Humans need an accurate view of the world to survive. If your model of reality is different from the actual world, then you struggle to take effective actions each day.However, truth is not the only thing that matters to the human mind. Humans also seem to have a deep desire to belong.Humans are herd animals. We want to fit in, bond with others, and earn the respect and approval of our peers. Such inclinations are essential to our survival. For most of our evolutionary history, our ancestors lived in tribes. Becoming separated from the tribe—or worse, being cast out—was a death sentence.

The Logic of False Beliefs

Convincing someone to change their mind is the process of convincing them to change their tribe. If they abandon their beliefs, they run the risk of losing social ties. You can’t expect someone to change their mind if you take away their community too. You have to give them somewhere to go. Nobody wants their worldview torn apart if loneliness is the outcome. The way to change people’s minds is to become friends with them, integrate them into your tribe, and bring them into your circle. Now, they can change their beliefs without the risk of being abandoned socially.

Facts Don't Change Our Minds. Friendship Does.

Years ago, Ben Casnocha mentioned an idea to me that I haven't been able to shake: The people who are most likely to change our minds are the ones we agree with on 98 percent of topics.If someone you know, like, and trust believes a radical idea, you are more likely to give it merit, weight, or consideration. You already agree with them in most areas of life. Maybe you should change your mind on this one too. But if someone wildly different than you proposes the same radical idea, well, it's easy to dismiss them as a crackpot.

The Spectrum of Beliefs

There is another reason bad ideas continue to live on, which is that people continue to talk about them.Silence is death for any idea. An idea that is never spoken or written down dies with the person who conceived it. Ideas can only be remembered when they are repeated. They can only be believed when they are repeated.I have already pointed out that people repeat ideas to signal they are part of the same social group. But here's a crucial point most people miss: People also repeat bad ideas when they complain about them. Before you can criticize an idea, you have to reference that idea.

Why False Ideas Persist

Why do you want to criticize bad ideas in the first place? Presumably, you want to criticize bad ideas because you think the world would be better off if fewer people believed them. In other words, you think the world would improve if people changed their minds on a few important topics.If the goal is to change minds, then I don't believe criticizing the other side is the best approach. Most people argue to win, not to learn.

The Intellectual Soldier

The brilliant Japanese writer Haruki Murakami once wrote, “Always remember that to argue, and win, is to break down the reality of the person you are arguing against. It is painful to lose your reality, so be kind, even if you are right.”When we are in the moment, we can easily forget that the goal is to connect with the other side, collaborate with them, befriend them, and integrate them into our tribe. We are so caught up in winning that we forget about connecting. It's easy to spend your energy labeling people rather than working with them.

Be Kind First, Be Right Later

What's going on here? Why don't facts change our minds? And why would someone continue to believe a false or inaccurate idea anyway? How do such behaviors serve us?

Why don't facts change our minds? This article explains the logic of false beliefs and proposes a better system for constructive conversation.

philosophy

Philosophy

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

problemsolving

Problem Solving

communication

Communication

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

Why Facts Don’t Change Our Minds

"Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace."

The idea about peace I've resonated the most 🕊️

Here are some of the best inspirational quotes that'll motivate you to change your life.

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

33 Powerful Quotes That Just Might Change Your Life

When Bo Seo moved as an eight-year-old from South Korea to Australia, he didn’t speak English. He quickly learned that the hardest part of crossing language lines was adjusting to real-life conversation, and the hardest conversations to adjust to were disagreements. That was where passions ran high, ordinary rhythms of speech broke down, and people started to interrupt.

Arguing For And Arguing About: To Argue Is Not To Fight

Bo Seo sensed that his differences from his peers, if exposed, could mark him as an outsider and let slip whatever foothold of belonging he had achieved in this new place. That made him resolve to be very agreeable, to smile, to nod, and to keep most of his thoughts to himself. What broke him out of that posture of conflict aversion was a promise from his fifth-grade teacher that in debate, when one person speaks, no one else does. To someone used to being spoken over and spun out of conversation, that sounded like a kind of salvation.

