Passive aggresive behaviour isn’t always intentional. A study found that people who have these tendencies often just struggle with being honest about their emotions. Here are phrases that we can avoid to not being passive aggresive

Intro

It's a “throat clearer” — an indirect attempt to demand attention or a faster response. Other phrases to eliminate: “Per my last email...,” “Not sure if you got the memo, but...” or “As I mentioned before...”These phrases only camouflage your request and make the other person think you’re trying to nag, blame or be bossy.What to say instead: Be direct. If you need a quick turnaround, there’s nothing wrong with saying, “Hey, I’m sorry to bug you again, but I need a response.”

1. “Just a friendly reminder...”

This phrase almost always prefaces something annoying or offensive.What to say instead: If so, it’s fine to say: “Is this a good time to talk? There’s something that’s been bothering me” or “I’m concerned about your performance. Let’s talk about it.”

2. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but…”

Sometimes, this is just another phrase for “Yep, okay.” But the sarcastic version means something different: “Shut up, I heard you” or “You’re annoying, leave me alone.”What to say instead: Examine why you’re upset. Then try saying, “I’m sorry if I seem annoyed. I’m having a hard time with this assignment” or “I’m stressed because I already have two deadlines today.”

3. “Got it.”

Softening a request might seem polite, but it can also be a form of passive aggression. Think of other “softeners” like “Thanks in advance” or “Hey, what’s our ETA looking like?”If you’re asking for something as a boss or colleague, don’t pretend like you’re being a pal. It’s fine to be explicit and state what you need and when.What to say instead: Be upfront. Remind them of the deadline, then explain the stakes of missing it: “I really need this by tomorrow or the client will be very upset.”

4. “Hey, how are we doing with that task I’m waiting for?”

This phrase implies disapproval. Other passive aggressive judgement signals include “Just so you know...” or “For future reference...”Your listener hears a common refrain in each of these phrases: “I don’t agree. Don’t you know who I am? You messed up again.” What to say instead:People don’t usually make decisions to upset you. If you disagree, speak up. But lead with the benefit of the doubt. Is your input required? Is this the right time to say something?If so, be polite and direct as you advocate for what you think is best: “What if we take this course of action for this benefit?”

5. “If that’s what you want to do…”

We should avoid these phrases that only serve to irritate the listener.

Want to be more likeable and well-respected? Public speaking expert John Bowe shares five passive-aggressive phrases to avoid—and what to say instead. 

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5 passive-aggressive phrases that 'make people respect you less': Public speaking expert

There is no reason to show that you are paying attention when you are in fact... paying attention.

Not just put down your phone, your car keys, or whatever that is in your hand.But also be present, be in that moment. Be completely involved in the conversation.

1. Do Not Multitask

You need to enter every conversation assuming that you have something to learn. Always assume the other person knows something you don't. So try to listen and learn.

2. Dont Pontificate

If you want to state your opinion, without any opportunity for response, argument, pushback, or growth. Write a blog.

If your mouth is open, you are not learning.

Start your questions with who, what, when, where, why, or how.Instead of asking "Was it scary?", ask "How did you feel?" or "How was it like?"Let them describe it. They are the ones who know.

3. Use Open Ended Questions

In the middle of a conversation if you just remembered some exciting past event you want to share or you got a cool question you want to ask, let it be. Let them come, let them go.First, be present and listen to the speaker. Then you may talk about whatever you recalled.

4. Go With The Flow

It's okay to not know everything in the world. If you don't know something, say you don't know. Err on the side of caution.

5. If You Don't Know Something, Accept It

Every experience is unique and individual. Do not try to equate them with your experiences. Try to listen to others instead of making the conversation about you.

6. Don't Equate Your Experiences With Theirs

Conversations are not promotional activities. You don't have to show how smart, how cool, or how brave you are.

Speak with clarity and intent. Do not go over the same things over and over.This happens especially when you are talking about yourself or when you are trying to make a point, without even realizing it.

7. Try Not To Repeat Yourself

People don't care about the exact date, the exact place, or the names that much. They care about you, they care about what you're like, what you have in common.So forget the details. Leave them out.

