The Courage to Be Disliked - Deepstash
The Courage to Be Disliked

The Courage to Be Disliked

Ichiro Kishimi

339

2

Keep reading for FREE

You can change any time. You just choose not to.

If you think that your past determines your present, you end up with determinism; your future has already been decided by your past. In "Adlerian psychology", we don’t think about past causes, but rather about present goals. Your past doesn’t determine your present, but rather it is the meaning that you attribute to your past.

You are unable to change only because you are making the decision not to. You probably think it’s easier to leave things as they are. If you stay like this, you can respond to events as they occur, and you can guess the results.

Courage is the solution.

633

4.21K reads

You fabricate emotions.

Accept yourself now, and regardless of the outcome, have the courage to step forward.

538

3.6K reads

You use trauma as an excuse.

We determine our own lives according to the meaning we give to past experiences. We do not suffer from the shock of our experiences. We instead make out of them whatever suits our purposes.

555

2.88K reads

You use feelings of inferiority as an excuse.

Feelings of inferiority are subjective interpretations rather than objective facts. You can see being shorter than average as inferior, or as superior for not being intimidating and getting other people to relax.

There is one good thing about subjectivity: It allows you to make your own choice. View anything as an advantage or disadvantage. We cannot alter objective facts, but we can alter interpretations as much as you like.

570

2.17K reads

Adlerian psychology

Adlerian psychology is a psychology of changing oneself, not a psychology for changing others. Instead of waiting for others to change, you take the first step forward yourself.

555

2.55K reads

Life is not a competition.

The pursuit of superiority is the mindset of taking a single step forward on you own feet. Not the mindset of competition to aim to be greater than other people. A healthy feeling of inferiority doesn’t come from comparing oneself to others; but from one’s comparison with their ideal self.

576

2.14K reads

Deny the desire for recognition.

Wishing so hard to be recognized will lead to a life of following expectations held by other people who want you to be “this kind of person.” You throw away who you really are and live other people’s lives. Therefore, you should deny your desire for recognition. You’re not living to satisfy other people’s expectations, and other people aren’t living to satisfy your expectations.

590

1.89K reads

Discard other people’s tasks.

We need to think with the perspective of “whose task is this?” and separate our own tasks from other people’s tasks. This is called separation of tasks. You should not worry about or intrude on other people’s tasks.

There may be a person who doesn’t think well of you, but that’s not your task.

All you can do with regard to your own life is to choose the best path that you believe in. How do people judge that? That’s the task of other people, and it’s not a matter you can do anything about.

556

1.46K reads

You hold the cards of your interpersonal relationships.

Many people think that relationship cards are held by the other person. That’s why they wonder "How does that person feel about me?" And end up living in a way that satisfies the wishes of other people. If you’re tied to the desire for recognition, all the cards will stay in the hands of other people. If you can grasp the separation of tasks, you will notice that you hold all the cards.

550

1.4K reads

Build horizontal relationships: Don’t condemn or praise.

When you praise, you’re unconsciously creating a hierarchical relationship and seeing the other person as beneath you. As if you’re passing a judgment from one person of ability to another person of no ability. You can convey words of gratitude instead. Saying thank you to this partner who has helped you with your work. “This was a big help”. If recieving praise is what you’re after, you’ll have no choice but to adapt to that person’s yardstick and put your breaks on your own freedom. “Thank you,” on the other hand, is a clear expression of gratitude.

531

1.31K reads

Self-centered people always end up losing their comrades.

The goal of interpersonal relationships is a feeling of community. This sense of others as comrades. To get that feeling, you should make the switch from self-interest to concern for others.

You can get a feeling of community by making an active commitment to the community. Take steps forward and don’t avoid the tasks of work, friendship and love relationships. Don’t think in terms of "What will this person give me?" But rather, "What can I give to this person?"

542

1.19K reads

You are part of something HUGE

Don’t limit yourself to one community. If you think of schools as everything to you, you’ll end up without a sense of belonging to anything. There is a larger world that extends far beyond any community. And everyone of us is a member of that world. Living in fear of one’s relationships falling apart is an unfree way to live. Do not cling to the small community right in front of you. There will be always more and larger communities that exist.

545

1.09K reads

Self acceptance

The goal is accept yourself 60 percent, and think "How should I go about getting closer to 100 percent?" You cannot change what you’re born with, but what you do with this equipment is your own power. Focus on what you can change.

