Mental toughness is the quality that can even make you fight up alone for all your problems.  Mental toughness is one of those qualities that can bring a great change in your life if you will apply it correctly in your life. The reason behind this is having a strong mentality will never let you down and you will never feel like you are going to end up in a fight.

Mental Toughness A Training Guide For A Better Life 

According to wikipedia Mental toughness is "Having the herbal or evolved mental part that permits you to: commonly, cope better than your fighters with the various demands (competition, training, way of life) that game locations on a performer; especially, be greater regular and better than your combatants in last determined.  It just simply means to be more mentally strong and able to resist and fight back to different situations more than your opponent.

What is the meaning of mental toughness?

Mental toughness is important because  <ul><li>Mental toughness prepares you mentally for big challenges. </li> </ul><ul><li>It increases your will power. </li> </ul><ul><li>It helps in giving a strong comeback against your problems  </li> </ul>

Why is mental toughness important ?

Stress and anxiety are the common problems that we all face in our society, career tension, personal life problems and much more. In order to stay mentally strong we need to come up above all those negative stuff. For having a strong mindset we need to clear our mind. Because mental toughness stays in a healthy mind, don't take too much stress, just be focused, ignore problems and work.

• Learn to deal with stress

Consider your weakness as your strength, find opportunities in your weakness, don't be afraid of them, just try improving them. Work alone on all your weaknesses and turn them into your strength. While you will <a href="https://inspirationalblogs45.blogspot.com/2021/12/Self-improvement.html">improve yourself </a>regularly you are actually moving towards a strong mindset. Remember one thing: don't ever share your weakness with others if you are working for success then keep your secrets with you because you don't know who can betray you. Work in silence, improve yourself and let your success make noise for you.

• Confront your weakness

Self confidence is an ability to trust yourself . Self confidence means you have a trust on your skills and have a good knowledge about weakness and strength  <a href="https://inspirationalblogs45.blogspot.com/2021/07/self-confidence-meaning-and-its-benefits.html">Self confidence </a>is another important aspect that can make you mentally strong, when you are more confident, then you can be more mentally strong because you know that you are right and self confidence creates a feeling that you are right.

• Boost your Self-confidence

In this world that's Full of competition, if you don't have enough knowledge then your chances of failure are more. Learn something new everyday it will boost your knowledge, will keep you updated and will even make you mentally strong. Check out Speeches, inspirational blogs, Podcasts and book summary because they will broaden your thinking and you will be able to learn something new.

• Have a hunger to learn something new

Most people avoid  challenges. They prefer to stay in their comfort zone and that's the biggest mistake of their life. To develop mental toughness you have to be tough , you have to face these challenges, because challenges are the staircase to the way of success. Avoid giving excuses, work hard, don't be afraid of failure.  Comfort zone is such a silly thing that can even ruin your whole life so if you are willing for success then want to come up with a strong mindset then come out from your comfort zone.

• Come out from your comfort zone

Mental toughness is essential and it's the basic need if you want to have a winning attitude or you are preparing yourself for long term success. Don't waste your time on stress, anxiety and other negative stuff. Just focus on yourself and how you can improve yourself. Good day:)

Conclusion

Mental Toughness: A Training guide for life. Know the best way to improve your personality and to broaden your mindset

Being inspired is a very tough task . But not the impossible one , introducing you the best and evergreen blog that will make you inspired everyday .we will provide you the quality of content just for free

Understand yourself and those around you.

