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How to Revive a Friendship

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/07/26/smarter-living/how-to-revive-a-friendship.html

nytimes.com

How to Revive a Friendship
It can be disorienting to feel you’re back at square one with a person you already have a shared history with. Here’s some help.

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A Friend Indeed

A Friend Indeed

According to a report in The Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, an acquaintance has a chance of being your friend after about 50 hours of shared activity or discussions. A friend can be a close (or best) friend after about 200 hours.

Our old and former friends know intimate details of a part of our lives, but do not have an idea about our present selves, due to the years or decades of separation. This can feel disorienting, as suddenly a person with whom one was once so close, appears like a stranger.

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Benefits of Friendships

Long-lasting, high-quality friendships lower the chance of chronic illnesses, and mortality rates. They boost one’s happiness and can also be a buffer towards anxiety, stress and even depression.

One can consider looking back and reconnect with a lost but cherished friend for emotional support or to relive the long-forgotten times.

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Considering Reviving A Friendship

  • We need to ask ourselves if a certain friendship is even worth resuscitating, or if one of us has moved on to such an extent that we really don’t recognize the person any more.
  • The circumstances of growing apart also matter. If it was betrayal or a falling out, the process of getting back may require reconciliation and may not be easy.
  • People evolve due to the various life events that happen in the course of their lives, like medical issues, marriage, children or a divorce. It’s important to keep one’s guard up, as the person that one gets to meet after years might be a complete stranger in some ways.

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Reconnecting With A Purpose

It’s important and natural to rekindle a friendship with a solid reason, a purpose that has to be shared with the old friend.

Almost like wooing the former friend, one has to show their best, most honest side and share life experiences that are similar to the other person. One also has to ensure that the connection is genuine and organic, while not coming across as forced or intrusive.

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Reviving A Friendship: Start Slow

  • Ensure that your rekindled relationship with your former friend has some solid foundation before opening up the private areas of your life, like introducing your spouse. If you go too fast, you may be disappointed if the other person is not as keen on holding friendship as per your expectations.
  • Even with the best intentions and impeccable plans, things are not always predictable and as per one’s anticipation. The old pal may have some unresolved feelings or they may not be having the time to nurture a friendship anymore, and it is best to prepare for any such outcome in advance, rather than trying to save your face later.

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SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:

Understanding friendships

Understand why some friends stay for years, while others fade away after a few months, or weeks. 

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Simple Friendships

  • Associate:  The relationship revolves around that specific thing, and you barely ever talk about anything else.
  • Useful Contact: With this type of friend, you exchange useful information, job opportunities, industry news, you introduce each other to people, exchange tips on good deals, etc. But, you don’t discuss personal matters with each other.
  • Favor Friend: This the type of friendship you could have with a nice colleague or neighbor. You help each other with the simple stuff.
  • Fun Friend: This is the type of friend that makes you take yourself less seriously. The friendship doesn’t require a lot of investment from you; it’s just about relaxing, having a drink, partying, laughing, etc. 
  • Helpmate

    This is like having two simple friendships in one; you socialize with this person, and you help each other as well. 

    This one you can ask for lifts to the airport, and call during emergencies like car accidents. You don’t rely on your helpmate for emotional support.

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    Be opportunistic

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    We have to put our fears aside that someone might not like us or may have too many friends already.

    If you like someone you meet, ask to swap numbers and follow through with an invitation to socialize.

    Start by doing an activity together

    Suggest an activity that you can do together. It will anchor your time together and give you something to focus on or talk about.

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    Fear of Better Options (F.O.B.O.)

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