Research has shown that the act of ignoring or excluding activates the same area of the brain that is activated by physical pain.The best predictor of divorce isn’t whether a couple fights – arguments are inevitable – but how a couple fights. The key to being closer in the good times lies in the way a couple treats each other during the bad.

Good Times + - Bad Times

The silent treatment can tend to present itself as a response more fitting of the ‘high road’, one of grace and dignity, but research has shown it is anything but.

Its Not What It Seems

‘Excluding and ignoring people, such as giving them the cold shoulder or silent treatment, are used to punish or manipulate, and people may not realise the emotional or physical harm that is being done.’

The silent treatment, even if it’s brief, activates the anterior cingulate cortex – the part of the brain that detects physical pain. The initial pain is the same, regardless of whether the exclusion is by strangers, close friends or enemies.

Does Rejection Hurt?

The ability to detect ostracism is hardwired in us – it doesn’t matter if you’re being ignored by a group or a person you can’t stand, the pain still registers.The silent treatment happens when one partner pressures the other with requests, criticism or complaints and the other responds with silence and emotional distance.

Iced Out

Paul Schrodt, PhD, Professor of Communication Studies reviewed 74 relationship studies which involved more than 14,000 participants.Findings from his in-depth analysis revealed that the silent treatment is ‘tremendously’ damaging to a relationship. It decreases relationship satisfaction for both partners, diminishes feelings of intimacy, and reduces the capacity to communicate in a way that’s healthy and meaningful.

The Loudness Of Silence

‘It’s the most common pattern of conflict in marriage or any committed, established romantic relationship. And it does tremendous damage.’

It doesn’t matter which partner demands or which one withdraws, the damage to the relationship is the same. It’s the pattern itself that’s the problem, not the specific partner. The silent treatment should not be confused with taking time to cool down after heated or difficult exchange. Williams suggests that instead of reverting to the silent treatment, try ‘I can’t talk to you right now, but we can talk about it later.’

Try This Instead

The silent treatment is a way to inflict pain without visible bruising – literally.

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

mindfulness

Mindfulness

communication

Communication

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

The Surprising Truth About The Silent Treatment

Psychological manipulation thrives in intimacy. It’s a close, familiar way of using others that requires vulnerability to work well. Because intimate relationships all come with a level of vulnerability, they are the perfect breeding ground for this form of manipulation.Many psychological manipulators are family members, close friends, or romantic partners—these relationships give them an opportunity to build trust and later use that trust as a stepping stone to abuse.

1. Taking Advantage Of Intimate Relationships 

Psychological manipulators rarely, if ever, take responsibility for their actions to their victims—to do so would damage their credibility and cause doubt in the abusive relationship. Most manipulators will adopt a self-righteous attitude with their victims, often centered on how they have been “wronged” by that person in some way, and they will typically excuse their behaviors as retribution for how they have been treated. Their golden rule is simple: If you don’t give me what I want, I am entitled to treat you any way I choose.

2. Projecting Blame 

Psychological manipulators despise boundaries. Their ultimate goal is power and control, and firm boundaries interfere greatly with that goal. To that end, they become skilled at testing and violating others’ boundaries—usually starting with small limits and working their way up as they become more accomplished.Manipulators ensure that this is a slow-burn process. By subtly testing what works and what does not, they will learn how to cross others’ boundaries without being stopped.

3. Violating Boundaries

Psychological manipulators are masters at getting others to question their own reality. This often occurs in the form of telling blatant lies that border on unbelievable or countering a victim’s memory of events. When paired with the abuser’s refusal to accept responsibility for their actions, this technique can be destructive.Gaslighting can be difficult to pinpoint because it’s a gradual process that undermines the sanity of its victims. Many individuals who use this tactic work very hard to convince their victims they are too sensitive or are making a big deal out of nothing.

4. Gaslighting 


Recognize the methods that manipulators and narcissists use to gain control.

4 Common Tactics of Psychological Manipulators

Although studies have found that both men and women with “attractive voices” are thought to be “warmer, more likable, honest, dominant, and <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/BF00996223">more likely to achieve</a>” — and they also have more sexual partners and may be more likely to <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S109051380400042X">engage in infidelity</a> — the qualities that make a voice attractive are slightly less clear.

