It doesn’t mean you speak the loudest or most often, but rather that  you are getting your message across clearly and also taking in the messages you’re receiving from the people around you.

Observe if those you’re speaking to are moving toward or away, by asking what that person wants.

If they start listing things they don’t want (they don’t want to fail, they don’t want to be stuck in the same dead-end job) or talking about what they do want  (a family, to succeed...

• When trying to communicate effectively with someone who has an internal frame of reference, appeal to the things they know about themselves. Tie your communication to a personal fact you already know about that person.
• Those with an external frame of reference wan...

We all sort ourselves in two distinct ways: We either self-sort or sort by thinking about others.

• Self-sorters look at an interaction or decision and think, “What’s in it for me?” 
• Someone who sorts by thinking of others responds to questions by wondering how it wil...

If you’re looking to be persuasive with someone, you want to see things through their eyes and communicate in a way they can relate to.

• Matchers look for sameness in the world, trying to understand how things relate to each other. 
• Mismatchers see how things a...

Part of establishing trust, or being able to convince someone, is sensing the different needs of different people. 

• If you’re trying to sell someone a product, and they trust you immediately, you know you’re going to be able to do your job. 
• If you sense you’re with some...

• People motivated by possibility make choices based on what they want to do and are hopeful about pursuing the unknown. 
• Those who make decisions based on necessity do things because they feel they have to. People who are driven by acts out of a feeling of necessity...