Some days I just had to walk for my workouts, but that still counts! The fourth critical task is reading 10 pages of a non-fiction book that will improve your life. Audiobooks don’t count, but you can use e-readers!  And finally, critical task number five is to take a progress picture . This is the one that most people miss simply because they forget. So set a reminder and do it at the same time every day! Oh, and if you miss one of these, you have to start over!

In the first 7-10 days of 75 Hard, you’re going to feel excited and learn a ton. I started realizing things about myself, my <a href="https://fourminutebooks.com/tiny-habits-summary/">habits </a>, and my excuses that I hadn’t ever considered, and it helped me improve. Days 8-14 are ones of discovery, discipline, and the danger zone. You’ll begin valuing your time better. You will wonder why you thought you couldn’t push yourself harder. And the initial excitement will wear off. The next 15-21 days are marked by exterminating excuses, growing exponentially, and quitting, for some.

Lesson 3:  To finish the challenge, you need to be aware of and prepared for the eight “eras” of it.

During days 22-28, you’ll start to experience massive transformation and “The Moment of <a href="https://fourminutebooks.com/super-attractor-summary/">Manifestation </a>.” Like a superhero, you’re going to start seeing yourself changing into something amazing. Days 29-35 are where you start to get so focused that you enter the flow state. You begin growing fearless. In between day 36 and day 49, you’ll feel <a href="https://fourminutebooks.com/aware-summary/">aligned with your true self </a>and start to experience automation as you anticipate the end.

From day 50 to day 63, you’ll reach a level of expertise but also start to have a dip in excitement. And finally, from day 64 to the end, you’re entering God mode where you can’t lose. You’ll reach peak mental toughness and be able to apply it to anything in your life!

This book and the challenge that goes with it are life-changing. It really can be as simple as committing to critical tasks for 75 days straight to gain mental toughness. Heads up, though, this book isn’t the most eloquently written. Andy curses a lot, which isn’t my favorite, but I could look past it!

75 Hard - Book Review

The 31-year-old dad who is overwhelmed and feels like he’s in a rut, the 48-year-old that wants to be disciplined but hasn’t ever found a way to make it stick, and anybody who’s competitive enough to take on a difficult challenge that will make them mentally tough!

Who would I recommend the 75 Hard to?

75 Hard summary is a fitness challenge and teaches mental toughness by making you commit to five daily critical tasks for 75 days straight.

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75 Hard Summary

<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/52129515-untamed">Untamed </a>is an inspiring memoir of Glennon Doyle, a woman who found peace and inner strength by challenging life in all its areas, from love to parenting, personal growth, and work, after going through a powerful change that led her to discover crucial aspects about herself and allowed her to build a new life.

Untamed - Book Summary 

"Grief is love's souvenir. It's our proof that we once loved. Grief is the receipt we wave in the air that says to the world: Look! Love was once mine. I love well. Here is my proof that I paid the price."-Glennon Doyle Martin

Author Quote

If you ever don’t know what your direction in life is, you’re not alone. When <a href="https://momastery.com/blog/about-glennon/">Glennon Doyle </a>turned her life around from the roots, things became challenging. However, she knew there was no other way to escape her unhappiness. Sometimes, intuition is the best tool we have. The author herself had to learn this the hard way. After years of striving for dreams that didn’t even feel like her own anymore, she decided to follow her gut. She did away with the unfitting life guidelines she once set for herself.

Book Overview 

As such, when she met Abby Wambach, the woman she would soon fall in love with, her life started to take a twist. Her true nature showed up and she felt as if her cage broke open. Now, there was nothing holding Glennon back from being her unapologetic self.  Her memoir, <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/52129515-untamed">Untamed </a>, will inspire you to embrace the power within yourself and open up to new challenges, opportunities, and situations.

<ol><li>Don’t repress your true self, it will lead to unhappiness. </li><li>Putting yourself first can make you a better parent for your children. </li><li>Stop fighting what’s meant to be and embrace your true destiny. </li> </ol>

Top 3 Book Idea

There are times in life when we feel as if we’re stuck in a place where we don’t belong, no matter how hard we try to fit in. Sometimes these situations force us to learn important lessons about ourselves, such as who we are, what our boundaries are, or what we want out of our life.   This was the case for Doyle before she revealed her true identity and sexual orientation. Before meeting Abby, the author was living a picture-perfect life: she had a husband with whom she had children, a prosperous career, and a healthy family.

