Linda Thompson's Key Ideas from Can We Talk?
by Roberta Chinsky Matuson

Listen fully without immediate judgment, defensiveness or interruption in order to understand the other person’s perspective. Reflect back what you hear to confirm understanding.

Ask curious questions to learn more, not interrogate. Provide space for people to share thoughts and feelings freely and feel heard. Manage your reactions.

Share your own viewpoint honestly but always respectfully. Be descriptive and specific about your actual experience using "I" language rather than generalizing.

Take ownership of your perspective rather than externalizing blame onto others. Stick to the substantive issues at hand. Speak your truth with care.

When giving constructive feedback, be specific, kind and solution-oriented. Focus comments on observable behaviors rather than character judgments.

Explain the impact of the behaviors both on others and organizational goals. Then partner on improvement goals and next steps. Follow up.

• Handle conflict through openness and communication, not escalation.
• Actively listen for common ground and higher purpose.
• Diffuse heightened emotions and keep communicating.
• Rebuild eroded trust after tensions through reciprocated vulnerability and demonstrating reliability over time.

Seek first to deeply understand by putting yourself in the other person's shoes, feelings and situational constraints. Relate to their motivations, struggles and pressures.

Suspend your own biases and mental models. Imagine if roles were reversed. Hear them before replying.

Strengthen mutual relationships and trust by sharing more of your own experiences, challenges and humanity.

Be authentic. When you confide, others feel safer to be vulnerable and open up too. Then follow through consistently on what you say you will do.

• Approach every difficult conversation as a learning opportunity, not a battle to be won.
• Remain humble and open, with a curiosity about different perspectives.
• Appreciate that you grow in wisdom by genuinely listening.
• Be grateful for insight gained.