Many of us desire to be more interesting people but don't know how to do it.  We think interesting is being different from the norm and sharing unusual and intriguing stories and ideas.

To be interesting is to be different

We don't have to read the latest books, go to foreign countries or meet Nobel Prize laureates to be different. We are different already. We just don't allow ourselves to come across that way. The chatter in our minds is already full of the most surprising and authentically gripping information. We are already real characters.

We are different anyway

Children under seven are fascinating. Of course, they seldom do anything interesting in the outside world, but the honest, uncensored way they report on their inner lives guarantees their interest. We were once fascinating, too, before we got so worried about looking normal. While we should not mention certain things to spare others hurt, it is a lot less than we think.

We are born interesting

Interesting people are those who allow themselves to listen in on and share what's really going through their minds. Next time, when we fear coming over as dull, we should tap into the information we actually believe. What emerges may sound odd, but it is also likely to be hugely charming and warm-hearted.

Every person is interesting

The secret to being an interesting person has less to do with our job or achievements than it does with how attuned we are to our abnormalities. Sign up to our new newsletter and get 10% off your first online order of a book, product or class: https://bit.ly/3HpVdSa For books and more from The School of Life, visit our online shop: https://bit.ly/3trP1Dr Our website has classes, articles and products to help you lead a more fulfilled life: https://bit.ly/3hyCWqo Join this channel to get access to exclusive members perks: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7IcJI8PUf5Z3zKxnZvTBog/join FURTHER READING You can read more on this and other subjects on our blog, here: https://bit.ly/3tnDnt3 “Many of us crave to be more interesting people. The question is how we might become so. We rightly tend to associate being ‘interesting’ with achieving difference from the norm: with being able to serve up some unusual and intriguing stories and ideas. But what might be the best way to lay our hands on these?...” MORE SCHOOL OF LIFE Watch more films on SELF in our playlist: http://bit.ly/TSOLself SOCIAL MEDIA Feel free to follow us at the links below: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theschooloflifelondon/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheSchoolOfLife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theschooloflifelondon/ CREDITS Produced in collaboration with: Natalia Ramos Title animation produced in collaboration with Vale Productions https://www.valeproductions.co.uk/

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

communication

Communication

videos

Videos

The secret to being an interesting person has less to do with our job or achievements than it does with how attuned we are to our abnormalities.
Sign up to our new newsletter and get 10% off your first online order of a book, product or class: https://bit.ly/3HpVdSa
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FURTHER READING

You can read more on this and other subjects on our blog, here: https://bit.ly/3tnDnt3

“Many of us crave to be more interesting people. The question is how we might become so. We rightly tend to associate being ‘interesting’ with achieving difference from the norm: with being able to serve up some unusual and intriguing stories and ideas. But what might be the best way to lay our hands on these?...”


MORE SCHOOL OF LIFE

Watch more films on SELF in our playlist: 
http://bit.ly/TSOLself


SOCIAL MEDIA

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CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with:

Natalia Ramos 
 
Title animation produced in collaboration with

Vale Productions
https://www.valeproductions.co.uk/

We're interested in self-understanding, calm and emotional maturity.

We have thousands of articles about emotional life for you on our website: www.theschooloflife.com

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The School of Life

How To Be An Interesting Person

<ul><li>Workplace conflicts unfold in three different kinds of corporate cultures: “hostile,” “indifferent” and “connected.”</li><li>Your attitude toward frustration determines how well you respond to conflict. </li><li>Five factors, including poorly designed systems and processes, cause most workplace conflicts.</li><li>People won’t change unless they experience acceptance.</li><li>Avoiding workplace drama has many benefits.</li><li>Seek understanding. Don’t blame others. Act wisely.</li></ul>

Key Book Takeaways

Workplace conflicts unfold in three different kinds of corporate cultures: “hostile,” “indifferent” and “connected.”Your overall corporate culture determines how conflicts emerge and how best to resolve them.The behaviours that destroy trust and connectedness are found in every workplace

Conflict Is Everywhere

Teams at some corporations show open antagonism toward one another. The workplace is full of uptight, unreasonable and unhappy emotion. Members of these organizations feel threatened. They hate going to work and avoid meetings. Hostility saps employees’ energy and leads to lower productivity. Merely working through the critical issues that agitate your team members, and thus, eliminating anger, is not enough, however. Employees’ involvement in their work might diminish if they’ve been using hostility to fuel their energy.

