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Breakups and subsequent renewals are quite common across all types of romantic relationships and even marriages.
Falling apart and then seeking to mend the old relationship seems to be deeply rooted in our psychology.
When people experience breakups they go through the ‘protest’ phase initially, and the rejected lover becomes obsessed with winning back the person who has quit the relationship.
Rejection, paradoxically, makes the rejected person love the partner even more. This is called a ‘Frustration Attraction’, and can be categorized as an addiction.
The rejected lover experiences high levels of dopamine and norepinephrine in the brain, and are visibly stressed out. These chemical reactions trigger many to do crazy things to win their ex back. Such feelings are erased quickly if the lover starts dating a new partner.
Some people also feel increasingly passionate and loving after the breakup and are more likely to forgive their ex.
They play an important part in moving towards forgiveness. A bad present relationship (or lack of it) makes the lover remember the good times with the ‘known devil’, with feelings of loss and grief surfacing. Lovers who are now single have stronger desires to get back to their ex, as they fear they would remain single otherwise.
Past relationships, now easily found on Facebook, are generally viewed in a rosier light than they were when they were an ongoing relationship.
Post-relationship relations are a thing, with the ex doing all kinds of things like ghosting, orbiting, benching and zombieing their past lovers. Social media makes breakups visible, so any broken relation has the necessary audience to play out the post-breakup games.
They take the breakup game seriously, and are vulnerable to anxiety, depression and even suicide, due to a lack of understanding of life and the public nature of their relationships.
The smartphones and tablets that seem to be surgically attached to them right from birth are a cause of their getting into relations, breaking up from it, and also for post-breakup therapy and coaching.
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