Knowing when to quit We all know the benefits of perseverance to be one of valuable life skills. “Keep pushing it, you’ll get there.”  “Or just keep going it will be alright,” It’s a good advice, and one  I try to live by too. But I’ve also realized that while it’s great to give things time enough to fail or succeed, at times, what we NEED is to know when to quit!

For real, knowing when to quit before hitting rock bottom, isn’t clear to most people, but it’s an extremely important skill that everyone should learn. Everyone. I’m not writing this to discourage you so that you can give up on things easily. The scope behind this article is to encourage you to take a bold step out of any toxic situation in life—not to imply giving up on a course that has the potential for success.

It’s like we’ve been rewired to believe quitting means failure. It’s why some people prefer to stick to something, even when it grieves them, so as to avoid judgement from others. This problematic situation mostly attributes to life in general–we’ve instilled the idea of persevering to the end that we can’t—read between the lines—or know when to quit or keep going. There’s a quote that says “losers are quitters, winners never quit”  Well, this isn’t a matter of whether losers are quitters or not, it’s a matter of being brave enough to discern when to stay or step away from something.

What am I saying in essence? Learning to quit in this aspect, is the ability to self-assess situations, and question whether you should keep going or quit. It’s a skill everyone should learn to scale through life.

As a matter of fact, there are unique instances in life where people have to quit their jobs or relationships. There are certain circumstances where people have blind spots concerning the wrong decision they make. To back it up I’ve compiled these are 3 most important areas of life where we make the most mistake; <ul><li>Making a wrong career move </li><li>Staying too long at a job </li><li>Taking too long to walk out on toxic relationship </li> </ul>

Assuming you want to be a model or an actor, do you want to be in either of these industries because you are in love with the prospect of modeling/acting? or you got your aspirations from the fame and fortune that comes with being in the spotlight, the centre of attraction ?

1. Making a Wrong Career Move

If later is the case, you’ll be wasting time doing something that’s not worth a drop of your sweat, when you can be much appreciated elsewhere. You’ll never be happy or fulfilled no matter how hard you try. There are a lot of undiscovered active models or actors on cue doing menial jobs, many of them seem to be ok with the small wins, hoping that one day, they’ll hit the jackpot and be discovered. People like that are at risk of being stuck, especially if they’re just after the fame. They might struggle fruitlessly unless they decide to do something else.

They automatically stop being intentional. They stop questioning whether their decisions will lead them to the life they want to live, rather than doing what they want and what makes them happy, healthy, and free.

What does this mean to you? If it means you love your job but the circumstances don’t allow you to perform at your highest potential, or you’ve decided the workload with the low paycheck isn’t worth your efforts then you’re better off leaving. But what if you want a change, what if you want a career change? Then I say, if it means that much to you, don’t be afraid to do it if you can.

2. Keeping a Job That Drains You 

I’ve seen quite a few of what toxic relationships look like and I must say… It takes good foresight and courage to exit a toxic relationship quickly. ( I mean run-as-fast-as your-legs-can afford-you type of exit) Here’s why —first off—It’s worth noting that bad relationships sometimes don’t seem bad at all, and things aren’t always a shithole from the inside. You share happy moments and there are even glimpses of the change you hoped for, or moments that you believe are THE  turning point . But possibilities can be both a blessing and a curse.

3. Taking Too Long to Walk out on Toxic Relationship

The truth is we don’t have any real control over other people, the only person we have control over is ourselves. Unfortunately, the potential you sometimes see in others, the hope you have for who they can become, only goes that far… Trapped in the waiting zone. For any miracle to surface, the other person must see and work for the same potential. They, too, must be invested in the relationship just as much as you.

But many people don’t get that. Or they don’t want to? Ok maybe not when they are seeing some kind of miracle? They just hold on to the feeling, hoping that their partner will come around. So many people are hurt because they keep hanging around until they’re hurt, broken, and drained. Call abuse for what it is , and don’t hang around people that will keep receiving from you with no guarantee to receive. Walk away while you can, or you allow being take for a long, long ride.

So friend, “Not everything has to keep heading in the same direction, everything has to end.” Michael Jordan was widely considered one of the greatest basketball players of all time, but his decision to retire and return to the game several times took away from his legacy. He retired from the Chicago Bulls in 1998, but returned to play for the Washington Wizards in 2001 damaged his legacy. He retired again in 2003, but returned to play for the Bulls in 2009.

Closing Thoughts

This constant switching between retirement and playing took away from his image as an all-time great. People felt that his return to the league was simply for financial gain and that he had lost the passion and drive that made him a dominant force in the game.

Another example was Lance Armstrong. He was once considered one of the greatest cyclists of all time, but his decision to continue racing after being stripped of his seven Tour de France titles due to doping allegations damaged his credibility. Many felt that his continued participation in the sport was a desperate attempt to salvage his reputation and so he lost the respect of the cycling community. This famous figures experiences are testimonials for life in general, because they all screen “quit when you should” from the rooftop.”