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Mental Toughness |  A Training guide for life

The Familiarity Bias States that people already prefer what is familiar to them.This has been proven in multiple different studies showing that humans prefer things that they already have used or are familiar with

Familarity Bias

This Psychological Effect states that users spend most of their time on other people's websites and apps so one way to utilize this psychological effect in your designs is don't stray too far from what people have done. Be innovated but consistent

This relates to the Jakob psycological Effect

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One Huge Psychological Effect To Use In Your Designs

Milieu therapy is a widely used <a href="https://thehumancondition.com/psychotherapy-introduction-benefits/">therapeutic method</a> in <a href="https://thehumancondition.com/the-principles-of-group-therapy/">group counseling</a>. This treatment approach can be combined with other types of therapeutic interventions. It works by structuring the treatment environment to make participants feel safe and secure while undergoing treatment. Therapists use milieu therapy to treat a wide variety of issues and <a href="https://thehumancondition.com/mental-health-and-conditions/">psychological conditions</a>, including substance abuse and schizophrenia.

Milieu Therapy: Background, Uses, and Effectiveness

The term “milieu” refers to a setting or environment; milieu therapy is a type of psychotherapy that involves forming therapeutic communities among groups of clients who meet for treatment sessions.

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Milieu Therapy: Background, Uses, and Effectiveness - The Human Condition

"an aggregated measure of self- and social-awareness, evolved social beliefs and attitudes, and a capacity and appetite to manage complex social change."

About Social Intelligence

"the ability to understand and manage men and women and boys and girls, to act wisely in human relations

"competence to optimally understand one's environment and react appropriately for socially successful conduct"

"It leans more toward Jean Piaget's theory that intelligence is not a fixed attribute, but a complex hierarchy of information-processing skills underlying an adaptive equilibrium between the individual and the environment."

Not A Fixed Attribute 

"More recently, popular science writer Daniel Goleman has drawn on social neuroscience research to propose that social intelligence is made up of social awareness (including empathy, attunement, empathic accuracy, and social cognition) and social facility (including synchrony, self-presentation, influence, and concern)."

Made Of Social Awareness And Social Facility

I took the The Four Factor Test of Social Intelligence in a random app I wanted to know a litle bit more about this type of intelligence. 

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Social intelligence - Wikipedia

<ul><li>Before modern medicine, unexplained women's behaviors and illnesses were diagnosed as hysteria.</li><li>Symptoms of hysteria included fever and physical pain, as well as behaviors that didn't fit female stereotypes of passivity, feebleness, and fragility.</li><li>Mood swings, anxiety, and depression were all considered symptoms of hysteria.</li></ul>

Anorexia and Hysteria: A Shared History

<ul><li>Psychiatry asylums played a role in anorexia being recognized as its own medical condition separate from hysteria</li><li>At first, psychiatric institutions were places where people with mental illnesses were looked after, but not treated</li><li>This changed with a mental health reformation</li><li>People began to see mental illness as either curable or at least manageable through kindness and therapy</li><li>Psychiatric institutions began offering treatments and rehabilitation to the poor, and accountability came with it.</li></ul>

Separating Anorexia from Hysteria

<ul><li>Since the mid-1800s, we've gained a deeper understanding of why anorexia develops, but its early associations with hysteria have been difficult to escape</li><li>Anorexia and hysteria are not the same illness</li><li>In a 1982 Life Magazine article, it was claimed that "hysteria has almost disappeared, but if there is an equivalent today it is ANorexia, the psychosomatic disorder of young, middle-class women who won't eat."</li><li>A 1988 article from Harvard scientists still suggested that both illnesses were caused by female cultural stereotypes.</li></ul>

Modern Misconception

<ul><li>A psychosomatic disorder is a condition where observed physical symptoms don’t have medical explanations.</li><li>These symptoms are instead attributed to psychological things (e.g., stress, emotions, and personality).</li><li>Many times, we just haven't found medical explanations for them yet.</li><li>However, because we are beginning to find a medical explanation for why anorexia develops (particularly genetics and neurochemical dysfunction), we can't call it a purely psychosomatic condition.</li></ul>

Psychosomatic Disorder

<ul><li>Alexithymia is a personality trait that makes it difficult to identify our feelings, describe what other people are feeling, and to think imaginatively.</li><li>Illness denial is more difficult to find a medical explanation for, but emerging neurological explanations suggest that people with anorexia are not denying their illness out of stubbornness.</li></ul>

Medical Explanations for Psychosomatic Symptoms in Anorexia

Early links to hysteria have contributed to misconceptions about anorexia.