Corporate Cultures: Hostile

In this environment, employees disengage and feel apathetic toward their work. Team members don’t acknowledge their colleagues’ contributions. Without feedback, people don’t know their position in the organization or whether their work has a positive impact.

Corporate Cultures: Low energy, Indifferent

In connected workplaces, team members like each other and work together harmoniously. Positive exchanges increase workers’ enthusiasm and productivity. Everybody performs beyond expectations. Employees find these workplaces enjoyable, both personally and professionally.

Corporate Cultures: High energy, Connected

Your attitude toward frustration determines how well you respond to conflict. When you encounter a conflict or problem, the situation will trigger one of three possible “assumptions”:<ul><li>You find others at fault for things that go wrong and see them as the source of any problem. </li><li>After a fight, when your feelings of righteousness abate, you berate yourself.</li><li>Unlike the previous two “reflexive” responses, a “reflective” response allows you to focus on the context, setting or framework of a problem rather than on the people involved. </li></ul>

Encountering Conflict Or Problem

Five factors, including poorly designed systems and processes, cause most workplace conflicts:<ol><li>You may encounter situations at work where hidden restraints cause problems. </li><li>When systems and processes are poorly structured or instituted, they can prompt workplace clashes. </li><li>Efforts to measure performance can lead to conflicts between different parts of an organization. </li><li>Whenever you see someone acting in a hostile, belligerent manner, consider whether the person has the abilities, understanding or backbone to do better.</li><li> Mutual mistrust can leave two people at odds.</li></ol>

Discord At The Workplace: The Five Circumstances

How can you deal with other people’s angry or inappropriate behaviour? You don’t have to turn a blind eye to bad behaviour, but you can recognize that everyone, yourself included, sometimes acts badly. By acknowledging this fact, you will see that you don’t gain anything by feeling upset over other people’s behaviour.Holding others accountable for destructive behaviour is important, but the way you accomplish this goal matters immensely.

People Won’t Change Unless They Experience Acceptance

When you act assertively, you can combine that attitude with either anger or warmth in four ways:Angry and assertive – People who use this approach demean and insult others. This behaviour is rare in most workplaces. Angry and not assertive – People who use this tactic mix hostility and low assertiveness to create an attitude of “cold contempt.” Eventually, employees may avoid or conspire against each other.Warm and not assertive – People who act this way are often seen as “doormats.”Warm and assertive – Unlike the first three combinations, this mixture can yield positive results.

The Four Ways To Assert Yourself

Your people don’t have to become “emotional idiots” – Other people might see someone as less than emotionally solid if he or she shouts at colleagues who could have their own reasons for how they behave.Health and resiliency improve – Reducing the number of times you get angry or even enraged protects you against heart disease and boosts your immune system.Positive reciprocity accrues – The way you speak and act creates reciprocity.  People will want you to work with them – Having the ability to solve problems and create links to your teammates will help you develop relationships.

Avoiding Workplace Drama: Benefits

Most people encounter around 30 frustrating situations every day. In such circumstances, the assumptions you make – to blame others, blame yourself or look for the reason – shape your results and outcomes, for better or for worse.Consider the impact of your behaviour patterns throughout your life. If you stop to think about the situations you encounter rather than just reacting to them, you can build an internal attitude of warmth and inquisitiveness. Your colleagues will take you into their confidence because you never criticize other people; instead, you pause to figure them out.

Understand And Act Wisely

Explore systemic issues such as the challenges governments face, why hospitals lack sufficient staff, why civic officials can’t maintain the highways or why your neighbor acts so weird. Try to gain an understanding of the covert factors at play in your workplace. These insights will allow you to select personal approaches and corporate practices that will make your organization more effective and peaceful.

The Bottom Line

Workplace conflict consultant Anna Maravelas draws on her long experience to explain how to prevent and resolve workplace clashes.

“Maravelas is the best source on workplace irritability and tension.” —Matt Villano, New York Times The human longing for respect and dignity is deep and pervasive. Yet, while resolving more than 300 workplace conflicts, author Anna Maravelas has met thousands of individuals struggling with tension and mistrust. Creating a Drama-Free Workplace contains strategies to avoid and reverse these troubling trends. Learn why trust and connectedness slip through our fingers despite our yearnings for workplaces that are grounded in collaboration and success. Stop common missteps before they walk out the door with your most valuable assets—trust, morale, and productivity. You can create the environments you desire and deserve with these proven skills grounded in neuroscience. In this book you will learn how to: Take the drama out of disagreement and enhance your ability to problem solve. Eliminate the 5 root causes of workplace tension. Be hard on the problem and soft on the people and create lasting alliances. Preserve your integrity by talking to people rather than about them. Replace bitterness about the past with a shared responsibility for the future. Knowing how to transform conflict into collaboration affects the outcome of every interaction, challenge, and opportunity.

