deepstash
Beta
Deepstash brings you key ideas from the most inspiring articles like this one:
Read more efficiently
Save what inspires you
Remember anything
Why You're Sabotaging Your Relationships (And How To Stop)
3
Key Ideas
Save all ideas
Why You Self-Sabotage
For many people, the fear of rejection and the fear of engulfment keep them out of relationships.
These fears are based on false beliefs, such as success or failure defines my worth as a person.
1.38k SAVES
5.07k READS
How You Self-Sabotage
Relationships:
- You keep yourself isolated.
- You make so many demands on your partner that he or she feels smothered and ends the relationship.
- You judge everyone you meet as not being good enough for you.
Work:
- You keep putting off looking for the kind of job you want.
- You are able to work, and say you want to, but keep living off other means.
- You stay in a job that you hate.
- You keep yourself uneducated regarding doing what you really want to do.
1.59k SAVES
4.66k READS
Healing Your Self-Sabotaging Behavior
- Notice self-judgments.
- Shift your definition of your worth, from outcomes to effort. Decide that you will define your worth by the loving actions you take for yourself and others.
- Consciously see mistakes and failure as stepping stones to success, rather than as definitions of your worth.
- Learn to be kind and compassionate toward your own feelings.
- Make a decision that you are willing to lose another person rather than lose yourself.
2.11k SAVES
5.59k READS
SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:
4
Key Ideas
Self-sabotage
Self-sabotage can be defined as the action through which you undermine your worth and goals. Even though you want something, you do actions that are contrary to achieving your targ...
Self-sabotage and its diversity
Self-sabotage can appear in our lives under many shapes:
- procrastination: putting off what we should be doing now
- substance abuse: consuming alcohol and drug often leads to us not reaching our goals
- chronic lateness: this will usually result in you being perceived as a not so trustworthy person
- stress eating: we all know the end of this one- poor diet or even illness
- intimacy and commitment issues: the negative consequence refers to you ending up alone.
Self-sabotage and its causes
Studies revealed two main causes of self-sabotage:
- modeling: individuals tend to self-sabotage as they grew up seeing this in their parents' behavior
- power: persons may tend to self-sabotage by entering into relationships with people who are, one way or another, inferior to them
6
Key Ideas
Understand your attachment style
We come out of our family of origin with a blueprint of how we attach to others. The closer someone is to another person, the greater the likelihood that their attachment style can becom...
Identify your triggers
Journal about the experiences in your relationship that trigger behaviors you experience as self-sabotaging. Ask yourself: What was happening? What did you feel at the time? What were you afraid of? How likely is it that the outcome you feared would happen?
Having an awareness of what triggers these behaviors can prepare us for the inevitable conflicts that arise.
Be mindful of your behavior
Insecurity in relationships is inevitable because everybody has issues to work on.
It’s critical to know what yours are. With this insight, a person can then stop negative behaviors, learn to tolerate the discomfort, and engage in alternative and more healthy behavior.
7
Key Ideas
Sabotaging behaviors
- You are controlling and rigid in the way that others should treat you and are easily disappointed.
- You have issues with real intimacy.
- You tell yoursel...
Examine your history
This goes back to your childhood.
For example: if you’re drawn to the excitement of meeting and starting a relationship with someone who has a lack of morals, character and is untrustworthy, try to find out about how your parents’ unhealthy habits have affected your choice in partners.
You are part of the problem
If you have a fear of abandonment and rejection and you are constantly ‘setting’ up scenarios that lead to your disappointment, you are the puppeteer controlling this.