How To Break Toxic Relationship Patterns
Curated from: nylon.com
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A Toxic Relationship
A toxic relationship is akin to an unproductive pattern, the kind that involves the same disagreements again and again with no satisfactory resolution. The issues eventually start to feel unresolvable and frustrating.
Maybe it's not arguing, maybe its making assumptions, or refusing to recognize when someone else might be right, or you might be right.
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How the Pattern Started
It can be useful to look at your own behavior in your relationships. Look at the role you usually play across all types of relationships.
Look at the early relationships you saw in your family, how you communicated your needs, and how your needs were met. It can reveal how you might relate to others now.
If someone in your early life was manipulative and you learned to doubt them, you may doubt other people, too.
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Own Your Role
Once you've identified the pattern, be accountable for your part. It is more than just apologizing. Own your role and then change your behavior. How could you do it differently?
The more responsibility you take for your part in your relationships, the more likely you are to recognize and make necessary changes.
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Slow Down the Conversation
Focus on clearly conveying your whole emotional message and try to hear the whole of the other person's without thinking it is an attack.
Saying "I feel like you..." instead of "You never/You always..." can lead to a more productive discussion.
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Talk with Purpose
Important conversations are best when they're intentional and contained. Try to separate the discussion from the arguments or actions that led to it.
It's helpful to say that you have something on your mind and would like to have a kind and respectful conversation about it. Ask when it would be a good time for the other person. Then talk about it intentionally and without distractions.
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A Chance for Change
The best thing about knowing you have a problem is the opportunity to fix it.
Using our struggles within our relationships can help us discover parts of ourselves that need healing and growth. It can lead us to become better friends, partners, and people.
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IDEAS CURATED BY
"Having someone wonder where you are when you don't come home at night is a very old human need." — Margart Mead
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