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Philosophy

Where Did Anorexia Stereotypes Come From?

<ul><li>It falls into four domains: supernatural danger, body violations, violence, and the minds of dangerous people. Serial killers fall within the latter two domains</li><li>Humans have a uniquely impressive ability to imagine events and experience them through mental simulation</li><li>By imagining dangerous situations, humans can generate scenarios where the perceived learning benefit is high, but the cost of learning is low</li></ul>

Our Morbid Curiosity

This cost-benefit shift in learning about dangerous situations lies at the core of our morbid curiosity, our love of violent thrillers, and our fascination with serial killers. We thirst for knowledge about the killer. Why does he behave as he does? How does he act around others when he isn’t hunting? What are his motivations for selecting his victims? Perhaps most importantly, what are the signs that someone might be a killer? Questions like these intrigue us because they strike at something deep in our animal nature—the need to avoid predation.

Learning About Dangerous Situations

We have our imaginative minds and evolutionary history with predators to blame.

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Why We Are Fascinated By Serial Killers

The way we present ourselves to others cannot be changed by others. We have to want to change for the better ourselves, for our self.Unrealistic expectations of others can be shown by shouting, getting frustrated easily, angry or upset often.Simply put, you need to discover who the person infront of YOU is. You can choose to help them to manage their chimp and recognise their gremlins, or you can judge them for how they are presenting themselves. The choice is yours. P127.

Mind Your World

A golden rule for understanding people and situations is to ALWAYS attempt to establish the FACTS before you make your assessment.

Want to understand whats inside your head and how it works?The human brain is complex so I will simplify it for you.Within the Chimp Management Model, we outline three parts to the brain:• Frontal - the Human• Limbic - the Chimp• Parietal - the ComputerThese 3 parts combine to form the Psychological Mind.These three parts of the brain attempt to work together, they very frequently get into conflict and struggle against eachother to gain control, with the Chimp (limbic brain) often winning!

Breakdown Of The Psychological Mind

The frontal (Human) and the limbic (Chimp) the emotional machine, are not always in agreement with eachother.Either one of these parts of your brain can run your life for you, although they try to work together, it is a problematic task.The Human and the Chimp have independent personalities with different agendas, ways of thinking and modes of operating.Effectively, there are two beings in your head!Therefore, it is important to grasp that only one of these beings is you, the Human.

Introducing The Chimp Pt1

The Chimp is an emotional machine which we all possess. It thinks independently from us and can make decisions for us. It offers emotional thoughts and feelings that can be very constructive or very destructive! It is not either good or bad, it is a Chimp.The Chimp paradox is that it can be your best friend and your worst enemy simultaneously.The purpose of this book is to help you to manage your Chimp and to harness its strength and power when it is working for you and to neutralise it when it is working against you.

Introducing The Chimp Pt2

Successful people don't make demands from others, but set the scene, so that the Human in others may respond, rather than their Chimp.

When people have accidents that damage the frontal lobe or where they have a disorder or illness affecting the frontal lobe, their personality alters.Effectively, the Human part of the brain stops working and the new personality that presents is the Chimp. People affected in this way will become disinhibited and lose their judgement, or they can become apathetic or have outbursts of aggressive behaviour.

Science Explains The Chimp Paradox Pt1

How many times have you talked to yourself? Reassured yourself or had battles within your own head?You often have thoughts and feelings you don't want and even carry out behaviours that you know are not really what you want to do. So why do you do it? How can you not have control over what thoughts or emotions you have and the behaviours you carry out?How can you be two different people at different times?