Lesson 1:  Your true nature will show eventually, so don’t force yourself into hiding it  .

In reality, she didn’t feel attracted to her spouse. And she was trying hard to keep up with the appearances she was presenting to her circle of friends and family. Then, she met Abby. Her <a href="https://fourminutebooks.com/the-untethered-soul-summary/">soul </a>started to feel unsettling, disrupted, and different. After careful introspection, she realized that divorcing her husband was the best choice, and she was right! Currently, she’s living a happy, fulfilled life with Abby, has a fruitful career in writing, and has a great relationship with her children and ex-husband. Although difficult at first, living up to her true identity was worth it.

Being a perfect <a href="https://fourminutebooks.com/13-things-mentally-strong-parents-dont-do-summary/">parent </a>is an impossible feat, yet every loving mother or father tries to achieve it. Frankly, many of them get pretty close, but mistakes do happen.  However, as long as you love your children and support them in their endeavors, your connection will grow stronger than ever. Doyle was the kind of parent who did everything right.

Lesson 2:  Being a good role model for your children sometimes means doing what’s best for you  .

For this reason, when she first considered getting a divorce, she felt awful. This decision could ruin her children’s lives, but staying unhappy could do the same for hers. What was there to do? As she was struggling with this decision, a thought popped into her mind.

Then, she knew exactly what she had to do. After all, what kind of example was she setting for her children? If pursuing and finding happiness was the ultimate goal, she had to achieve it, and that implied getting a divorce.  Her decision not only made her proud of herself but also strengthened her image as a role model for her children.

Just like Doyle, you too have a destiny of your own. Whether you’re directing your efforts in the right direction, or not, chances are you know deep down what it is that makes your mind, body, and soul happy.  Therefore, it would be wise to actively acknowledge that before it’s too late, and start living your life accordingly. Fortunately, the author realized that pretending to be the <a href="https://fourminutebooks.com/battle-hymn-of-the-tiger-mother-summary/">perfect mother </a>, Christian, and wife wasn’t something she wanted to keep on doing.

Lesson 3:  When it’s meant to be, it will be, so stop fighting your true self  .

When everything kicked in, her life looked pretty stable and happy. In fact, she was scheduled to go on tour with her book. Still, when something is meant to be, it will be. So the timing was only a small impediment in her upcoming journey. After careful consideration, she decided that it was time to let everyone know that she will be getting a divorce. She assured her children that their family would still be a loving place for them. And so she let her followers know what was going on in her life.

Without further hiding or excuses, everyone was on the same page ― Doyle was now dating a woman. Instead of hurting her career, the news made her book release as successful as ever. Moreover, her <a href="https://fourminutebooks.com/relationship-goals-summary/">love life </a>took off as well.  All the arrows were finally pointing in the right direction, and everything felt well in her heart. This powerful story now serves as an inspiration for people all over the world willing to turn their lives around for the better by following their intuition and dreams.

<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/52129515-untamed">Untamed </a>will help any struggling, broken soul find <a href="https://nik.art/if-you-cant-beat-the-fear-just-do-it-scared">the courage to break out of their misery </a>and make their ambitions come true. Use Glennon’s hard-earned lessons as a wake-up call if you live under unrealistic expectations, unfit societal standards, or a life that you don’t want to claim as your own.  Reading her memoir will lift your spirit and teach you what a powerful mother and woman can do once she sets goals and boundaries and starts to respect herself truly.

Untamed - Book Review

The 30-year-old woman who feels miserable in her marriage and wants to find a way out, the 28-year-old single mother who is looking to become a better role model for her children, or the 35-year-old activist who is researching real-life stories about sexism, social injustice, or feminism.

Who would I recommend the Untamed to?

Untamed summary is an inspiring memoir of Glennon Doyle, a woman who found peace and inner strength by challenging life in all its areas.

