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Be conscious not to point blame at your partner by phrasing sentences that start with words such as “You make me... “ or “You didn’t…”
Instead, begin by saying, “I feel hurt when…” or “I’m upset when…” Your partner will be less likely to be defensive if you don’t sound as though you’re in attack mode.
Once you voice what’s bothering you, be sure to hear how your partner responds. Give him or her a chance to speak and listen to what he or she says.
It may be that you’re misinterpreting the behavior, he or she wasn’t conscious of how you feel, or you’re doing or saying something to influence them.
A devoted husband or wife will want to support you when you need it most, but not if you take your anxiety out on them or take his or her love for granted.
Not everyone is forthcoming with information, especially if something is bothering them.
Make it a habit of asking your partner how he or she is doing and how his or her day was, even if your spouse is not always interested in speaking with you at length at that exact moment.
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In the context of poor communication, criticizing is when you knock someone down for the wrong reasons: to hurt someone, to vent your frustrations or to boost your ego.
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When you blame someone, you take any responsibility off of yourself and put it on them.
It’s understandable that you want to express your dissatisfaction with something. But sometimes you need to express it in order to find a solution, not to point singers.
Complaining is exhausting because it puts pressure on the other person.
Complaining often results in the other person feeling as if they should somehow “fix” the problem or else just get away from the complaining.
The lack of communication is one of the main reasons for break-ups, divorces and for seeking couple therapy, according to studies.
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When having important discussions with our partners, we face the fear that they are not really hearing us.
This could lead us to develop a form of resentment because we may not feel validated by them. We might also misinterpret their body language and words and feel hurt and disrespected by them.
Fear is the enemy of healthy communication. The antidote would thus be developing safety.
When we feel safe, we can talk about anything in healthy ways. You should also make sure you help your partner feel safe when talking to you.