John Dewey - America's profound philosopher , said that deepest urge in human nature is " Desire to be important "

Deepest Principles In Human Nature

Some of things that most people want includes 1. Health 2. Food 3. Shelter 4. sexual gratification 5. Money Almost all these wants are usually gratified except one - the desire to be great ...Its not a wish or desire or longing to be appreciated ... An Craving to be appreciated

If you tell me how you get your feeling of importance, I'll tell you what you are...

One-half of all mental diseases can be attributed to such physical causes as brain lesion , alcohol, toxin and injury.But other half of people who go insane have nothing gone wrong with brain cells.In post-mortem examination ,under highest-powerd microscope brain tissue are found healthy as yours and mine.Psychiatrist said , people who go insane find in insanity a feeling of importance that they were unable to achieve in " world of reality "....

Research On Insane People Brain Tissue 

Charles schwab , 1st president of newly formed United state steel company 1921 ,In an interview schwab said , men working at companies knows about steel manufacturing better than me, i was paid that much large salary because of ," My ability to deal with people "... " I'm hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise " ~ schwab

First Person In America To Be Paid MILLION DOLLAR A Year

It was desire of feeling important that led an uneducated , poverty-sticken grocery clerk to study some law book found bottom of barrel. you probably heard of this grocery clerk - Abraham Lincoln

Grocery Clerk to President 

A Study was made few years back on Runaway wives , what do u think was discovered to be main reason wives ranaway? " It was lack of appreciation ." And as per Runaway husband," They often take thier spouse so much of granted that they never let them know they appreciate them. "

Study On Runaway Partners

Gnawing human hunger , and rare individual who honestly satisfies this heart hunger (wholehearted appreciation) will hold people of his or her hand.

Even Undertaker Will Be Sorry When He Dies

At an self improvement programme , they had been asked to list out any 6 things that they could change themselves to become better ...

Power Of Appreciation

A wife asked her husband the same . Her husband reported in class that frankly he would have listed 6 things but she could have listed 1000 things about me ,So i thought of giving her 6 roses and a note saying , " I can't think of six things i would like to change about you " .

When husband arrives home she was almost in tears, hugged him so tightly and shared her love towards him..

Give honest and sincere appreciation... Different between appreciation and flattery One is sincere and other is insincere, one is selfish and other is unselfish...

Chapter 2 how to influence people and friends...

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

marketingandsales

Marketing & Sales

communication

Communication

Secret of dealing with people 

Constructive criticism is a criticizing which is characterizing that person who is criticizing is explaining and also suggesting at the same time how to resolve the thing that is charged.

Constructive Criticism- What Is It? 

Constructive criticism assumes that the person giving it has chosen to talk about it because it wants to help the other in reaching the good or help to progress, as it is more experienced and would like to show the mistakes of the less experienced person to avoid repetition of those mistakes to happen again.

What does constructive criticism look like?

* Keep calm* Try to understand the criticism* Be open to new ideas* Remember that assertiveness is the key

How to accept criticism?

Constructive criticism assumes that the person giving it has chosen to talk about it because it wants to help the other in reaching the good or help to progress.

We can't learn or improve without feedback. Discover why constructive criticism has a positive effect on your job performance and how to give and receive it.

career

Career

leadershipandmanagement

Leadership & Management

Constructive Criticism: What it is and How to Take it 

<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">Criticism is futile because it puts a person into defensive & usually makes him strive to justify himself</li><li class="ql-align-justify">B.F.SKINNER - psychologist , proved through his experiment that animal rewarded for good behavior will learn much rapidly & retain what learned than animal punished for bad behavior.. same applies to humans too</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Any fool can criticize ,condemn, complain - most fools do. But it take character and self-control to be understanding & forgiving.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">" A great man shows his greatness , by the way he treats little men "</li></ul>

" If u want to gather honey, Don't kick over the beehive"

The lessons I learned from the dark days at Alibaba are that you’ve got to make your team have value, innovation, and vision. Also, if you don’t give up, you still have a chance. And, when you are small, you have to be very focused and rely on your brain,not your strength – Don’t complain, look for opportunities ...