Untamed Summary

<ul><li>If they wanted to [do something], they would</li><li>You can't make somebody else change; you can make them dinner you can make them laugh, but you cannot make someone else change</li><li>Stop being mad that people aren't who you want them to be.</li></ul>

3 things you need to accept about other people

The Mel Robbins Podcast is HERE!! 💥 https://bit.ly/tmrp_playlist 👈 Watch the exclusive uncut version of every episode here on YouTube every Monday (to start your week) and Thursday (to get you through it). You can also listen, follow, and rate wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts. — Today you and I are digging into three things you must accept about other people. It took me years to understand these truths. It sounds horrible, but I always wondered, “What’s wrong with people? Why don’t they change?” I know you can relate. Because today I’m taking your questions about trying to change other people. You’re frustrated by the fact that your spouse or partner won’t #exercise more. You get angry seeing how much money your daughter wastes going out every weekend. You’re annoyed by how stubborn your #parents have become the older they get. Me too. I’ve tried every tactic you can imagine to get other people to change. And recently I realized the true source of my #frustration: It’s not them, it’s me. I’m refusing to accept three things. These things are hard to accept, and they’re true. Once you hear them and you apply them to your life, your #relationships will be way easier. In addition to the three truths about other people, you’ll learn #research that explains why it’s so hard to get other people to change. And like all episodes, this one is packed with tactical advice and #takeaways that you can put to use immediately. And, if you’re the one who’s busy making changes but your loved ones are not being supportive, I answer that question from a listener, too. I feel compelled to answer your questions because so many of you are improving your life with the tools you’re learning on this podcast and your family is starting to get annoyed with you. That’s okay. It shows you’re making progress (but it doesn’t make it easy). Hopefully today’s episode will. Xo Mel In this episode, you’ll learn: - 3 powerful truths you have to accept about people. - How do you deal with people who don’t want to change? - Why some people can’t change. - My “6-month rule” for any complainer - What do when the people around you don’t support the changes you’re making - The science of “Myside bias” and what it says about human nature For full show notes, go to https://www.melrobbins.com/podcast. Timecodes: 4:35 - The 3 things you need to accept about other people 6:08 - If they wanted to they would also applies to you 9:30 - How to word “should” holds judgment 17:17 - What happens when you want to do better, but you just can’t 20:46 - You can’t make someone else change 25:07 - You can’t be mad at someone for being not who YOU want them to be 27:25 - The 6 month rule - how to draw boundaries with wallowers 33:59 - What do when the people around you don’t support the changes you make 36:37 - When you try to change someone you aren’t loving someone, you are judging them 41:07 - Energy shifts and patterns change 43:47 - Your changes do not inspire other people, they confront them 48:48 - Research: The problem with my side bias 53:49 - Loving someone is loving where they are, and where they aren’t Listen to the #podcast episode “3 Truths You Need to Accept About Other People” - https://link.chtbl.com/DAinFkFf?sid=ep21_description --- Subscribe to the channel here: https://www.youtube.com/melrobbins​?sub_confirmation=1 --- Follow me here: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melrobbins/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/melrobbins Website: http://melrobbins.com​ Twitter: https://twitter.com/melrobbins TikTok: http://tiktok.com/@melrobbins --- Sign up for my newsletter written to YOU at: https://www.melrobbins.com/newsletter​ --- Looking for my books on Amazon? Here they are! High 5 Habit: https://amzn.to/3fMvfPQ The 5 Second Rule: https://amzn.to/3372Rl9

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—

Today you and I are digging into three things you must accept about other people. 

It took me years to understand these truths.

It sounds horrible, but I always wondered, “What’s wrong with people? Why don’t they change?”

I know you can relate. Because today I’m taking your questions about trying to change other people. 

You’re frustrated by the fact that your spouse or partner won’t #exercise more. You get angry seeing how much money your daughter wastes going out every weekend. You’re annoyed by how stubborn your #parents have become the older they get.

Me too.

I’ve tried every tactic you can imagine to get other people to change. And recently I realized the true source of my #frustration: It’s not them, it’s me.

I’m refusing to accept three things.

These things are hard to accept, and they’re true.

Once you hear them and you apply them to your life, your #relationships will be way easier.

In addition to the three truths about other people, you’ll learn #research that explains why it’s so hard to get other people to change. And like all episodes, this one is packed with tactical advice and #takeaways that you can put to use immediately.

