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How you attach to people may explain a lot about your inner life
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The Way Therapy Works
This seems even more intriguing when we see that there are contradictory methods deployed to cure the same kind of problem.
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Therapy Techniques
- Some therapists are just there to listen and provide a backdrop.
- Even the silence that they exhibit seems to kindle the patients into divulging more of their most uncomfortable truths.
- Others keep the sequence of assignments and tests lined up, never pausing.
- Therapists play varied roles to get some valuable information out of the patient and make him better.
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Therapy That Works
No particular form of therapy is proven to be better or more effective than others.
Different people prefer or respond to different forms of therapy.
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The Client-Therapist Bonding
All therapies share a bond, an emotional connection, or a collaboration between the therapist and the client(patient).
Research suggests that effective therapies use empathy, warmth, positivism, hopefulness and emotional expressiveness, whereas the ineffective ones tend to have a strict approach.
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Attachment Matters
If the client and the therapist share a deeper, more primal relationship, which has the same developmental characteristics as that of a mother and her child, it leads to an effective result.
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Comfort and Care Cures
Humans have an inborn, universal need for comfort, security, care and for being attached to someone. During our childhood, we are comforted and protected by the older and wiser adults, which shape our minds.
Early interactions with caregivers can dramatically affect your beliefs about yourself, your expectations of others, and the way you process information, cope with stress and regulate your emotions as an adult.
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A New Relationship
Problems such as anxiety, depression, loneliness, eating disorders, and alcohol/substance abuse can be treated with the patient having a new relationship.
A good therapist can temporarily become a figure of attachment, treating the patient in a way a nurturing mother would.
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A Healthy Intimacy
Therapists, by having regular meetings with their clients, develop a healthy intimacy, in which there is trust along with a deep understanding that increases as the sessions progress.
Eventually, the client is able to fully connect with the therapist and is also able to mirror himself.
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Rekindling Of An Old Flame
Breakups and subsequent renewals are quite common across all types of romantic relationships and even marriages.
Falling apart and then seeking to mend the old relationship seems to be dee...
The Protest Phase
When people experience breakups they go through the ‘protest’ phase initially, and the rejected lover becomes obsessed with winning back the person who has quit the relationship.
Rejection, paradoxically, makes the rejected person love the partner even more. This is called a ‘Frustration Attraction’, and can be categorized as an addiction.
Chemical Reactions
The rejected lover experiences high levels of dopamine and norepinephrine in the brain, and are visibly stressed out. These chemical reactions trigger many to do crazy things to win their ex back. Such feelings are erased quickly if the lover starts dating a new partner.
Some people also feel increasingly passionate and loving after the breakup and are more likely to forgive their ex.
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Key Ideas
You have an eye on the exit
You avoid anything that leads to a bigger commitment. You're always wondering: "if it goes wrong, how can I extricate myself easily from this relationship?"
Because comm...
You gaslight your partner
The aim of Gaslighting is to deny the other person's reality or experiences. It is a sign that you don't really believe your partners' feelings are real.
For example, if your partner says: "I'm really upset that you canceled our date", you respond with something like: "You're not really upset, it's your fault I canceled and you're just trying to blame me for it."
You are known as a "serial dater"
You break up with partners on the slightest of issues, only to start dating another person right away and repeat the cycle.
You don't want to be seen as a "player" but you can't seem to find someone who you can commit to.
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Go Sooner Than Later
Most couples don't consider counseling until a real crisis or a catastrophe appears.
It is better to go to couples counseling during a specific life event, strengthening some piece of a rela...
Finding The Right Therapist
Finding a suitable therapist, right for both the partners can take time. Take into consideration:
- Both partners are comfortable with the choice.
- Any preferences (gender or cultural background) are taken into account.
- It should be convenient to schedule an appointment with him, not interfering with other commitments too much.
- At least two kinds of counselors are spoken to, and then a decision taken.
- Check online for recommendations or ask for a referral within your friend circle.
Types of Therapies
A good therapist can utilize multiple approaches and will tailor the provided therapy based on the couple's needs. The common therapies are:
- Gottman Method: Focused on positive communication
- Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT): helps couples with their emotional needs.
- Imago Relationship Therapy: Connecting new relationships with old ones.
- Other approaches like Hypnosis, sex therapy, etc.