Do You Struggle with Anger? The "Four Tendencies" Framework Helps Explain Why
gretchenrubin.com
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The importance of curiosity and observation
Upholder anger
Upholders are very good at execution, and they often feel angry when others struggle in situations where an Upholder wouldn't: people that slow down processes with their questions; people that need deadlines, reminders, oversight, and accountability; people that won't do what they're supposed to do or even what they said they'd do.
Angry cry of the Upholder: "Why can't people just get their tasks done?"
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Questioner anger
Questioners need reasons and justifications, and they're angry when other people act, or expect them to act, for reasons that are unexplained or arbitrary.
They're frustrated when others won't give them the answers they expect, or won't give them time to research.
Angry cry of the Questioner: "Why do people just follow along like lemmings, and expect me to do the same for no good reason?"
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Obliger anger
Obligers feel the weight of outer expectations. Their anger is often tinged with resentment and indignation, a feeling of being exploited or neglected or treated unfairly. Of the 4 Tendencies, the Obliger Tendency is the biggest (for both men and women).
Angry cry of the Obliger: "Why am I the only one doing anything around here? Why am I meeting other people's expectations, but not meeting my expectations for myself?"
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Rebel anger
Rebel anger is the anger of being pushed around, being told what to do, being trapped or confined.
Rebels do what they want to do, in their own way and in their own time, and when other people tell or ask them to do something, they resist. This feeling of resistance can spark a lot of anger.
Angry cry of the Rebel: "Why do people keep telling me what to do?"
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