career

Career

corporateculture

Corporate Culture

books

Books

“Maravelas is the best source on workplace irritability and tension.” —Matt Villano, New York TimesThe human longing for respect and dignity is deep and pervasive. Yet, while resolving more than 300 workplace conflicts, author Anna Maravelas has met thousands of individuals struggling with tension and mistrust. Creating a Drama-Free Workplace contains strategies to avoid and reverse these troubling trends. Learn why trust and connectedness slip through our fingers despite our yearnings for workplaces that are grounded in collaboration and success. Stop common missteps before they walk out the door with your most valuable assets—trust, morale, and productivity. You can create the environments you desire and deserve with these proven skills grounded in neuroscience.In this book you will learn how to: <ul><li>Take the drama out of disagreement and enhance your ability to problem solve.</li><li>Eliminate the 5 root causes of workplace tension.</li><li>Be hard on the problem and soft on the people and create lasting alliances.</li><li>Preserve your integrity by talking to people rather than about them.</li><li>Replace bitterness about the past with a shared responsibility for the future.</ul></li>Knowing how to transform conflict into collaboration affects the outcome of every interaction, challenge, and opportunity.

Anna Maravelas

Creating a Drama-Free Workplace

When presented with a new perspective or new information, resist the urge to dismiss it and try to listen carefully then examine it considering the evidence you have.

Think Like A Scientist

Instead of being convinced like a Preacher, that you are right and wanting to prove the other wrong like a Prosecutor, while trying to win approval like a Politician, look for reasons why you could be wrong and not just right.

Replace 3 P's thinking approach with S. 

<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">Why do I feel so strongly about what I believe?</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Do I know all the facts?</li><li class="ql-align-justify">How might my emotions be influencing what I believe?</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Might I be remembering something wrong?</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Do I believe something because I want it to be true?</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Putting my personal feelings aside, what can I learn from this alternative perspective?</li></ul>

First Step To Rethinking

By reminding ourselves that "Sometimes I'm wrong" and it's normal.

How To Manage Our Hurt Ego If We Hate To Be Wrong?

<ol><li>Improves your listening skills.</li><li>Better interpersonal bonding with others when they feel listened to and not dismissed.</li><li>Emotional Regulation: You learn to emotionally regulate and be more rational.</li><li>Acceptance and learning from others: When an emotionally regulated and rational person you are open to accept others viewpoint.</li><li>Growth mindset: When you are open to accept other view points you learn more.</li><li>When you learn more you know more and that helps you in being right more often.</li></ol>

Benefits Of Rethinking Like A Scientist

Rethinking not only improves our rational ability as an individual but also helps our society progress by developing scientific temper.

How can you keep an open mind, manage your emotions, and learn more? Enter the rule of rethinking. 

mentalhealth

Mental Health

problemsolving

Problem Solving

How Emotionally Intelligent People Use the ‘Rule of Rethinking’ to Think Like Scientists

The announcement says that “the purpose of the Lens Protocol is to empower creators to own the links between themselves and their community, forming a fully composable, decentralized social graph.”

Aave founder Stani Kulechov told The Defiant over Telegram, “Lens Protocol helps developers to build web3 native social media, without creating the user base from scratch. Any application built on top of Lens expands the social graph and benefits all the applications in the ecosystem.”start trying, but the post seems to suggest that Lens is more of a back-end that other social media products can be built on. The STEEM blockchain served as an underlying data layer for a number of different products. Lens will run on <a href="https://thedefiant.io/polygon-forking-controversy/">the Polygon network </a> with support for IPFS.

Social Media Application

If those sites exposed their underlying social graphs and the associated content, other developers could take that data band build websites that worked differently. One could make a version of Facebook that shows users the posts of everyone they follow using nothing but a simple reverse chronological sorting mechanism. Another could build a version of Twitter that puts the focus on photos rather than text.