Debate Can Unleash Our Voice

An argument is not a random grab bag of thoughts or exclamations. It’s not a repetition of all the things you think about a particular subject. An argument is a tool for changing minds, and it has two basic burdens of proof. First, showing that its main claim is true, and second, that this claim is important.

An Argument’s Burdens Of Proof: Truth And Importance

Imagine arguing that we should stop eating meat because vegetarianism benefits the environment. For that argument to succeed, first you have to show that being vegetarian is, in fact, good for the environment. Otherwise you have no legs to stand on for the claim that healing the environment means no longer eating meat.

Proving Truth

Second, the true question at the core of this argument asks, why should we privilege the health of the environment over personal enjoyment? It’s often that second part that people neglect. It’s not enough to show that you have a point—you have to make it count for the other side. That involves asking why the truth of this argument should change your mind and behavior.

Proving Importance

When you start picking up the strategies and secrets of good debate, every objectionable thing people say seems like an opportunity to quarrel and make a point. To the one holding the hammer, everything seems like a nail. But we know that good conversations and relationships have agreement alongside disagreement. If one measure of cleverness is the ability to argue well and make a point, then wisdom rests in knowing when to argue and when to stop. Bo Seo got around this problem by developing the RISA Checklist.

Choose Your Battles

So, you face a disagreement. Is it:<ul><li>Real?</li><li>Important?</li><li>Specific? and</li><li>Aligned?</li></ul>Before entering into a disagreement, for example, ask yourself if this is a real disagreement as opposed to an imagined slight, or something like that. Second, is the disagreement important enough to justify arguing? Third, is the disagreement specific enough that you can make progress within the allotted time? And fourth, are the two sides aligned in their objectives for the dispute? For instance, is the other side just looking to hurt your feelings?

The RISA Disagreement Checlist

Meeting the RISA Checklist doesn’t guarantee that an argument will go well, but it suggests that there are conditions such that the argument could go well. By being deliberate and not jumping into disagreements out of pride or defensiveness, we can focus on disagreements that are most likely to be productive.

Argue Deliberately 

As a kid, Bo Seo used to hate being told to empathize with my classmates because He didn’t know what “empathy” meant. Some described it as a magical, mental connection that spontaneously arises when you look into the eyes of another person. Others described it as a virtue that the best of us possess and the rest of us can hope to find. In debate, he learned a different way of understanding empathy: empathy as a series of actions.

Debate, Magical Empathy And Practical Empathy

Much of debating is an exercise in certainty. You fully inhabit your perspective and come up with the best possible arguments for your side, recruiting the most persuasive evidence for your case. But in the last five minutes before the start of a round, the best debaters do something extraordinary. They turn to a new sheet of paper and come up with the four best arguments for the other side, or they look over their speech through the eyes of an opponent and try to find as many problems as they can. Those are known as “side-switch exercises.”

The “Side-Switch Exercises”

“Side-switch exercises” don’t help you achieve empathy, exactly, because there is no substitute for really hearing where the other side is coming from. But it does create wriggle room. It gives you the sense that there may be another way of viewing this issue. At a time when many of our disagreements feel like trench warfare, with each side frozen in their position, unable to fathom where the other side is coming from, Bo Seo thinks that wriggle room can help. It creates a space through which empathy might be able to arise.

The “Wriggle Room”

The opposite of bad disagreement is good disagreement. For most of history, entire groups of people were barred from speaking by virtue of their station in life. Multitudes lacked any platform or capacity to be heard. What we’re doing today—embracing diversity in our communities, giving people platforms to raise their voices in the public square, and trying to manage our arguments—all feels unprecedented. Bo Seo sees the project of good arguments as utopian writing towards the future, the full outlines of which we cannot yet see at present.

