Explorers are curious. They have many interests: they love to learn, and they regularly seek novelty and adventure. Moreover, Explorers are likely to be impulsive, high energy, flexible, irreverent and very interested in sex. So two Explorers can have great fun together. They won’t argue over life’s little chores: when to take out the garbage is likely to be immaterial to both. They aren’t likely to quarrel about money either, as most believe cash should be used to fulfil their dreams.

Explorer and Explorer Match

Explorers don’t follow schedules or prescribed ways of doing things, unless necessary, so neither will be fussy about rules either. Explorers are optimists. And their positivity, flexibility and mutual irreverence enable these couples to keep their spirits up when life is strained. But two Explorers can find themselves in disastrous situations – financial or physical – because both are daring and impulsive. And what they gain in intellectual and/ or physical adventure, they can lose in emotional intimacy because Explorers are wildly independent – even from a mate.

Explorer and Explorer Match (cont’d)

Explorers aren’t generally introspective either. So two Explorers can leave serious family issues unresolved. Explorers also tend to be charismatic and flirtatious, so they can stumble into extra-marital romantic situations. They are prone to addiction, too. And Explorers can become restless and hanker to move on as the novelty wears off. Yet this restlessness may be their biological strength. Helen Fisher suspected this type is more prone to making a series of partnerships, hence producing more varied young – another viable reproductive strategy.

But what happens when an Explorer falls in love with a Builder? One is reckless, the other cautious; one likes novelty, the other basks in the familiar. Or when two Directors tie the knot? Both are sceptical, competitive and have poorer people skills. Can two Negotiators ever make a decision? Both vacillate. And how will someone predominantly expressive of both Explorer and Builder traits cope with someone who is largely a Director and Negotiator?

Other Matches (And Are They Doomed?)

Every match will have different joys and sorrows. Moreover, each of us is a unique combination of these four broad biological styles of thinking and behaving. In fact, in one of Helen Fisher’s studies of 100,000 individuals, no two people answered the 56 questions of her questionnaire the same way.

No Two People Are The Same

Nevertheless, each of these 100,000 men and women expressed these four broad personality constellations in some way: biological patterns to human personality do exist.So when a couple walks into the therapist’s office, they come not only with luggage from their childhood but with biologically based variations in whom and how they love. These predispositions are worth knowing as the couple therapist embarks upon the journey into their clients’ hearts.

Biological Patterns Walk In Therapy Along With Us

The late Helen Fisher, renowned biological anthropologist, identified four primary personality types based on brain chemistry and hormonal influences: the Explorer, the Builder, the Director and the Negotiator.

In love? Take a quiz. Long-term relationship. Heartbreak. Science of love

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

communication

Communication

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

scienceandnature

Science & Nature

The 4 ‘Love Archetypes’ That Influence Partner Choice (part 2 of 2)

Many social, economic, psychological and biological forces contribute to mate preference. We tend to gravitate to someone with the same socio-economic and ethnic background, with a similar level of education, intelligence and physical attractiveness; a partner who shares our religious and social values; and someone who can provide the lifestyle we seek. Timing and proximity contribute.

“We Have So Much In Common”

Some psychologists believe we gravitate to someone similar to the parent with whom we have unresolved issues; who can provide the type of attachment we had with mother; or a mate who reflects the values and interests of our childhood friends. But academics don’t agree on the role of personality in mate choice. Some report we are attracted to those with similar personality traits; others conclude that opposites attract; still others maintain neither play a role. So Helen Fisher approached mate choice from a different perspective: biology.

“Ha! We Have Chemistry!”

Personality is composed of two basic types of traits: those an individual acquires through experience, traits of character; and those with biological underpinnings, traits of temperament. Traits of temperament are heritable, relatively stable across the life course and linked to specific genes, hormones and/or neurotransmitter systems. Indeed, some 50% of who we are stems from our biology. So Helen Fisher culled from the academic literature those personality traits currently linked with any physiological foundations.

The 4 Primary Temperament Dimensions

Only four neural systems are regularly associated with a constellation of personality traits. Variations in the dopamine system have been linked with novelty, experience and adventure seeking, susceptibility to boredom, impulsivity, energy and enthusiasm. People expressive of certain genes in the dopamine system tend to lack introspection; they look out, not in. These men and women are also often intellectually curious, mentally flexible and creative. So Helen Fisher called this style of thinking and behaving ‘curious/energetic’ and dubbed them “Explorers”.