Jack Ma

From magazine Hoover was famous performer at air shows, when he was flying at 300ft, both the engine suddenly stopped. He managed to land.He suspected about the airplane fuel , the ww2 propeller plane fueled with jet fuel instead of gasoline.The young man was sick with agony of his mistake. Tears streamed down his face as bob approached

AirPlane Which Stops @ 300FT 

You can imagine Hoover's anger. But Hoover didn't scold the mechanic, he didn't even criticize him. Instead, he put his big arm around the man's shoulder and said,“To show you I'm sure that you'll never do this again, I want you to service my F-51 tomorrow.”

All this lesson and quotes are from      CHAPTER 1 of the book..

In the present book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie says, “You can make someone want to do what you want them to do by seeing the situation from the other person’s point of view and arousing in the other person an eager want.” You learn how to make people like you, win people over to your way of thinking, and change people without causing offense or arousing resentment. For instance, “let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers” and “talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.” This book is all about building relationships. With good relationships, personal and business successes are easy and swift to achieve. Twelve Ways to Win People to Your Way of Thinking 1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. 2. Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say "You're wrong." 3. If you're wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically. 4. Begin in a friendly way. 5. Start with questions to which the other person will answer yes. 6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking. 7. Let the other person feel the idea is his or hers. 8. Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view. 9. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires. 10. Appeal to the nobler motives. 11. Dramatize your ideas. 12.Throw down a challenge.

How to Win Friends and Influence People

A weak handshake shouts instant disconnect!﻿"You never have a second chance to make a good first impression" is a hackneyed adage. Someone gets an instant second impression of you the moment your eyes lock and your bodies touch in a handshake.Press their pulse when shaking handsTo create an instant connection with a new acquaintance lightly place your forefinger on his wrist vein so he feels the warmth of your body flowing into his. This is like touching the shaker's heart, because a person's pulse is a wave travelling directly from the heart.However do not press like you are taking his pulse!

How to have a one of a kind, noticeably outstanding handshake

Hold the business card while chattingDo not glance at a new acquaintance's business card and quickly stash it into your pocket. First, hold it with both hands and gaze at it as though it were a small piece of art hand painted especially for you.Then you can switch to holding the card with one hand, but continue holding it at waist level or just below. To make her feel esteemed and valued, give it a respectful glance from time to time.

How to exchange business cards with class

<ol><li>Keep your cards in an attractive card case and handle them carefully. You are giving someone a representation of yourself. It shows you take pride in your profession.</li><li>Present it horizontally, with the script facing the recipient.</li><li>Hold it just a bit higher than usual- not in his face - but at a height where he could almost read it in your hands.</li></ol>If you respect your work, others will too.After all, people who love the work they do and do the work they love are the big winners in life.

Present your business card with pride

Examine their business card for conversation inspirationWhen talk lags, look at your conversational partner's card again. It can rescue you from discussion deadlock. You will likely find a conversational cue in the card- the logo, his title, the mission statement.

How to be a successful networking coversationalist

Many of the effusively invasive huggers tell that a hug is a handshake from the heart. Unfortunately not everyone agrees.let them choose whether to hug or notPro huggers, camouflage your hugging intentions by keeping your elbow almost touching your waist as you open your arms. That permits your potential huggee make them call of whether to slide into your embrace or grab your right hand and give it a shake or two

How to give or avoid social hugs

dont pat when you hugStay in an embrace as long or as short as the situation and hugging partner warrant. But do no let your hands become flippers on her back lest it subliminally signal that you want to disconnect.Don't go crazy analyzing it if your cohugger starts patting yor back. It commonly occurs when one of the huggers feels the embrace is lasting too long, signifying 'OK time is up, let's end this hugging thing". When she starts patting, smile and smoothly curtail the hug

How To Detect If Someone's Hug Is Fake

Last impressions are as memorable as first. Pay attention to your passion level as you part, not just when you meet. Your "good bye" must match or, preferably, be bigger than your "hello"Neither understands how a lively hello and lackluster goodbye affects someone. Subconsciously they feel they disappointed you. Make your BYE as big as your HIThe next time you meet someone make a note of how enthusiastic you sounded when you said hello then when it comes time to say goodbye boost your energy level up a tad higher. if appropriate, tellthe person of your pleasure.

How To Make A Great Last Impression

Anything up close looks larger than when it is at a distance. This is true for both experiences and objects.When you meet someone you know next to nothing about him. With very little effort however you can find out some trivial facts about his day. Questions about someone's last few hours just kick start the conversation. Ask about her day, preferably the past 5 or 6 hours. Visualise as many details as you can and ask about them. As far fetched it might seem to you, she is loving it because she is so close to the experience. Soon the natural flow takes over and one subject leads to another.

