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Learn more about personaldevelopment with this collection
How to communicate effectively with difficult people
How to handle conflict
How to stay calm under pressure
Don't try and convince someone how much they will enjoy helping you. It reeks of control and is presumptive. It drains their joy out of helping.
How they feel is for them to decide.
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One common tactic is to portray the help we need as so small, that it is barely a favor. "Would you add these updates to the database? It wonât take you more than five minutes.â
It is conveying that you think the work the other person does is easy, quick, trivial and not very taxing. Thatâs not a great way to enlist help. You might also underestimate the size of the favor. Do not presume it wonât take them very long the next time you ask them for help.
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While reciprocity does make people more likely to comply with the request, it also makes us feel controlled, which takes all the fun out of it.
Reminding someone that they owe you a favor does not create good feelings. Scorekeeping is fundamentally bad for relationships.
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The motivation to be helpful is tied to your helperâs identity and self-esteem. People help because they want to be admired.
Self-benefit (Describing how the receiver is better off for having been given help). âIt let me relax.â or âIt makes me happy.â
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