The Dopamine-Driven “Explorers”

The suite of traits associated with specific activities and genes in the serotonin system include sociability, caution (harm avoidance), less anxiety and more close friends. Elevated activity in the serotonin systems is also linked with observing social norms, following the rules, respecting authority, orderliness, adherence to plans, methods and habits, self-control, precision, interest in details, conscientiousness, figural and numeric creativity, and religiosity. So Helen Fisher called this trait constellation the ‘cautious/social norm compliant’ and dubbed them “Builders”.

The Serotonin-Driven “Builders”

Prenatal endogenous testosterone priming is linked with enhanced visual-spatial perception and a keen understanding of ‘rule-based systems’, from mechanics to computers, maths, engineering or music. Those expressive of testosterone regularly exhibit acute attention to details and have deep but narrow interests. They also tend to be less socially aware, with poorer emotion recognition, less eye contact, less verbal fluency, reduced empathy and extreme sensitivity to rank.

The Testosterone-Driven “Directors”

Yet those expressive of testosterone are often self-confident, forthright, assertive and emotionally contained, although they also experience more emotional flooding, particularly rage. Helen Fisher designated this trait constellation the ‘analytical/tough-minded’ temperament dimension and dubbed those particularly expressive of this trait constellation “Directors”.

The Testosterone-Driven “Directors” (cont’d)

Prenatal endogenous estrogen priming is associated with contextual, holistic and long-term thinking, as well as linguistic skills, agreeableness, co-operation, theory of mind (intuition), empathy and nurturing. Traits associated with estrogen activities also include generosity and trust, the drive to make social attachments, heightened memory for emotional experiences, keen imagination and mental flexibility.

The Estrogen-Driven “Negotiators”

Oxytocin, closely related to estrogen, is also associated with several prosocial traits, including trust, reading emotions in others and theory of mind. So Helen Fisher designated this trait constellation the ‘prosocial/empathetic’ temperament dimension and dubbed those predominantly expressive of this suite of trait “Negotiators”.

The Estrogen-Driven “Negotiators” (cont’d)

Helen Fisher found that men and women who were primarily novelty-seeking, energetic, curious and creative were statistically significantly more drawn to those who shared these traits, while those who were primarily conventional, cautious and rule following were also drawn to individuals like themselves. But those who were more analytical, tough minded, direct and decisive were disproportionately attracted to their opposite, those who were imaginative, intuitive, compassionate and socially skilled; and vice versa.

Mate Choice

In short, Explorers preferentially sought Explorers, Builders sought other Builders, and Directors and Negotiators were drawn to one another. Why does similarity attract in some cases while opposites attract in others? Perhaps these human appetites are primordial reproductive mechanisms that evolved to insure the survival of the young. Take a partnership between a Director and a Negotiator

So Is It “Similars Attract” Or “Opposites Attract”?

These are very different styles of thinking and behaving, yet the Director and Negotiator have important things in common. Foremost, their thinking meshes. Both dislike wasting time on irrelevant or superficial conversations, and both like to discuss abstract concepts and generate theories. Yet the Negotiator sees the big picture, while the Director is likely to focus on smaller pieces of the puzzle; so both can impress.

Director and Negotiator Match

They are also likely to make decisions well together. The Negotiator will see all the angles, while the Director will be decisive. Moreover, the Director needs the Negotiator’s empathy, verbal acuity and people skills, while the Negotiator can marvel at the Director’s candor, their goal-oriented focus and their gift of knowing their own mind.

Director and Negotiator Match (cont’d)

Problems can emerge, however. Directors strive for efficiency and logic, a trait that can disappoint the expressive, tenderhearted Negotiator. Directors don’t like redundancy either; they are not likely to say ‘I love you’ regularly or respond to other loving rituals the Negotiator needs to feel connected. Moreover, Directors admire self-control, so if the Negotiator becomes a drama queen (or king), the Director may retreat into hostile silence.

The Director can also become impatient with the Negotiator’s intuitive side, regarding it as airy nonsense. Meanwhile, the Negotiator may find the Director’s insistence on tough-minded logic irritating, particularly if it tramples on someone’s feelings. But when the Director and Negotiator pool their complementary traits, they are likely to be an effective team for raising young.

If Directors and Negotiators are pooling different resources to rear their young, Builders appear to capitalize on many shared strengths. Builders tend to be calm, precise, managerial and social; both like building community ties. And because Builders are modest, civic-minded and often popular, two Builders can create a wide, stable, social network.

Builder and Builder Match

Nor are these men and women impulsive with their money, actions or feelings; security is important to both. Moreover, Builders are traditional. Duty, loyalty, patience, persistence and service are their strong suits, so both are likely to be devoted to domestic stability, overlooking their differences to make the marriage last. But Builders can be moralistic: both are likely to believe there is a ‘right’ thing to do and a ‘right’ way of doing it. And both can be critical. So Builders are likely to bicker over trivial matters, such as how to do the dishes.