Science Explains The Chimp Paradox Pt2

Brain scanners show the blood supply in your brain going to the area that is being used. When you think calmly and rationally then we see the blood going to the frontal area, the Human in your head, and you become the person you want to be and truly are.When you become emotional and irrational, especially when you are angry or distressed, then we see the blood supply go to the limbic area, your Chimp. You would usually say this isn't how you want to be.The truth is that it is your Chimp, an emotional machine, that is overpowering your Human mind. Your Chimp is hijacking you!

Technology Proves The Science

Having a Chimp is like owning a dog. You are not responsible for the nature of the dog but you are responsible for managing it and keeping it well behaved. Stop and think about this as it is crucial to your happiness and success in life.The Chimp within your head is a separate entity to you. It was born when you were born but has nothing to do with you as a Human.It is simply part of your machinery.You didn't choose your Chimp, it was given to you and you need to accept it.It has a mind of its own and thinks with original thoughts which aren't yours.Its purpose is to ensure the next generation

The Chimp Within

One of the secrets of success and happiness is to learn to live with your Chimp and not get bitten or attacked by it.To do this, you need to understand how your Chimp behaves, and why it thinks and acts in the way that it does. You also need to understand your Human and not muddle up your Human with your Chimp!

The Psychological Mind also has a storage area for thoughts and behaviours, called the Computer, based on the Chimp Management Model.The Computer stores information that the Chimp or Human has put into it. It then uses this information to act for them in an automatic way or as a reference point.Now you have a basic understanding of whats inside your head, get this book to start your journey across the Psychological Universe.We can see how you are operating with your Human, Chimp and Computer in different circumstances and how to use them to your advantage and understand your self better.

Inside Your Mind

A basic understanding of this mindset - being an innocent, passive victim at the hands of others and circumstance, completely devoid of any responsibility/accountability and has no power to change things.The general behaviours and beliefs displayed are as follows:<ul><li>I am not responsible for my own happiness.</li><li>I am not responsible for my own decisions.</li><li>I am a victim of circumstance.</li><li>There is nothing I can do to change things.</li><li>Nobody is helping me.</li><li>Others should understand me.</li><li>Falling apart and being helpless is part of life.</li></ul>

Snow White Mindset Part 1

They try to show you that you are selfish and owe them greatly. If challenged, they either become aggressive and accusatory or they become suitably depressed and tearful. Ofcourse, its your fault that they are depressed and tearful!These typical behaviours are shown when the Snow White sufferer has not got their way over something or another. They embrace the feeling of being hard done by and that others owe them a favour.They will make you aware of the above with subtle sighs and gestures, followed by acts of passive aggression such as silence or refusing to communicate.

Snow White Mindset Part 2

It is tough for all those involved when someone has become a Snow White sufferer. Escaping this means a real change of approach in life.The sufferer must be helped to see exactly how they are presenting themselves to others. Seek help and therapy with an empathetic and non judgemental individual, to explore and unlock the Mindset and disband the Gremlins that are dancing together. P.s. we have all occasionally developed a touch of the Snow White Mindset when we have allowed the Gremlins to move in!

Returning To A Healthier Mindset Part 1

Be proactive and make it work to get the best out of life. Change what needs to be changed of your reality and the world you have made for your self, so that you won't be resigned to suffering any further. Find and seek support from suitably trained individuals who support you with the changes you instigate, and learn to get on with life with a genuine smile.Only you can make this choice for your self.

Returning To A Healthier Mindset Part 2

The power over your self is with you and no.body.else

In order to help you to keep the Snow White Mindset from developing:<ul><li>Nobody likes a victim.</li><li>Nobody owes you anything.</li><li>Everybody likes a positive acting person. </li><li>You don't have to be guilty for being happy.</li><li>Happiness is a choice that you make.</li><li>It is not selfish to take care of your happiness.</li><li>Life is what you make of it, not what it throws at you.</li><li>Everybody is responsible for their own actions.</li><li>Everybody is responsible for their own attitudes.</li><li>It is normal for adults to be assertive. </li></ul>

Thoughts Worth Considering 

When two people communicate together, either person is in Chimp mode or in Human mode, alternating between these modes very quickly.Chimp mode = emotionally charged conversation and not necessarily logical.Human mode = not emotionally charged conversation, with a logical basis.Human to human - this will be logically contained.Chimp to chimp - the conversation will be highly emotionally charged, potentially involving attacks and counterattacks.