The Opposite Of Bad Disagreement Is Not Agreement

“Debate” comes from the Old French word “debatre” (“to fight or contend,”), which in turn comes from the Latin “dis-“ (expressing reversal) + “battere” (to fight).We must regain confidence and faith in what good arguments can be, realizing that disagreement can be the basis of richer conversations, intimate connections, and more searching inquiries than mere agreement can ever hope to achieve. We must see argument as a skill, as an art form, as labor—not something we simply stumble into.

Debates And Arguments Are Types Of Discussions, Not Of Fights

The debate world acts as a symbol for what a community built around—not despite—disagreement can be, and harbors knowledge that we can apply in our day-to-day lives to start realizing that future. A future based not around agreeableness, but on good disagreement, which accounts for the richness of our differences and allows us to talk about them.

Build Upon Good Disagreement, Not Upon Agreeableness

“Raise your words, not your voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder.” - Rumi

World champion debater Bo Seo shares 5 key insights from his new book, Good Arguments: How Debate Teaches Us to Listen and Be Heard.

Good Arguments: How Debate Teaches Us to Listen and Be Heard

Everyone is kind to someone they meet for the first time,The question is how long their kindness lasts.Don't be fooled just because someone is nice to you at first.

Passion

Knowledge wants to talk.Wisdom wants to listen.

Life

Many conflicts in our lives can be resolved if we put ourselves in the other person's shoes.Try to look at things from her point of view. If you consider only your side, you are no different from a child.

If you think you are either superior or inferior to someone,An invisible wall goes up between you.Treat him like an old friend you havnt seen in a while. When you let your guard down, so will he.

Do you know why that conversation is so boring?Because we are trapped in politeness, unable to speak from the heart. Any conversation can become interesting and lively as soon as we start speaking with real honesty.

Relationships 

Do memories cause you pain?Practice being in the present moment.Turn your attention to the here and now.Notice that your thoughts subside when you focus on the present.As your thoughts quiet so, too, the memories.Because memories are, in essence, thoughts.

Rest

People who easily ignore others do so because they are afraid of being ignored.

Do not try to control those around you.When you cannot control even your own mind, What makes you think you can control others?

Mindfullness

If you keep hoping to be comforted by others,You can feel weighed down by that need. If You have a constant need to be heard,Nobody can meet that need to your complete satisfaction. Rather than always seeking comfort from others,Offer your comfort and listen to others.In the process of helping, You will be healed.

What is the use of someone carrying a designer handbag when her behaviour lacks the same refinement?

Without love,Our lives would pass us by in the blink of an eye. Love has the power to stop the world for a moment.

Love

We do things for the one we love,But sometimes just being there expresses even deeper love.Give the gift of your full presence.

Are you a controlling parent?Are you devoting too much attention to your child? If the answer is yes,Then turn some of that attention toward your parents. If you are good to your own parents,Then your child will learn how to treat you in the future.

The Future 

The purpose of religion is to control yourself,Not to criticise others.How much am I doing about my anger, attachment, hatred, pride, and jealousy? These are the things we must check in our daily lives.

If we know how to be content,We can relax our endless striving and welcome serenity. If we know how to be content,We can enjoy the time we have with the person next to us. If we know how to be content,We can make peace with our past and let go of our baggage.

Love yourself despite your imperfections.Do you not feel compassion for yourself as you struggle through life? You are so eager to help your friends, but you treat yourself so poorly.Stroke your heart once in a while and tell yourself,'I love you'

Spirituality must be practiced not just in solitude but also among people.Open up to people around you and feel connected. This is the true challenge of spiritual practice.

Some people are generous and kind to those outside their circle while neglecting the needs of those within it.It is a mistake to take family and close colleagues for granted. When those closest to you feel ignored and betrayed, everything you have built can collapse in an instant.

Does the person you hate deserve to be carried around in your heart?Keep in your heart only those who love you. If you carry around with you people you hate, it causes only angst and depression.