Not every face of your life has to keep going in one direction. And no one can teach you exactly how to do that better than yourself.

Learn one of life's most important skill 

Knowing when to quit We all know the benefits of perseverance to be one of valuable life skills. "Keep pushing it, you'll get there." "Or just keep going it will be alright," It's a good advice, and one I try to live by too. But I've also realized that while it's great to give

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Mindfulness

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Motivation & Inspiration

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Mental Health

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Entertainment

One “Life Rule” That Hits You Harder Later in Life

Focus is critical component of success in both personal and professional life. It is the ability to concentrate one's efforts, thoughts, and energy toward a specific goal or task.

How to stay focused in Life and on Goals 

1. Set clear and specific goals - The first step towards focus is setting clear and specific goals. This means you need to determine what you want to achieve, why you want to achieve it, and by when. A clear goal provides direction and motivation, making it easier to stay focused.

Here are some tips for staying focused on your goals 

2. Eliminate distractions - Distractions are one of the biggest obstacles to focus. It's essential to eliminate them as much as possible. This means turning off your phone, closing your email, and finding a quiet place to work.

3. Stay organized - Organization is key to focus. When you have a clear and organized workspace, you can find what you need quickly, and you don't waste time searching for it.

“Here the ways of men divide. If you wish to strive for peace of soul and happiness, then believe; if you wish to be a disciple of truth, then search.” ~<a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/search/ref=as_li_qf_sp_sr_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=wakitime09-20&keywords=Nietzsche&index=aps&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=xm2&linkId=39e61491bbfc532e8dcc0bb8d63120cc">Nietzsche </a>

To a certain extent, we are always deceived. For we are only human, all too human. But to the extent that we can become aware of deception—both self-deception and the deception of others—being undeceived means being ahead of the curve of the human condition.

First, it means embracing deception as an integral part of life. Then it means being strategically circumspect while creating your own meaning. It means taking everything that you’ve learned into consideration with humility and a good sense of humor. It means becoming so healthy that your very existence is a catalyst for healthy change. It means connecting courage to curiosity. It means taking a leap of courage. It means putting things into proper perspective by using health as a benchmark.

It is, paraphrasing <a href="https://www.wakingtimes.com/bruce-lees-private-letters-explain-really-meant-like-water/">Bruce Lee </a>, “absorbing what is useful, discarding what is not, and adding what is uniquely your own.” Let’s break it down…

“If everyone is thinking alike, then no one is thinking.” ~<a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/074325807X/ref=as_li_qf_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=wakitime09-20&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=074325807X&linkId=b41a3a37e1afa96c0efc2f500e5609d2">Benjamin Franklin </a> What is useful? Well, if your goal is not only basic survival but also progressive evolution, then what is useful is what is healthy. Contrastingly, what is not useful is what is unhealthy.

Absorb what is useful:

So, how do you figure out what is healthy or not? Through logic, reason, and critical thinking. You cannot wish something into being healthy. You cannot simply believe something is healthy and, by your strong faith alone, expect it to be valid. You can only reason through if something is healthy or not. Once you have reasoned a thing to be healthy, you free yourself to absorb what is useful.

Absorbing what is useful is absorbing what is healthy. The path is then clear to question with a good conscience. You become undeceived. In a state of undeception, you are free to wield the question mark sword, the Sword of Truth, and to use it in a way that distinguishes what’s healthy from what’s not. What is healthy is absorbed as something useful for progressive evolution. What is unhealthy can then be discarded as something useless, so as to avoid an unhealthy society.

“A fool thinks himself wise, a wise man knows himself to be a fool.” ~<a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/search/ref=as_li_qf_sp_sr_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=wakitime09-20&keywords=William%20Shakespeare&index=aps&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=xm2&linkId=26cbe500ba6a34a1f703948012da08f7">William Shakespeare </a> Discarding what is not useful (what is unhealthy) requires self-discipline. It requires vigilance. Most people don’t even know that they don’t know the difference between healthy and unhealthy. Especially people who have grown up, culturally conditioned and indoctrinated, in a profoundly sick society.

Discard what is not useful:

How do you know if you were born into a profoundly sick society? 1.) Any society that pollutes the air it needs to breathe is a profoundly sick society. 2.) Any society that pollutes the water it needs to drink is a profoundly sick society.

3.) Any society that pollutes the food it needs to eat is a profoundly sick society. 4.) Any society that pollutes the minds it needs to evolve with is a profoundly sick society.

You must have the self-discipline to daily question what is healthy and what is not. For health is not a matter of opinion. Health is a benchmark. Without this benchmark, you cannot discern what is useful from what is not useful.

