WHEN WE LOVE WE CAN LET OUR HEARTS SPEAK.

LOVE ISN'T ALWAYS GIVEN FREELY OR CONSISTENTLY, BUT EVERYONE DESERVES TO BE LOVED AND CHERISHED.

WHEN WE DEFINE LOVE, WE REALIZE LOVE AND ABUSE CANNOT COEXIST.

IF YOU DO NOT LOVE YOURSELF. YOU WILL BE ENABLE TO LOVE ANYONE ELSE.

WE NEED TO RE-ESTABLISH COMMUNITIES RATHER THAN BEING TEMPTED TO LIVE IN ISOLATION. COMMUNITIES ENSURE SURVIVAL AND HAPPINESS.

HAVE THE CLARITY TO STAND BACK AND EXAMINE A POTENTIAL PARTNER CAREFULLY.

Quality summary of All About Love: New Visions by Bell Hooks

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All About Love: New Visions by Bell Hooks

We’ve all had one of those arguments. You know the kind: Things start civil enough, but then the other person says something that rankles you. Maybe it was their tone, a mistaken fact, or them repeating the same point yet again. You shout that they aren’t listening. They hit back that you don’t understand. Tension escalates, emotions crescendo, and before you know it, you’re just <a href="https://bigthink.com/neuropsych/your-brain-on-arguing/">arguing to make the other person pay </a>. By the end, nothing is solved, and everyone is emotionally exhausted (to say nothing of the apologies and relationship mending you’ll have to do tomorrow).

4 Step Strategy To Deescalate Tense Argument

But even when arguments center on intense or highly personal subjects, they don’t have to regress into verbal fisticuffs. <a href="https://bigthink.com/thinking/how-minds-change-book/">They can be sources of learning </a>and clarity that leave us better off — whether we reach an agreement or not. If only we had some way to de-escalate the emotional tension when we feel it welling up.

Enter mathematical psychologist Anatol Rapoport. Rapoport devised a code of conduct for offering critical commentary that he hoped would advance, rather than inhibit, further discussion. That code would later be synthesized by <a href="https://bigthink.com/people/danieldennett/">philosopher Daniel Dennett </a>into four simple steps he called Rapoport’s rules.* And while these rules are useful when providing formal commentary, they can also be utilized in personal arguments, online debates, and all manner of would-be ideological fracases.

The first rule is to explain the other’s position as accurately as possible. However, your paraphrase shouldn’t be a perfunctory tit-for-tat exchange —  that is, “See, I listened to you; now, it’s your turn to listen to me.” Your goal instead is to demonstrate care for the other person’s feelings and intelligence. You’re showing respect and relaying that — even if you don’t ultimately agree — you take their ideas seriously.

Rule #1: Explain Other Person’s Position

This rule has been used by <a href="https://bigthink.com/people/chris-voss/">Chris Voss </a>, businessman and former FBI negotiator, to great effect in many potentially hazardous conversations. On the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8EguLJgkc54">Lex Fridman Podcast </a>, he shared a time when he was asked to moderate a conversation on the subject of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. At the time, Israel was shelling Gaza while Hamas was firing rockets into Israeli cities. It was an especially fraught time to discuss an already polemical issue.

Voss agreed but under one condition: Before being allowed to state their arguments, participants had to summarize the other side’s position strongly enough that their interlocutors would say, “That’s right.”

Did the conversation end with everyone in agreement? No. But Voss recalls that no one lost control either. “We wanted to show people that you can have conversations that don’t devolve into screaming matches with vitriol, talking about how you’re dedicated to the destruction of the other side,” he said of the experience. He added: “Articulating deeply what the other side feels is transformative for both people involved in the process.”

As with the previous rule, you don’t want to be perfunctory here either. Rattling off a few factoids or minor revelations won’t ease tensions as much as waste time. When mentioning what you’ve learned from the other person, try to affirm something non-trivial and genuinely meaningful to you. According to Seth Freeman, a professor of conflict management at Columbia Business school, doing so not only displays your willingness to learn but that you feel the other person is someone worthy of learning from.

Rule #2: Mention Anything You’ve Learned

“It’s the exact opposite of what I trained to do in law school. I was trained to think litigiously. [W]henever you say something, I’m listening with an eye toward invalidating — anything I can say to undermine you. And that’s typically the way we approach an argument,” Freeman said on <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMWTy9jQ12E">the Great Courses podcast </a>.

Additionally, Freeman recommends praising the other person when appropriate. You could mention the eloquence or passion they bring to the conversation. It could be their knowledge of the subject or their ethically minded approach. The point isn’t to substantiate their position; it’s to recognize the value of the person behind that position. No matter how close we are to someone, I don’t think we want anyone to feel like they’ve lost after-the-fact because resentment is not conducive to ongoing, long-term, profitable relationships.

During heated arguments, information and intentions can be obliterated beneath a fusillade of feelings. That’s because yelling and aggressive body language effectively <a href="https://bigthink.com/the-learning-curve/your-brain-at-work/">weaponize words </a>. When that happens, you and the other person are no longer responding to the subject at hand. You are defending yourself from those hurtful and destructive emotions.

Rule #3: List The Points In Which You Agree

Listing the points on which you agree can defuse the situation and bring the temperature down. It also reminds you that the argument is much larger than the points of contention, reducing the winner-take-all mentality to silence our inner lawyers. Taken together, rules one to three are about <a href="https://bigthink.com/neuropsych/building-trust/">building trust </a>, and trust is ultimately the secret to de-escalating tension among people. When people feel trust in each other, it makes them feel more prosocial and collaborative.