A pleasant read 💫 if you enjoy this post, scroll down to read another by Haemin Sunim 'Love for Imperfect things'

The multimillion-copy bestselling book of spiritual wisdom about the importance of slowing down in our fast-paced world, by the Buddhist author of Love for Imperfect Things “Wise advice on how to reflect and slow down.” —Elle Is it the world that’s busy, or is it my mind? The world moves fast, but that doesn’t mean we have to. This bestselling mindfulness guide by Haemin Sunim (which means “spontaneous wisdom”), a renowned Buddhist meditation teacher born in Korea and educated in the United States, illuminates a path to inner peace and balance amid the overwhelming demands of everyday life. By offering guideposts to well-being and happiness in eight areas—including relationships, love, and spirituality—Haemin Sunim emphasizes the importance of forging a deeper connection with others and being compassionate and forgiving toward ourselves. The more than twenty full-color illustrations that accompany his teachings serve as calming visual interludes, encouraging us to notice that when you slow down, the world slows down with you.

religionandspirituality

Religion & Spirituality

motivationandinspiration

Motivation & Inspiration

leadershipandmanagement

Leadership & Management

The multimillion-copy bestselling book of spiritual wisdom about the importance of slowing down in our fast-paced world, by the Buddhist author of Love for Imperfect Things “Wise advice on how to reflect and slow down.” —Elle Is it the world that’s busy, or is it my mind? The world moves fast, but that doesn’t mean we have to. This bestselling mindfulness guide by Haemin Sunim (which means “spontaneous wisdom”), a renowned Buddhist meditation teacher born in Korea and educated in the United States, illuminates a path to inner peace and balance amid the overwhelming demands of everyday life. By offering guideposts to well-being and happiness in eight areas—including relationships, love, and spirituality—Haemin Sunim emphasizes the importance of forging a deeper connection with others and being compassionate and forgiving toward ourselves. The more than twenty full-color illustrations that accompany his teachings serve as calming visual interludes, encouraging us to notice that when you slow down, the world slows down with you.

Zen Buddhist teacher, bestselling author & founder of the School for Broken Hearts in Seoul.Born in South Korea and educated at Berkeley, Harvard, and Princeton, he received formal monastic training from Haein monastery, South Korea and taught Asian religions at Hampshire College in Massachusetts for seven years.He is one of the most influential Zen monks in the world, with over 1.5 million followers on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram. His first book, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down has been translated into more than 35 different languages and sold over four million copies.His second book, Love for Imperfect Things was the number one bestseller of the year 2016 in South Korea and became available in multiple languages in 2019.

Haemin Sunim

The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down

Save your energy for things that actually matter (like building your company) by disentangling yourself from toxic people.We've all encountered emotional vampires in our lives.They're the colleague that can't stop talking about themselves, the acquaintance who always leaves you exhausted after even a short meeting, or that guy at the next desk over who draws you into hour-long bitch-fests about every little annoyance in the office.They love the drama, but you just lose valuable time (and energy) you could put into making your company more successful.

How to Spot an Emotional Vampire and a 5-Step Process to Defeat One When You Do

You can definitively identify an emotional vampire with one simple test: If after hanging out with someone, you feel worn out and depleted, that person is a vampire. If after hanging out with someone, you still feel full of energy, that person is not a vampire.

Identifying Emotional Vampires

So, what do you do once you spot an emotional vampire sucking up too much of your time and energy? Here is a simple five-step plan for neutralizing their toxic effects.

Actions To Take

Your first impulse upon encountering an emotional vampire might be to just roll your eyes and walk away. That can work if the person is someone you never have to see again, but if it's a work colleague, the experts have another suggestion: Try a little empathy. Sure their overdramatizing and self-absorption are annoying, but these behaviors often are just reactions to the same kind of insecurities and anxieties we all struggle with. Recognizing that is more likely to give you the insight (and stamina) you need to negotiate problematic relationships long-term.

1.Opt for empathy.