As such, belief and certainty are the greatest obstacles blocking us from being able to discard what is not useful. This is especially dangerous when those beliefs and certainties are derived from the cultural conditioning of a profoundly sick society. Hence the importance of vigilance and strategic prudence.

In order to remain undeceived, we must remain circumspect. The Sword of Truth must be unleashed daily so that it may cut through the red tape of wishful thinking, irrational beliefs, and whimsical certitude. It is only when our naïve beliefs have been shattered upon the hard concrete of reality that we are free to distinguish between what is healthy and what is not. As we begin to piece things together, we become undeceived. We are liberated to absorb what is useful and discard what is not.

“Small minds discuss people. Average minds discuss events. Great minds discuss ideas.” ~<a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/search/ref=as_li_qf_sp_sr_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=wakitime09-20&keywords=Henry%20Thomas%20Buckle&index=aps&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=xm2&linkId=beaf00caa84487504931248b07abe628">Henry Thomas Buckle </a> Once you have successfully threshed the chaff (unhealthy/useless) from the grain (healthy/useful), you are free to unleash your creativity. From swords to plowshares, your Sword of Truth becomes a Pen of Truth. With it, you are free to create high art; art that shatters molds, stretches comfort zones, and initiates wake up calls. You become free to prove why the pen will always be mightier than the sword.

Add what is uniquely your own:

Here, still, we must remain vigilant. For even art can become dogmatic. In order not to be deceived, we must always be in a state of questioning what we think we know and weighing it against the nonnegotiable scales of healthy/unhealthy. Should our art become dogmatic, we would be wise to absorb what is useful from it and discard what is not. This way we will always be openminded and openhearted enough to add what is uniquely our own.

Outdated truth must die so that it doesn’t taint the updated truth of the times. God must die so that God can be reborn. Creativity thrives off the ashes of old art. Evolution progresses or stagnates in proportion to how creative we can be after having absorbed what is useful (healthy) and discarding what is not (unhealthy).

The art of being undeceived is more like the juggler’s art than the interrogator’s. It should be flexible and adaptable to meet results which are sudden and unexpected. The undeceived understand that the self is masks all the way down perceiving delusions all the way up, and they have the acumen and the wherewithal to juggle both masks and delusions into a state of high humor and even higher art.

Gary ‘Z’ McGee - To a certain extent, we are always deceived. For we are only human, all too human.

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Philosophy

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Religion & Spirituality

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Personal Development

The Art of the Undeceived

What is Self-Awareness? It is the ability to recognize and understand one's own emotions, thoughts, and actions. It involves being aware of the present moment, one's thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, and the environment around them.

Self-Understanding

Self-awareness is important because it helps us better understand our emotions, thoughts, and behaviours. It allows us to be in tune with our needs, strengths, and weaknesses, so we can make more conscious decisions. It also helps us to communicate better with others, set achievable goals, and be more confident in our abilities.<a href="https://productive.fish/blog/self-awareness/">Being self-aware</a> can help us create meaningful relationships, overcome personal challenges, and lead a more fulfilling life.

Why is Self-Awareness Important?

<a href="https://productive.fish/blog/self-awareness/">Increasing self-awareness</a> involves taking a deliberate and intentional approach to understand and reflect on one's thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. This process of introspection and self-reflection can lead to greater understanding of one's strengths, weaknesses, motivations, and habits.By becoming more aware of these aspects of ourselves, we can make more informed decisions, develop healthier relationships, and work towards personal growth and fulfillment.

How to Increase Self Awareness

Regularly take time to reflect on your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, and how they impact your daily life.

Practice mindfulness and introspection

Ask friends, family members, or coworkers for their perspectives on your behavior and habits.

Seek feedback from others

Writing down your thoughts, feelings, and experiences can help you gain insight into your patterns of behavior and emotions.

Keep a journal

Consider participating in activities such as meditation, therapy, or workshops that encourage self-reflection and self-discovery.

Engage in self-reflection activities

Self-awareness is the conscious knowledge and understanding of one's own personality, feelings, thoughts, and sensations.

Uncover what is self-awareness, why does it matter, and how to improve your self-awareness to reach your goals and live a more positive life.

Understand yourself and those around you.

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Psychology

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Love & Relationships

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Teamwork

What Is Self-Awareness and How to Improve It

#1. Put your children first#2. Accept different parenting styles#3. Be calm and focus on connection#4. Keep to regular routines within families#5. Develop a Co-Parenting Plan#6. Be open and flexible#7. When your co-parent won’t be flexible

7 Co-Parenting Tips for Children

During separation, children may experience big and challenging feelings such as grief, anger, frustration, isolation, and loneliness. It's important to acknowledge their emotions and be there for them. Support and stay in contact with your co-parent, to ensure your children feel safe. If your child can't stay overnight with the other parent, think of alternative ways for them to bond. Putting the children's needs first is key.