And, if you’re the one who’s busy making changes but your loved ones are not being supportive, I answer that question from a listener, too.

I feel compelled to answer your questions because so many of you are improving your life with the tools you’re learning on this podcast and your family is starting to get annoyed with you. That’s okay. It shows you’re making progress (but it doesn’t make it easy).

Hopefully today’s episode will.

Xo Mel 

In this episode, you’ll learn:
- 3 powerful truths you have to accept about people.
- How do you deal with people who don’t want to change?
- Why some people can’t change.
- My “6-month rule” for any complainer
- What do when the people around you don’t support the changes you’re making
- The science of “Myside bias” and what it says about human nature


For full show notes, go to https://www.melrobbins.com/podcast.

Timecodes:
4:35 - The 3 things you need to accept about other people
6:08 - If they wanted to they would also applies to you
9:30 - How to word “should” holds judgment
17:17 - What happens when you want to do better, but you just can’t 
20:46 - You can’t make someone else change 
25:07 - You can’t be mad at someone for being not who YOU want them to be
27:25 - The 6 month rule - how to draw boundaries with wallowers 
33:59 - What do when the people around you don’t support the changes you make
36:37 - When you try to change someone you aren’t loving someone, you are judging them 
41:07 - Energy shifts and patterns change
43:47 - Your changes do not inspire other people, they confront them
48:48 - Research: The problem with my side bias 
53:49 - Loving someone is loving where they are, and where they aren’t 

Listen to the #podcast episode “3 Truths You Need to Accept About Other People” - https://link.chtbl.com/DAinFkFf?sid=ep21_description

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Mel Robbins

3 Things You Need to Accept About Other People | The Mel Robbins Podcast

here Lana Blakely shares 6 ways a person can be more interesting and attractive for the people to interact with

How to be a lot more interesting

Or in scientific way, monotask. <ul><li>when you're thinking don't look at your phone.</li><li>when driving don't think about what happened yesterday.</li><li>When spending time with your friends and loved ones, don't space out or get distracted.</li></ul>Always live in the mom

1.Be more present

When faced with contradicting ideas, don't discard it. On the opposite, you have to give it a chance, let it sink in, and then choose whether it was true or not.

2.Be more open-minded

Having basic knowledge about a verity of stuff and fields will drastically help you both socially and professionally.

3.Know things

In this world of where the masses tend to conform, the right thing to is to have your own opinion about things.<ul><li>You must gain sufficient knowledge about the certain topic in order to make up opinion.</li><li> </li></ul>

4.Have you own opinions

In this day and age, storytelling is a powerful tool. <ul><li>telling stories through journaling will help reflect on life.</li><li>Can also generate content for social media posts and videos.</li><li>In itself can make you live more vividly</li></ul>

Authenticity is being true and living the moment.No fear from sharing the misfortunes and failures and no hiding behind cool-guy act.

6.Be Authentic

These ideas, simple as they are, can help us in nurturing genuine relationships with the people around us

Sign up to my newsletter here to join my 10 weeks of brand new newsletters — https://www.lanablakely.com 00:00 - Introduction 01:56 - I. Being present 04:08 - II. Being open minded 06:00 - III. Knowing stuff 06:36 - III. Having opinions of ones own 07:56 - V Telling stories 09:15 - VI Being authentic If you like my work, make sure to: ✉️ Sign up to the weekly Monday Ro newsletter here — https://www.lanablakely.com 🎙️ Listen to The Lana Blakely Podcast, out every Tuesday — https://geni.us/lanablakelypod 🤎 Help support here (if you can) — https://www.patreon.com/lanablakely 📷 Join our Instagram community — https://www.instagram.com/lanablakely 🐦 Join our Twitter community — https://www.twitter.com/lanablakelys 📘 Join our Facebook community — https://www.facebook.com/lanablakelys 🔺 Join our Reddit community — https://www.reddit.com/r/Lana_Blakely What I use to make my videos: 🎼 This is where I get all my music and sound effects — https://geni.us/lanablakelymusic (get a 30 day free trial) 🎥 My main camera — https://geni.us/W0w8 📹 My vlog camera — https://geni.us/hMqRA7 🔎 My favorite lens — https://geni.us/FcKaF 🎙️ My mic #1 — https://geni.us/cCdW 🎤 My mic #2 — https://geni.us/FPPOFx For the full list, go here — https://www.lanablakely.com/filmmaking What I use for my daily journaling: 📓 Notebook — https://geni.us/HyHhy3 🖋️ Pen — https://geni.us/W6pF3NA Reading: 🔦 What I read on — https://geni.us/FPDsCw 📕 My favorite book — https://geni.us/BPcp For my complete book recommendation list, go here — https://www.lanablakely.com/bookclub 👩‍💼 Business mail only — hello@lanablakely.com This post contains affiliate links, which means I may earn a commission if you choose to make a purchase through my link, with no extra cost to you.

