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Healthy Personal Boundaries & How to Establish Them
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Learning to set healthy personal boundaries
- Know that you have a right to personal boundaries.
- Recognize that other people's needs and feelings are not more important than your own.
- Learn to say no.
- Identify the actions and behaviors that you find unacceptable.
- Trust and believe in yourself.
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Verbal violations
- Not allowing you to speak or be heard.
- Yelling at you.
- Saying things that are derogatory about your integrity and character.
- Gossiping about you.
Psychological/emotional boundary violations
- Preying upon your sense of self and self-esteem
- Using what you’ve told them in confidence against you
- Lying to you
- Criticizing you
- Manipulating you
- Mocking you
- Making demands of your time
- Bullying you
- Lording a superior attitude over you
Physical violations
- Moving into your personal space
- Touching you without permission
- Being inappropriate or too familiar towards you
- Violating your privacy
- Damaging or destroying your personal property
- Threatening you with physical harm
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Key Ideas
Name your limits
You can’t set good boundaries if you’re unsure of where your limits are.
Identify what you can permit and accept and what makes you feel uncomfortable or stressed.
Tune into your feelings
There are two key feelings that are red flags that you are letting go of your boundaries.
- Discomfort. Ask yourself what is causing the discomfort.
- Resentment. Resentment usually comes from being taken advantage of or not appreciated.
Be direct
With some people, maintaining healthy boundaries doesn’t require a direct and clear-cut dialogue.
There are other times you might need to be frank, such as with those who have a different personality or cultural background.
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Defining Boundaries
The word “boundary” can leave the impression of separation.
But boundaries are actually connecting points since they provide healthy rules for navigating relationships, intimate or profess...
The benefits of boundaries
- Boundaries improve our relationships and self-esteem. They protect relationships from becoming unsafe.
- Boundaries can be flexible. It’s good to think about them occasionally and reassess them.
- Boundaries allow us to conserve our emotional energy. Without them, self-esteem and identity can be affected, and you can build resentment toward others.
- Boundaries give us space to grow and be vulnerable.
Determine your borders
Our boundaries are shaped by
- our heritage or culture
- the region we live in or come from
- whether we’re introverted, extroverted, or somewhere in between
- our life experiences
- our family dynamics