A Great Voice In Men and Women

For men, an attractive voice is fairly straightforward: a lower one is good, as it indicates size, strength, and reproductive prowess (<a href="https://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2012/01/120105-deep-voices-sperm-masculine-men-women-science-health-evolution/">or does it</a>?), while hints of <a href="https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/why-women-like-deep-voices-and-men-prefer-high-ones-41492244/">breathiness</a> also seem to be preferable. But for women, it seems to be more complicated. Higher voices signal reproductive fitness, femininity, and smaller body size, and while it stands to reason that women would try to accentuate these qualities by speaking in correspondingly high voices — and some studies confirm this — other studies find that women tend to speak in lower voices around men they’re trying to attract.

The Paradox Of The Voice

<ul><li>There “appears to be a common stereotype in our culture that deems a sexy female voice as one that sounds husky, breathy, and lower-pitched.</li><li>Voice manipulation may be a learned behavior based on sexual voice stereotypes rather than actual vocal characteristics of attractiveness. </li><li>Perhaps when a woman naturally lowers her voice, it may be perceived as her attempt to sound more seductive or attractive, and therefore serves as a signal of her romantic interest.</li></ul>

Why Women Lower Their Voice

Men preferred the women with the lower-pitched voices. The researchers don’t quite know why, although they speculate that it could be in response to a woman signalling sexual interest and intimacy to a man, via our society’s current socially accepted methods. Or it could be in response to a woman communicating social dominance or a confident and mature persona, as people with low-pitched voices are often attributed traits such as competence, trustworthiness and leadership.

What Men Want

What makes a voice attractive? Research over the years has shown that while women prefer men with lower voices, and men sometimes prefer women with higher voices, men also generally prefer women who speak with lower voices. Why? 

scienceandnature

Science & Nature

Is My Voice Attractive?

<ul><li>Make way for ambulance. </li><li> If you ask your friends for some house work, feed them as payment. </li><li>Avoid asking someone how much they earn.</li></ul>

Be Good

<ul><li>If someone is typing a password, just look away, turn the other side.</li><li> If you borrow a car/bike, fill up the tank before you return it.</li><li>Avoid using mobile phone, when you are in conversation with someone.</li></ul>

Respect

<ul><li>Do not swipe right or left when someone shows you a photo on their phone.</li></ul> <ul><li>Offer to carry the luggage from elderly.</li><li>While eating on the dining table, avoid keeping your left hand on the table. It is disturbing to the person on your left.</li></ul>

Privacy

<ul><li>Never order the expensive dish on the menu when someone is treating you for lunch/dinner.</li><li>Never give advice until you're asked.</li></ul> Avoid making surprise visits.

Be Gentle

<ul><li>Don't mess up an apology with an excuse.</li></ul> <ul><li>Don't make plans in front of people you are not inviting.</li></ul> Show the same respect to everyone.

Be Sin

<ul><li>If you see an open tap; put some efforts, go ahead and close it.</li><li> Never invade someone's personal life.</li></ul> In public transport please give your seat if you feel the other person deserves it more.

Responsible

Some rules writeen some rules implied so Remember theses Threads before going somewhere yes we belong to a community who needs to prepare a lot before being social 🥺

 Unwritten Rules You learn

1. The law of authenticity – the real you is the best you.2. The law of self-image – before others will like you, you have to like yourself.3. The law of perception – how you perceive others is your reality about them and the same is true for them of you.4. The law of energy – energy is contagious – what we project, we receive.

The 11 Laws Of Likability 

5. The law of curiosity – curiosity leads to connections.6. The law of listening – others won’t understand you until they feel heard and understood.7. The law of similarity – people like people like them.8. The law of mood memory – people are more likely to remember how you made them feel than what you said.

9. The law of familiarity – people feel comfortable with who and what they know.10. The law of giving: give first – do because you can.11. The law of patience – with time, things happen.

We all know that networking is important, and that forming relationships with others is a vital part of success. But sometimes it seems like networking removes all emotions from the equation and focuses only on immediate goals whereas the kind of relationships that have true staying power, give us joy, and support us in the long run are founded on simply liking each other. This book, featuring activities, self-assessment quizzes, and real-life anecdotes from professional and social settings, shows readers how to identify whats likable in themselves and create honest, authentic interactions.

books

Books

getAbstract Summary: Get the key points from this book in less than 10 minutes.In an era that reveres networking, when Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter are the new town squares and the number of your online friends and followers is your social currency, few issues are more vital than likability. Connections guru Michelle Tillis Lederman provides 11 sensible laws to enhance your likability. Her rules are elementary and predictable, though she leaves out the most obvious and all-encompassing one: be nice. getAbstract warmly recommends her rules to those who need help socializing. If you are socially out of touch, no matter how skilled you are in the library, in the lab or at the laptop, Lederman's book will help you connect.Book Publisher:Copyright 2011 AMACOM, a division of American Management Association

Michelle Tillis Lederman

The 11 Laws of Likability

Maintaining friendships may feel hard for you if you are juggling more than you have the capacity for in your life.Create a list of the prominent people in their lives with whom they want to spend the most time.When you've created that list, let those friends know how much it means to you that they've stuck by your side for so long.