Builder and Builder Match (cont’d)

And Builders refuse to compromise their standards: both can be stubborn. Moreover, Builders are the least sexual of the four broad styles of thinking and behaving. So sex – and the emotional closeness it often brings – can take a back seat to their individual schedules. Nevertheless, with two Builders, humanity has evolved another stable strategy for parenting.

The late Helen Fisher, renowned biological anthropologist, identified four primary personality types based on brain chemistry and hormonal influences: the Explorer, the Builder, the Director and  the Negotiator.

The 4 ‘Love Archetypes’ That Influence Partner Choice (part 1 of 2)

Discover how self-esteem forms the foundation of a fulfilling life through six essential practices that empower personal and professional growth.

Self-esteem starts with awareness—acknowledging reality and facing life with mindfulness. 	“To live consciously means to seek awareness of everything that bears on our actions, values, and goals.”

Living Conciously

Accept yourself as you are—flaws, strengths, and all—to build a strong self-concept. 	“To accept responsibility for my being is to accept responsibility for my thoughts, feelings, and actions.”

Self-Acceptance

Take charge of your choices and well-being; no one else can live your life for you. 	“We cannot leave our fate in the hands of others and expect to maintain self-esteem.”

Self-Responsibility

Express your true self unapologetically, standing up for your beliefs and values. 	“To practice self-assertiveness is to live authentically, speaking and acting from our innermost convictions.”

Self-Assertiveness

Set clear goals and take deliberate actions to align with your life’s vision. 	“To live purposefully is to use our powers for the attainment of goals we have selected.”

Living Purposefully

Stay true to your principles and values, ensuring alignment between words and actions. 	“Integrity is the integration of ideals, convictions, and behavior.”

Personal Integrity

High self-esteem fosters resilience, motivation, and achievement across all areas of life. 	“Self-esteem is the reputation we acquire with ourselves.”

The Role of Self-esteem in Success

Healthy self-esteem enhances relationships by promoting mutual respect and authenticity. 	“You can only be as honest with others as you are with yourself.”

Self-Esteem & Relationships

Don’t let others’ opinions define your self-worth; embrace your inner value. 	“Others’ acceptance of me cannot be a substitute for my own.”

Overcoming External Judgements

Practice the six pillars consistently to make self-esteem a habitual part of life. 	“It is by practicing the principles that self-esteem grows stronger over time.”

Building Self-Esteem Daily

Individual self-esteem shapes communities, workplaces, and society at large. 	“The level of self-esteem of a population can be a predictor of its health and prosperity.”

The Global Impact of Self-Esteem

Self-esteem isn’t a gift but a skill cultivated through conscious living, purposeful action, and inner harmony. Strengthen it daily, and you’ll unlock a life of authenticity, confidence, and success.

Master self-esteem with six transformative practices that empower authenticity, purpose, and growth.

Nathaniel Branden's book is the culmination of a lifetime of clinical practice and study, already hailed in its hardcover edition as a classic and the most significant work on the topic.  Immense in scope and vision and filled with insight into human motivation and behavior, The Six Pillars Of Self-Esteem is essential reading for anyone with a personal or professional interest in self-esteem. The book demonstrates compellingly why self-esteem is basic to psychological health, achievement, personal happiness, and positive relationships.  Branden introduces the six pillars-six action-based practices for daily living that provide the foundation for self-esteem-and explores the central importance of self-esteem in five areas: the workplace, parenting, education, psychotherapy, and the culture at large.  The work provides concrete guidelines for teachers, parents, managers, and therapists who are responsible for developing the self-esteem of others.  And it shows why-in today's chaotic and competitive world-self-esteem is fundamental to our personal and professional power.

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

habits

Habits

books

Books

artsandculture

Society, Arts & Culture

Nathaniel Branden

Six Pillars of Self-Esteem

”The smartphone is the modern day hypodermic needle, delivering digital dopamine 24/7 for a wired generation. If you haven’t met your drug of choice yet, it’s coming soon to a website near you.”

“One of the biggest risk factors for getting addicted to any drug is easy access to that drug. When it’s easier to get a drug, we’re more likely to try it. In trying it, we’re more likely to get addicted to it.”

“The world now offers a full complement of digital drugs that didn’t exist before, or if they did exist, they now exist on digital platforms that have exponentially increased their potency and availability. These include online pornography, gambling, and video games, to name a few.”