Open Architecture

Ownership of a Lens profile is represented by an NFT, which is the key primitive of the whole network. “Composable, non-custodial, and permissionless, these dynamic NFTs contain the history of all posts, mirrors, comments, and other content you generate,” the post explains. Individual pieces of content will also be <a href="https://docs.lens.dev/docs/collect">collectable </a>, which means they will also be tradeable.When a piece of content is “mirrored” it’s possible for the person who shared it to earn a cut if their Mirror yields a sale.If a profile gets big enough and wants to start managing its community, it can be turned into a DAO

Profile NFTs

The Aave team is inviting developers <a href="https://lens.dev/garden">to start building </a>on Lens now, and there’s <a href="https://twitter.com/LensProtocol/status/1490782799086952454">a grants program </a>for those who need support to bring their idea to life.

Lens Protocol is a new web3 social media effort from the team at Aave.

crypto

Cryptocurrency

Aave Team Launches 'Decentralized Social Graph' With Lens Protocol Venture - The Defiant

When it comes to writing, having a plan is key. If you don’t have a roadmap for your project, you will likely get lost along the way.

HAVING A PLAN

One way to develop a writing habit is to set a goal for yourself. You can aim to write a certain number of words or pages each day/week/month. Start small and gradually build up.

Set A Goal 

If you want to write, you need to make time for it. Block out a specific time each day or week to write. Making writing a priority makes you more likely to develop a regular writing habit.

Block Time For Writing 

Some people find it helpful to write first thing in the morning, while others prefer to write in the evening. Some people like to write at a specific time each day, while others are more flexible. Similarly, some people like to write at home, while others prefer to write in a cafe or other public place.

Find a time and place that works for you

Don’t try to force yourself to write if you’re not feeling inspired. Wait until you have an idea that you’re excited to write about.

Write when you’re inspired

Finding a writing community is important for a few reasons: <ol><li>It can be helpful to have other writers to talk to and share ideas with. </li><li>It can be beneficial to get feedback on your work from other writers. </li><li>It can be motivating to be part of a group of people who are also working on their writing. </li> </ol>

Finding a writing community

How to Write Faster by Creating a Writing Habit: The Ultimate Guide

Creating a writing habit can be difficult, but it’s definitely worth it in the long run. Writing is a skill that takes time and practice to perfect, but developing a writing habit will help you…

writing

Reading & Writing

Emojis are not hieroglyphics.<ul><li>Language has moved from more concrete characters to less concrete versions, allowing humans to communicate abstract concepts. But most signs point to emojis lacking the characteristics of a true language. For example, when given a string of emojis, two people will not always interpret them the same way.</li><li>Emojis cannot be combined in ways that function as a true linguistic system, meaning that, although they are a helpful bunch of symbols, they aren’t a particular, conventionalized system for representing abstract meaning, like English or Japanese or ASL.</li></ul>

Communicative System vs. Hieroglyphics vs. Language

If you adhere to the strictest definition of language, emojis definitely do not make the cut. However, if you define a language as “a system of words or signs that people use to express thoughts and feelings to each other,” emojis have a chance.Whether or not they can replace English or any other formal language, emojis have evolved into a meaningful communicative system, allowing users worldwide to express feelings, thoughts, and ideas in new visual ways. They represent an interesting and deeply entertaining evolution of language worldwide.

Emojis: An Interesting Evolution of Language

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

Are Emojis Language?

“People may hear your words, but they feel your attitude.”

When you make a commitment, you create hope. When you keep a commitment, you create trust.

Connecting is the ability to identify with people and relate to them in a way that increases your influence on them.
The principles to develop this skill include:
<ul>
<li>Find common ground</li>
<li>Keep your communication simple</li>
<li>Create an enjoyable and interesting experience</li>
<li>Inspire people</li>
<li>Stay authentic in your communication.</li>
</ul>

Key Principles To Develop The Crucial Skill Of Connecting

If you want to be successful in connecting with people, you need to make sure your communication goes beyond words, by connecting on four levels.<ul><li>Visually: You have seven seconds to make the right first impression.</li><li>Intellectually: To connect with people intellectually you must know two things: your subject and yourself.</li><li>Emotionally: People may hear your words but they feel your attitude.</li><li>Verbally: Words are the currency of ideas and have the power to change the world.</li></ul>

Connecting Goes Beyond Words

“People don’t remember what we think is important; they remember what they think is important.”

“If you want to get your message across, you have to learn how to communicate in someone else’s world.”

Constantly strive to simplify the complicated concepts and processes so you can make them accessible for the audience.
Don't try to impress the people in the room but to transfer information and to help make things understandable.

