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How did people communicate when you were growing up? Was there debating or shouting or silent treatment? How do you respond to conflict? Do you shut down or lash out?
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When you’re in a crucial conversation, it’s easy for high stakes to get the better of you and for things to blow up. You lose focus.
A great way to avoid this is by setting yourself a clear goal for the conversation.
Another way to focus your mind is to ask yourself:
These simple questions will help you empathize with the other person, pre-solve any challenges and have better, more constructive conversations.
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Crucial conversations can be frightening. When we get scared, we typically turn to one of two “Styles Under Stress”: Silence or Violence.
Silence behaviors include:
Violence behaviors include:
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These questions might help you better understand your behavior:
Once you’ve learned to look at yourself you can start looking at other people.
Understanding their proclivity for violence or silence will help you to plan your approach.
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You can do this through mutual respect and mutual purpose.
To ensure mutual purpose, ask:
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The most common stories are:
These stories assume the worst about ourselves and the people around us. These stories lead to silence or violence.
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We need to develop five distinct skills.
We need to STATE:
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Different Perspectives Curated by Others from Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High, Third Edition
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