How To Get Lively Conversation Going With People you've just met

Tuning your acquaintance into a friend is a challenge if you don't plan it well. <ol><li>After saying hello, bring up any subject , which you could follow up with another question.(Ex: nearby restaurant, directions , food to buy, etc)</li><li>Ask for recommendations</li><li>.Contact for further information</li><li>After you have been there(say, to the restaurant) call to say thank you for the excellent advice.</li></ol> The secret is making the follow up contacts. They promote you from a stranger to acquaintance. You are now in a better position to make him or her a friend.

How To Start A Friendship With Complete Strangers

If you think someone will enjoy it, give him a flattering nickname. It makes you memorable and at its very least, gives you both a smile. There is one fundamental schtick statute, however. It must augment the recipient's self esteem. Does your friend Patrick teach you things? Call him "professor patrick" . Does your friend Stefanie do good thing for people? She is " saint Stefanie".

Give People A Schtick Name

Some people, regardless of money, education, looks or personality, make an impression wherever they go - they are master communicators, and everyone enjoys talking to them. How to Instantly Connect with Anyone shows you how to be one of those lucky few. Communication guru Leil Lowndes arms you with 96 all-new, cutting-edge communication techniques to break through the invisible barrier that keeps people down, both personally and professionally. Her tips and tricks will help you: - Meet new people and speak with confidence - Be credible and charismatic in every social and business situation - Make friends and important contacts wherever you go - Command the respect of everyone you meet Using these deceptively simple methods you can improve your communication skills and achieve greater success in all your relationships.

Some people, regardless of money, education, looks or personality, make an impression wherever they go - they are master communicators, and everyone enjoys talking to them. How to Instantly Connect with Anyone shows you how to be one of those lucky few. Lowndes' tips and tricks will help you: meet new people and speak with confidence; be credible and charismatic in every social and business situation; make friends and important contacts wherever you go; and, command the respect of everyone you meet.

Leil Lowndes is an author and internationally recognized communications expert who specializes in subconscious interactions. She has conducted hundreds of seminars in the US and around the world for major corporations, associations, and the general public, and frequently appears as a guest expert on national television shows and major news networks. She has authored ten bestselling books on communications — most recently, How to Talk to Anyone at Work: 72 Little Tricks for Big Success Communicating on the Job — and is published in over 26 foreign languages. She lives in New York City.

Leil Lowndes

How to Instantly Connect with Anyone

Reading this book is like holding a genuine friend in your hands.The style in which this author goes through 'the seven personal assertions' was a much needed reality check to say the least.'This is a conversational slap from the universe to wake up to your true potential, to unfuck yourself and get spectacularly into your life'.

Get Out Of Your Head

This book requires you to seek the answer, not out there, but inside of yourself.Its not that you have to find the answer, you are the answer.

Research in neuroscience and psychology shows that the kind of talk you engage in impacts the quality of your life.Studies have continually evidenced that positive self talk can dramatically improve mood, boost confidence, increase productivity and much much more. It can be one of the key components to a happy, successful life.The reverse is also true that negative self talk can put us in a bad mood and leave us feeling helpless. It makes small problems seem bigger and creates problems which didnt exist before.Your self talk is fucking you up in ways you cant even begin to imagine.

How Language Changes Our Lives

You are what you do, not what you say you'll do.

Its this simple: in order to improve your internal world, you have to start by taking action in the external world. Get out of your mind and get into your life.

Scientists have discovered that our thoughts can actually change the structure of our brains.This phenomenon is called neuroplasticity.As we go through life experiencing and learning new things, our brains constantly arranges and rearranges the neural pathways that control how we think and behave.The best way to shape thoughts is through conscious, decisive self talk. Just like how we build habits by repeating an action until it becomes automatic, we can use strong and assertive language to create lasting change in our lives over time.You are affecting your brains very biology.

Retrain Your Brain

If all our misfortunes were laid in one common heap whence everyone must take an equal portion, most people would be content to take their own and depart.

Whatever the domain you're winning in, you'll start to realise something: you're really good at it.You really are wired to win. You can and do achieve the things you set your mind to.