1. Put your children first

It's important to talk to your children about different parenting styles and household rules, respecting that each is okay as long as the child is safe.<ul><li>Recognize if fear of letting children stay with the other parent overnight is due to legitimate safety concerns or the need for control. </li><li>Ask yourself if being with the other parent is harmful or just different routines. </li><li>Avoid fighting and broken relationships by letting them go if safe.</li></ul>

2. Accept different parenting styles

Be a positive role model for your children. Show them how to handle change and unexpected events by staying calm and composed, even when things don't go according to plan. Encourage connection with their other parent by having photos, phone calls, and responding positively to their stories. Your children are watching and taking cues from you, so lead by example and focus on connecting with them when they are with you.

3. Be calm and focus on connection

Routines bring stability and improved resiliency to families during uncertain times. Determine your family's specific needs and prioritize 2-3 morning, afternoon, or evening routines to anchor the day and keep it on track.

4. Keep to regular routines within families

Having a plan for parenting responsibilities and care arrangements is essential for a successful co-parenting relationship. Putting the needs of the children first and using common sense decision making can help navigate the new relationship between parents and minimize miscommunication. The plan should include a schedule for:<ul><li>Visitation</li><li>Education</li><li>Medical needs</li><li>Financial support</li><li>Special occasions</li><li>And guidelines for decision making and conflict resolution.</li></ul>

5. Develop a Co-Parenting Plan

<ul><li>Be flexible in co-parenting arrangements</li><li>Use common sense to solve challenges</li><li>Give notice and communication options to other parent</li><li>Be open to conversations and adjustments</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Practice mutual understanding, as it may be your turn to request adjustments.</li></ul>

6. Be open and flexible

When your co-parent refuses to be flexible, the best course of action is to Seek a Court Order to ensure the health and safety of your children. If the other parent is uncooperative, this may be the only way to resolve any issues. Regardless of the situation, it is important to do your best as a parent and prioritize the well-being of your children.

7. When your co-parent won’t be flexible

<ol><li>Co-parenting can be done in different ways, so think creatively to find solutions that benefit everyone.</li><li>Finding the right balance in co-parenting takes time, patience and good communication.</li><li>Both parents should work together and put aside their differences to create a positive environment for their children's growth and development.</li></ol>

And Remember...

It takes a village to raise a child.

Co-parenting after separation is a complicated process that requires organization, communication, and flexibility. It's important to work together to navigate co-parenting challenges and find solutions that work for each family's specific situation. 

Learn why it is important to work together when it comes to co-parenting to ensure good family relationships in this blog.

parenting

Parenting

7 Tips for Co-Parenting Your Children

<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/30659.Meditations">Meditations </a> by Roman emperor <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marcus_Aurelius">Marcus Aurelius </a>was probably never meant to be published, but in 1558 someone at Heidelberg University in Germany decided that these 12 books full of wisdom were too valuable to remain hidden from the world – and printed them.

Meditations By Marcus Aurelius - Book Overview 

Opposite to the Epicureans, who sought as much pleasure as they could in the here and now, for tomorrow they could die, the Stoics believed in the goodness of things, no matter how bad they were at any given time.

"Put an end once for all to this discussion of what a good man should be, and be one."-Marcus Aurelius

Author Quote

<ol><li>True “logic” doesn’t always make sense, but everything happens for a reason. </li><li>Life is too short to complain. </li><li>The only pain you suffer is the pain you create yourself. </li> </ol>Excited about stoicism? Let’s begin your training, young philosopher!

Top 3 Book Lessons

The word logic as we use it today originally stems from ancient Greek. The word “logos” means “reason” and to the stoics, it was the force of life.Logos gives everything its form and its order. It flows through every plant, every tree, every building and every human being. It is the essence of all life and the underlying master plan for everything that happens in the world . Therefore, every single thing that happens, whether good or bad, happens for a reason.

Lesson 1: The true meaning of “logic” is not something that always needs to make sense — but it’ll always have purpose.

Things are exactly right as they are, which includes terrible things like terrorism, death and disease just as much as it includes wonderful things like rainbows, sunny days and long, fulfilled lives.

We’ve long deviated from this concept. To us, logic has become a much more mathematical concept. 1+1 = 2. That’s logic to us. But <a href="http://fourminutebooks.com/the-art-of-happiness-summary/">when a close family member unexpectedly dies </a>, we don’t think that’s logical. It doesn’t make sense to us. It’s unfair, we get angry, we cry and resent the world. Marcus Aurelius believed that everything happens for a reason. Always. Even in the worst of times, he took comfort in the fact that everything is exactly as it’s supposed to be.

If everything is exactly right the way it is, complaining becomes utterly useless then , doesn’t it? There’s a saying I like: “For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson You could’ve spent those 60 seconds laughing. Talking. Breathing. Living. But you chose to complain to the person next to you in line at the cashier how hard life is. How much waiting at the grocery store sucks. And how stupid that employee is for making a mistake.