Communicating Effectively 

The centre of the Square contains the 'right person'.The corners include:<ul><li>The right time</li><li>The right place</li><li>The right agenda</li><li>The right way</li></ul>

The Square Of Communication

If you don't get the centre of the Square right, then you are most likely wasting your time and not doing your self any favours.This 'never ending wrong person' trail is VERY COMMON. If someone has a complaint or discussion involving a specific person, it is amazing that they go to everybody but the person to highlight and resolve issues (barking up the wrong tree).The result is that you will never be satisfied and resolve the situation, as you are wasting time and energy going down a trail of wrong people, instead of resolving the problem by approaching the person who needs to be approached.

The Never Ending Wrong Person Trail

You may fall into the trap of moaning and complaining to lots of random people, inadverdently making your self the problem. Speaking to the right person can save alot of time, effort and emotional stress! The usual reason we don't talk to the right person is due to lack of assertiveness.Being assertive means explaining to someone else what is acceptable in your world and what isn't acceptable and why. Explain this in a calm manner WITHOUT expressing emotion. In contrast to this, being aggressive is expressing emotion and behaviours that are attacking in manner in order to convey the message.

Assertiveness or aggression?

Speaking steadily helps us to get our message across in the way we intend and helps others to listen.

A little snippet from this book ✌ additional stashes added..

Your inner Chimp can be your best friend or your worst enemy...this is the Chimp Paradox Do you sabotage your own happiness and success? Are you struggling to make sense of yourself? Do your emotions sometimes dictate your life? Dr. Steve Peters explains that we all have a being within our minds that can wreak havoc on every aspect of our lives—be it business or personal. He calls this being "the chimp," and it can work either for you or against you. The challenge comes when we try to tame the chimp, and persuade it to do our bidding. The Chimp Paradox contains an incredibly powerful mind management model that can help you be happier and healthier, increase your confidence, and become a more successful person. This book will help you to: —Recognize how your mind is working —Understand and manage your emotions and thoughts —Manage yourself and become the person you would like to be Dr. Peters explains the struggle that takes place within your mind and then shows you how to apply this understanding. Once you're armed with this new knowledge, you will be able to utilize your chimp for good, rather than letting your chimp run rampant with its own agenda.

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Leadership & Management

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Science & Nature

Your inner Chimp can be your best friend or your worst enemy...this is the Chimp Paradox Do you sabotage your own happiness and success? Are you struggling to make sense of yourself? Do your emotions sometimes dictate your life? Dr. Steve Peters explains that we all have a being within our minds that can wreak havoc on every aspect of our lives—be it business or personal. He calls this being "the chimp," and it can work either for you or against you. The challenge comes when we try to tame the chimp, and persuade it to do our bidding. The Chimp Paradox contains an incredibly powerful mind management model that can help you be happier and healthier, increase your confidence, and become a more successful person. This book will help you to: —Recognize how your mind is working —Understand and manage your emotions and thoughts —Manage yourself and become the person you would like to be Dr. Peters explains the struggle that takes place within your mind and then shows you how to apply this understanding. Once you're armed with this new knowledge, you will be able to utilize your chimp for good, rather than letting your chimp run rampant with its own agenda.

Steve Peters

The Chimp Paradox

Imagine that you’ve just started a new <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/diet">diet </a>, and you ask your partner to support you in your efforts by reminding you to cook healthy meals at home instead of eating out and do something active after work instead of watching Netflix. One evening when you are discussing what you should eat for dinner, you suggest ordering in. Your partner replies, “I thought you were on a diet. No eating out!”Instead of thanking them for reminding you of your <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/motivation">goals </a>, you feel anger welling up inside of you. How dare they tell you what you can and cannot eat!