When you stick to whats comfortable for you, doing the same things you've always done, your in effect living in the past - not moving forward. You are repeating behaviours that at one point in your life felt risky, but have since turned into a routine.Success is never certain and it never comes without risk. Successful people succeed because they don't let uncertainty stop them.Once you choose certainty over uncertainty, you stop achieving. Eventually we do that thing called 'settle'. We settle for certainty.The successes and experiences you've dreamed of are waiting for you in uncertainty.

A Paradigm Of Potential

You've probably noticed, when you do try to stay in your comfort zone, you never truly feel comfortable. There's always that nagging feeling that you could be doing more. There's always that desire for a life thats better than the one you have now.There really is no destination, there is only exploring, exploring and exploring.

Its all about momentum. Once you get the ball rolling, its easier to stay moving.Choose action over inaction. Act beyond your automatic thoughts.The car won't start without you putting your key in the ignition.Dont know what to do first or where to start? Great! Thats your first action! Find out. Trawl the Internet, read books, ask questions, take courses, seek advice, do whatever the eff you need to do to UNFUCK YOURSELF and get into your life.'I am not my thoughts, I am what I do'.

Action Greases The Wheel Of Life

Go against the current.People in your life have become accustomed to relating to you as a specific 'kind' of person. So any attempt to break out of that mold, you're not only messing with your own world, you're also messing with theirs.The resistance comes from your mind, not just from other people. Both your conscious and subconscious thoughts can work against you to stop your dreams right in their tracks.

Be Relentless 

Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit at home and think about it. Go out and get busy.

How do we recognise our hidden expectations? The answer is in the places in your life where you experience disappointment, resentment, regret, suppression, anger, lethargy, essentially anywhere that leaves you feeling deflated like you have lost your self.The greater the gap between your hidden expectations and your reality, the worse you will feel.When you expect nothing, you're living in the moment, embracing the situation you're in.Own the situation and be in charge of it. When you take ownership and responsibility for it, that is when you can change it.

Hidden Expectations

Don't seek to have events happen as you wish, but wish them to happen as they do happen, and all will be well with you.

There will always be people who will lie and cheat. Its just not healthy for your self to live in the expectation that they won't, and then throw a hissy fit when they do. Remember, in most cases, you will always end up worse off than they do! Much worse.You end up sticking yourself with resentment, regret, anger and frustration. Remember, you are doing this to yourself!Accept things for what they are. Become masterful with your mind and your emotional state. Quieten your mind and allow yourself to act with power rather than succumbing to your internal and external upsets.

Expect Nothing, Accept Everything

Love the life you have, not the one you expected to have.'I expect nothing and accept everything'.

Stay out of the swamp of mediocrity and drama, reach for your greatest self, your greatest potential, and challenge yourself to live that life every single day of it.

One day, you are going to die. You will stop breathing and cease to exist. We are all mortals. There's no escaping this fact.Imagine yourself on your death bed, you start to look back at your life. You never made the changes you wanted and needed. You stayed stuck in that job, that relationship, that overweight body, until the day you die. You are going to feel regret, remorse and sorrow.

Inevitable Death

We all have a past, some of them are fucking horrific. SO WHAT!?!?Why is it that you show more passion for your past than you do your future? Nobody can free you except yourself.Trapping yourself in the past is an easy way of relieving yourself of the responsibility you have for your current circumstances.Build something bigger and create yourself a bright and satisfying future. Focus on the potential and possibility that its weight will snap you free from that significant and laborious past.

Stop Blaming Your Past

Your actions are the only thing separating you from where you are to where you want to be.This isn't just about seizing the day, this is about seizing the moment, the hour, the week, the month. This is about seizing your fucking life and staking a claim for yourself as though your life depended on it. Because, the reality is, it does.

Joining the ranks of The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, You Are a Badas*, and F*ck Feelings comes this refreshing, BS-free, self-empowerment guide that offers an honest, no-nonsense, tough-love approach to help you move past self-imposed limitations. Are you tired of feeling fu*ked up? If you are, Gary John Bishop has the answer. In this straightforward handbook, he gives you the tools and advice you need to demolish the slag weighing you down and become the truly unfu*ked version of yourself. ''Wake up to the miracle you are,'' he directs. ''Here's what you've forgotten: You're a fu*king miracle of being.'' It isn't other people that are standing in your way, it isn't even your circumstances that are blocking your ability to thrive, it's yourself and the negative self-talk you keep telling yourself. In Unfu*k Yourself, Bishop leads you through a series of seven assertions: I am willing. I am wired to win. I got this. I embrace the uncertainty. I am not my thoughts; I am what I do. I am relentless. I expect nothing and accept everything. Lead the life you were meant to have—Unfu*k Yourself.