8. Dont Fixate Too Much On The Details

Try to understand what the person has to say. Be interested in others.Listening takes effort and energy. But if you can't do that, you are just two people shouting barely related sentences in the same place.

9. Listen

Most of us don't listen with the intent to understand, we listen with the intent to reply.

Keep it short. Keep it simple. Cover all the main details. Talk with purpose, intent, and clarity.

10. Be Brief

A good conversation is like a miniskirt, short enough to retain interest but long enough to cover the subject.

When your job hinges on how well you talk to people, you learn a lot about how to have conversations -- and that most of us don't converse very well. Celeste Headlee has worked as a radio host for decades, and she knows the ingredients of a great conversation: Honesty, brevity, clarity and a healthy amount of listening. In this insightful talk, she shares 10 useful rules for having better conversations. "Go out, talk to people, listen to people," she says. "And, most importantly, be prepared to be amazed." Visit http://TED.com to get our entire library of TED Talks, transcripts, translations, personalized talk recommendations and more. The TED Talks channel features the best talks and performances from the TED Conference, where the world's leading thinkers and doers give the talk of their lives in 18 minutes (or less). Look for talks on Technology, Entertainment and Design -- plus science, business, global issues, the arts and more. You're welcome to link to or embed these videos, forward them to others and share these ideas with people you know. Become a TED Member: http://ted.com/membership Follow TED on Twitter: http://twitter.com/TEDTalks Like TED on Facebook: http://facebook.com/TED Subscribe to our channel: http://youtube.com/TED TED's videos may be used for non-commercial purposes under a Creative Commons License, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives (or the CC BY – NC – ND 4.0 International) and in accordance with our TED Talks Usage Policy (https://www.ted.com/about/our-organization/our-policies-terms/ted-talks-usage-policy). For more information on using TED for commercial purposes (e.g. employee learning, in a film or online course), please submit a Media Request at https://media-requests.ted.com

When your job hinges on how well you talk to people, you learn a lot about how to have conversations -- and that most of us don't converse very well. Celeste Headlee has worked as a radio host for decades, and she knows the ingredients of a great conversation: Honesty, brevity, clarity and a healthy amount of listening. In this insightful talk, she shares 10 useful rules for having better conversations. "Go out, talk to people, listen to people," she says. "And, most importantly, be prepared to be amazed."

Visit http://TED.com to get our entire library of TED Talks, transcripts, translations, personalized talk recommendations and more.

The TED Talks channel features the best talks and performances from the TED Conference, where the world's leading thinkers and doers give the talk of their lives in 18 minutes (or less). Look for talks on Technology, Entertainment and Design -- plus science, business, global issues, the arts and more. You're welcome to link to or embed these videos, forward them to others and share these ideas with people you know. 

Become a TED Member: http://ted.com/membership
Follow TED on Twitter: http://twitter.com/TEDTalks
Like TED on Facebook: http://facebook.com/TED
Subscribe to our channel: http://youtube.com/TED

TED's videos may be used for non-commercial purposes under a Creative Commons License, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives (or the CC BY – NC – ND 4.0 International) and in accordance with our TED Talks Usage Policy (https://www.ted.com/about/our-organization/our-policies-terms/ted-talks-usage-policy). For more information on using TED for commercial purposes (e.g. employee learning, in a film or online course), please submit a Media Request at https://media-requests.ted.com

The TED Talks channel features the best talks and performances from the TED Conference, where the world's leading thinkers and doers give the talk of their lives in 18 minutes (or less). Look for talks on Technology, Entertainment and Design -- plus science, business, global issues, the arts and more. You're welcome to link to or embed these videos, forward them to others and share these ideas with people you know.

TED's videos may be used for non-commercial purposes under a Creative Commons License, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives (or the CC BY – NC – ND 4.0 International) and in accordance with our TED Talks Usage Policy: https://www.ted.com/about/our-organization/our-policies-terms/ted-talks-usage-policy. For more information on using TED for commercial purposes (e.g. employee learning, in a film or online course), please submit a Media Request at https://media-requests.ted.com

Celeste Headlee: 10 ways to have a better conversation | TED

Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit but the highest form of intelligence.