podcasts

Podcasts

Sign up to my newsletter here to join my 10 weeks of brand new newsletters — https://www.lanablakely.com

00:00 - Introduction
01:56 - I. Being present
04:08 - II. Being open minded
06:00 - III. Knowing stuff
06:36 - III. Having opinions of ones own
07:56 - V Telling stories
09:15 - VI Being authentic

If you like my work, make sure to: 

✉️ Sign up to the weekly Monday Ro newsletter here — https://www.lanablakely.com

🎙️ Listen to The Lana Blakely Podcast, out every Tuesday — https://geni.us/lanablakelypod

🤎 Help support here (if you can) — https://www.patreon.com/lanablakely 

📷 Join our Instagram community — https://www.instagram.com/lanablakely

🐦 Join our Twitter community — https://www.twitter.com/lanablakelys

📘 Join our Facebook community — https://www.facebook.com/lanablakelys

🔺 Join our Reddit community — https://www.reddit.com/r/Lana_Blakely 

What I use to make my videos: 

🎼 This is where I get all my music and sound effects — https://geni.us/lanablakelymusic (get a 30 day free trial)

🎥 My main camera — https://geni.us/W0w8

📹 My vlog camera — https://geni.us/hMqRA7

🔎 My favorite lens — https://geni.us/FcKaF

🎙️ My mic #1 — https://geni.us/cCdW

🎤 My mic #2 — https://geni.us/FPPOFx

For the full list, go here — https://www.lanablakely.com/filmmaking 

What I use for my daily journaling:

📓 Notebook — https://geni.us/HyHhy3

🖋️ Pen — https://geni.us/W6pF3NA

Reading:

🔦 What I read on — https://geni.us/FPDsCw

📕 My favorite book — https://geni.us/BPcp

For my complete book recommendation list, go here — https://www.lanablakely.com/bookclub

👩‍💼 Business mail only — hello@lanablakely.com

This post contains affiliate links, which means I may earn a commission if you choose to make a purchase through my link, with no extra cost to you.

This is my open journal. 

Business email ⟶  lanablakely@sixteenth.co  


Lana Blakely

Remember teachers in school telling you you’d never achieve success in life if you ‘continued to have that attitude’? Turns out, that childhood warning was spot on, and success in life does indeed link deeply to having the right mindset to get you there. Inc.com wrote about a Stanford University study that found that having the right <a href="https://www.gqindia.com/get-smart/content/how-to-be-optimistic-4-effective-ways-according-to-harvard">attitude </a>can legitimately make your <a href="https://www.gqindia.com/get-smart/content/ways-to-train-your-brain-to-be-more-successful">mind </a>sharper and more efficient. The study claims a good bent of mind improves "the ability to answer math problems, increased <a href="https://www.gqindia.com/get-smart/content/this-one-technique-can-improve-your-memory-significantly">memory </a>, and improved problem-solving <a href="https://www.gqindia.com/get-smart/content/this-is-the-key-skill-you-need-to-be-professionally-successful-according-to-harvard">skills </a>".

So what exactly are the right attitudes? And more importantly, what are the wrong ones currently standing between you and the things you want…?

Mistakes are the most natural thing in the world–and <a href="https://www.gqindia.com/get-smart/content/3-reasons-you-arent-a-millionaire-yet?fbclid=IwAR3Oc1hYbu6ndu5biC5IUzpJTmZIBIbVqxlRZMl0hB1XR7DmJRJWh0w6Kj0">successful people know that </a>. There is no success without a string of failures in its wake–and acknowledging that makes for a successful attitude. To be crushed by a mistake for a time is one thing–but letting it throw you off your path–or keep you from taking the right chances in the future–is entirely another. This sounds like a cliche, but mistakes are opportunities because they leave you a chance to learn from them. In every mistake, there is the chance for an autopsy that leads to the cause of failure–and helps you avoid the next one.