Imagine You Just Started Something

You are not alone. In fact, this angry reaction is one of the reasons why our efforts to reach our goals can fall short or even backfire. When people feel that their choices are restricted, or that others are telling them what to do, they sometimes rebel and do the opposite.Scientists have a term for this: psychological reactance. Psychological reactance is our brain’s response to a threat to our freedom. Threats to freedom include any time someone suggests or makes you do something. Health communication experts note that reactance sometimes happens in response to health campaigns that tell people to <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/smoking">quit smoking </a>. Rather than reducing smoking behavior, these ads sometimes cause people to want to smoke more!

It's Called Psychological Reactance

This strong reaction to a threat to freedom has two parts: feelings and thoughts. When reactance is happening in our minds and bodies, we have negative thoughts, and we often feel anger, hostility, and <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/anger">aggression </a>.People who strongly feel reactance in response to threats to freedom feel an urge to do something. That something can be restoring one’s freedom by rebelling against the advised or prescribed action. If told to wear your seat belt, you might leave it unbuckled on purpose. This type of reaction is called “direct restoration.” Other options include deciding to like the prescribed action; in other words, changing your mind about how you feel about seatbelts or thinking, “I wanted to start wearing my seatbelt anyway!” Or, lastly, denying that a threat to freedom ever existed in the first place.

It Has Two Parts

As I’ve been researching this concept, I’ve become hyper-aware of my own psychological reactance. I’ve noticed that my brain has reactance in response to the smallest threats. For example, when my husband says, “What’s the plan for this evening?” instead of simply responding with “no plans” or with whatever the plan actually is, I find myself feeling a bit panicked, as if him asking the question is going to lock me into something I do not want to do.

The negative thoughts and anger that come along with reactance make it worth taking the time to notice when your brain engages in psychological reactance and attempting to reframe those scenarios so they do not feel like threats to freedom. If I can think differently about the question when my husband asks me “what’s the plan,” I might be able to spare myself from those brief, negative thoughts and emotions.

Reframing the experience so it is no longer a threat to freedom is one way we can try to avoid psychological reactance. We can try to remember that just because someone suggests something to us or asks us to do something, they are not necessarily trying to control us. Scientists are working on discovering other ways to avoid or reduce psychological reactance. One study found that telling participants that “they are free to decide for themselves what is good for them” after being told to do a specific health behavior, like flossing their teeth or wearing sunscreen, was able to reduce reactance (Bessarabova, Fink, & Turner, 2013; Miller et al., 2007). Other studies have found that inducing <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/empathy">empathy </a>or asking the threatened person to take the perspective of the person telling them what to do can help reduce reactance (Shen, 2010; Steindl & Jonas, 2012).

What do you do when you feel an urge to rebel or feel angry in response to others telling you what to do?

Understanding our brain's response to being told what to do.

Why We Hate People Telling Us What to Do

Our thought processes are affected by what we experience around us, and it’s normal to experience both good and bad times. However, when negative thinking becomes the norm, it can contribute to mental health problems including social anxiety, low self-esteem, and even depression. To avoid falling into that pattern, let’s explore the science of negative thinking and how you can develop a more mindful relationship with your thoughts.

Negative Feelings Are Natural

Our thought processes are intimately connected to the way we feel. When you’re feeling content, your thoughts tend to reflect this. In times of happiness, you may be more satisfied with your career progress, perceive your personal relationships as more secure, or have a better body image. Conversely, if you’re anxious or unhappy, you may notice that negative thoughts start to emerge. This could include feeling stressed about work, worrying about your appearance, or questioning the loyalty of your friends.