productivity

Productivity

habits

Habits

mentalhealth

Mental Health

Joining the ranks of The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, You Are a Badas*, and F*ck Feelings comes this refreshing, BS-free, self-empowerment guide that offers an honest, no-nonsense, tough-love approach to help you move past self-imposed limitations. Are you tired of feeling fu*ked up? If you are, Gary John Bishop has the answer. In this straightforward handbook, he gives you the tools and advice you need to demolish the slag weighing you down and become the truly unfu*ked version of yourself. ''Wake up to the miracle you are,'' he directs. ''Here's what you've forgotten: You're a fu*king miracle of being.'' It isn't other people that are standing in your way, it isn't even your circumstances that are blocking your ability to thrive, it's yourself and the negative self-talk you keep telling yourself. In Unfu*k Yourself, Bishop leads you through a series of seven assertions: I am willing. I am wired to win. I got this. I embrace the uncertainty. I am not my thoughts; I am what I do. I am relentless. I expect nothing and accept everything. Lead the life you were meant to have—Unfu*k Yourself.

Gary John Bishop is an accomplished writer whose work has resonated with readers around the world. Gary John Bishop has published several books that explore a range of topics, from fiction to nonfiction, and has received critical acclaim for the ability to weave compelling narratives. Gary John Bishop's writing style is known for its depth and authenticity, and has earned quite a loyal following of readers.

Gary John Bishop

Unfu*k Yourself

What basic principles of Adlerian-Psychology should be accepted by every Adlerian? Before we can answer this question we have to clarify: what is Adlerian Psychology? It is a science developed by Adler which attempts to understand and explain human behavior. Not all psychologists try to do this. As a student of psychology, on might be interested in testing or measuring, in animal experimentation in perfecting description of psychoses for the purpose of diagnosing mental illness. All of these approaches will not make you an Adlerian or exclude you from being one.

Adlerian Psychology  

Adlerian Psychology is interpretative; it is an endeavor to understand human behavior. There are other psychologies which, like that of Adler, are dynamic, depth psychologies. Principal among these ar the systems of Freud and Jung. However, Adler has developed his science in a direction essentially different from that of Freud and Jung Some of his principles are not exclusive to his psychology nor are they original with Adler. Similar ideas, in some instances, have been expressed either in philosophy centuries ago or even in psychology shortly before the publication of his chief works

It is rather the totality of Adler's principles, woven together into a workable system, which give a key to the understanding of human behavior and the possibility of altering it. This is his great contribution, and it is the acceptance of this system in totality which makes an Adlerian.In all fields where human behavior, either individually or in group is studied, as in psychology, anthropology, sociology, criminology psychiatry, or where efforts are made to alter behavior, as in education or psychotherapy, his system is applicable.

All principles of his system are interdependent; therefore, the following enumeration of such principles in numerical order is by necessity artificial.

1.  Life is directed movement. The moving force is the desire for survival, the goal is security. Life may be interpreted as a movement to compensate for inferiority feelings, as if one wanted to reach a point above from below, where one would be freed from all inferiority feelings.

2. The goal of security determines all our actions, but the concept of security differs in all individuals. This concept of security, or success, is formed in the early years of childhood, about the first five year of age, in accordance with the early experiences in the limited environment of the child.

It is then that the child forms his life plan or life pattern, which is a plan - his own unique creation - for getting along in such a world as he sees and has come to know. He sets his goal, which is his concept of security; he devises methods, choosing some and discarding others. It short, he develops his life style, which is his way of relating himself to life

His goal of security naturally can never be reached; it is not know to him consciously and could not be expressed by him verbally. This goal determines all expressions of his personality, his actions, feelings words, dreams, what he forgets, and what he remembers.

3.  All behavior is purposeful; we are not driven by a cause, but drawn by our goal, which, however, we were free to set in our childhood. Once the goal is set we are determined by it in all our action' as if "caught in an iron shirt."

4.  Adler calls his psychology "Individual Psychology," according to the Latin individere, "do not divide." The organism-as-a-whole acts and reacts always in totality, never only through one of its parts.