Keeping Your Communication Simple

<ul><li>Humor is something that will make the audience laugh and put them in a receptive mood. </li><li>Heart will captivate people’s emotions and get them engaged with your message. </li><li>Hope will inspire the audience and move them toward an objective. </li><li>Help is something that will assist the listener in some practical way as they listen and envision applying what you are sharing.</li></ul>

Humor, Heart, Hope, Help

“Even the choicest words lose their power when they are used to overpower.”

<ul><li>Assumption. "I already know what others know, feel and want."</li><li>Arrogance. "I don’t need to know what others know, feel or want."</li><li>Indifference. "I don’t care to know what others know, feel or want."</li><li>Control. "I don’t want others to know what I know, feel or want."</li></ul>

Top Four Barriers to Finding Common Ground

World-renowned leadership expert and bestselling author John C. Maxwell says if you want to be an effective leader, you must learn how to connect with people. While it may seem like some folks are just born with a commanding presence that draws people in, the fact is anyone can learn to communicate in ways that consistently build powerful connections. Everyone Communicates, Few Connect, helps you succeed by revealing Maxwell’s Five Principles and Five Practices to develop this crucial skill of connecting, including: finding common ground, keeping your communication simple, capturing people's interest, inspiring people, and staying authentic in all your relationships. Your ability to achieve results in any organization--be it a company, church, nonprofit, or even in your family--is directly tied to the leadership skills in your toolbox. Connecting is an easy-to-learn skill you can apply today in your personal, professional, and family relationships to start living your best life.

The most effective leaders know how to connect with people. It's not about power or popularity, but about making the people around you feel heard, comfortable, and understood.While it may seem like some folks are born with a commanding presence that draws people in, the fact is anyone can learn to communicate in ways that consistently build powerful connections. Bestselling author and leadership expert John C. Maxwell offers advice for effective communication to those who continually run into obstacles when it comes to personal success.In Everyone Communicates, Few Connect, Maxwell shares five principles and five practices to develop connection skills including:<ul><li>finding common ground;</li><li>keeping your communication simple;</li><li>capturing people’s interest;</li><li>how to create an experience everyone enjoys;</li><li>and staying authentic in all your relationships.</li></ul>Your ability to achieve results in any organization is directly tied to the leadership skills in your toolbox. Connecting is an easy-to-learn skill you can apply today in your personal, professional, and family relationships to start living your best life.

John Calvin Maxwell is an American author, speaker, and pastor who has written many books, primarily focusing on leadership. Titles include The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership and The 21 Indispensable Qualities of a Leader. His books have sold millions of copies, with some on the New York Times Best Seller List.

John C. Maxwell

Everyone Communicates, Few Connect

“Prime your environment to make the next action easy.”

“You can't double your intelligence in one hour, but you can use one hour to write something twice as clear. And ideas that are easy to read and easy to understand will make you seem smarter. The better you communicate, the more intelligent you appear.”

“Your entire life happens inside your body. It's the one home you will always occupy and can never sell.But you can renovate it.If you can only pick one habit to build, exercise might be the one. Everything is downstream from how your body is functioning.”

“Think of many things. Do one.”

“I believe in anger. Anger’s like fire, it can burn out all the dross and leave some positive things. But what I don’t believe in is bitterness. Forgiveness is imperative because you don’t want to carry that weight around, who needs to? And it will throw you down. It doesn’t help you to live life. I don’t make myself vulnerable if I can help it.”

Think of something you struggled with in the last year. If you step back and zoom out, what is one lesson you have learned from the experience?

1 Question For You

motivationandinspiration

Motivation & Inspiration

habits

Habits

3-2-1: Doubling your intelligence, zooming out, and finding value in anger

This self help guide teaches us that the key to being happier is to stop trying to be positive all the time and instead to become better at handling adversity.FUCK POSITIVITY!Sometimes things are fucked up and we have to accept it.This book will correct your delusional expectations of yourself and the world. Its like a guide to suffering better, more meaningfully with compassion and humility.I recommend it to anybody stuck in the feedback loop from hell, which is the psychological epidemic making many of us overly stressed, overly neurotic and overly self loathing.

A Book About Hope 

Life itself is a form of suffering. The rich suffer because of their riches. The poor suffer because of their poverty.People without a family suffer because they have no family. People with a family suffer because of their family.People who pursue wordly pleasures suffer because of their worldly pleasures.People who abstain from wordly pleasures suffer because of their abstention.