“Americans no longer talk to each other, they entertain each other. They do not exchange ideas, they exchange images. They do not argue with propositions: They argue with good looks, celebrities and commercials.”

“The paradox is the hedonism, the pursuit of pleasure for it’s own sake, leads to anhedonia, which is the inability to enjoy pleasure of any kind.”

“addicts are bored or frustrated problem-solvers who instinctively contrive Houdini-like situations from which to disentangle themselves when no other challenge happens to present itself. The drug becomes the reward when they succeed and the consolation prize when they fail.”

“When we realize that we are capable of this inner legislation, the (natural) man feels himself compelled to reverence for the moral man in his own person.”Here Kant emphasizes that humans possess a unique capacity for “inner legislation,” which refers to the ability to act according to principles we rationally determine ourselves, rather than being driven solely by external influences or natural impulses. When we recognize our ability to act morally through inner legislation, we feel compelled to “reverence” (or respect) the moral dimension of ourselves.

“In medicating ourselves to adapt to the world, what kind of world are we settling for?”

“there is a cost to medicating away every type of human suffering, and as we shall see, there is an alternative path that might work better: embracing pain.”

“When you consider that we evolved to traverse tens of kilometers daily to compete for a limited supply of food, the adverse effects of our modern sedentary lifestyle are devastating.”

Exercise has a more profound and sustained positive effect on mood, anxiety, cognition, energy, and sleep than any pill I can prescribe.

“Radical honesty - telling the truth about things large and small, especially when doing so exposes our foibles and entails consequences - is essential not just to recovery from addiction but for all of us trying to live a more balanced life in our reward-saturated ecosystem.”

“Recounting our experiences gives us mastery over them.”

“Telling the truth draws people in, especially when we’re willing to expose our own vulnerabilities… They see in our brokenness their own vulnerability and humanity.”

“No longer endeavoring to manage my environment, I began to feel invigorated, to find a balance, to permit a feeling of connection with the spontaneity of the natural world and with my own inner nature.”

“find a way to immerse yourself fully in the life you’ve been given.”

<ul><li>The relentless pursuit of pleasure (and avoidance of pain) leads to pain.</li><li>Recovery begins with abstinence.</li><li>Abstinence resets the brain's reward pathway and with it our capacity to take joy in simpler pleasures.</li><li>Self-binding creates literal and metacognitive space between desire and consumption, a modern necessity in our dopamine-overloaded world.</li><li>Medications can restore homeostasis, but consider what we lose by medicating away our pain.</li></ul>

Lessons of the Balance Part: 1

<ul><li>Pressing on the pain side resets our balance to the side of pleasure. </li><li>Beware of getting addicted to pain.</li><li>Radical honesty promotes awareness, enhances intimacy, and fosters a plenty mindset.</li><li>Prosocial shame affirms that we belong to the human tribe.</li><li>Instead of running away from the world, we can find escape by immersing ourselves in it.</li></ul>

Lessons of the Balance Part: 2

Impactful quotes selected from Dopamine Nation by Dr. Anna Lembke.

INSTANT NEW YORK TIMES and LOS ANGELES TIMES BESTSELLER “Brilliant . . . riveting, scary, cogent, and cleverly argued.”—Beth Macy, author of Dopesick, as heard on Fresh Air This book is about pleasure. It’s also about pain. Most important, it’s about how to find the delicate balance between the two, and why now more than ever finding balance is essential. We’re living in a time of unprecedented access to high-reward, high-dopamine stimuli: drugs, food, news, gambling, shopping, gaming, texting, sexting, Facebooking, Instagramming, YouTubing, tweeting . . . The increased numbers, variety, and potency is staggering. The smartphone is the modern-day hypodermic needle, delivering digital dopamine 24/7 for a wired generation. As such we’ve all become vulnerable to compulsive overconsumption.   In Dopamine Nation, Dr. Anna Lembke, psychiatrist and author, explores the exciting new scientific discoveries that explain why the relentless pursuit of pleasure leads to pain . . . and what to do about it. Condensing complex neuroscience into easy-to-understand metaphors, Lembke illustrates how finding contentment and connectedness means keeping dopamine in check. The lived experiences of her patients are the gripping fabric of her narrative. Their riveting stories of suffering and redemption give us all hope for managing our consumption and transforming our lives. In essence, Dopamine Nation shows that the secret to finding balance is combining the science of desire with the wisdom of recovery.

mentalhealth

Mental Health

Dr. Anna Lembke is an accomplished writer whose work has resonated with readers around the world. Dr. Anna Lembke has published several books that explore a range of topics, from fiction to nonfiction, and has received critical acclaim for the ability to weave compelling narratives. Dr. Anna Lembke's writing style is known for its depth and authenticity, and has earned quite a loyal following of readers.