Lesson 2: Life is too short to waste even a second complaining.

You never know how long you have. No one knows. You could get hit by a bus tomorrow, or never even wake up the next day. Your time on earth is limited. Incredibly limited. So don’t waste it.Marcus Aurelius hated holding court, but he knew he shouldn’t spend even a second regretting his duties. Instead, he trusted in the grand scheme of things, knowing that logos had a plan for him, and right now his part in that plan was to let people waste his time with superficial arguments and small talk in court.

Complaining wastes your time and makes everyone that has to listen to it feel bad. So how about making it today’s mission to stop complaining?

Being an emperor in ancient Rome was a dangerous job. People tried to kill you, abduct you, stab you in the back and poison you at least once a week. Marcus Aurelius believed that physical pain was part of logos’s big plan as well. He also suffered a lot of psychological pain in his lifetime. Out of his 13 children, 8 died before him, including his wife, who died at a very young age.

Lesson 3: The only pain you suffer is the one you inflict upon yourself.

But he was convinced that all these things happen for good reason, trusted in the purpose, and thus remained calm even in the worst of times. After all, these deaths were external events that Marcus Aurelius had no hand in whatsoever. He believed that any harm done to a person from an external source was beyond their control and therefore, couldn’t truly harm them . The suffering only starts if you allow it to, because you start blaming yourself, questioning why things happen, or complaining about how unfair everything is.

Whatever pain you’re facing, you have a choice. You can accept it and move on without complaining. Always. So don’t make yourself suffer, it’s really all in your head.

Wow. For some of you this might all feel very abstract, but I can’t remember the last time I learned so much from a summary that’s this short (just 5 blinks). For books like these a Blinkist summary is the perfect intro, because it describes everything in plain words. As you can imagine, the original text is quite complicated.

Meditations - BookReview

<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/30659.Meditations">Meditations </a> is available <a href="http://classics.mit.edu/Antoninus/meditations.html">for free </a>online, but usually, professional translations by a publisher in paperback format will help you engage with the book more and digest its ideas better. I recommend <a href="https://amzn.to/2ocZX6y">the Dover Thrift Edition </a>. I also tend to do better with heavier topics, like life, death, thinking, etc., when I have something in my hand that I can mark, leave comments on in pen, and so on. If you’re new to Stoicism, this book is a must-read.

Book Ava

Meditations by Marcus Aurelius - Book Summary 

This summary of Meditations by Marcus Aurelius will explain the great Stoic philosopher's perspective. Read my Meditations summary.

artsandculture

Society, Arts & Culture

Meditations Summary

<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/57933306-stolen-focus">Stolen Focus </a> explains why our attention spans have been dwindling for decades, how technology accelerates this worrying trend, and what we can do to reclaim our focus and thus our capacity to live meaningful lives.

Stolen Focus - Book Summary 

"When you are unable to pay sustained attention, you can't achieve the things you want to achieve."-Johann Hari

Author Quote 

According to Johann Hari in his book <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/57933306-stolen-focus">Stolen Focus: Why You Can’t Pay Attention </a>, he explains patterns like the fact that <a href="https://www.thezebra.com/resources/research/texting-and-driving-statistics/">half of all young people are texting while driving </a>. The book also sheds a light on why doing so <a href="https://www.thezebra.com/resources/research/texting-and-driving-statistics/">reduces our attention by as much as 37% </a>. Of course, Hari provides some solutions too.

<ol><li>Our dwindling attention spans predate the internet, but their decline is accelerating at an alarming rate. </li><li>Current social media platforms are designed to make you addicted so they can make a profit. </li><li>If you want to get back your ability to focus, stop celebrating multitasking and practice being in a flow state. </li> </ol>

Top 3 Lessons From The Book 

Out of personal dissatisfaction with his ability to focus, Danish professor Sune Lehmann conducted a <a href="https://www.nature.com/articles/s41467-019-09311-w">study </a>about attention. He concluded that, even before the internet, the rise and fall of popular books in the last 200 years indicates that trend cycles are getting shorter. The internet compounds this problem. Between 2013 and 2016, the average duration for which topics trend on Twitter reduced by over 30%, from over 17 to just over 11 hours.

Lesson 1: The internet isn’t the only thing eroding our focus, but it’s declining ever-faster, and that’s a problem.

The culprit is the increasing rate at which we can spread information. From letters to the radio to telephones and live TV — the internet is just the tip of the iceberg. This “<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/29848682-the-great-acceleration">great acceleration </a>,” as Robert Colvile calls it, lies at the heart of the problem. Where we used to consume the equivalent of about 40 newspapers each day in the 80s, it was about 174 newspapers in 2004, and it’s bound to be a lot more now.