5. An individual's behavior can only be understood in relation to society. Here, his specific unique concept of security causes him to develop either cooperative or other methods in his effort to achieve success, based on his fictitious "private logic." Adler found that early recollections and dreams have a specific meaning to the individual and fit into his purposeful pattern of behavior.

6. Adler came to his discoveries from the observation of "abnormal behavior." Thus he found a new approach to psychopathology. Abnormal behavior, criminal actions, problem children, prostitution, sexual pathology, can be understood by the application of the above mentioned general principles.

7. Furthermore, an Adlerian also believes in the possibility of altering behavior; this alteration can be achieved by scientfic methods developed by Adler. An Alderian applies specific methods of education or psychotherapy in his respective field as teacher, parent, physician etc., based on a framework of general principles. They are essentially an attempt to recognize the goal of the individual, his life plan, the methods he uses to relate himself to life, and to give this knowledge to him. This understanding provides "insight.

It is an essentially Adlerian approach to encourage in order to change the patient's misconceptions of life which he formed in his early childhood. This enables him to give up his efforts to secure himself according to his private concepts and to accept a cooperative goal. Then he can learn to use cooperative methods. Adlerian therapy helps him develop his social feeling which we all have at birth but which, according to Adler, has to be developed.

8. An Adlerian is one who accepts Adler's principles of psychology of psychopathology, and uses his methods, applying his science in all fields of life for the welfare of the people.

Read 'Adlerian Psychology: 8 Basic Principles' By Nita Arnold in full for free.

health

Health

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Problem Solving

Adlerian Psychology: 8 Basic Principles

It takes practice to be socially confident. Unfortunately, some of us feel we lack the knowledge to have conversations or feel unworthy. We compare ourselves to others, thinking they are somehow better, smarter, more confident. However, we need to challenge the cognitive distortions when we notice them.

Why we lack social confidence

Ensure that you spend time with positive and supportive people. Ask yourself how you feel when you leave someone's company. That can be a helpful clue as to who you may want to spend your time with. To find people that share more of your own values or interests, join a club, attend workshops or look on meetup.com.

Social impact

The concept of social facilitation is that we generally improve our performance and skill base when we are in the presence of others. As a result, we try harder and focus better. For example, working out in a gym makes us work out harder than exercising at home. The international organisation, the Toastmasters, works on this theory. They help people learn confidence in public speaking and leadership. Use the idea of social facilitation when you want to improve a skill.

Social facilitation

To compare is to despair. When you decide to give up on yourself because others can do it better or have more talent, it is an excuse not to participate. Instead, when you look at people you admire, ask what they might be doing to improve themselves. Successful people often have good habits such as discipline, effort, consistency, and a willingness to take action.

Stop idealising others

Act like the person you admire or want to become. Just like actors and performers, they take on a different persona. They have stage names, dress a certain way in that role and show only certain aspects of themselves. We can do that until it becomes more ingrained.

Play a role

It takes practice to be confident socially. Some of us feel like we don’t know enough to have conversations with others, or we feel unworthy compared to others. This increases our anxiety. Often, we…

Tips to Build Your Social Confidence

Psychologist Robert Hogan estimates that the majority of workplace managers/leaders are either deficient or incompetent – one reason why executive turnover is so high. And, with a world full of dictators and despots, political leadership is also full of bad leaders. What’s going on?

Why Are There So Many Bad Leaders In The World?

A big part of the problem is that we really don’t know how to pick good leaders, due to psychological biases and trying to serve our own self-interests, rather than the greater good.One obvious reason is fear. Tyrants are punitive and will subjugate anyone who questions their authority. However, there are many people who willingly follow tyrannical leaders. To better understand we need to explore the psychology behind bad leaders and their followers.

The Psychology Behind Bad Leaders And Their Followers

1. We Value the Wrong Leader Qualities. We value strong, confident leaders, but often confuse arrogance and narcissism for strength. Research shows that the worst leaders are very narcissistic and arrogant. Bad leaders are convinced that they are right, rarely take counsel, and don’t learn from their mistakes. The very best leaders possess humility and know that they: a) aren’t always right (and they need others’ input); and, b) can continuously learn and improve as leaders.

