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The way we present ourselves to others cannot be changed by others. We have to want to change for the better ourselves, for our self.
Unrealistic expectations of others can be shown by shouting, getting frustrated easily, angry or upset often.
Simply put, you need to discover who the person infront of YOU is. You can choose to help them to manage their chimp and recognise their gremlins, or you can judge them for how they are presenting themselves. The choice is yours. P127.
A golden rule for understanding people and situations is to ALWAYS attempt to establish the FACTS before you make your assessment.
Want to understand whats inside your head and how it works?
The human brain is complex so I will simplify it for you.
Within the Chimp Management Model, we outline three parts to the brain:
• Frontal - the Human
• Limbic - the Chimp
• Parietal - the Computer
These 3 parts combine to form the Psychological Mind.
These three parts of the brain attempt to work together, they very frequently get into conflict and struggle against eachother to gain control, with the Chimp (limbic brain) often winning!
The frontal (Human) and the limbic (Chimp) the emotional machine, are not always in agreement with eachother.
Either one of these parts of your brain can run your life for you, although they try to work together, it is a problematic task.
The Human and the Chimp have independent personalities with different agendas, ways of thinking and modes of operating.
Effectively, there are two beings in your head!
Therefore, it is important to grasp that only one of these beings is you, the Human.
The Chimp is an emotional machine which we all possess. It thinks independently from us and can make decisions for us. It offers emotional thoughts and feelings that can be very constructive or very destructive! It is not either good or bad, it is a Chimp.
The Chimp paradox is that it can be your best friend and your worst enemy simultaneously.
The purpose of this book is to help you to manage your Chimp and to harness its strength and power when it is working for you and to neutralise it when it is working against you.
Successful people don't make demands from others, but set the scene, so that the Human in others may respond, rather than their Chimp.
When people have accidents that damage the frontal lobe or where they have a disorder or illness affecting the frontal lobe, their personality alters.
Effectively, the Human part of the brain stops working and the new personality that presents is the Chimp. People affected in this way will become disinhibited and lose their judgement, or they can become apathetic or have outbursts of aggressive behaviour.
How many times have you talked to yourself? Reassured yourself or had battles within your own head?
You often have thoughts and feelings you don't want and even carry out behaviours that you know are not really what you want to do. So why do you do it? How can you not have control over what thoughts or emotions you have and the behaviours you carry out?
How can you be two different people at different times?
Brain scanners show the blood supply in your brain going to the area that is being used. When you think calmly and rationally then we see the blood going to the frontal area, the Human in your head, and you become the person you want to be and truly are.
When you become emotional and irrational, especially when you are angry or distressed, then we see the blood supply go to the limbic area, your Chimp. You would usually say this isn't how you want to be.
The truth is that it is your Chimp, an emotional machine, that is overpowering your Human mind. Your Chimp is hijacking you!
Having a Chimp is like owning a dog. You are not responsible for the nature of the dog but you are responsible for managing it and keeping it well behaved. Stop and think about this as it is crucial to your happiness and success in life.
The Chimp within your head is a separate entity to you. It was born when you were born but has nothing to do with you as a Human.
It is simply part of your machinery.
You didn't choose your Chimp, it was given to you and you need to accept it.
It has a mind of its own and thinks with original thoughts which aren't yours.
Its purpose is to ensure the next generation
One of the secrets of success and happiness is to learn to live with your Chimp and not get bitten or attacked by it.
To do this, you need to understand how your Chimp behaves, and why it thinks and acts in the way that it does.
You also need to understand your Human and not muddle up your Human with your Chimp!
The Psychological Mind also has a storage area for thoughts and behaviours, called the Computer, based on the Chimp Management Model.
The Computer stores information that the Chimp or Human has put into it. It then uses this information to act for them in an automatic way or as a reference point.
Now you have a basic understanding of whats inside your head, get this book to start your journey across the Psychological Universe.
We can see how you are operating with your Human, Chimp and Computer in different circumstances and how to use them to your advantage and understand your self better.
A basic understanding of this mindset - being an innocent, passive victim at the hands of others and circumstance, completely devoid of any responsibility/accountability and has no power to change things.
The general behaviours and beliefs displayed are as follows:
They try to show you that you are selfish and owe them greatly. If challenged, they either become aggressive and accusatory or they become suitably depressed and tearful. Ofcourse, its your fault that they are depressed and tearful!
These typical behaviours are shown when the Snow White sufferer has not got their way over something or another. They embrace the feeling of being hard done by and that others owe them a favour.
They will make you aware of the above with subtle sighs and gestures, followed by acts of passive aggression such as silence or refusing to communicate.
It is tough for all those involved when someone has become a Snow White sufferer. Escaping this means a real change of approach in life.
The sufferer must be helped to see exactly how they are presenting themselves to others.
Seek help and therapy with an empathetic and non judgemental individual, to explore and unlock the Mindset and disband the Gremlins that are dancing together.
P.s. we have all occasionally developed a touch of the Snow White Mindset when we have allowed the Gremlins to move in!
Be proactive and make it work to get the best out of life. Change what needs to be changed of your reality and the world you have made for your self, so that you won't be resigned to suffering any further.
Find and seek support from suitably trained individuals who support you with the changes you instigate, and learn to get on with life with a genuine smile.
Only you can make this choice for your self.
The power over your self is with you and no.body.else
In order to help you to keep the Snow White Mindset from developing:
When two people communicate together, either person is in Chimp mode or in Human mode, alternating between these modes very quickly.
Chimp mode = emotionally charged conversation and not necessarily logical.
Human mode = not emotionally charged conversation, with a logical basis.
Human to human - this will be logically contained.
Chimp to chimp - the conversation will be highly emotionally charged, potentially involving attacks and counterattacks.
The centre of the Square contains the 'right person'.
The corners include:
If you don't get the centre of the Square right, then you are most likely wasting your time and not doing your self any favours.
This 'never ending wrong person' trail is VERY COMMON.
If someone has a complaint or discussion involving a specific person, it is amazing that they go to everybody but the person to highlight and resolve issues (barking up the wrong tree).
The result is that you will never be satisfied and resolve the situation, as you are wasting time and energy going down a trail of wrong people, instead of resolving the problem by approaching the person who needs to be approached.
You may fall into the trap of moaning and complaining to lots of random people, inadverdently making your self the problem.
Speaking to the right person can save alot of time, effort and emotional stress! The usual reason we don't talk to the right person is due to lack of assertiveness.
Being assertive means explaining to someone else what is acceptable in your world and what isn't acceptable and why. Explain this in a calm manner WITHOUT expressing emotion.
In contrast to this, being aggressive is expressing emotion and behaviours that are attacking in manner in order to convey the message.
Speaking steadily helps us to get our message across in the way we intend and helps others to listen.
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