Dr. Anna Lembke

Dopamine Nation

Ultra-productive people don’t leave their day to chance. Before going to bed, they map out their tasks, priorities, and goals for the next day. This habit eliminates decision fatigue in the morning, allowing them to jump right into action.For example, a student might plan their study schedule and materials the night before, while a professional could outline meeting agendas. By stepping out of bed with a clear roadmap, they start their day with purpose and avoid wasting time figuring out what to do next.

They Plan Their Day The Night Before

Ultra-productive people know that time is their most valuable asset. Instead of trying to do everything themselves, they focus on tasks where they excel and delegate the rest. Delegating isn’t about passing off responsibility; it’s about recognizing that others may perform certain tasks better or more efficiently.For example, a manager might delegate data analysis to a team member skilled in Excel while focusing on strategy and decision-making. This approach ensures optimal results and allows leaders to focus on their strengths, driving productivity.

They Delegate Hard

Highly productive people know the importance of deep work—the uninterrupted focus that allows them to excel at complex tasks. To achieve this, they guard their flow state fiercely by eliminating distractions like emails, social media, and notifications.They might use tools like Opal to block apps during focus periods or schedule specific times for checking emails. For example, a writer may set aside two hours every morning for uninterrupted work on their manuscript, ensuring they make progress without external interruptions. Protecting their flow helps them achieve peak productivity.

They Protect Their Flow

Ultra-productive people ensure they never forget important details by mastering the art of note-taking. They use digital tools like Notion, Evernote, or OneNote to organize thoughts, to-do lists, and ideas in real time.For instance, a student might create detailed class notes with key points, while a professional uses bullet points to outline meeting takeaways. By capturing everything systematically, they free up mental space, stay organized, and easily revisit information when needed, ensuring no opportunity or idea slips through the cracks.

They Are Epic Note Takers

The 80/20 rule, also known as the Pareto Principle, is a cornerstone of productivity. Ultra-productive individuals focus their efforts on the 20% of tasks that deliver 80% of the results.For example, an entrepreneur might focus on high-impact activities like securing key clients rather than spending excessive time on administrative tasks. By prioritizing the most critical tasks and letting go of less impactful ones, they maximize their efficiency and achieve greater outcomes with less effort.

They Use The 80/20 Rule

Ultra-productive individuals follow the “touch it once” principle for small tasks. If a task will take less than 10 minutes—like responding to an email, organizing a file, or cleaning up their desk—they complete it immediately rather than deferring it.For example, a student might immediately submit an assignment after proofreading instead of leaving it for later. This habit prevents small tasks from piling up, reduces mental clutter, and ensures consistent progress throughout the day.

They Are One Touch And Done

Ultra-productive people understand that productivity doesn’t mean endless work. They set boundaries, ensuring they leave work on time to recharge and enjoy life outside of tasks.For instance, a professional might set a 6 PM cutoff, regardless of pending work, trusting that a refreshed mind tackles tasks more effectively. Similarly, students may allocate specific study hours and prioritize leisure or family time afterward. By scheduling time for life, they achieve better balance and long-term productivity.

They Leave Work On Time

Ultra-productive individuals see mistakes as opportunities for growth. Instead of dwelling on failures, they analyze what went wrong and adjust their processes. By embracing this mindset, they transform setbacks into lessons that refine their approach and prevent future errors.For example, a software developer might review a failed project to identify inefficiencies, improving future coding practices. Over time, this habit leads to continuous improvement, compounding their skills and productivity. Every mistake becomes a stepping stone towards greater success.

They Learn From Every Mistake

Ultra-productive people recognize that their energy is the foundation of high performance. They prioritize proper nutrition, sufficient sleep, and regular fitness to ensure their body and mind operate at peak levels.For example, a busy entrepreneur might start their day with a healthy breakfast, take short breaks for physical activity, and aim for 7-8 hours of sleep. By fueling their body and mind, they maintain focus, productivity, and mental clarity throughout the day, ensuring sustainable high performance.

They Focus On Their Energy

Utra-productive individuals understand that most meetings waste time. Instead of attending unnecessary gatherings, they prioritize efficient communication. If an issue can be resolved via email or a quick phone call, they skip the meeting altogether.For example, a team leader might send a concise email with actionable points instead of scheduling a long status update meeting. This approach saves time and keeps everyone focused on their tasks. By minimizing meetings, they reclaim hours for more meaningful and productive work.