We all complain sometimes. The healthy way to do it involves laying out the problem and genuinely searching for solutions. The emotional vampire way to do it is just moan endlessly while looking for ever more validation. Which is why your best bet when confronted with an emotional vampire's endless rants is to gently guide them back to a better mode of complaining.

2. Validate and redirect.

If your co-worker is complaining about a particular work struggle, for example, say something like, “That sounds really difficult. Have you thought about what you're going to do?: Or maybe, “Have you talked to [the person they are complaining about] directly about it? Did your manager have any advice?” This can remind them that they do have the option of taking action to change their situation.

You might think that vigorously agreeing with an emotional vampire might give them what they want so that they go away. Not so. Like the classic-blood sucking variety, emotional vampires have an endless thirst, only theirs is for drama. The more you give them, the more they'll demand. Do your best to stay emotionally blank when interacting with them (some call this the gray rock method, as in try as much as possible to resemble a gray rock when interacting with toxic people.) This isn't rudeness, it's teaching the energy vampire that you are not going to be a reliable source of energy.

3. Don't feed the beast. 

While empathy can give you the stamina to deal with unavoidable emotional vampires, that doesn't mean you should tolerate behavior that leaves you drained. Continue training your emotional vampire that you're useless as a victim by being firm with your boundaries. Tell them at the outset of a conversation, "I only have X minutes to talk," for instance, and stick to your guns.

4. Set consistent boundaries. 

The goal of this whole process is to keep yourself sane (and your schedule on track). It's totally OK to outright tell an emotional vampire that as long as you do it nicely. Go ahead and tell your drama queen colleagues that you're falling behind and really need to be heads down for awhile. Besides being true, it also encourages them to find more constructive ways to deal with their issues.

5. Focus on self care. 

Allow the emotional vampires prowling the halls of your office free rein and they'll drain you to a husk. Take the simple steps above and you should be able to preserve your energy for more useful tasks than feeding their egos and taming their anxieties.

“Yes, the people around us can be insensitive, narcissistic, toxic, and sometimes even abusive, but it is up to us to take that energy on or let it flow through us. No one is responsible for taking away our happiness but us.”-Aletheia Luna, Awakened Empath: The Ultimate Guide to Emotional, Psychological and Spiritual Healing

Quote on Energy Vampires #1

“If you’ve ever met an energy vampire (and you probably have), you’ll get the distinct feeling that this person has an intense need to prey off the vitality of others. There is a kind of acute neediness present in energy vampires which can be quite overwhelming and depleting to those they come in contact with.”-Mateo Sol, Awakened Empath: The Ultimate Guide to Emotional, Psychological and Spiritual Healing

Quote on Energy Vampires #2

“Energy vampires prey on others because they are in pain, and their behavior is a disguised cry for help. However, the important thing to remember is that you are not responsible for resolving their issues. While you can offer help to an energy vampire, it is ultimately their responsibility to sort our their struggles.”-Aletheia Luna, Awakened Empath: The Ultimate Guide to Emotional, Psychological and Spiritual Healing

Quote on Energy Vampires #3

“An energy vampire can never “steal” energy from us unless we consciously or unconsciously permit them to.”-Mateo Sol, Awakened Empath: The Ultimate Guide to Emotional, Psychological and Spiritual Healing

Quote on Energy Vampires #4

5 Step Process for Dealing with Emotional Vampires

Save your energy for things that actually matter (like building your company) by disentangling yourself from toxic people.

mentalhealth

Mental Health

You can only truly love another if you love yourself first. But how do you actually fall in love with yourself? The process of self-love isn’t easy; it takes work and patience, but it’s essential to your overall happiness and sense of fulfillment. Here are five ways to fall in love with yourself, no matter what life has thrown at you so far.

How to Fall in Love with Yourself

It can be easy to focus on our negative qualities and things we don’t like about ourselves, but try to focus on the good instead. Write down a list of things you love about yourself- things you’re proud of, things that make you happy, etc. Make sure to look at this list often and add to it when you think of new things.