The faster we can spread information, the more information we distribute, and the more rains down on every single one of us on any given day . Unlike the latest hot topic on Twitter, this trend isn’t going to go away any time soon, and <a href="https://fourminutebooks.com/the-organized-mind-summary/">our brains simply aren’t evolving fast enough to cope with it </a>.

We have a saying in Germany: “The only thing that’s free in life is death — and even for that, you’ll have to pay with your life.” It means that everything comes at a price, even if the price is hidden at first.

Lesson 2: Most of today’s big social media platforms exploit your attention on purpose so they can make money.

Social media is a great example. We don’t pay with cash to use services like Facebook, Instagram, or TikTok, but in that word, “using,” already lies their true cost: our time and attention. Infinitely scrolling feeds, vain buttons that issue <a href="https://fourminutebooks.com/how-to-break-up-with-your-phone-summary/">dopamine at a tap </a>via likes, shares, and comments, and algorithms feeding you outrageous stories to keep you “using” — it’s all designed to make you addicted on purpose.

To the giants of Silicon Valley, your time is their money, and they’re doing everything they can to keep you “engaged,” even if it’s to the detriment of your time management, wellbeing, and focus . In 2020, the Wall Street Journal even <a href="https://www.wsj.com/articles/facebook-knows-it-encourages-division-top-executives-nixed-solutions-11590507499">broke a story </a>showing Facebook knew full well what it was doing. Quoting an internal presentation, they showed that “[their] algorithms exploit the human brain’s attraction to divisiveness.” Since it’s so profitable, however, they’ve done little to change anything, so it’s up to us to take back what’s ours.

More information than we can handle, addictive technology, and an entire industry incentivized to keep you doomscrolling for as long as possible: It’s easy to put on your victim hat when it comes to your loss of <a href="https://fourminutebooks.com/deep-work-summary/">deep focus </a>. But we too carry some of the blame.

Lesson 3: The first step to regaining your focus is to stop celebrating multitasking and begin practicing the state of flow.

For one, we’ve developed a culture of celebrating multitasking. Since our society is now always chasing the next thing, we’ve adopted that same <a href="https://fourminutebooks.com/mindset-summary/">mindset </a>at work. The more boxes we can check off, the better, or so we think. Ultimately, we just end up doing “performative multitasking” — we’re more concerned with looking and feeling busy than actually creating something meaningful .

Of course, <a href="https://fourminutebooks.com/the-myth-of-multitasking-summary/">multitasking is a myth </a>, a term reserved for computers with multiple processors, not humans with just one brain. So, what can you do? Reject multitasking. Stop celebrating your coworkers for bouncing around between Slack, email, and PowerPoint. Set boundaries by tuning your notifications, and aim to <a href="https://fourminutebooks.com/singletasking-summary/">singletask </a>.

A good way to practice this is to get in <a href="https://fourminutebooks.com/flow-summary/">the state of flow </a>that researcher Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi described. Lose yourself in a task, and lose track of time. That’s how you know you’re in flow, and any challenge that is not too difficult but also not too boring and feels intrinsically rewarding can trigger it. Start small. Put the brakes on multitasking, go down fewer social media rabbit holes, and remind yourself that it’s okay to not know everything. Find some time to get into flow, and your power to focus will be back in no time!

Hari packages the topic well. In outlining the situation as a global attention crisis, he conveys to us the gravity of the situation. He deftly compiles the history, latest developments, and up-to-date research on the subject, and he still manages to sneak in some personal recommendations as to how we can improve. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/57933306-stolen-focus">Stolen Focus </a>is a great read for learning to better manage your attention in the 21st century.

Stolen Focus - Book Review

The 14-year-old high school student who’s so busy maintaining all her social media profiles that she barely has time to pay attention in class, the 27-year-old young professional who feels totally overwhelmed at a new job two weeks in, and anyone who feels like they just can’t focus the way they used to.

Who would I recommend the Stolen Focus to?

Read our summary of Stolen Focus by Johann Hari to discover why your attention is waning, and what you can do to get it back, in 3 lessons.

productivity

Productivity

problemsolving

Problem Solving

scienceandnature

Science & Nature

Stolen Focus Summary

It appears to me that you are right in feeling especial fear of [the passion of anger], which is above all others hideous and wild: for the other [passions] have some alloy of peace and quiet, but this consists wholly in action and the impulse of grief, raging with an utterly inhuman lust for arms, blood and tortures, careless of itself provided it hurts another, rushing upon the very point of the sword, and greedy for revenge even when it drags the avenger to ruin with itself.

Some of the wisest of men have […] called anger a short madness: for it is equally devoid of self control, regardless of decorum, forgetful of kinship, obstinately engrossed in whatever it begins to do, deaf to reason and advice, excited by trifling causes, awkward at perceiving what is true and just, and very like a falling rock which breaks itself to pieces upon the very thing which it crushes.