It may have taken years, but research suggests that Wilde was correct in his analysis of sarcasm. In fact, neuropsychologists are encouraging people not to avoid and condemn appropriate sarcasm in the office but to use it with care and moderation and reap the benefits it may offer.Researchers say that sarcasm is an instigator of conflict but also a catalyst for creativity when used moderately and appropriately amongst people who trust one another.

Sarcasm is an instigator of conflict

Harmless forms of sarcasm promote creativity through abstract thinking for those on both the giving and receiving end of sarcastic exchanges. Studies indicate that sarcasm exercises the brain more than sincere statements since the brain must work harder to understand and translate it. This extra processing may make us sharper because it activates abstract thinking.

Sarcasm exercises the brain more than sincere statements

An old adage says we tend to tease the ones we love, as we are more likely to use sarcasm with people we care for. Parents may offer up a teasing remark, for instance, to soften what otherwise may be seen as criticism. "I saw how neatly you made your bed this morning," rather than a more biting remark about a child's neglect to perform this expected chore; it will send the same message but lovingly. "I hate it when you're right" is a playful and endearing way to thank someone for valuable insight. Of course, there are limits to be observed.

The use of sarcasm is also an indication of a healthy ability to show affection

Scientific American is the essential guide to the most awe-inspiring advances in science and technology, explaining how they change our understanding of the world and shape our lives.

The Surprising Benefits of Sarcasm

It’s normal to feel frustrated with your <a href="https://www.fatherly.com/life/how-to-be-a-better-partner">partner </a>from time to time. Hell, we’d even go as far as to say that it’s weird to never feel frustrated with them. <a href="https://www.fatherly.com/life/damn-good-marriage-advice">Marriage </a>can be frustrating. When two people live together, coping with bills, mortgages, kids, schedules, in-laws, mouth breathing, weird snacking, and everything in between, one person will inevitably drive the other one a bit nuts. But frustration can quickly deteriorate into <a href="https://www.fatherly.com/love-money/how-to-let-go-of-resentment">resentment </a>or full-on <a href="https://www.fatherly.com/love-money/anger-management-tools-therapists-pissed/">anger </a>. So, the trick becomes understanding how to deal with frustration in a healthy way.

“It is normal for everyone to feel frustrated with their partner,” says <a href="https://www.cheritimko.com/">Cheri Timko </a>, a Couples Relationship Coach. “Part of living together is navigating how to be two people with different personalities and still live together peacefully.” How we handle the differences can greatly influence other parts of the relationship, so it is important to be particularly aware in these situations. “When they are handled poorly,” Timko adds, “it can lead to anger and resentment for both partners. When done well, situations of frustration can help build and strengthen your bond.”

Before you let your frustration get the better of you, take a moment and try to take some of this expert advice.

This is age-less advice for a reason. It can be very easy to get so consumed by your own frustration that you’re only able to see how it affects you. But if you try to take a look at the situation from your partner’s side and ask yourself how you might feel, or how you might react, and chances are you’ll be in a better place.

1. Put Yourself In Their Shoes

“Think of how this situation is related to other situations for your partner,” adds Timko. “This is not your interpretation, but what you know they would say if they explained it to you.” If you are stuck, Timko suggests writing a letter from them to you explaining their experience in the situation.

Why? Because how else are you going to get to the root of your frustration? The key is calm. Talk to your partner and ask them to explain the reasoning behind their actions and emotions. Listen and ask questions to try and gain some understanding. “It is important that you choose a good time to ask so you both stay calm,” Timko says. “You may not get the opportunity to describe your part, but knowing what is happening for your partner will help you deal with it better.”

2. Ask For Their Input

If you’ve been with someone long enough, you usually can start to tell when things are going badly. When you sense a tense situation beginning to brew, it might be wiser to try and nip the argument in the bud before it gets worse. “Know ahead of time what are the signs and symptoms that your frustration and irritation are growing and what you need to do to manage them,” says Timko. Calling a timeout and returning to a conversation when you’ve cooled down (and actually re-engaging with it) is always an excellent strategy.