1. Getting Derailed By Your Own Mistakes 

Often, your greatest obstacle is really just yourself. You might think that sounds crazy; why on earth would you ever try to sabotage yourself when all you want is to be successful? However, you’d be surprised at how many people inadvertently cultivate behaviours that stop their progress and interrupt their productivity. A key component of self-sabotage is the grave error of setting impossibly high <a href="https://www.gqindia.com/get-smart/content/5-ways-to-set-goals-that-can-help-you-become-successful-according-to-the-harvard-business-review">goals </a>which set you up for failure and confirm your bias about not being able to achieve what you want.

2. Getting In Your Own Way

he idea isn’t, however, to have low goals, but to have realistic ones; ones you know you can actually achieve with effort. An examination of yourself and your own capabilities can prove really helpful to get rid of this attitude.

Who doesn’t love to be liked? But if your whole personality is geared toward making people like you, the odds are you’ll never be able to push past people’s expectations of you to live up to your own. Wanting to make people happy is nearly synonymous with being unable to say ‘no’, and that becomes your Achilles Heel when it comes to going after what you want. It’s also crucial to establish firm boundaries for yourself, or you’ll find that people will cross them without a second thought.

3. People Pleasing 

<a href="https://www.gqindia.com/get-smart/content/tips-from-bill-gates-on-how-to-gain-self-confidence">Bill Gates </a>has already warned against the rot that sets in the minute you believe you have no growing left to do. Thinking you know everything is a guaranteed recipe for you to become irrelevant and outdated because you stop striving to improve yourself and your work. Nobody is (or should be) done learning; that includes you. Reading, conversing with people, and taking every chance to upskill; all of these contribute to growth; the skill most necessary for professional success.

4. Thinking You Have Nothing Left To Learn

There Are 4 Defeatist Attitudes That Prevent Success In Life

Success in life links deeply to having the right mindset to get you there. Here are the wrong ones currently standing in between you and the things you want...

career

Career

These are the 4 defeatist attitudes that prevent success in life, according to science

All of us have seen what this is like in the last three years, as we slowly try and emerge from the COVID pandemic. If we think about the people we used to be three years ago, before the pandemic, we can see how we have changed. We can see how anxiety and isolation and upheavals in our lives and livelihoods, how this has changed us, changed our outlook, changed our perspective.

Our Future Is Not Just Unknown; It Is Unknowable. 

There is a paradox here, and the paradox is when we look backwards, we can see enormous changes in who we have become. But when we look forwards, we tend to imagine that we’re going to be the same people in the future. Now sure, we imagine the world is going to be different. We know what AI and climate change is going to mean for a very different world. But we don’t imagine that we ourselves will have different perspectives, different views, different preferences in the future.Shankar Vedantam calls this “the illusion of continuity”.

The Illusion Of Continuity

One reason this happens is that when we look backwards, the contrast with our prior selves to who we are today is so clear. We can see it so clearly that we have become different people. When we look forward, we can imagine ourselves being a little older, a little grayer, but we don’t imagine, fundamentally, that we’re going to have a different outlook or perspective, that we’re going to be different people. And so those changes seem more amorphous.This illusion has profound consequences not just for whether we become soccer players or podcast hosts, but for matters involving life and death.

The Past, We Actually See; The Future, We Only Imagine

Philosophers have talked for many years about a thought experiment; it’s sometimes called the “ship of Theseus”. The great warrior Theseus returned from his exploits, his ship was stationed in the harbor as a memorial. And over the decades, parts of the ship began to rot and decay, and as this happened, planks were replaced by new planks. Until, eventually, every part of the ship of Theseus was built from something new. And philosophers, starting with Plato, have asked the question “If every part of the ship of Theseus is new, is this still the ship of Theseus?”