Focus on your good qualities

One of the best ways to love yourself is to be kind to yourself. This means speaking kindly to yourself, forgiving yourself when you make mistakes, and taking care of yourself physically and emotionally. When you are kind to yourself, you will start to see all the wonderful things about you that you may have been missing.

Be kind to yourself

It’s so important to enjoy your own company and not feel like you need someone else to validate you. Spend time doing things that make you happy, and learn to love yourself for who you are. Don’t be afraid to be single and enjoy your own company!

Enjoy being alone

If someone is constantly putting you down, making you feel bad about yourself, or otherwise treating you badly, it’s time to let them go. Holding on to toxic people will only bring you down and make it harder for you to love yourself. So cut ties with anyone who doesn’t make you feel good about yourself.

Let go of people who treat you badly

I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know that God has a plan for me. And His plan is good. Even when things are tough, I need to remember that He knows what He’s doing. I may not always understand why things happen the way they do, but I can trust that God knows what He’s doing. So instead of worrying about the future, I’m going to focus on living each day to the fullest and enjoying the life that God has given me.

Have faith in God’s plan for you

You can only truly love another if you love yourself first. But how do you actually fall in love with yourself? The process of self-love isn’t easy; it takes work and patience, but it’s essential to your overall happiness and sense of fulfillment. Here are five ways to fall in love with yourself, no matter…

habits

Habits

<ul><li>The Flooding Smile: Pause a second and smile.</li><li>Sticky Eyes: Notice eye color.</li><li>Epoxy Eyes: Keep looking at the person, even when someone else is talking.</li><li>Hang by your teeth: Pretend you are hanging by your teeth. Head up.</li><li>The big baby pivot: Show how much you like them. Undivided attention.</li><li>Hello old friend: See a new person as an old friend.</li><li>Limit the fidget: Keep your hands away from your face.</li></ul>

<ul><li>Hans horse sense: Keep a keen eye on how your listener is reacting.</li><li>Watch the scene before you make the scene: VISUALIZE yourself a Super Somebody.</li><li>Make a mood match: Copy their mood and postures.</li><li>Prosaic with passion: Tone is more important than words.</li><li>Always wear a “What’s It”: Wear or Carry something unusual (for attention).</li><li>Who is that?: Make your friend to introduce you to others.</li></ul>

<ul><li>Never the naked city: Never give a one-word answer about your city.</li><li>Be a good word detective: listen more than talking.</li><li>Parroting: Repeat the last few words.</li><li>Encore: Request them to the repeat performance.(sing,dance,joke..)</li><li>Accentuate the positive: And eliminate the negative.</li><li>The latest news: Know what’s trending.</li><li>What do you do,NOT!: Instead ask, “how do you spend most of your time?”.</li></ul>

<ul><li>The nutshell resume: Pack a nutshell about your own life.</li><li>Your personal thesaurus: Try out a few new words.</li><li>Kill the quick “me too”: Delay revealing your similarity, or let them discover it.</li><li>Comm-YOU-nication: Start every sentence with “you”.</li><li>The exclusive smile: Reserve an big, flooding smile for your important ones.</li><li>Use Jawsmith’s Jive: Make ’em rhyme, make ’em clever, make ’em funny, make ’em relevant.</li></ul>

<ul><li>Call a Spade a Spade: Don't hide behind euphemisms. </li><li>Trash the teasing: Never make a joke at anyone else's expense.</li><li>It’s the receivers ball: Deliver with the appropriate emotional emphasis.</li><li>The broken record: When someone questions on an unwelcome topic , repeat your original response.</li><li>Never the naked thank you: Say “thank you for…” (reason)</li><li>Scramble therapy: Participate in activities you’d never think of indulging in.</li><li>Baring Their Hot Button: Ask the hottest issues going on in their field.</li></ul>