Reasons We Choose And Follow Bad Leaders

2. We Equate Effectiveness with Being a Good Leader. We place great value on results, but often neglect to consider how those results were obtained (i.e., “the ends justify the means”). Truly good leaders are successful, but they are careful to do the (morally) right things. Good leaders minimize harm and strive to represent all of their constituents, not just those who they favor.

3. We Crave Power. Leadership expert, Jean Lipman-Blumen, in her book on Toxic Leadership, suggests that followers enable and assist bad leaders – allowing them to get into positions of power, and supporting their misdeeds. All too often, followers look to and support the leaders who will give them what they want, rather than what the country or organization needs. Bad followers (“henchmen”) are drawn to bad leaders because of the promise of sharing the power.

4. We Don’t Hold Leaders Accountable. We often blindly place leaders on a pedestal and assume that they will do the right thing. We need to be active followers and hold leaders accountable. The title of Ira Chaleff’s book, “The Courageous Follower: Standing Up To and For Our Leaders”, says it all. We need to stand up to our leaders when they are on the wrong path, and support them when they are doing the right thing.

5. We Rationalize. All too often we give leaders “a pass” instead of holding them accountable. Or, we allow leaders to be above the rules (“he/she can do it because he/she is the leader”). Finally, we “settle” too easily. Instead of seeking out the very best leader, we “make do” with the poor leader candidates that we have.

The antidote for bad leadership is courageous and engaged followers who serve as a check when the leader misbehaves or takes the wrong path. For this to happen, it is imperative that we foster an environment in which citizens feel they are empowered, and will be protected, if they stand up to bad leaders and their toxic behaviors.

What Is The “Antidote” For Bad Leadership?

Good leaders:<ol><li>Unify and Don’t Divide. Good leaders never create divisions in their constituents, creating a “we vs. they” effect. </li><li>Achieve Results But Limit Collateral Damage. A good leader is effective, but never at the cost of hurting the well-being of followers, or destroying the environment, or turning friends into foes.</li><li>Share the Leadership With Followers. They work with followers, consulting with them, caring for them, and developing their shared leadership capacity.</li><li>Leave the Team, Organization, or Nation Better Off Than They Found It.</li></ol>

So, How Can We Spot A Good Leader?

For, in a democracy, every citizen, regardless of his interest in politics, 'holds office'; every one of us is in a position of responsibility; and, in the final analysis, the kind of government we get depends upon how we fulfill those responsibilities. We, the people, are the boss, and we will get the kind of political leadership, be it good or bad, that we demand and deserve.

There are no necessary evils in government. Its evils exist only in its abuses.

A leader is anyone who takes responsibility for finding the potential in people and processes and has the courage to develop that potential.

“If you let your head get too big, it'll break your neck.”

Why do we choose and follow dictators, despots, and tyrants? Is it us or them that’s the problem? Well, it’s both. Followers reap the leaders they sow and vice versa. So, if we don’t like what we are reaping, we should change what we’re sowing.

Why people follow dictators, despots, and tyrants.

corporateculture

Corporate Culture

teamwork

Teamwork

Why Would Anyone Follow a Bad Leader?

We live in a culture that likes idealism. We notice so much wrong with others, ourselves, the way things are. Little things such as the sound of a car horn or a lost set of keys remind us that idealism is impossible. Often, anger makes a lot of sense. Certain types of anger can be very useful as a source of insight when we've been wronged, when things are going poorly, when we want change. However, anger can also be a source of foolishness, miscalculation, regret, resentment, and detachment.

The good and bad of anger

We can be wronged in unjust ways, such as being targeted,  and in these cases, anger can be used to motivate us to stand up and defend ourselves. But, more often we are wronged in a way where anger will not help to correct or solve it. When we try to resist and reject any sort of softer acceptance and sadness in response to this, we can become hardened with a sort of brute and frequent anger and become numb and unfeeling.

Becoming hardened is unhelpful

Psychologist Magda Arnold developed the appraisal theory. It states that our emotional responses are mostly created by our conscious evaluations of events - how we view, interpret, and label stimuli. For example, if we believe cats are sweet and harmless, holding a particular cat will be a favourable emotional experience. But someone who believes cats threatening or devious, will likely have a negative experience. The responses are very different to the same stimulus.

Appraisal theory

When we are angered frequently or remain angered for long periods, there is an opportunity to switch our mental filter in favour of better, more productive experiences. For the stoics, events in the world are objective and neutral. Our emotional experiences are the product of the stories we tell ourselves. It can't hurt you unless you interpret what's happening as harmful. If we realise that the world has not singled us out, most people are trying their best, that ignorance is more often the reason than malice, we can realise that the situation is not worthy of being angry about.