Most of us struggle through life giving way too many fucks in situations where fucks dont deserve to be given.Your going to die some day. In the short time you have here, if you go round giving a fuck about everything and everyone, you are going to get fucked.Learn to prioritise and pick and choose what is fuckworthy to you based on finely honed personal values.Its part of our biology to give a fuck but when you give too many fucks you become entitled to be comfortable and happy all the time, as if everything is supposed to be exactly the fucking way you want. This is a sickness.

The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck

Honesty is communication with no conditions, no strings attached, no ulterior motive, no sales job, no desperate attempt to be liked.When things suck, you say so openly and without apology.

Being open to your insecurities paradoxically makes you more confident and charismatic around others.

Reserve your fucks for what truly matters.

Suffering is biologically useful as it is natures preferred agent for inspiring change. We are wired to become dissatisfied with whatever we have and satisfied by only what we don't have.Problems will never fucking go away. They just get exchanged and upgraded. Life is an endless series of problems. The solution to one problem is merely the creation of the next one.Negative emotions are a call to action. If you feel crappy, your brain is telling you there is an unresolved problem for you to address.Happiness comes from solving these problems.

Happiness Is A Problem

Without conflict, there can be no trust.Conflict exists to show us who is there for us unconditionally and who is just there for the benefits.

It is the norm in Western cultures to smile and say polite things even when you don't feel like it, to tell white lies and agree with someone you don't actually agree with. People learn to pretend to be friends with people they don't actually like.The downside of this is that you never know if you can completely trust the person you're talking to. There is a pressure in the West to be likable that people often reconfigure their entire personality depending on the person they're dealing with.Honesty is a natural human craving. Part of living honestly is becoming comfortable with the word 'NO'.

The Importance Of Saying No

Decision making based on emotional intuition, without the aid of reason to keep it in line, pretty much always sucks. You know who bases their entire lives on their emotions? Three year old kids.And dogs.You know what else three year olds and dogs do? Shit on the carpet.

If you've got a problem, chances are millions of other people have had it in the past, have it now, and are going to in the future. This doesn't minimise your problem, it just means that you are not special.The first step towards solving your problems is to acknowledge the realisation that your problems are actually not privileged in their severity and pain.When we experience real traumatic shit, we believe we are uniquely special, that we are somehow unlike everyone else, that the rules are different for us.We become entitled.

You Are Not Special

If everyone were extraordinary, then by definition no one would be extraordinary.

The majority of life is unextraordinary, indeed quite average.Having the Internet, social media sites and hundred plus TV channels is amazing. But this flood of extreme information has conditioned us to believe that exceptionalism is the new normal.Technology and mass marketing is screwing up alot of peoples expectations.We end up feeling like losers because a simple Google search shows us thousands of people without the same problems as us. Technology has solved old economic problems by giving us new psychological problems. The Internet has opensourced insecurity, self doubt and shame.

The Tyranny Of Exceptionalism

Values underlie everything we are and do.If what we value is unhelpful, if what we consider success/failure is poorly chosen, then everything based upon those values - the thoughts, emotions and day to day feelings - will be out of whack. Everything we think and feel about a situation ultimately comes back to how valuable we percieve it to be.

Nobody makes it through life without collecting a few scars along the way -<ul><li>Psychiatric disorders</li><li>Struggling with depression or suicidal thoughts</li><li>Having been subjected to abuse or neglect</li><li>Dealt with a tragedy or death of a loved one</li><li>Survived a serious heath issue</li><li>Accidents</li><li>Traumatic situations</li></ul>Nobody else is ever responsible for the situation you are in. Someone else may be to blame for your unhappiness, but nobody is ever responsible for your unhappiness except your self. This is because you always get to choose how you see things, how you react and how you value them.

Genetics And The Hand We're Dealt

And because you and I and everybody else all have differing needs and personal histories and life circumstances, we will all inevitably come to differing correct answers about what our lives mean and how they should be lived.

Todays culture is obsessed with unrealistically positive expectations.<ul><li>Be happier</li><li>Be the best</li><li>Be smarter</li><li>Be richer</li><li>Be sexier</li><li>More powerful</li><li>More productive</li><li>More admired</li></ul>Be perfect and amazing and shit out 12 karat gold nuggets before breakfast while kissing your selfie ready partner before flying off to work in a helicopter to your wonderfully fulfilling job, where u spend the day doing incredibly meaningful work that will save the planet.Conventional life advice hightlights your percieved shortcomings and failures, resulting in you feeling like a failure as though you aren't successful enough.

Dont Try

The more something threatens your identity, the more you will avoid it.