There is no animal so hateful and venomous by nature that it does not, when seized by anger, show additional fierceness. I know well that the other passions, can hardly be concealed, and that lust, fear, and boldness give signs of their presence and may be discovered beforehand, for there is no one of the stronger passions that does not affect the countenance: what then is the difference between them and anger? Why, that the other passions are visible, but that this is conspicuous.

Aristotle’s definition [of anger] differs little from mine: for he declares anger to be a desire to repay suffering. It would be a long task to examine the differences between his definition and mine: it may be urged against both of them that wild beasts become angry without being excited by injury, and without any idea of punishing others or requiting them with pain: for, even though they do these things, these are not what they aim at doing.

We must admit, however, that neither wild beasts nor any other creature except man is subject to anger: for, whilst anger is the foe of reason, it nevertheless does not arise in any place where reason cannot dwell. Wild beasts have impulses, fury, cruelty, combativeness: they have not anger any more than they have luxury: yet they indulge in some pleasures with less self-control than human beings.

When [the poet] speaks of beasts being angry he means that they are excited, roused up: for indeed they know no more how to be angry than they know how to pardon. Dumb creatures have not human feelings, but have certain impulses which resemble them. […] Their impulses and outbreaks are violent, [but] they do not feel fear, anxieties, grief, or anger, but some semblances of these feelings: wherefore they quickly drop them and adopt the converse of them: they graze after showing the most vehement rage and terror, and after frantic bellowing and plunging they straightway sink into quiet sleep.

The difference between [anger] and irascibility is evident: it is the same as that between a drunken man and a drunkard; between a frightened man and a coward. It is possible for an angry man not to be irascible; an irascible man may sometimes not be angry.

[There] are some sorts of anger which go no further than noise, while some are as lasting as they are common: some are fierce in deed, but inclined to be sparing of words: some expend themselves in bitter words and curses: some do not go beyond complaining and turning one’s back: some are great, deep- seated, and brood within a man: there are a thousand other forms of a multiform evil.

Whether [anger is] according to nature will become evident if we consider man’s nature […] Mankind is born for mutual assistance, anger for mutual ruin: the former loves society, the latter estrangement. The one loves to do good, the other to do harm; the one to help even strangers, the other to attack even its dearest friends. The one is ready even to sacrifice itself for the good of others, the other to plunge into peril provided it drags others with it.

“What, then? Is not correction sometimes necessary?” Of course it is; but with discretion, not with anger; for it does not injure, but heals under the guise of injury. We char crooked spearshafts to straighten them, and force them by driving in wedges, not in order to break them, but to take the bends out of them.

May it not be that, although anger be not natural, it may be right to adopt it, because it often proves useful? It rouses the spirit and excites it; and courage does nothing grand in war without it, unless its flame be supplied from this source […] Some therefore consider it to be best to control anger, not to banish it utterly, but to cut off its extravagances, and force it to keep within useful bounds, so as to retain that part of it without which action will become languid and all strength and activity of mind will die away.

In the first place, it is easier to banish dangerous passions than to rule them; it is easier not to admit them than to keep them in order when admitted; for when they have established themselves in possession of the mind they are more powerful than the lawful ruler, and will in no wise permit themselves to be weakened or abridged. In the next place, Reason herself, who holds the reins, is only strong while she remains apart from the passions; if she mixes and befouls herself with them she becomes no longer able to restrain those whom she might once have cleared out of her path.

There are certain things whose beginnings lie in our own power, but which, when developed, drag us along by their own force and leave us no retreat. Those who have flung themselves over a precipice have no control over their movements, nor can they stop or slacken their pace when once started […] So, also, the mind, when it has abandoned itself to anger, love, or any other passion, is unable to check itself: its own weight and the downward tendency of vices must needs carry the man off and hurl him into the lowest depth.

The mind does not stand apart and view its passions from without, so as not to permit them to advance further than they ought, but it is itself changed into a passion, and is therefore unable to check what once was useful and wholesome strength, now that it has become degenerate and misapplied: for passion and reason, as I said before, have not distinct and separate provinces, but consist of the changes of the mind itself for better or for worse.

“But some angry men remain consistent and control themselves.” When do they do so? It is when their anger is disappearing and leaving them of its own accord, not when it was red-hot, for then it was more powerful than they; […] it is when one passion overpowers another, and either fear or greed gets the upper hand for a while. On such occasions, it is not thanks to reason that anger is stilled, but owing to an untrustworthy and fleeting truce between the passions.

[A]nger has nothing useful in itself, and does not rouse up the mind to warlike deeds: for a virtue, being self-sufficient, never needs the assistance of a vice: whenever it needs an impetuous effort, it does not become angry, but rises to the occasion, and excites or soothes itself as far as it deems requisite.

