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How did people communicate when you were growing up? Was there debating or shouting or silent treatment? How do you respond to conflict? Do you shut down or lash out?
When you’re in a crucial conversation, it’s easy for high stakes to get the better of you and for things to blow up. You lose focus.
A great way to avoid this is by setting yourself a clear goal for the conversation.
Another way to focus your mind is to ask yourself:
These simple questions will help you empathize with the other person, pre-solve any challenges and have better, more constructive conversations.
Crucial conversations can be frightening. When we get scared, we typically turn to one of two “Styles Under Stress”: Silence or Violence.
Silence behaviors include:
Violence behaviors include:
These questions might help you better understand your behavior:
Once you’ve learned to look at yourself you can start looking at other people.
Understanding their proclivity for violence or silence will help you to plan your approach.
You can do this through mutual respect and mutual purpose.
To ensure mutual purpose, ask:
The most common stories are:
These stories assume the worst about ourselves and the people around us. These stories lead to silence or violence.
We need to develop five distinct skills.
We need to STATE:
To encourage other people to share, try AMPP:
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