542

1.19K reads

Confidence in others

When you switch from attachment to self to concern for others, Confidence in others becomes absolutely essential. If you don’t have objective grounds for trusting someone, you should believe without concerning yourself with things such as security. Unconditional confidence is the foundation of any deep relationship.

522

1.12K reads

Contribution to others

The most easily understood contribution to others is work. It is through labor that one makes contribution to others and commit to one’s community. One can feel “I am of use to someone,” and come to accept one’s existential worth. This helps in self-acceptance again, and you can see that it is a circular loop

521

1.02K reads

Don't think of life as a Line. Life is a series of dots.

You should think of life a series of dots. A series of moments called “now.” We live only in the here and now. Live life as if you are dancing.

Some people ended up in entirely different places. But none of these lives came to an end “en route” . It is enough if you find fulfillment in the here and now one is dancing.

Dancing itself is the goal, you shouldn’t be concerned with arriving somewhere by doing it. You can arrive somewhere as a result of dancing, but there is no particular destination. The goal of mountain-climbing is the climbing itself, not getting at the top.

545

950 reads

Live in the here and now.

Life is a series of moments, and neither the past nor the future exists. Live in the here and now. Don’t concern yourself with the past or the future.

532

1.42K reads

The courage to be normal.

Whether they are trying to be especially good or especially bad, the goal is the same: to attract the attention of other people. Get out the “normal” condition and become a “special being.” Why is it necessary to be special? Probably because one cannot accept one’s normal self.

532

1.16K reads

CURATED BY

okiedokieok

I like to read and draw (but im not good at it) 😂

Ready for the next level?

Read Like a Pro

stash-superman-illustration

Explore the World’s

Best Ideas

200,000+ ideas on pretty much any topic. Created by the smartest people around & well-organized so you can explore at will.

An Idea for Everything

Explore the biggest library of insights. And we've infused it with powerful filtering tools so you can easily find what you need.

Knowledge Library

Powerful Saving & Organizational Tools

Save ideas for later reading, for personalized stashes, or for remembering it later.

# Personal Growth

Take Your Ideas

Anywhere

Organize your ideas & listen on the go. And with Pro, there are no limits.

Listen on the go

Just press play and we take care of the words.

Never worry about spotty connections

No Internet access? No problem. Within the mobile app, all your ideas are available, even when offline.

Get Organized with Stashes

Ideas for your next work project? Quotes that inspire you? Put them in the right place so you never lose them.

Join

2 Million Stashers

4.8

Stars

5,740 Reviews

App Store

4.7

Stars

72,690 Reviews

Google Play

Ashley Anthony

This app is LOADED with RELEVANT, HELPFUL, AND EDUCATIONAL material. It is creatively intellectual, yet minimal enough to not overstimulate and create a learning block. I am exceptionally impressed with this app!

Sean Green

Great interesting short snippets of informative articles. Highly recommended to anyone who loves information and lacks patience.

Shankul Varada

Best app ever! You heard it right. This app has helped me get back on my quest to get things done while equipping myself with knowledge everyday.

samz905

Don’t look further if you love learning new things. A refreshing concept that provides quick ideas for busy thought leaders.

Laetitia Berton

I have only been using it for a few days now, but I have found answers to questions I had never consciously formulated, or to problems I face everyday at work or at home. I wish I had found this earlier, highly recommended!

Giovanna Scalzone

Brilliant. It feels fresh and encouraging. So many interesting pieces of information that are just enough to absorb and apply. So happy I found this.

Ghazala Begum

Even five minutes a day will improve your thinking. I've come across new ideas and learnt to improve existing ways to become more motivated, confident and happier.

Jamyson Haug

Great for quick bits of information and interesting ideas around whatever topics you are interested in. Visually, it looks great as well.

Read & Learn

20x Faster

without
deepstash

with
deepstash

with

deepstash

Access to 200,000+ ideas

Access to the mobile app

Unlimited idea saving & library

Unlimited history

Unlimited listening to ideas

Downloading & offline access

Personalized recommendations

FAQ

Claim Your Limited Offer

Get Deepstash Pro

BLACK FRIDAY

75% OFF | 1-Year Pro Subscription

Claim Offer