Avoid Meetings Like The Plague

Utra-productive people break down their tasks into smaller time units, estimating how many minutes each task will take. This helps them manage their time more effectively and keep track of every minute.For instance, a student might allocate 30 minutes to review a chapter, while a professional might dedicate 15 minutes to answering emails. By thinking in minutes rather than hours, they ensure their to-do list is realistic and achievable, increasing productivity and minimizing procrastination.

They Think About Minutes, Not Hours

Utra-productive people know the power of saying "no." They protect their time by being selective about the commitments they take on. By declining requests or opportunities that don’t align with their goals, they focus on what truly matters.For example, a successful entrepreneur might say no to meetings that don’t move the needle, allowing them to focus on high-impact tasks. This disciplined approach ensures they maintain focus, conserve energy, and avoid distractions that could derail their success.

They Use The 'No' Strategy

Utra-productive individuals tackle their most challenging and important task first thing in the morning. This method, known as "eating the frog," ensures that they tackle the hardest job when their energy and focus are at their peak.For example, a student might choose to study the toughest subject first, or a professional could address the most complex project before anything else. By knocking out the difficult task early, they build momentum and feel accomplished, setting a productive tone for the rest of the day.

They Eat The Frog

Utra-productive people understand that striving for perfection can lead to procrastination and unnecessary stress. They embrace imperfections and focus on progress instead of flawless execution.For example, a writer might publish a draft knowing it’s not perfect, allowing them to improve over time, rather than waiting for the "perfect" version. By accepting that mistakes are part of the journey, they move forward with confidence and keep momentum, reducing the pressure of unrealistic expectations.

They Deliberately Embrace Imperfections

Utra-productive people avoid mental fatigue by switching between different types of tasks—creative, analytical, administrative, physical, and reflective. This task-switching allows them to refresh their minds and maintain energy throughout the day.For instance, after writing or brainstorming ideas (creative tasks), they might shift to data analysis or answering emails (analytical/admin tasks), and later take a walk (physical task). This balance ensures that they stay productive without burning out, keeping their minds sharp and focused.

They Switch Between Tasks To Preserve Energy

Utra-productive individuals regularly reassess their goals and progress. They check in with their objectives at least once a week and adjust their actions if they aren’t on track.For example, a project manager might evaluate their weekly goals every Wednesday, ensuring they’re meeting milestones. If they aren’t progressing as expected, they adjust their approach—whether it’s adjusting their schedule, delegating tasks, or reevaluating priorities. This proactive strategy helps them stay aligned with their long-term vision and avoid slipping behind.

They Refocus Their Priorities More Than Once A Week

Dear readers, it really takes hours of efforts to make such posts, and creating a new post everyday is a big task! Please consider supporting me by leaving a like, and leaving your suggestions in the comments.If you are feeling extra generous and want to help me buy a tab for my studies, you can donate here. <a href="https://buymeacoffee.com/manas.purwar">Click here to Donate</a>Any amount makes a huge difference!

Support Me

productivity

Productivity

problemsolving

Problem Solving

16 Secrets Of ULTRA-PRODUCTIVE People

If you’ve been loyal to others, showing up for them time and again, only to realize they haven’t been honest, steadfast, or reciprocal, you’re not alone. If you’ve poured your heart out and been left empty, this is your reminder: You matter. God’s love and purpose for your life are bigger than anyone’s treatment of you. You were created with intention, and your energy—your love, your presence—is sacred. Choosing yourself is not only an act of self-respect; it is an act of honoring your Higher Power, whatever name you give it.

Choosing Yourself, Spiritually Speaking

First things first: the core of this post is “God,” yes—but it’s not about religion or beating the Bible. The opposite, in fact:One of the most profound shifts in my journey was realizing that the Bible isn’t about Christianity or religion—it’s a tool to birth Christ Consciousness. This understanding changed everything. It wasn’t about dogma, rules, or the rigid traditions I was raised with. Instead, I came to see that the spirituality of Christ Consciousness is about love, compassion, balance, and alignment with Source.

If You Struggle With “God” Because Of Religious Trauma…

I didn’t leave God; I left the earthly “church.” That was the rhetorical number one thing that changed me—and it was through this lens that I began to truly heal. For so long, I felt disconnected because the religion I grew up with was rooted in fear, shame, and punishment. But stepping away from the dogma allowed me to reconnect with the essence of God’s love and truth.﻿

I Left ReligionThe Church, Not God

The Bible, I realized, is not a rulebook to keep us in line—it’s a guide to understanding the divine energy within us and around us. Christ Consciousness isn’t confined to a denomination; it’s about awakening to the truth of who we are, made in God’s image, and walking in alignment with that truth. This awakening freed me from the chains of guilt and fear and allowed me to embrace God’s love in its purest form.