3. Have a Plan

It’s always good to remember that you and your spouse are playing the long game. Sometimes you may have to give more in a certain situation and other times, it’s your partner who will have to put their feelings aside to focus on you. If you are both in it together, you can navigate these bumps in the road and keep your focus on the longevity of your partnership. “Every relationship has times when one partner puts in more,” says Timko. “You may need to be the bigger person in this situation. As hard as it is, it is an investment in the future of the relationship.”

4. Take a Big Picture View

When tensions are running high, someone is going to say or do something that will set one or both of you off. Wait until you’ve both cooled off to address what it is that’s frustrating you. “Choose the time to discuss your frustrations carefully,” says Timko. “Bad times are when your partner is busy with other things, before work or bed, or when either of you are frustrated or exhausted. If this is all of the time, you might have a bigger problem in the relationship than just the situation that is irritating you.”

5. Talk to Your Partner — When You’re Calm

You can’t control how your partner behaves, but you can control your own reaction to their behavior. If they’re doing something or saying something that frustrates you, and you let it get you to the point where you yourself fly off the handle, then you’ve only made the situation worse. “You are responsible for bringing your best self to as many situations as possible,” says Timko. “For many people, managing your own emotions is something they consider as a bare minimum in a relationship.”

6. Govern Your Own Feelings

Being aware of what’s happening around you — and understanding that, oh, you or your partner might be stressed because of X and Y factors —n can help you approach a stressful situation more rationally. “We are at our worst when something big is changing in our lives,” Timko says. “It is important that you keep a careful watch for how these things are affecting you so you don’t let the frustration build.”

7. Consider Outside Influences

Frustration can sometimes build to a point where you and your partner can’t stand to be in the same space. However, even when two people get to that point, they continue to battle it out, talking and arguing until tempers flare and things are said that both partners regret. Before you reach that point, take a moment to step away and get clear. Go for a run, engage in a solo activity or just find a quiet spot to gather your thoughts.

8. Take Some Space — And Use Your Words

It’s important that you calmly let your partner know that you’re taking space and why you’re doing it. “Verbally explaining what you’re doing can be extremely helpful for a partner who may easily jump to conclusions or assume the worst if you temporarily disappear–either emotionally or physically,” explains marriage and family therapist <a href="https://ambertrueblood.com/">Amber Trueblood. </a>

Very often, we tend to lay the blame for our feelings solely at the feet of our partner. They become the source for all of our frustration, irritation, and anger. We say things like, “She always does this,” or “He never listens.” In the worst case scenarios, we might start to think, “If I wasn’t with him/her, everything would be better.” The truth is, while our partner may be frustrating, the level of frustration we take it to is a result of the tape loop that plays in our own heads.

9. Recognize Your Own Narrative

Does your partner really always do something? Do they really never listen? “Once you can identify these narratives, you have the power to challenge them,” says <a href="https://www.aspenrelationshipcoaching.com/podcast">Lori Ann Kret, </a>a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. “You can choose to look for the exceptions; those moments when your partner really does show up for you in the way that you need them to.”

9 Things To Do When You're Feeling Frustrated With Your Partner

It's natural to feel frustrated. What matters is how you deal with that frustration. Here are nine productive things to do when you're annoyed with your partner

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Limerence is a state of infatuation or obsession with another person that involves an all-consuming passion and intrusive thoughts.It is often a result of not being present either through trauma or certain childhood development issues. Alternatively, you may experience it when you are run down, if you haven’t had enough sleep for example, and are lacking serotonin. So, you fantasize that someone else could save you and crystallize those thoughts into a golden image of 'the one.'

