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How to have a difficult conversation | Psyche Guides

https://psyche.co/guides/use-mediation-techniques-to-overcome-the-muck-of-blame-and-anger

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How to have a difficult conversation | Psyche Guides
Avoidance will only foster more conflict. Aim for a shared understanding with these techniques from an expert mediator

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Adar Cohen

Avoidance will only foster more conflict.

Adar Cohen

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Don't Avoid Conflict

  • We tend to avoid conflict because we believe that it is bad, yet we continue to create it despite the fact.
  • Conflict isn't essentially a bad thing. It gives us the information we need to know so that we could work with others more effectively to improve our relationships with them and to grow as individuals.
  • In every conflict resolution phase, we must aim for: a solution, a plan, or an understanding.

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Gem Statement

A gem statement is a statement that allows the opportunity to open up a new conversation with the hopes of compromisation and a solution.

This usually involves expressing your emotions with the main issue beneath all the surface anger or any other emotion being experienced while having a positive impact on the other.

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Preparing For A Difficult Conversation

  • Before you talk to your partner or anyone you have to address an issue with, ask yourself whether you're ready to have the conversation.
  • Think about the things you need to say without being consumed by negative emotions. Are you willing to say what you need to say? You can always try to phone a friend to get rid of the pre-conversation jitters.
  • Remember that uttering your gem statement is always going to be a temporary discomfort: the benefits you'll experience will be lasting and profound.

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Starting A Difficult Conversation

  • Let the other party know that you believe that you will be able to sort out the issue on hand if you both try to understand each other.
  • Give each other the time to express one's experiences and emotions and the space to air out any grievances.
  • Whether you agree with each other doesn't really matter, what matters more is that you're able to actively listen and discern one another.

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Closing A Difficult Conversation

  • As the conversation comes to a close take the time to reflect back on what you've discussed, the next steps to be taken, and if there's anything left each party wants to say to the other.
  • Remember to ask the most important thing before closing the conversation and that is "What has changed for you as a result of this conversation?"
  • Lastly, express gratitude towards the other person regardless of what may.

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SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:

Begin from a place of curiosity

Lean into the conversation from a place of curiosity and respect (for yourself and the other person). 

Even when the subject of the conversation is difficult, the interaction can ...

Listen and observe

Focus on what you’re hearing, not what you’re saying. Genuine attention and neutrality encourage people to elaborate.

You don’t actually need to talk that much during a difficult conversation. Instead, learn to listen, reflect and observe.

Be direct

Address uncomfortable situations head-on by getting right to the point.

Foster an honest and respectful discussion and make sure both parties speak about the details of an issue. 

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Defining difficult people

Defining difficult people

We are social creatures who desire validation. We feel good when others share our belief system. But we feel dejected when others do not value our inputs, crush our ideas, or ignore what we have to...

Influences that define difficult people

We view the world and the people in it from a specific paradigm.

How we relate to someone is driven by our personality, expectations, background, and experience. Why we find someone difficult is then a very personal affair.

The TRICK framework that drives us

  • T - Tagging. We are quick to label others as needy, manipulative, fake, arrogant, but explain away our own selfish acts and believe we are better than others.
  • R - Righteous. When we find someone difficult, we start believing in the righteousness of how we feel, what we want, and why the other person deserves to be treated in a certain way. We reject them as a person, as well as their ideas.
  • I - Intention. Once we know we are right, it's easy to assume they act out of bad intent.
  • C - Confirmation. Once we think someone is difficult, every interaction serves as a validation of our beliefs. We will reject the evidence that contradicts our beliefs and seek information that strengthens our views.
  • K - Keenness to fix others. Without changing our own behavior, we assume the other person is at fault and then desire to fix them.

The building blocks of a relationship

The building blocks of any relationship rest on compatibility and chemistry. All relationships have a combination of these qualities to a more or lesser extent.

Compatibility

Compatibility can be described as being together without conflict.

Two people can fit like a glove both conversationally and psychologically. For some, that connection alone can be enough to be happy and thrive.

Chemistry in a relationship

Chemistry is a complex emotional or psychological interaction. It is a natural rhythm between two people that cannot be forced or created.

While some people are content with a relationship that is compatible, others feel an intense desire for that chemistry. Figure out what feels right to you in a relationship and strive for that.