The Science of Negative Thinking

If you regularly experience negative thoughts, this cognitive distortion can sadly worsen an already poor mental health, leading to low mood, poor self-esteem, and anxiety.To make things worse, a bias towards negative thinking will increase the likelihood that you’ll spend time ruminating on mistakes or dwelling on things that didn’t go as well as you had hoped. Negativity bias, or the propensity to focus on negative experiences, can cloud your judgement. Decisions will appear more complex than they truly are, which will make it harder to know how to handle difficult situations.

Negative Bias

<ul><li>Recognize negative thinking when it arises.</li><li>Ask yourself if the thought is truthful or helpful.</li><li>If the negative thought provides no value, shift your focus by rewiring your thought patterns.</li><li>Manage negative thinking by changing the way you respond to it and control how much impact it has.</li></ul>

The Principles of Managing Negative Thoughts

<ol><li>Create distance from your thoughts: Pay attention to your automatic thoughts and label them as subjective thoughts.</li><li>Start a thought diary: Journal down the date, the time, the event that triggered an emotion, and the resulting negative thought.</li><li>Use de-catastrophizing techniques: Negative thinking often leads to catastrophizing.</li></ol>Ask yourself: <ul><li>What am I worried about? Is it likely that my worry will come true?</li><li>What is the worst that could happen if my worry comes true?</li></ul>

How to Transmute Your Negative Thoughts

Once recognised, negative thoughts can be managed to reduce the impact on your emotional wellbeing. This in turn will break the cycle of negative thinking. By paying attention to your thoughts and interrogating their validity you can prevent cognitive distortions from skewing your beliefs and impacting your mental health.

The Bottom Line

When negative thinking becomes the norm, it can contribute to mental health problems including social anxiety, low self-esteem, and even depression. To avoid falling into that pattern, let’s explore the science of negative thinking and how you can develop a more mindful relationship to your thoughts.

The psychology of negative thinking

Two biased forms of thinking that involve taking things too personallyPersonalisation: believing that you're the cause of a negative event, despite having little or no evidence to support the belief.Mind reading: believing someone is making a critical judgment about you, especially in an ambiguous situation where you've received no direct feedback.<ul><li>Misleading thoughts about social situations can become habitual.</li><li>Social situations are always somewhat unclear, so it's natural to try to make sense of them.</li></ul>

The Two Forms Of Thinking

If you experience a social setback or can’t get a good read on what another person is thinking, being self-aware can help you pinpoint and correct social problems. But if you resort to personalising or mind-reading whenever there’s a bit of social ambiguity, these well-rehearsed thoughts will start to appear automatically, even when you don’t have much evidence to suggest they’re true.

A Lack Of Self-Awareness

If you struggle with taking things too personally, it’s likely that these self-critical thoughts have been rehearsed so often that you don’t even notice them anymore, particularly if you’re wrapped up in the uncomfortable feelings and urges that accompany them. You can compare these well-learned automatic thoughts to the procedural ones that help you perform activities you’ve done countless times, like driving a car.

Your Mind On Autopilot

If you tend to take things too personally, it’s important to recognise your patterns of personalisation or mind-reading before deciding what to do with them. This can be challenging, however, because the line between feelings and thoughts is often blurred. A good way to distinguish feelings from thoughts is to remember that feelings can often be summarised in one word – nervous, happy, surprised, scared – and thoughts are the ideas that drive or follow the feelings.

Distinguish Your Feelings from Your Thoughts

To help you understand and separate the connections between feelings and thoughts, practise labelling them whenever you have the opportunity.Remember that feelings are not debatable – you just feel how you feel, even when you wish you didn’t. Your thoughts, on the other hand, can be challenged, revised or replaced with more realistic and useful ones.