The Friends You Don't Want To Lose

Create a standing time for socializing without the need to plan it.If you already have social infrastructure built into your calendar, it alleviates the burden and energy drain of constantly figuring out a time that works for everyone.It's very hard to reach out to people when you're lonely.

Create A Social Infrastructure

<ul><li>If a weekly meetup doesn't work for you or your friend, be prepared with another offer that allows you to meet in the middle.</li><li>Discuss why recurring hangouts are important.</li><li>You can spend less time with a friend and still feel close to them if you are both willing to get more vulnerable more quickly.</li><li>Find topics of interest you have in common that you can both continuously reach out about.</li></ul>

Recurring Meetings

If you cut others off at the slightest sign of an issue, many of your friendships won't last.When a friend continually does something that you don't like, instead of saying nothing, talk about it from a place of love and express that you're bringing it up because you want to stay close.

Don’t Avoid Conflict

<ul><li>Being there for your friends during theirs is something they won't forget.</li><li>If you don't give to other people, and if you're not nourishing the people in your life, who's to say you'll have people who are there for you when you're going through difficult times?</li></ul>

 Lean Into The Hard Times

Strategies to meet new people and reconnect with old friends

How To Make Friends As An Adult

The effort to maintain bonds with friends is important. From creating traditions to scheduling meetups, here are the best ways to ensure relationships thrive.

How to Keep Your Connections Strong

When we’re falling in love with someone, the first thing we notice is how good it feels. It’s because the brain releases feel-good neurotransmitters that boost our mood. When we find love, it is like biological fireworks. Our heart rate is elevated, our levels of the so-called love hormone oxytocin are rising, which makes us feel connected. Our levels of the hormone and neurotransmitter norepinephrine are spiking, which makes us lose track of time; our levels of adrenaline rise, which expands the capillaries in our cheeks and makes us flush.

Love And Your Brain

Our levels of serotonin, a key hormone in regulating appetite and intrusive anxious thoughts, fall down. So when we are in love we might find ourselves eating irregularly or fixating on small details, worrying about sending “the perfect text,” “saying the perfect words” and then replaying the text or the phone call over and over again in our head.

Being In Love Lowers Anxiety

When we start feeling a deep sense of calm and contentment with our partner, brain areas are activated that trigger not just basic emotions, but also more complex cognitive functions. This can lead to several positive results, like pain suppression, more compassion, better memory and greater creativity. Romantic love feels like a superpower that makes the brain thrive.

Love Heals, According To Science

Love is a biological necessity, just like water or exercise or food. My research has convinced me that a healthy love life — which could include your beloved partner, your closest circle of friends, your family and even your favorite sports team — is as essential to a person’s well-being as a good diet.

Love Is Needed To Survive

If you don’t feel that you have a meaningful relationship, it’s as if you are socially thirsty, and your brain sends a signal to tell you that you need to help your social body. Some of the same alarms activated when people are thirsty are activated when people feel socially disconnected from others. The key is not to suppress these feelings. They are meant to help us survive; we are meant to do something about it.

The Thirst For Love

No one feels guilty when they are thirsty, right? So no one should feel guilty when they are lonely.There is a paradox in loneliness; we want to approach others, but the lonely mind has been lonely for so long that it detects more threats — inaccurately, of course — and makes you want to withdraw rather than approach others.

The Paradox Of Loneliness

Love doesn’t have to be with a living person. If you are really in love with life, with your passion, with your hobby, it can also be a buffer against loneliness.

Love Yourself, Love Your Life, Love Your Passion

For years, people have thought that to help people who are lonely, you have to put them together. But the worst thing you can do for a lonely person is try to help them without asking them for help in return — a concept based on mutual aid and protection. Instead, we need to help them have a new sense of worth. We can ask them for their advice.

