Adila Bibi's Key Ideas from The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck
by Mark Manson

Most of us struggle through life giving way too many fucks in situations where fucks dont deserve to be given.

Your going to die some day. In the short time you have here, if you go round giving a fuck about everything and everyone, you are going to get fucked.

Learn to prioritise and pick and choose what is fuckworthy to you based on finely honed personal values.

Its part of our biology to give a fuck but when you give too many fucks you become entitled to be comfortable and happy all the time, as if everything is supposed to be exactly the fucking way you want. This is a sickness.

Being open to your insecurities paradoxically makes you more confident and charismatic around others.

Reserve your fucks for what truly matters.

Suffering is biologically useful as it is natures preferred agent for inspiring change. We are wired to become dissatisfied with whatever we have and satisfied by only what we don't have.

Problems will never fucking go away. They just get exchanged and upgraded. Life is an endless series of problems. The solution to one problem is merely the creation of the next one.

Negative emotions are a call to action. If you feel crappy, your brain is telling you there is an unresolved problem for you to address.

Happiness comes from solving these problems.

It is the norm in Western cultures to smile and say polite things even when you don't feel like it, to tell white lies and agree with someone you don't actually agree with. People learn to pretend to be friends with people they don't actually like.

The downside of this is that you never know if you can completely trust the person you're talking to. There is a pressure in the West to be likable that people often reconfigure their entire personality depending on the person they're dealing with.

Honesty is a natural human craving. Part of living honestly is becoming comfortable with the word 'NO'.

If you've got a problem, chances are millions of other people have had it in the past, have it now, and are going to in the future. This doesn't minimise your problem, it just means that you are not special.

The first step towards solving your problems is to acknowledge the realisation that your problems are actually not privileged in their severity and pain.

When we experience real traumatic shit, we believe we are uniquely special, that we are somehow unlike everyone else, that the rules are different for us.

We become entitled.

The majority of life is unextraordinary, indeed quite average.

Having the Internet, social media sites and hundred plus TV channels is amazing. But this flood of extreme information has conditioned us to believe that exceptionalism is the new normal.

Technology and mass marketing is screwing up alot of peoples expectations.

We end up feeling like losers because a simple Google search shows us thousands of people without the same problems as us. Technology has solved old economic problems by giving us new psychological problems. The Internet has opensourced insecurity, self doubt and shame.

Nobody makes it through life without collecting a few scars along the way -

• Psychiatric disorders
• Struggling with depression or suicidal thoughts
• Having been subjected to abuse or neglect
• Dealt with a tragedy or death of a loved one
• Survived a serious heath issue
• Accidents
• Traumatic situations

Nobody else is ever responsible for the situation you are in. Someone else may be to blame for your unhappiness, but nobody is ever responsible for your unhappiness except your self. This is because you always get to choose how you see things, how you react and how you value them.

Todays culture is obsessed with unrealistically positive expectations.

• Be happier
• Be the best
• Be smarter
• Be richer
• Be sexier
• More powerful
• More productive
• More admired

Be perfect and amazing and shit out 12 karat gold nuggets before breakfast while kissing your selfie ready partner before flying off to work in a helicopter to your wonderfully fulfilling job, where u spend the day doing incredibly meaningful work that will save the planet.

Conventional life advice hightlights your percieved shortcomings and failures, resulting in you feeling like a failure as though you aren't successful enough.

When any result is regarded as progress and important, we propel ourselves ahead. We feel free to fail and that failure moves us forward.

The do something principle helps us to overcome procrastination. That something can be the smallest viable action toward something else. It can be anything.

Just do something. Start simple. Thats all thats necessary to get the snowball rolling, the action needed to inspire the motivation to keep going.

People in a healthy relationship have strong boundaries and take responsibility for their own values and problems.

People in a toxic relationship with poor or no boundaries will regularly avoid responsibility for their own problems and take responsibility for their partners problems.

Entitled people expect others to take responsibility for their problems.

'I want a nice relaxing break. You should have known and canceled your plans'.

This is avoiding accepting responsibility for their own problems, resulting in fragile fake relationships.

The victim creates more and more problems to solve - not because additional real problems exist, but because it gets her attention and affection she craves.

The saver solves and solves - not because she actually cares about the problems, but because she believes she must fix others' problems in order to deserve attention and affection for herself.

In both cases, the intentions are selfish and conditional and therefore self-sabotaging, and genuine love is rarely experienced.

You stand in front of the mirror repeating affirmations saying that you're beautiful because you feel as though you're not beautiful already.

No truly happy person feels the need to stand in front of the mirror and recite that she's happy. She just is.