The Ship Of Theseus

Our cells turn over all the time. The people we were 10 years ago are not the people we are today. Biologically, we have become a different person. But something much more profound happens at a psychological level. Because you could argue a ship is not just a collection of planks, a body is not just a collection of cells. It’s the organization of the planks that makes the ship. It’s the organization of the cells that make the body. If you preserve the organization, even if you swap planks or cells in and out, you still have the ship, you still have the same body.

We Are All Walking Examples Of The Ship Of Theseus

But at a psychological level, each new layer that’s put down is not identical to the one that came before it. The famous plasticity of the brain that we’ve all heard so much about means that, on an ongoing basis, we are constantly becoming a new person. This has profound consequences for so many aspects of our lives.

A New Plank Is An Other Plank

When we make promises to other people, when we promise to love someone till death do us part, we are making a promise that a stranger is going to have to keep. Our future selves might not share our views, our perspectives, our hopes. When we lock people up and throw away the key, it’s not just that the people we imprison are going to be different in 30 years. We are going to be different 30 years from now. Our need for retribution, for vengeance, might not be what it is today.

Our Future Selves Are Strangers To Us

When we pass laws, we often do so with an intent of making a better country, improving our country. But any country that’s been around for a few decades has numerous laws on the books that made perfect sense when they were crafted - in fact, that were seen as enlightened when they were crafted - and today, they seem antiquated or absurd, or even unconscionable. And all of these examples stem from the same problem, which is that we imagine that we represent the end of history. That the future is only going to be more of the same.

We Do Not Represent The End Of History

Shankar Vedantam has 3 pieces of advice on how to wrestle with this wicked problem. And it is a wicked problem, because all of us spend so much of our lives trying to make our future selves happy. And we don’t stop to ask, “Is it possible that in 20 or 30 years, our future selves are going to look back at us with bewilderment, with resentment?” That our future selves will ask us, “What made you possibly think that that is what I would want?”

What Were You Thinking???!!!

First, ifyou accept the idea that you’re going to be a different person in the future, you should play an active role crafting the person you are going to become. You should be the curator of your future self. You should be the architect of your future self. What does that mean? Spend time with people who are not just your friends and family. Spend time on avocations and professional pursuits that are not just what you do regularly. Expand your horizons, because if you’re going to become someone different, you might as well be in charge of deciding who that person is going to be.

Advice #1: Stay Curious

Second, as we make pronouncements on social media or in political forums, or at dinner parties, let’s bear in mind that among the people who might disagree with us are our own future selves. So when we express views with great certitude and confidence let’s remember to add a touch of humility. This is true not just at an individual level - it’s also true at an organizational level. We want no-one to come along and undo the changes we’ve made. And it’s a very human impulse, but it stems from the same belief, that our perspective on history is the final word. And quite simply, this is wrong.

Advice #2: Practice Humility

Our future selves are going to be different, but they’re also going to have capacities and strengths and wisdom that we do not possess today. So when we confront opportunities and we hesitate, when we tell ourselves, “I don’t think I have it in me to quit my job and start my own company,” or we tell ourselves “I don’t have it in me to look after a disabled child”, what we really should be saying is “I don’t have the capacity to do those things today. That doesn’t mean I won’t have the capacity to do those things tomorrow.” So lesson number 3 is to be brave.

Advice #3: Be Brave

I believe if you can do these three things, if you can stay curious, you can practice humility and you can be brave, then your future self will look back at you in 20 or 30 years - will look back, not with resentment or bewilderment, but will look back at you and say: “Thank you”.

Shankar Vedantam explains the profound impact of something he calls the “illusion of continuity” - the belief that our future selves will share the same views, perspectives and hopes as our current selves - and shows how we can more proactively craft the people we are to become.