Limerence Involves Intrusive Thoughts

Here are a couple of ways that the two are frustratingly similar. <ul><li>You are drawn to a certain person. Confusing hardly does it justice. When you’re in limerence with someone, it’s similar to falling in love. The attraction is real. It is a form of infatuation which can mirror the early stages of falling in love where you obsessively think about the other person.</li><li>It can happen with anyone, anytime. You never know when you’re about to fall in love and it can happen with the most implausible people. As it turns out, limerence is the same. </li></ul>

Limerence vs. Love: Similarities

The main difference here is that love requires a real, meaningful connection with another person, while limerence is all about the chase and lusting after someone.<ul><li>Limerence is the feeling that the object of their desire will complete them. This can be a form of trauma bonding where one person is seeking to be 'saved' by another.</li><li>The limerent person is desperate to have the object no matter whether it is good for either of them and they may idealize them</li><li>Seeing a bunch of red flags and ignoring them? You might be in limerence. </li><li>You neglect your own needs for them. </li><li>There could be an underlying reas<warningtag>on that your default is limerence. Deep down the limerent person may be afraid of genuine connection and may be more comfortable with the distance. There may be psychological reasons and fear why they prefer obsessing over connecting.</warningtag></li></ul>

Limerence vs. Love: Differences

A collection of ideas for changing your attitude and overcoming unwanted intrusive thoughts

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Understand yourself and those around you.

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How to Cope With Intrusive Thoughts

Limerence: the state of infatuation or obsession with another person that involves an all-consuming passion and intrusive thoughts.

What is limerence? A therapist defines limerence, explains how it compare to love, and what to do if you are falling in limerence.

Limerence vs. Love: What's the Difference?

Limerence and Intrusive Thoughts

<ul><li>Praise we've earned can be motivating and help us build confidence. </li><li>Narcissists may use praise to control others by manipulating their sense of self-worth and relational security. </li><li>Narcissists may use praise as love, praise as intimacy, praise as unearned entitlement, and praise paired with abuse to disempower others. </li> </ul>Ah, praise. It can lift us up and send us flying to lofty heights. It can validate, it can motivate, and it can inspire. And, as is true of anything with the power to make us feel so good, praise has a dark side. In the wrong hands, praise has the power to harm.

Key points

<ol><li>Praise is not love. Praise is conditional and may be offered or withheld. Love, particularly of a child, must be freely given regardless of performance, behavior, or "status." Love is always there. Praise comes and goes. </li><li>Praise can only be granted by others. Where there is praise, there is always the absence of praise, because praise can only be granted by someone else. As a source of self-worth, it is not sustainable or sustaining because it is external, fleeting, and ultimately beyond our control. </li><li>Unearned praise is disempowering. Whereas love only feels genuine when it is freely given, praise only feels genuine when we've earned it. Unearned praise disempowers others, particularly children, by sending the message that praise is an entitlement rather than something earned with hard work. </li><li>Praise can lead to over-reliance. When we lack feelings of self-love and cannot validate ourselves internally, we can become over-reliant on external praise from others. </li> </ol>

Understanding Praise

3. Unearned praise is disempowering. Whereas love only feels genuine when it is freely given, praise only feels genuine when we've earned it. Unearned praise disempowers others, particularly children, by sending the message that praise is an entitlement rather than something earned with hard work.4. Praise can lead to over-reliance. When we lack feelings of self-love and cannot validate ourselves internally, we can become over-reliant on external praise from others.

As we know, the <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/narcissism">narcissistic </a><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/personality">personality </a>tends to be relationally antagonistic: competitive, exploitative, and oppressively controlling. Narcissists themselves often seek out praise, and they often use praise to manipulate and control others.

<ol><li>Narcissists use praise in place of love. At the core of the narcissistic personality is a flawed belief that praise is love. In dysfunctional narcissistic families and relationships, acceptance is conditional and praise is used instead of love. Using praise as affection fosters insecurity in others and gives the narcissist control over their sense of relational safety and self-worth.</li></ol>

2. Narcissists "love-bomb" with praise to fake <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/relationships">intimacy </a>. Love and intimacy are developed through reciprocity, shared vulnerability, and earned trust. Intimacy should never be experienced as a fiery explosion. But narcissistic people often engage in love-bombing, in which they use excessive praise, <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/attention">attention </a>, and flattery to seduce others into unwarranted trust and premature commitment.

3. Narcissists treat praise as entitlement. People, particularly children, who are reinforced for their efforts internalize a sense of agency and earned <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/confidence">confidence </a>, which fosters <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/self-esteem">self-esteem </a>and healthy independence. By contrast, praising people for being special or superior rather than for their hard work fosters an unearned and therefore insecure sense of entitlement. By granting "special" status and privilege to a chosen few and by denying it to others, narcissists dictate what people value in themselves and those around them.