When any result is regarded as progress and important, we propel ourselves ahead. We feel free to fail and that failure moves us forward.The do something principle helps us to overcome procrastination. That something can be the smallest viable action toward something else. It can be anything.Just do something. Start simple. Thats all thats necessary to get the snowball rolling, the action needed to inspire the motivation to keep going.

Failure Is The Way Forward

Ultimately, the only way to achieve meaning and a sense of importance in ones life is through a rejection of alternatives, a narrowing of freedom, a choice of commitment to one place, one belief or (gulp) one person.

People in a healthy relationship have strong boundaries and take responsibility for their own values and problems.People in a toxic relationship with poor or no boundaries will regularly avoid responsibility for their own problems and take responsibility for their partners problems.Entitled people expect others to take responsibility for their problems.'I want a nice relaxing break. You should have known and canceled your plans'.This is avoiding accepting responsibility for their own problems, resulting in fragile fake relationships.

Boundries

The victim creates more and more problems to solve - not because additional real problems exist, but because it gets her attention and affection she craves.The saver solves and solves - not because she actually cares about the problems, but because she believes she must fix others' problems in order to deserve attention and affection for herself. In both cases, the intentions are selfish and conditional and therefore self-sabotaging, and genuine love is rarely experienced.

You stand in front of the mirror repeating affirmations saying that you're beautiful because you feel as though you're not beautiful already.

No truly happy person feels the need to stand in front of the mirror and recite that she's happy. She just is.

Death is the only thing we can know with any certainty.

In life we have a limited amount of fucks to give. Time ticks away. So choose your fucks wisely. A book worth gifting, to your self, and to those around you.

#1 New York Times Bestseller Over 1 million copies sold In this generation-defining self-help guide, a superstar blogger cuts through the crap to show us how to stop trying to be "positive" all the time so that we can truly become better, happier people. For decades, we’ve been told that positive thinking is the key to a happy, rich life. "F**k positivity," Mark Manson says. "Let’s be honest, shit is f**ked and we have to live with it." In his wildly popular Internet blog, Manson doesn’t sugarcoat or equivocate. He tells it like it is—a dose of raw, refreshing, honest truth that is sorely lacking today. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k is his antidote to the coddling, let’s-all-feel-good mindset that has infected American society and spoiled a generation, rewarding them with gold medals just for showing up. Manson makes the argument, backed both by academic research and well-timed poop jokes, that improving our lives hinges not on our ability to turn lemons into lemonade, but on learning to stomach lemons better. Human beings are flawed and limited—"not everybody can be extraordinary, there are winners and losers in society, and some of it is not fair or your fault." Manson advises us to get to know our limitations and accept them. Once we embrace our fears, faults, and uncertainties, once we stop running and avoiding and start confronting painful truths, we can begin to find the courage, perseverance, honesty, responsibility, curiosity, and forgiveness we seek. There are only so many things we can give a f**k about so we need to figure out which ones really matter, Manson makes clear. While money is nice, caring about what you do with your life is better, because true wealth is about experience. A much-needed grab-you-by-the-shoulders-and-look-you-in-the-eye moment of real-talk, filled with entertaining stories and profane, ruthless humor, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k is a refreshing slap for a generation to help them lead contented, grounded lives.

#1 New York Times BestsellerOver 10 million copies soldIn this generation-defining self-help guide, a superstar blogger cuts through the crap to show us how to stop trying to be "positive" all the time so that we can truly become better, happier people.For decades, we’ve been told that positive thinking is the key to a happy, rich life. "F**k positivity," Mark Manson says. "Let’s be honest, shit is f**ked and we have to live with it." In his wildly popular Internet blog, Manson doesn’t sugarcoat or equivocate. He tells it like it is—a dose of raw, refreshing, honest truth that is sorely lacking today. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k is his antidote to the coddling, let’s-all-feel-good mindset that has infected American society and spoiled a generation, rewarding them with gold medals just for showing up.Manson makes the argument, backed both by academic research and well-timed poop jokes, that improving our lives hinges not on our ability to turn lemons into lemonade, but on learning to stomach lemons better. Human beings are flawed and limited—"not everybody can be extraordinary, there are winners and losers in society, and some of it is not fair or your fault." Manson advises us to get to know our limitations and accept them. Once we embrace our fears, faults, and uncertainties, once we stop running and avoiding and start confronting painful truths, we can begin to find the courage, perseverance, honesty, responsibility, curiosity, and forgiveness we seek.There are only so many things we can give a f**k about so we need to figure out which ones really matter, Manson makes clear. While money is nice, caring about what you do with your life is better, because true wealth is about experience. A much-needed grab-you-by-the-shoulders-and-look-you-in-the-eye moment of real-talk, filled with entertaining stories and profane, ruthless humor, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k is a refreshing slap for a generation to help them lead contented, grounded lives.