Helping The Isolated

Yes, you can stay connected with others even if you are physically alone in a room.Close your eyes right now and think about the person you love the most. Now, think about the last time you made them laugh out loud. Does that bring a smile to your face? We store these positive memories in our mind, and we can access them any time. We have the remote control.

A Long Distance Connection

In her new book, Stephanie Cacioppo, a neuroscientist, delves into romance, loss and human connection as she writes of her love story with her husband.

How Love Changes Your Brain

<ul><li>The optimal arrival time accounts for several different, sometimes competing considerations.</li><li>If you arrive at the stated start time, chances are that you will be the first one there.</li><li>You want to arrive just as the party’s gaining real momentum.</li><li>When we go to a party, we all run our own little calculations to try to identify this golden moment.</li></ul>

When to Arrive at A Party

The optimal arrival time accounts for several different, sometimes competing considerations: If you’re the first one there, it can be a little awkward.If you show up long after everyone else, you might miss the best parts or risk rudeness. <ul><li>Most likely, you want to arrive just as the party’s gaining real momentum, a Goldilocks window of time that’s neither early nor late.</li><li>For low-key parties with friends and food, the ideal time to show up can be 38 minutes after the start time.</li><li>30 minutes would be too early, and 45 minutes too late!</li></ul>

The 38 Minute Rule

Part of it has to do with a fundamental tension between what's called "clock time" and "event time"<ul><li>Clock Time: The specific time on the watch.</li><li>Event time: a more fluid framework that follows our social rhythms</li></ul>

Clock Time Vs Event Time

<ul><li>Parties are supposed to be conceptual and experiential opposites to business meetings or classes.</li><li>Unlike many other events, parties don't feel like they start at a single, clearly delineated moment-there's no starting gun or curtain-raising.</li><li>The real party doesn't begin until the number of guests crosses a certain threshold- this is subjective, hard to define and sometimes difficult to identify.</li></ul>

A Fluid Start

We made an interactive calculator—with help from a mathematician—that bypasses the confusion about what “fashionably late” means and tells you definitively when to arrive.

A Mathematical Formula for the Right Time to Show Up at a Party

The first step toward becoming more assertive is taking inventory of how you voice your thoughts and feelings. Do you use a passive or aggressive communication style?

Assess your communication style

Find yourself automatically saying yes to things without thinking about it? If you tend to do this, Phelan recommends having some go-to phrases when you’re faced with a request or invitation you aren’t that into.

Plan your response ahead of time

If you find yourself feeling guilty when you try to assert yourself, keep in mind that saying no to a request doesn’t mean you’re rejecting the person .

Don’t let guilt get in the way

It’s hard to practice being assertive when you’re in the moment. That’s why Rose recommends mentally pumping up yourself with <a href="https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/self-talk">positive self-talk </a>.It might sound corny, but if you’re about to have a conversation where you know you’ll have to put your foot down, hype yourself up with positive thoughts of “I’ve got this” or “My time is important.”

Use positive self-talk

If your heart starts racing at the mere thought of placing a boundary, take a moment to breathe deeply, especially if you feel aggression starting to take over.“Breathing will calm the brain and the body and help ground yourself, making it easier to come back to your intentions,” Rose adds.

Take time to breathe

Communication isn’t just verbal. Before going into a stressful situation or a difficult conversation, Rose recommends adopting an assertive body stance that makes you feel more confident and powerful.What does that look like? Stand up straight, rolling your shoulders back. Maintain regular eye contact and a neutral facial expression.

Embody an assertive stance

If you have a big issue you’re trying to address, consider role-playing with a trusted friend by practicing different conversation styles. Write it down, then say what you want to say aloud.Remember to ask for feedback about how clear you’re coming across, and how the other person might see the situation.Pay attention to how they respond to your tone of voice and body language. Are you communicating without becoming shy or hostile? Evaluate yourself afterward. Tweak your approach according to their input.

Rehearse with someone you know and trust

Without a healthy and balanced sense of self-worth, you’ll likely keep accepting less from others, or end up giving more than you receive.“If you don’t believe in yourself, it’ll be hard for someone else to believe in you or give you want you want,” Rose says.

Believe in your worth

If putting down boundaries feels aggressive or uncomfortable for you, consider this scenario: Your boss is constantly piling work on your desk without checking in on whether you can take more projects.An aggressive response would be blowing up at your boss in a meeting or demanding that someone else do the work.An assertive response, on the other hand, would be scheduling a meeting with your boss to discuss a new system for assigning work, or coming up with ways to better delegate responsibilities.