What Is Christ Consciousness?

When I began to see the Bible as a tool for awakening—not for condemnation—it became a source of hope and empowerment instead of a weapon of judgment. This shift wasn’t about rejecting God; it was about rejecting what no longer served my spiritual growth. Once I began to see myself as a reflection of Christ-consciousness—of divine love and purpose—I realized that choosing myself wasn’t selfish; it was faithful. Aligning with God’s truth meant aligning with the truth of who I was created to be: someone worthy of love, joy, and peace.

The Bible Is Meant For Reference, Not Reverence.

So how do you choose yourself? Why should you? And how do you let go of the pain while still honoring the person who hurt you as a creation of the Most High? Here’s what I’ve learned on my journey:

The Questions

You are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are worthy of kindness, respect, and reciprocity—not because of what you’ve done for others but because of who you are, energetically. Choosing yourself isn’t selfish. When you allow yourself to stay in situations that diminish your spirit, you step out of alignment/balance. Choosing yourself is a way of saying, “I trust Source’s vision for my life more than my fear of letting go.”Our worth isn’t dependent on what we do. When I stopped seeking external validation and started aligning with this truth, I found peace and confidence I’d never known.

1. Recognize that you ARE loved

Even the hardest experiences serve a purpose. The ones that hurt us often teach us the most about boundaries, strength, and resilience. They help us grow spiritually as we learn to lean on a Higher Power for healing and clarity. But seeing the lessons is only the beginning—accepting them and acting accordingly is where true growth happens. Acceptance means not just acknowledging the reality of what you’ve been through, but choosing to let the lessons shape your choices, your boundaries, and your future. Growth doesn’t happen unless you take what the pain teaches you and apply it.

2. See (and ACCEPT) the lessons in the pain.

Taking the time to reflect on your experiences, your choices, and your patterns isn’t “overthinking”—it’s honoring the growth process, and it is what fertilizes the fruit of discernment. Introspection allows you to see not only what happened but why it happened and how to prevent the same mistakes or misalignments from repeating. True introspection is productive, not self-destructive; it’s a necessary tool to fully accept and integrate the lessons life teaches you.

A Note About Introspection:

Growing up, I was taught to pray for my enemies. I believe now that while it’s often easier said than done, it’s one of the most powerful actions of faith you can take. When you pray for someone who wronged you, and you do it from love, you release bitterness and open the door for good to work in both their life and yours. Praying for them doesn’t mean excusing their behavior—it means trusting divine justice & grace. Praying for those who hurt me taught me that forgiveness isn’t about them—it’s about my relationship with my Higher Power and Self. Releasing anger allowed me to step into peace<warningtag>.</warningtag>

3. Pray for those who’ve hurt you — and do it from the SOUL.

Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting or pretending the pain didn’t happen. It means surrendering the situation to God’s hands. It’s saying, “Lord, I’ve done what I can. I trust You to handle the rest. ” Letting go is a daily choice, one that releases you from carrying the weight of someone else’s actions and opens you up to God’s peace and provision. Letting go doesn’t erase the scars, but it transforms them. It is an act of trust, not always easy. But every time I surrendered a situation, I felt lighter, freer. It’s amazing how much peace comes when you release what was never yours to hold.

4. “Let Go and Let God.”

Choosing yourself means making room for what is in store. It looks like setting boundaries that protect your peace, surrounding yourself with people who pour into you, and pursuing the dreams Source has placed in your heart. It’s walking in the confidence that God will fill the empty places with joy, purpose, and abundance. After letting go of the toxicity I had encountered in both the good and bad relationships of my life—and more importantly, releasing my own toxic patterns of behavior and thought—I discovered a newfound emotional and mental freedom.

5. Create space for joy and growth.

When we’re in the thick of it, hearing phrases like “Have faith!” or “You just need to trust!” often stirs up resentment instead of comfort. Why would we trust, after all, when all we can see through the lens of our pain and human perspective is evidence that God has abandoned us? I totally get it. And yet…Trusting isn’t just a feeling; it’s an act—a decision to believe in what you can’t yet see. Energy is real, and the science of spirituality is real. Trust is the ultimate act of faith.

6. Trust God, Source, the Universe—whatever name you’ve given it

Trusting is how you prove to yourself that you are serious about stepping into the life destiny has for you. Trust is the ultimate act of faith. It’s not just believing that God exists; it’s living like you believe something does, and is actively working in your life. When I trusted Source fully, even in the hardest moments, I found that doors opened, paths cleared, and peace replaced fear. Energy responds to energy. The more I trusted, the more I received. Trusting doesn’t mean you’ll always understand what’s happening—it means you believe that what’s happening is for the highest good.