4. Narcissists use praise to foster dependency and reliance. By alternating praise and forms of abuse, narcissists foster dependency and even reliance in others. Children or partners treated to this type of manipulation can become <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/trauma">trauma </a>-bonded to the narcissist, who uses intermittent reinforcement to control the activation of their <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/fear">fear </a>response (fight/flight) and reward system (<a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/dopamine">dopamine </a>).

We all can benefit at times from praise that we've earned. Humans are social animals who naturally seek validation from the group, and praise for our efforts can be motivating and help us build confidence that can sustain us through times of trial and adversity. But praise used as a substitute for love or intimacy, granted as an unearned entitlement, or paired with abuse is manipulative and disempowering, and it can create trauma bonds between narcissists and those they seek to dominate.

Conclusion

How Narcissists Weaponize Praise

The Best Of You Are Those Who Are Best To Their Women.

Treat Your Wife Lovely 

How does anyone of you beat his wife as he beats the stallion camel and then he may embrace (sleep with) her?

The most wicked among the people in the eye of Allah on the Day of judgment is the men who goes to his wife and she comes to him, and then he divulges her secret.

Sahih Muslim is a collection of sayings and deeds of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) (also known as the sunnah). The reports of the Prophets sayings and deeds are called ahadith. Muslim lived a couple of centuries after the Prophet's death and worked extremely hard to collect his ahadith. Each report in his collection was checked for compatibility with the Quran, and the veracity of the chain of reporters had to be painstakingly established. Muslims collection is recognized by the overwhelming majority of the Muslim world to be one of the most authentic collections of the Sunnah of the Prophet (pbuh). Muslim (full name Abul Husain Muslim bin al-Hajjaj al-Nisapuri) was born in 202 A.H. and died in 261 A.H. He travelled widely to gather his collection of ahadith, including to Iraq, Saudi Arabia, Syria, and Egypt.

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There is nothing worse than being forced to deal with a toxic person against your will. When you think about the word "toxic," associated words like "poison" can come up. Toxic people are harmful to everyone they are around and the places they frequent. The mere presence of a toxic person in your life can be devastating!

A person that has been labeled as "toxic" exhibits bad behaviors that hurt others or impact them negatively. They are good at manipulating people for their own self-interests. Many people who behave in a toxic way have experienced trauma themselves or <a href="https://www.yourtango.com/experts/nancy-carbone/signs-emotional-abuse-trauma-bonding-relationship-mistaken-love">been exposed to a toxic relationship </a>. Instead of addressing their issues in a healthy manner, they start showing toxic traits. Toxic people don’t know how to deal with the internal stress in a normal and functional way, so they become unpleasant, inflicting the pain they have been subjected to onto others.

What does it mean to be toxic?

You will know when you’ve encountered a toxic person because you will leave feeling worse than you did upon arrival. But there is a difference between being toxic and having toxic behaviors. Toxic people in your life, such as family members and friends, can do extreme damage to your mental and emotional wellbeing. Spending time in long-term relationships with them can cause you to act out the same behaviors.

Sometimes, you might not realize that you, yourself, are a toxic person. But just because you are toxic now doesn’t mean you have to stay that way. Recognizing the signs of a toxic personality can help you overcome your own pitfalls and have healthy relationships.

20 Signs You’re A Toxic Person

If you tend to leave people worse off than you found them, you might be toxic. If your actions frequently make others feel bad, the common denominator is you.

1. You make people feel bad.

No one wants to be around a person they cannot stand. If family and friends always make excuses when you invite them to places, you may be the problem.

2. People avoid you at all costs.

If you believe you are the smartest person in every room you enter, you are likely toxic. People who are toxic have a need to be better than everyone else and <a href="https://www.yourtango.com/2020333349/symptoms-signs-superiority-complex-someone-you-know">carry a superiority complex </a>everywhere they go.

3. You have a superiority complex.

You see others are pawns, there to bend to your will. You believe you know what is best for everyone and are unwilling to hear any alternatives.