The Labelling Exercise

The next time you’re experiencing a strong or difficult emotion, tune in to your thoughts.For example, you run into an acquaintance you haven’t seen in a long time, and after a brief and somewhat awkward conversation, you feel a sudden sadness. These thoughts might have an even greater emotional impact due to other events in your life – perhaps your brief encounter triggered a disappointing reminder that some close friends recently moved away, and you’re concerned that your interactions with people will more frequently resemble the superficial conversation you just had.

Look for Signs that You Are Personalising or Mind Reading

Remember that your thoughts may reflect biases in thinking, which is an important starting point. Now is your opportunity to consider the evidence for and against your thoughts, which will help you decide whether to stick with your original understanding of a situation or go with an alternative explanation that seems more plausible.

List the Evidence for And Against Your Thoughts

The best way to go through the process of gathering evidence is to write down your thoughts.Get out a sheet of paper. On the left side, write down a brief description of the situation.On the right side, write down how you felt: ‘sad’ or ‘anxious’ or ‘annoyed’. Between the situation and the feeling, write down your explanations for what happened and how you felt.Below the situation, thoughts and feelings, write down what you know that suggests your thoughts are true. Write down anything that tells you that your thoughts might not be true.

Find Out If The Feeling Is About You Or Not

<ul><li>Distinguish your feelings from your thoughts</li><li>Look for signs that you are personalizing or mind reading</li><li>List the evidence for and against your thoughts.</li><li>Consider whether it makes more sense to adopt an alternative account of what happened</li><li>Accept a reasonable amount of uncertainty</li></ul>

The Checklist

When you're overwhelmed by intense and persistent emotions, and you're grappling with the urge to overthink, run away, lash out or engage in some other counterproductive behaviour, it can be helpful to acknowledge and try to relate differently to your inner experience.Four interrelated components of emotional experiences, which you can remember by using the acronym STUF: <ul><li>Sensations: what is your body doing?</li><li>Thoughts: what’s going through your mind?</li><li>Urges: what do you want to do or not do?</li><li>Feeling labels: what do you call your emotion?</li></ul>

The STUF

Ask yourself, what’s useful?Once you’ve had a chance to explore, challenge and revise your thoughts, consider what would be useful for you to know or do now. So, what’s useful? If you take things too personally because you regularly overlook details that would help you think objectively, it might be useful to acknowledge the biases in your thinking.

Asking Yourself About What Is Really Useful In The Situation And Your Thoughts

By their nature, social interactions contain a certain degree of ambiguity or uncertainty. Although you can’t control what others think nor actually read their minds, you can make plans for change, practise social behaviour that’s generally effective, and learn to tolerate the uncertainty that comes with taking social risks. You can’t always know what people are thinking about you, but you can decide how you’d like to conduct yourself.

Accept a Reasonable Amount of Uncertainty

To bring more clarity to your thinking about your STUF, here are some good questions to ask yourself. You might find it helpful to write down your answers.<ul><li>What does my STUF mean or say about me?</li><li>Do I accept my STUF or criticise myself for it?</li><li>Do I try to distance myself or react impulsively to my STUF?</li><li>Am I satisfied with the way I think about and respond to my STUF?</li><li>What would I like to do differently? Why?</li></ul>

The STUF Thinking: Bring Some Clarity By Asking Questions

Practice accepting your authentic inner experience, without judgment, before redirecting your attention and behaviour to a productive response that's driven by your values and long-term goals.Below are some further ways to understand and relate to your feelings and urges:<ul><li>Objectivity</li><li>A tolerable annoyance.</li><li>Patience, warmth and kindness.</li></ul>

Accept And Redirect

Give some thought to the emotion-driven choices you make when you take things personally and consider the value-driven behaviours you’d like to choose in the future. These can include the plans for effective social behaviour we considered earlier. Examples of value-driven action:<ul><li>treating people with respect;</li><li>asking for feedback to improve relationships;</li><li>accepting responsibility for your actions; and</li><li>being kind to yourself when you’re feeling overwhelmed.</li></ul>

Value-Driven Action

Self-awareness is the key to conquer your feelings.

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