Trusting, Continued

Choosing yourself doesn’t mean cutting others off with anger or resentment. It looks like loving from a distance, honoring your boundaries with grace, releasing resentment while still protecting your peace, and praying for them even as you move forward on your path. It’s releasing control and trusting Source to heal what’s broken, finding strength in quiet moments, peace in surrender, and joy in the new opportunities.Choosing yourself doesn’t mean rejecting others; it means loving them in a way that also allows you to love yourself, creating space for God to work in both your life and theirs.

What does choosing yourself in a righteous way look like?

Choose yourself, not in defiance of others, but in alignment with the love and purpose. Whatever “Source” is to you, let it work in your heart, trust it with your future, and watch how life transforms into something more beautiful.Through all the challenges I’ve faced, “Source” has shown me, again and again, that Source is faithful. I haven’t achieved anything on my own. Source has been my provider, my guide, and my reason to keep going. If Source could bring me through the valley, I promise Source can do the same for you. You are not alone, and you are not forgotten.

Walk YOUR Path

Everything I am in this Now—everything I’ve overcome, everything I do or don’t do today—is because of God/Source. I live, breathe, and move forward with a deep sense of gratitude to the One who carried me through valleys I thought I’d never escape. God/Source truly led me out of the valley of the shadow of…

religionandspirituality

Religion & Spirituality

motivationandinspiration

Motivation & Inspiration

Choosing Yourself: What I’ve Learned From My Journey of Letting Go and Letting God

Why always me? Why are things so bad for me all the time? When happiness passes through me, sadness captures it. When the sun shines on me, darkness engulfs it. When everything seems to be all right, something goes against it.

How do you un-love someone?How do you forget the way they walked, laughed and cried?How do you turn off the ache in your heart at the memory of them?How do you walk away knowing that they never felt anything for you?Do you perform a ritual of pretence daily?Do you cry at the beauty you've lost?Do you call yourself a fool?Do you look in the mirror and ask why?Why did you not love me?Why did you not see me?Why did you just want to be friends? Why does it hurt still?

Sia: Do you want me to join a gym?'Rithvik: 'No, there's no need for that. You can exercise occasionally to stay fit, but don't lose weight for me. I have no problem because I love you the way you are. You may not have an amazing figure or a flat stomach, but I love you and I don't want you to change.'

Find A Person Who Loves You The Way You Are

Should I smile because we are friends or cry because we are just friends? Blessed with the gift of the gab, Apurv manages to charm everyone in his company. Like most teenage boys, he longs for a girlfriend but hasn't found one yet. In another part of town, beautiful and popular Amyra leads a flawless life. All the boys desire her and all the girls want to be her best friend. A chance encounter with Amyra in the college canteen makes Apurv fall head over heels for her. But it isn't long before he realizes that she is not interested in him, at least not in the way he wants her to be. Can Apurv get Amyra to change her mind before it's too late, or will he be friend-zoned forever?

She Friend-Zoned My Love

Find 100+ Psychology Facts about Human Behaviour, Mind or Nature - Curated from Videos, Podcasts, Books & Articles - Genuine Insights from Other People

The 4 ‘Love Archetypes’ That Influence Partner Choice (part 2 of 2)

The 4 ‘Love Archetypes’ That Influence Partner Choice (part 1 of 2)

Six Pillars of Self-Esteem

Dopamine Nation

16 Secrets Of ULTRA-PRODUCTIVE People

Choosing Yourself: What I’ve Learned From My Journey of Letting Go and Letting God

She Friend-Zoned My Love

The 5 Love Languages

6 Rules to Be CHARISMATIC ✨

5 Things To Do Instead Of Scrolling on Your Phone

It's time to
Read like a Pro.

The 4 ‘Love Archetypes’ That Influence Partner Choice (part 2 of 2)

The 4 ‘Love Archetypes’ That Influence Partner Choice (part 1 of 2)

Six Pillars of Self-Esteem

Dopamine Nation

16 Secrets Of ULTRA-PRODUCTIVE People

Choosing Yourself: What I’ve Learned From My Journey of Letting Go and Letting God

She Friend-Zoned My Love

The 5 Love Languages

6 Rules to Be CHARISMATIC ✨

5 Things To Do Instead Of Scrolling on Your Phone

It's time to Read like a Pro.

It's time to
Read like a Pro.