4. You're controlling.

You like to use emotional blackmail to get your way. You might threaten to harm yourself or go away in an attempt to spur action from other people. This is toxicity at its finest.

5. You're emotionally manipulative.

You can be caught in the act of doing something absolutely egregious. Instead of admitting fault and apologizing, you play the blame game and deflect.

6. You lack accountability.

Passive-aggressiveness is a flashing neon sign when it comes to toxic people. You never say what you mean or mean what you say. It’s hard for people to know where they stand with you because you are two-faced.

7. You're passive-aggressive.

Everything in your life that goes wrong is blamed on an external force. You never take responsibility for your actions or learn from the mistakes of your past. Instead, you see life as unfair and yourself as the victim.

8. You take no responsibility.

If you’ve ever heard someone say, “a listening ear is near a running mouth,” no doubt they have been exposed to the wrath of a toxic person. With no loyalty to anyone, toxic folks have no problem sharing your secrets with whoever will listen to them, no matter how damaging.

9. You talk behind people’s backs.

With toxic people, instead of showing genuine concern for those who are struggling, you look for ways to benefit from their pain. You might give a homeless person a dollar and post it on social media for likes.

10. You exploit people’s vulnerability.

When dealing with a toxic person, no good deed goes unpunished. People’s kindness is taken as an indication of their lack of strength, and you will eagerly try and take advantage if an opportunity presents itself.

Rather than pull someone aside for a private conversation, you discuss humiliating topics out in the open with the intent of looking good in front of an audience. You might pretend to be joking, but hurting someone in public is no laughing matter. People see it for exactly what it is: toxic behavior.

12. You enjoy embarrassing people.

When most people have disagreements, they can discuss it, come to an understanding, forgive and forget. But not you. Instead, you want the person who did you wrong to know you have no intentions of letting it go.

13. You hold grudges forever.

You see everything as a personal attack on you. No one can give you constructive criticism for fear of the repercussions. When you feel slighted, you go on the attack, and nothing is off limits.

14. You take things personally.

Instead of celebrating the wins of people around you, <a href="https://www.yourtango.com/2020332043/what-is-jealousy-how-identifying-two-main-triggers-can-actually-help-you-feel-safe-your-relationship">you experience an intense jealousy </a>. You downplay their successes of others to make them seem insignificant.

15. You're a hater.

You make it extremely clear that anyone who crosses you will pay a steep price. You have no qualms about threatening anyone who gets in your way.

16. You threaten people.

You run your life like a dictatorship where whatever you say goes. This should not be surprising as it coincides with your superiority complex and desire to control everything and everyone around you.

17. You're unwilling to compromise.

Disclosing things that are not yours to tell isn’t your only untrustworthy behavior. You bend with the wind, turning on people who thought you had their backs. You will throw anyone under the bus to save yourself.

18. You're untrustworthy.

It’s hard to know how you will feel from one moment to the next. People may have playfully called you "bipolar" or said you are “all over the place” due to your lack of consistency in your behavior.

19. You're super moody.

While others get emotionally drained from drama, it gives you energy. You love to whip up a tornado of anxiety and tension because that’s what you need to make your life exciting.

20. You love drama.

So, you’ve assessed yourself and decided that, much to your discontentment, you are toxic and need to do something about it. This is the most important part of overcoming toxicity, and there are steps you can take to change your ways.First, understand that behavior can be adjusted. Simply being toxic doesn’t make you a bad person. It just means you need to be aware and take actions to do better.Next, because you now understand exactly what actions make you toxic, practice new behaviors until they become a habit. It might be helpful to track interactions in a journal so you can reflect later.

How to Stop Being Toxic

Ask for the opinions of people you trust and accept their answers. They are the ones experiencing you and are best equipped to give feedback. Make sure you do not threaten or punish them for their transparency. If you are still struggling to be a better person, reach out to a licensed mental health professional to get tools that can help you build beautiful relationships.

20 Signs You're An Extremely Toxic Person & Are Difficult To Be Around 

Am I Toxic? If You Notice That People Can't Stand To Be Around You, Or Your Behavior Is Off-putting, You Might Be A Toxic Person. Luckily, There Are Ways To Change That.