Set actionable boundaries

If all of this sounds a bit daunting, consider starting with some small exercises to help you practice being more assertive in low-risk situations.

Start small

If you’re finding it hard to practice being more assertive, consider talking things out with a <a href="https://www.healthline.com/health/therapy-for-every-budget">qualified therapist </a>for additional support. Underlying factors, including stress and anxiety, can make it particularly hard to ask for what you need.A therapist can help you identify roadblocks and come up with new tools for navigating around them.

Get outside help

Assertiveness can help you control stress and anger and improve coping skills. Recognize and learn assertive behavior and communication. Being assertive is a core communication skill. Assertiveness can help you express yourself effectively and stand up for your point of view.

Have a hard time putting your foot down and asking for what you need? These 11 tips can help you be more assertive in any situation.

11 Ways To Be More Assertive

He prefers to work in Incremental Ways.•We are slow learners.•We have a lot to unlearn.•We are afraid to Humbly face the Truth.•Growth is often Painful and Scary.•Habits take Time to develop.

Why Does It Take So Long

Relearn a lesson forty or fifty times to really get it."not again,I've already learned that!"- but God knows better. We need repeated exposure.

We Are Slow Learners

All of our bad habits didn't develop overnight, it's unrealistic to expect them to go away immediately. Requires the hardwork of "removal and placement".The bible calls it removing of old self and putting on the new self.

We Have A Lot To Unlearn

Only God is allowed to shine the light of his truth on our faults, failures , and hangups can we begin to work on them. This is what you cannot grow without a humble, teachable attitude.

We Are Afraid To Humbly Face The Truth

You must let go of the old ways in order to experience new. The unconscious worry is that if i let go of my habit, my hurt, my hangups, who will I be ? This fear can definitely slow down your Growth.

Growth Is Often Painful And Scary

A husband who is faithful to his wife most of the time is not faithful at all! . There is only one way to develop the habits of christ- like character , you must practice them and it takes time. Devote your life to them so that everyone can see your progress. Repetition is the mother of character and skill. These character-building habits are often called "spiritual disciplines".

Habits Take Time To Develop

Why does it take so long To God for giving or releasing a Break through or a miracle in our lives?

The perfect companion to The Purpose Driven(R) Life! Features include Scriptures and quotes by Rick Warren, taken from the bestselling trade book, plus space to record reflections, prayers, and goals while seeking God's plans for life.

religionandspirituality

Religion & Spirituality

timemanagement

Time Management

Discover and fulfill your God-given purpose by joining the more than thirty-five million others who have embarked on a spiritual journey that started with this #1 New York Times bestselling book by Pastor Rick Warren.Before you were born, God knew what your life had in store for you. His hope for you is to discover the life he created just for you--both here on earth, and forever in eternity. Let Rick Warren guide you as you learn to live out your true purpose.The Purpose Driven Life is more than a book; it's a road map for your spiritual journey. Combining thoughtful verses from Scripture with timely stories and perspectives from Warren's own life, The Purpose Driven Life will help you discover the answer to one of life's most important questions: What on earth am I here for?Throughout The Purpose Driven Life, Warren will teach you to spend time getting to know yourself and your creator in order to live your life to the fullest. Unlocking your true purpose will also reduce your stress, simplify your decisions, increase your satisfaction, and, most importantly, prepare you for eternity.Designed to be read over the course of forty-two days, The Purpose Driven Life will help you see the big picture, giving you a fresh perspective on the way that the pieces of your life fit together. Every chapter of The Purpose Driven Life provides a daily meditation and practical steps to help you uncover and live out your purpose, starting with exploring three essential questions:<ul><li>The Question of Existence: Why am I alive?</li><li>The Question of Significance: Does my life matter?</li><li>The Question of Purpose: What on earth am I here for?</li></ul>Each copy of The Purpose Driven Life also includes thoughtful discussion questions, audio Bible studies that go along with every chapter, and access to a supportive online community, giving you the opportunity to dive even deeper into each life-changing lesson.

As philanthropists, Rick and Kay Warren give away 90 percent of their income through three foundations: Acts of Mercy, which serves those infected and affected by AIDS; Equipping the Church, which trains church leaders in developing countries; and The Global PEACE Fund, which fights poverty, disease, and illiteracy.

Rick Warren

The Purpose Driven Life

Purpose Driven Life Journal

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