Mark Manson (born 1984) is a professional blogger, entrepreneur, and former dating coach. Since 2007, he's been helping people with their emotional and relationship problems. He has worked with thousands of people from over 30 different countries. He regularly writes and updates his blog at: www.markmanson.net

Mark Manson

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

Trust can help bring us closer to other people. Trusting others, such as family members and friends, can reassure us that we’ll be helped when we need it. It’s the foundation of any healthy relationship — including the relationship you have with yourself.

Overview

Trusting yourself can build up your confidence, make it easier for you to make decisions, and reduce your stress levels. And the good news is that even if you don’t trust yourself now, with some effort you can build up that trust over time.

Confidence

There’s no one more important to trust than yourself. Sometimes we lose trust in ourselves after we make a mistake or after someone criticizes us harshly or constantly. It can feel more difficult to make decisions when you can’t trust yourself because you fear you’ll make the wrong choice. Or you might be more prone to criticizing your own decisions after you make them.

Tips for building trust in yourself

Building trust in yourself can help boost your decision-making skills and self-confidence. This can make life feel a little easier and much more enjoyable. Here are some tips to help you learn how to trust yourself:

If you fear how others will look at you or judge you, you might find it difficult to be yourself around other people. Acting like a different person than who you really are is a sign that you’re lacking self-confidence and trust in yourself. Other people will be able to sense that.

1. Be yourself

So how do you build up your trust enough to be yourself around others? When you start to feel insecure around others, remind yourself that it’s OK to be you. Start by practicing around the people you feel most comfortable with, like your friends and close family. Take note if you feel vulnerable or uncomfortable and keep spending time with these people until your insecure feelings start to disappear.Once you can be yourself around other people, they’ll treat you with more trust. This can help you build up your trust in yourself.

Often, we aim high with our goals. Instead of aiming to make $50,000 a year from our job, we aim to make $100,000. Instead of trying to complete a project in two weeks, we try to do it in one week. And setting our goals high can be a good thing, because it motivates us to work hard for what we want.

2. Set reasonable goals

Unfortunately, setting goals that are too ambitious has a major downside. When we don’t reach our big goals, we experience failure. Failing often can reduce your self-confidence and ability to trust yourself.Instead of setting one big goal, try setting many little goals that put you in the direction of your big goal. Doing so will make your big goal more realistic. You’ll also gain confidence and trust in yourself while accomplishing the smaller goals along the way.

You’ve probably heard the term “unconditional love.” Maybe it’s been mentioned in relation to the connection a parent has with their child, or the love that exists between siblings, friends, or even romantic partners. But did you know that it’s also very important to love yourself unconditionally?

3. Be kind to yourself

Loving yourself unconditionally means getting rid of negative thoughts about yourself and any self-criticism after you make a mistake. Start by keeping a close eye on your inner voice, and how it reacts to your actions. Is it kind or mean? Is it accepting or critical? When you can love yourself unconditionally, you can trust yourself unconditionally. And that builds confidence.

Everyone is better at some things and worse at others. You probably have a good idea of what things you excel at and which things you don’t do as well with. Trusting yourself means being able to attempt to do all kinds of things without judging yourself too harshly.

4. Build on your strengths

However, if you’re looking to build trust in yourself, it can be helpful to do more of the things that you’re good at and less of the things that you aren’t great at. If you’re not sure what you’re good at, ask those people closest to you. Spend more time doing those things and building your trust knowing you’ll excel at those things. Be accepting of your strengths, as well as your weaknesses.

When you don’t trust yourself, you might feel uncomfortable spending time looking inward. You might try to keep busy all day by constantly getting involved in activities or thinking about small things outside of yourself. Break the habit of looking away from yourself by patiently looking inward.

5. Spend time with yourself

Building trust in yourself is the key idea before doing anything that is worthwhile to own self and for others. I struggle with it a lot, for my personal goals, my friends help me to stay on track. Thank you and I love you all :)

Trusting yourself can build up your confidence, make it easier for you to make decisions, and reduce your stress levels. And the good news is that even if you don’t trust yourself now, with some effort you can build up that trust over time. Here are some tips to help you learn how to trust yourself.

6 Ways to Build Trust in Yourself

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