20 Signs You're An Extremely Toxic Person & Are Difficult To Be Around

Before you can move on from a relationship, you’ll need to give yourself however much time and space is necessary to get to a place of acceptance. <ul><li>Even though it may not have worked out the way you wanted, accepting that the relationship was limited and is over is very important.  So even if it seems to be taking a long time – and you’re tired of taking two steps forward, then one step back – be gentle with yourself during the process.</li><li> If you catch yourself harboring fantasies of getting back together, just smile at yourself and turn those visions off. </li><li>Accept that this chapter of your life has<warningtag> closed and tell yourself you’ll be better off by moving on. </warningtag></li></ul>

Move forward after a breakup: Accept the situation

Maybe one day the two of you can be friends again, but now is not the time. Your heart is still freshly wounded and seeing or contacting him will only make things worse. Keeping your distance is vital for the healing process to not only begin but to become complete.<ul><li>If some of his belongings are still at your place, have a friend, relative or roommate stay home when he comes to pick them up so you don’t have to see him. If you need to retrieve items from his place, send a friend to do the deed. </li><li>Resist the urge to call, text or email him to see how he’s doing or to find out if he thinks the two <warningtag>of you made a huge mistake by breaking up. Keeping in contact with him now may leave you hoping he’s thinking about getting back together.</warningtag><warningtag> </warningtag></li></ul>

Move forward after a breakup: Distance yourself

In the beginning, you’ll probably need to get everything off your chest by talking about the breakup with friends and relatives. That’s healthy. Go ahead and get it all out. Bottling up emotions is not conducive to moving on, and can be downright unhealthy..Once you’ve let it all out, try to stop talking about him. If you don’t, your friends may start avoiding your company. Talk about something else – or better yet, let your friends talk instead. They might not say so, but they’ll welcome the reprieve.

Move forward after a breakup: Stop talking about it

While it’s tempting to play the blame game after a breakup, it won’t help you. Going over and over hurtful scenarios only keeps you focused on negative emotions. So close the book on that chapter of your life and focus on figuring out how to move on. Resist the urge to blame yourself, the other person, or anyone else (your meddling parents, his annoying friends) for what went wrong in the relationship. Accept that fact and move on to something better.

Move forward after a breakup: Skip the blame game

Part of learning how to move on after a break-up is learning from your experience. This includes the break-up itself as well as your entire relationship. Ask yourself what words or behaviors you’d want to repeat in the future, and which things you aren’t proud of yourself for saying or doing. Think about what was great about the relationship, what wasn’t so great, and what led to the demise of the relationship.

Move forward after a breakup: Learn from it

Picture yourself completely over your ex. This may take some time, but keep working at it until the picture of your new life is truly in focus. Then enjoy feeling that sense of pride and accomplishment for getting over him and moving on.

Move forward after a breakup: Picture yourself getting over it

Make sure you give yourself plenty of time to focus on yourself before beginning another relationship. Do something just for you and give yourself some time to connect with your inner self. <ul><li>Spend some quality time with close friends and family members. </li><li>Take up a hobby, volunteer somewhere, or take a class. </li><li>Keep yourself busy, but be careful that you don’t overload on activities just to distract yourself from your ex. </li><li>That will make your “downtime” seem even more painful. </li><li>Do something to boost your self-esteem, which has likely taken a bit of a beating since the breakup. Get a new haircut, for <warningtag>example.</warningtag></li></ul>

Move forward after a breakup: Focus on yourself 

If you haven’t gone out to a social event since the break-up, now is the time. This doesn’t mean you should pick up the first cute guy you spot at a bar, but you’ll feel better if you get dressed up and put yourself out in the world to socialize and meet new people. But don’t go someplace where you’re bound to run into him – pick someplace new!

Move forward after a breakup: Get out there! 

How To Move On, 10 Steps For Post-Break Up Closure. Browse hundreds of free women’s articles and more at LifeScript.com.

How To Move On: 10 Steps For Closure After You Break Up

How To Move Forward After A Breakup

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