Practical use of the appraisal theory

Learning how to think really means learning how to exercise some control over how and what you think. It means being conscious and aware enough to choose what you pay attention to and to choose how you construct meaning from experience. Because if you cannot or will not exercise this kind of choice in ... life, you will be totally hosed.

We should not live an agreeable life in which our anger is always denied of its expression. But when anger comes from a place that isn't angry about the thing we seem to be angry about, the anger is a liability, not an asset.  We should not think that we have personally been made victim by the world. When we are angry, all of this sounds nonsensical or impossible, but it is then that these ideas matter so much.

Controlling unhelpful anger

Thanks to Acorns for sponsoring! Click my link https://get.acorns.com/PursuitofWonder to get a $10 bonus investment when you sign up. T&C’s apply. There are so many good reasons to be angry, but there are so few good uses. In this video, we explore the reasons for frequent anger as well as how to potentially be it less through psychology and philosophy. Pursuit of Wonder books available here: Notes from the End of Everything: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08D4VSD88 The Hidden Story of Every Person: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B095L8LP33 Guided writing journal here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09K1ZVMM8 (Also available to more international locations here: https://pursuitofwonder.com/store) Important Risk Disclosures: Investing involves risk including the loss of principal. Services offered by Acorns Advisers, LLC (“Acorns”), an SEC-registered investment advisor. Brokerage services are provided to clients of Acorns by Acorns Securities, LLC, an SEC-registered broker-dealer and member FINRA/SIPC. Please consider your objectives, risk tolerance, and Acorns’ fees before investing. https://www.finra.org/#/ https://www.sipc.org Special thank you to our very generous Patreon supporters: OnlineBookClub.org Zake Jajac Alan Stein Zinzan Heather Liu Siddharth Kothari Stanley Chan Dave Portnoy Jaad Van der Wee Justin Redenbaugh Fathy Abdalla Christian Villanueva George Leontowicz Kelly J. Rose Asael Ramirez Terry Gilmour Follow Pursuit of Wonder on: Instagram at: https://www.instagram.com/pursuitofwonder Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/PursuitOfWonder

mindfulness

Mindfulness

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

videos

Videos

Thanks to Acorns for sponsoring! Click my link https://get.acorns.com/PursuitofWonder to get a $10 bonus investment when you sign up. T&C’s apply.

There are so many good reasons to be angry, but there are so few good uses. In this video, we explore the reasons for frequent anger as well as how to potentially be it less through psychology and philosophy. 

Pursuit of Wonder books available here: 
Notes from the End of Everything: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08D4VSD88
The Hidden Story of Every Person: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B095L8LP33
Guided writing journal here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09K1ZVMM8
(Also available to more international locations here: https://pursuitofwonder.com/store)

Important Risk Disclosures: Investing involves risk including the loss of principal. Services offered by Acorns Advisers, LLC (“Acorns”), an SEC-registered investment advisor. Brokerage services are provided to clients of Acorns by Acorns Securities, LLC, an SEC-registered broker-dealer and member FINRA/SIPC. Please consider your objectives, risk tolerance, and Acorns’ fees before investing. https://www.finra.org/#/ https://www.sipc.org

Special thank you to our very generous Patreon supporters: 
OnlineBookClub.org
Zake Jajac
Alan Stein
Zinzan
Heather Liu
Siddharth Kothari
Stanley Chan
Dave Portnoy
Jaad Van der Wee
Justin Redenbaugh
Fathy Abdalla
Christian Villanueva
George Leontowicz
Kelly J. Rose
Asael Ramirez
Terry Gilmour

Follow Pursuit of Wonder on:
Instagram at: https://www.instagram.com/pursuitofwonder
Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/PursuitOfWonder

Content that makes you curious, inspired, and feel good. 

Wonder is the feeling of curiosity and/or appreciation inspired by something that is beautiful or unfamiliar.  At Pursuit of Wonder, we produce content with the goal of creating that feeling. 

We cover a wide range of topics related to philosophy, science, literature, emotional and social well-being, and more using a variety of formats like video essays, short stories, guided experiences, and much more. 

For inquiries, email at: pursuit.wonder.media@gmail.com

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