"You'll not only break the ice, you'll melt it away with your new skills." -- Larry King "The lost art of verbal communication may be revitalized by Leil Lowndes." -- Harvey McKay, author of “How to Swim with the Sharks Without Being Eaten Alive” What is that magic quality makes some people instantly loved and respected? Everyone wants to be their friend (or, if single, their lover!) In business, they rise swiftly to the top of the corporate ladder. What is their "Midas touch?" What it boils down to is a more skillful way of dealing with people. The author has spent her career teaching people how to communicate for success. In her book How to Talk to Anyone (Contemporary Books, October 2003) Lowndes offers 92 easy and effective sure-fire success techniques-- she takes the reader from first meeting all the way up to sophisticated techniques used by the big winners in life. In this information-packed book you’ll find: 9 ways to make a dynamite first impression 14 ways to master small talk, "big talk," and body language 14 ways to walk and talk like a VIP or celebrity 6 ways to sound like an insider in any crowd 7 ways to establish deep subliminal rapport with anyone 9 ways to feed someone's ego (and know when NOT to!) 11 ways to make your phone a powerful communications tool 15 ways to work a party like a politician works a room 7 ways to talk with tigers and not get eaten alive In her trademark entertaining and straight-shooting style, Leil gives the techniques catchy names so you'll remember them when you really need them, including: "Rubberneck the Room," "Be a Copyclass," "Come Hither Hands," “Bare Their Hot Button,” “The Great Scorecard in the Sky," and "Play the Tombstone Game,” for big success in your social life, romance, and business. How to Talk to Anyone, which is an update of her popular book, Talking the Winner's Way (see the 5-star reviews of the latter) is based on solid research about techniques that work! By the way, don't confuse How to Talk to Anyone with one of Leil's previous books, How to Talk to Anybody About Anything. This one is completely different!

books

Books

"You'll not only break the ice, you'll melt it away with your new skills." -- Larry King "The lost art of verbal communication may be revitalized by Leil Lowndes." -- Harvey McKay, author of “How to Swim with the Sharks Without Being Eaten Alive” What is that magic quality makes some people instantly loved and respected? Everyone wants to be their friend (or, if single, their lover!) In business, they rise swiftly to the top of the corporate ladder. What is their "Midas touch?" What it boils down to is a more skillful way of dealing with people. The author has spent her career teaching people how to communicate for success. In her book How to Talk to Anyone (Contemporary Books, October 2003) Lowndes offers 92 easy and effective sure-fire success techniques-- she takes the reader from first meeting all the way up to sophisticated techniques used by the big winners in life. In this information-packed book you’ll find: <ul><li>9 ways to make a dynamite first impression</li> <li>14 ways to master small talk, "big talk," and body language</li> <li>14 ways to walk and talk like a VIP or celebrity</li> <li>6 ways to sound like an insider in any crowd</li> <li>7 ways to establish deep subliminal rapport with anyone</li> <li>9 ways to feed someone's ego (and know when NOT to!)</li> <li>11 ways to make your phone a powerful communications tool</li> <li>15 ways to work a party like a politician works a room</li> <li>7 ways to talk with tigers and not get eaten alive </li></ul> In her trademark entertaining and straight-shooting style, Leil gives the techniques catchy names so you'll remember them when you really need them, including: "Rubberneck the Room," "Be a Copyclass," "Come Hither Hands," “Bare Their Hot Button,” “The Great Scorecard in the Sky," and "Play the Tombstone Game,” for big success in your social life, romance, and business. How to Talk to Anyone, which is an update of her popular book, Talking the Winner's Way (see the 5-star reviews of the latter) is based on solid research about techniques that work! By the way, don't confuse How to Talk to Anyone with one of Leil's previous books, How to Talk to Anybody About Anything. This one is completely different!

