Regret can be all-consuming – a neurobehavioral scientist explains how people can overcome it

As with other negative emotions, it doesn’t work to avoid, deny or try to squash regret. In the long run, these tactics only increase negative feelings and prolong the time you suffer with them. Rather than stay stuck, people can manage these emotions in four steps: First, accept the fact that you are feeling them; determine why you are feeling them; allow yourself to learn from them; and finally, release them and move forward .

This method of noticing and then restructuring your thoughts is sometimes called cognitive reappraisal . Seeing the situation in a different way may help reduce regret and help you make future decisions .

Forgiving yourself  for actions taken or not taken is a powerful step toward overcoming regret. This has been formalized into a commonly used cognitive psychological model called REACH , which asks people to recall the hurt (face it), empathize (be kind and compassionate), altruistically offer forgiveness (to oneself), commit publicly (share it) and then hold on to that forgiveness and stay true to the decision . Research shows that six hours of work with a trained professional using this model can have a positive impact .

This article is republished from The Conversation  under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article .