“Anger,” says Aristotle, “is necessary, nor can any fight be won without it, unless it fills the mind, and kindles up the spirit. It must, however, be made use of, not as a general, but as a soldier.”Now this is untrue; for if it listens to reason and follows whither reason leads, it is no longer anger, whose characteristic is obstinacy: if, again, it is disobedient and will not be quiet when ordered, but is carried away by its own willful and headstrong spirit, it is then as useless an aid to the mind as a soldier who disregards the sounding of the retreat would be to a general.

If, therefore, anger allows limits to be imposed upon it, it must be called by some other name, and ceases to be anger, which I understand to be unbridled and unmanageable: and if it does not allow limits to be imposed upon it, it is harmful and not to be counted among aids: wherefore either anger is not anger, or it is useless […] the passions cannot obey any more than they can command.

For this cause reason will never call to its aid blind and fierce impulses, over whom she herself possesses no authority, and which she never can restrain save by setting against them similar and equally powerful passions, as for example, fear against anger, anger against sloth, greed against timidity. May virtue never come to such a pass, that reason should fly for aid to vices!

Moreover, of what use is anger, when the same end can be arrived at by reason? Do you suppose that a hunter is angry with the beasts he kills? Yet he meets them when they attack him, and follows them when they flee from him, all of which is managed by reason without anger.

Anger […] is not useful even in wars or battles: for it is prone to rashness, and while trying to bring others into danger, does not guard itself against danger. The most trustworthy virtue is that which long and carefully considers itself, controls itself, and slowly and deliberately brings itself to the front.

No passion is more eager for revenge than anger, and for that very reason it is unapt to obtain it: being over hasty and frantic, like almost all desires, it hinders itself in the attainment of its own object, and therefore has never been useful either in peace or war: for it makes peace like war, and when in arms forgets that Mars belongs to neither side, and falls into the power of the enemy, because it is not in its own.

Vices ought not to be received into common use because on some occasions they have effected somewhat: for so also fevers are good for certain kinds of ill-health, but nevertheless it is better to be altogether free from them: it is a hateful mode of cure to owe one’s health to disease. Similarly, although anger, like poison, or falling headlong, or being shipwrecked, may have unexpectedly done good, yet it ought not on that account to be classed as wholesome, for poisons have often proved good for the health.

Qualities which we ought to possess become better and more desirable the more extensive they are: if justice is a good thing, no one will say that it would be better if any part were subtracted from it; if bravery is a good thing, no one would wish it to be in any way curtailed: consequently the greater anger is, the better it is, for whoever objected to a good thing being increased? But it is not expedient that anger should be increased: therefore it is not expedient that it should exist at all, for that which grows bad by increase cannot be a good thing.

No man becomes braver through anger, except one who without anger would not have been brave at all: anger does not therefore come to assist courage, but to take its place.

Nothing becomes one who inflicts punishment less than anger, because the punishment has all the more power to work reformation if the sentence be pronounced with deliberate judgment. This is why Socrates said to the slave, “I would strike you, were I not angry.” He put off the correction of the slave to a calmer season; at the moment, he corrected himself. Who can boast that he has his passions under control, when Socrates did not dare to trust himself to his anger?

“No plague has cost the human race more dear.” - Seneca

De Ira or "On Anger" is an essay on anger by Seneca the Younger. The work offers advice on controlling anger and to make it subject to reason. It is not clear to scholars who wrote the first work on the subject of passions or emotions (the terms are thought interchangeable), but while Xenocrates (396/5-314/3 BCE) and Aristotle (384-322 BCE) were students at Plato's Academy, a discussion on emotions took place which provided likely the impetus for all later work on the subject. The Stoic Posidonius of Apamea (c.135 - 51 BCE) is considered the main source for Seneca, also the work of Theophrastus, Antipater of Tarsus, Philodemus of Gadara, Sotion of Alexandria, Xenocrates (active sometime after 346 BCE) and Aristotle (c. 384-322 BCE ). Other influences may have included works On Passions by the Stoic philosophers Zeno of Citium, Chrysippus, Aristo of Chios, Herillus, Hecato of Rhodes, and the Peripatetic philosopher Andronicus of Rhodes (c. 1st century B.C.). Within the context of Stoicism, which seeks to aid and guide the person in a development out of a life of slavery to behaviors and ways of the vices, to freedom within a life characterized by virtue, de Ira posits this as achievable by the development of an understanding of how to control the passions, anger being classified as a passion, and to make these subject to reason.Seneca's thoughts of the relationship of the passions to reason, are that the passions arise in a rational mind as a result of a misperceiving or misunderstanding of reality.

On Anger

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On Anger

I’m so done living within the confines of my comfort zone.

9 Important Things Introverts Do Better Than Extroverts

It's time to Read like a Pro.

It's time to
Read like a Pro.