Leil Lowndes is an author and internationally recognized communications expert who specializes in subconscious interactions. She has conducted hundreds of seminars in the US and around the world for major corporations, associations, and the general public, and frequently appears as a guest expert on national television shows and major news networks. She has authored ten bestselling books on communications — most recently, How to Talk to Anyone at Work: 72 Little Tricks for Big Success Communicating on the Job — and is published in over 26 foreign languages. She lives in New York City.

Leil Lowndes

How to Talk to Anyone : 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships

<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">People in your life can be grouped into two: Chargers and Drainers.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Chargers are people you like being with. They energize you, and they sincerely want the best for you. They celebrate your success and you grow by being with them.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Drainers are people you need to spend less time with or cut off from your life; even if they're family - you owe nothing to anyone. You don't honestly enjoy being with them as well, they dislike it when you're above them and want you to shrink to their level. They find fault on your achievements.</li></ul>

Chargers And Drainers

<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">You are the average of the people you spend most time with. According to science when you spend time with someone your brain waves actually link up. You become similar to that person.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Imagine yourself as a freshly picked orange, would you rather put yourself in a basket with fellow fresh oranges OR in a basket of oranges with moulds where it will spread, and eventually you will rot too.</li></ul>

Detoxifying Your Life

Episode 385 - Everyone in your life fits into one of two categories. One category you keep in your life, the other you kick to the curb. Check out this episode to learn how to find out which to keep and which to kick.

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The Mindset Mentor - Kick The To The Curb!

<ul><li>Boundaries are statements that make you feel safe and comfortable in your relationships. They can be either behaviors or statements</li><li>Some people think of boundaries as saying no or cutting people off, but there are 1,000 other boundaries we can set before cutting someone off.</li><li>There's a lot of space that you can give both yourself and the other person when you're putting in a boundary. In general, we feel best when people do as we do.</li><li>It's important to acknowledge that boundaries are preferences. They are not a rule, they are just what we choose to do.</li></ul>

On Boundaries

When people habitually disrespect our boundaries, we have to try something different.A solution to this is to not tell this person anything that's secret because they've demonstrated that they cannot respect that boundary.

Disrespecting boundaries

<ul><li>Especially when you're putting up a boundary with someone that you love and that you really care for, you're changing the way that something's going to go. You're changing a dynamic.</li><li>You have to grieve the loss of who you thought that person could be for you and reconstruct what's possible with the person that you actually have.</li><li>Usually, when a person isn't respecting your boundaries it's because they can't. It is really on us to change the way in which we engage.</li></ul>

Boundaries and Relationships

Relationships aren’t always easy to preserve. Boundaries can help.

How to set an effective boundary

A psychology thread from <a href="https://twitter.com/PsyPapers/status/1552956133480046592?t=hg8h1l5yNACYyd5rlvOgVw">@PsyPapers</a> shared about several things that you MUST remember if you are in a relationship.

Psychology 

Say nice things to your partner like, "I'm proud of you, I love you, You're doing your best, Thank you, You are amazing!"

Learn to ask and listen, COMMUNICATE stop mind-reading in a relationship it won’t work.

Always make time for each other. If you're busy, send short text messages to inform him/her..It is very important

Embrace the good and try to fix the bad in your relationship, No one is perfect. All relationships go through things if you can get through it move past it do so but if you feel you can’t leave peacefully and heal and move on .

Unhealthy love is when two people expect each other to solve the other's problems. Healthy love is when two people acknowledge and address their own problems with each other's support.

Best thing ever is being in a relationship where you don’t have to worry about anything. no cheating, no lying, and no secrets.

Don't EVER tolerate any form of abuse in the name of Love.

No two minds were molded the same. Don’t try to change that person into what YOU think is ideal for your convenience. Let that person grow and love you their way.

Surprises, gifts, forehead kisses, romance are important in a relationship.

Remember once you're in a relationship, you hold a person's heart in your hand. You need to always care for it & careful not to break it.

Many of us are already in a relationship but to be in a mature relationship is whole new story. Remember these things if you are in a relationship.

Things You Have to Remember If You Are in A Relationship

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