"You are constantly becoming a new person," says journalist Shankar Vendantam. In a talk full of beautiful storytelling, he explains the profound impact of something he calls the "illusion of continuity" -- the belief that our future selves will share the same views, perspectives and hopes as our current selves -- and shows how we can more proactively craft the people we are to become. If you love watching TED Talks like this one, become a TED Member to support our mission of spreading ideas: http://ted.com/membership Follow TED! Twitter: http://twitter.com/TEDTalks Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ted Facebook: http://facebook.com/TED LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/ted-conferences TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@tedtoks The TED Talks channel features talks, performances and original series from the world's leading thinkers and doers. Subscribe to our channel for videos on Technology, Entertainment and Design — plus science, business, global issues, the arts and more. Visit http://TED.com to get our entire library of TED Talks, transcripts, translations, personalized talk recommendations and more. Watch more: https://go.ted.com/shankarvedantam https://youtu.be/dtfaccGmCCs TED's videos may be used for non-commercial purposes under a Creative Commons License, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives (or the CC BY – NC – ND 4.0 International) and in accordance with our TED Talks Usage Policy: https://www.ted.com/about/our-organization/our-policies-terms/ted-talks-usage-policy. For more information on using TED for commercial purposes (e.g. employee learning, in a film or online course), please submit a Media Request at https://media-requests.ted.com #TED #TEDTalks #future

"You are constantly becoming a new person," says journalist Shankar Vendantam. In a talk full of beautiful storytelling, he explains the profound impact of something he calls the "illusion of continuity" -- the belief that our future selves will share the same views, perspectives and hopes as our current selves -- and shows how we can more proactively craft the people we are to become.

If you love watching TED Talks like this one, become a TED Member to support our mission of spreading ideas: http://ted.com/membership

Follow TED! 
Twitter: http://twitter.com/TEDTalks
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ted
Facebook: http://facebook.com/TED
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/ted-conferences
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@tedtoks

The TED Talks channel features talks, performances and original series from the world's leading thinkers and doers. Subscribe to our channel for videos on Technology, Entertainment and Design — plus science, business, global issues, the arts and more. Visit http://TED.com to get our entire library of TED Talks, transcripts, translations, personalized talk recommendations and more.

Watch more: https://go.ted.com/shankarvedantam

https://youtu.be/dtfaccGmCCs

TED's videos may be used for non-commercial purposes under a Creative Commons License, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives (or the CC BY – NC – ND 4.0 International) and in accordance with our TED Talks Usage Policy: https://www.ted.com/about/our-organization/our-policies-terms/ted-talks-usage-policy. For more information on using TED for commercial purposes (e.g. employee learning, in a film or online course), please submit a Media Request at https://media-requests.ted.com

#TED #TEDTalks #future

The TED Talks channel features the best talks and performances from the TED Conference, where the world's leading thinkers and doers give the talk of their lives in 18 minutes (or less). Look for talks on Technology, Entertainment and Design -- plus science, business, global issues, the arts and more. You're welcome to link to or embed these videos, forward them to others and share these ideas with people you know.

TED's videos may be used for non-commercial purposes under a Creative Commons License, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives (or the CC BY – NC – ND 4.0 International) and in accordance with our TED Talks Usage Policy: https://www.ted.com/about/our-organization/our-policies-terms/ted-talks-usage-policy. For more information on using TED for commercial purposes (e.g. employee learning, in a film or online course), please submit a Media Request at https://media-requests.ted.com

You Don’t Actually Know What Your Future Self Wants | Shankar Vedantam | TED

We Don’t Actually Know What Our Future Self Wants

Friend: I’d rather die than miss a day at the gymMe: That’s a bit extreme, don’t you think?Friend: What I found is, if I miss one day, I will miss every day. Whatever set of excuses I have today that stop me gyming, they are going to be there every day.Me: Yep I always have the same excuses: I am too busy, I am too tired. There’s never a convenient time.

Train your work ethic & willpower

We procrastinate because we overvalue the present and undervalue the future.We’re drawn to instant gratification. Sitting on the couch and watching TV is instantly enjoyable. Getting into shape at the gym takes a long time.We not do understand the future consequences of our actions. We feel like skipping the gym today is a small thing. We don’t realize that tomorrow we’ll have the same excuses, we’ll never end up going.We defeat procrastination by realizing:If I do not take action today, then I will never achieve my dreams for tomorrow.

Procrastinating to Realization 

These ideas helped me to make my work ethic effective , it made me do work I did in 5 hours to 2 hours . Not bad if you are just starting out and think going to bed having done everything with relaxed mind very few people get that type of sleep

Developing work ethic

Find  Self Improvement Tips - Curated from popular Books like Atomic Habits, 48 Rules of Power, Deep Work, Rich Dad Poor Dad and way more!