How to Practice Assertive Communication - The Cognitive Behavior Therapy Center of Southern California
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How to Practice Assertive Communication
In life, there are often times when you need to have uncomfortable conversations. Assertively communicating in a way that is clear and direct is one of the most effective ways of minimizing conflict, preventing misunderstandings, and creating a positive environment. When you practice assertive communication, you are giving equal respect to the rights and needs of yourself and others.
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Non-Assertive Communication
People often confuse aggression with assertiveness, but they are very different. In aggressive communication, you are placing your own rights and needs above the rights and needs of others. Aggressive communication does the following:
- Forces your opinions on others
- Does not allow compromises
- Damages relationships
Passive communication is when you place the rights and needs of others above your own. Passive communication does the following:
- Allows for someone to be bullied or ignored
- Leads to low self-esteem
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Assertive Communication Guide
- State your point of view in a clear and direct manner
- Avoid exaggerating. For example, instead of saying, “You’re always late!” Try saying, “You are 20 minutes late for the third time this week.”
- Discuss facts rather than making judgments. For example, instead of saying, “You’re trying to get out of doing the group assignment!” Try saying, “Your portion of the assignment needs to be one page longer.”
- Use “I statements” that communicate your feelings without being accusatory. instead of saying, “You’re such a slob!” Try saying “I feel frustrated when you leave your clothes on the floor.”
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