Research by neuroeconomist Paul Zak has shown that when we feel trust, our brains release oxytocin. While popularly known as the “love hormone,” oxytocin isn’t just about romantic intimacy. Zak’s studies have shown that oxytocin increases cooperation, reduces social wariness of others, and enhances our ability to understand each other’s emotional states.

This response is graded: “The more trust one is shown by others, the more oxytocin is released in the brain,” Zak wrote for <a href="https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_oxytocin_can_make_your_job_more_meaningful">Greater Good Magazine </a>. Therefore, the more we can use rules one to three to build trust, the less tense and more productive our arguments can be.

Now that you’ve done your best to establish trust, you may offer a critique, refutation, or counterpoint to the other’s argument. Thanks to that trust, the other person will hopefully see <a href="https://bigthink.com/the-learning-curve/constructive-criticism/">your criticism as more constructive </a>and collaborative than combative. And having put in the time to think about and articulate the other’s side, you’ll be less prone to engage in what Dennett calls “machine gun fire nitpicking.”

Rule #4: Only Now Make A Critique Or Refutation

With that said, there are times when you may want to swap this rule out for another strategy. For instance, sometimes it’s best to walk away. You may find yourself in an argument with someone who perversely <a href="https://bigthink.com/the-learning-curve/4-ways-identify-high-conflict-people/">enjoys escalating emotions </a>, and nothing you do will build the necessary trust or respect. Other times, the subject may be so volatile and the stakes so low that pursuing the argument isn’t worthwhile. Use your best judgment to determine if you want to risk the emotional fallout.

Similarly, you can choose to build on the conversation rather than offer a critique. An alternative that Freeman advises is to probe further. Ask open-ended questions. Discuss areas where you are confused. Show where your position may be an extension of theirs. This creates a sense of co-ownership in the search for truth or solutions.

As Voss pointed out in an interview with Big Think+: “The issue of winning and losing needs to fall away to: Was this a great collaboration where we were both better off and I was treated with respect? Because if I feel like I was treated disrespectfully, I’m going to make you pay.”

That’s the ultimate takeaway of Rapoport’s rules. No one has to pay, and we don’t have to approach disagreements as the do-or-die death matches of ideas and identity. Will we always reach an agreement or solution? Of course not. Smart, rational, and responsible people can differ in opinion. But if we view arguments as collaborative truth- and trust-building efforts, we can all be better off — and a little less exhausted — at the end of them.

4 Step Strategy To Deescalate Tense Arguments

Arguments can be intense. Rapoport's rules offer a simple strategy to de-escalate that tension and make our efforts more collaborative.

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A 4-step strategy to de-escalate tense arguments

"The truth about who we are lives in our hearts. Our call to courage is to protect our wild heart against constant evaluation, especially our own. No one belongs here more than you."-Brene Brown

Author Quote

<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/34565022-braving-the-wilderness">Braving The Wilderness </a>offers a four-step process to find true belonging through authenticity, bravery, trust, and vulnerability since it’s mostly about learning to stand alone rather than trying to fit in.

Bracing The Wilderness - Book Summary (Finding Authenticity)

On <a href="https://fourminutebooks.com/peak-how-great-companies-get-their-mojo-from-maslow-summary/">Maslow’s hierarchy of human needs </a>, belonging is the first thing we desire right after ensuring our own physical survival. And while it’s a very common word, it’s actually hard to describe, isn’t it? It feels kind of fuzzy as if we all mean something different, but we all know it when we feel it.

Book Overview

In <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/34565022-braving-the-wilderness">Braving The Wilderness </a> , bestselling author <a href="https://brenebrown.com/my-story/">Brené Brown </a>is looking to clear up some of that confusion. What’s more, by sharing her own story of how she chased this fundamental need for decades to no avail, she teaches us how to avoid common pitfalls on our way to find it. To her, belonging is mostly about learning to belong to ourselves.

But to do that, we need not just the right groups of people, but also the courage to stand alone and be ourselves when no one wants to have our back.

<ol><li>Once you stop working so hard on fitting in, you’ll find it’s easier to allow yourself to be you. </li><li>The courage you need to be who you are comes from learning to trust yourself and others. </li><li>Don’t swallow your anger, but turn it into a positive before it becomes resentment. </li> </ol>Brown’s metaphorical wilderness is the unkown, the scary, the life outside our comfort zone. It’s time to understand and engage it!

Top 3 Book L

All of us experience rejection in one way or another early in our lives. For <a href="https://brenebrown.com/my-story/">Brené </a>, it was not getting picked for the cheerleading team and her parents’ subsequent disappointment. For me, it was being sneered at for being smart and wearing glasses. That sucks, but real problems only follow if we then spend the rest of our lives trying to make up for these <a href="https://fourminutebooks.com/the-courage-to-be-disliked-summary/">early traumas </a>.

Lesson 1: Be Yourself - Stop Trying To Fit In

Eventually, you’ll hate yourself not for not fitting in, but for trying so hard to do and failing. That’s a good sign it’s time to stop. For Brené, this sign came in the form of Steve, who she would later marry. When she met him in the 80s, she was on a full-on drinking, partying, and smoking spiral, desperately trying to belong.

Steve encouraged her to learn to be herself. Brené started by <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NY6hZf6kI4g">writing herself permission slips </a>, like “you’re allowed to be goofy, have fun, and enjoy life,” which was her first one. The more of those she wrote, the less reliant she became on other people’s opinions. Now, she wears any attire to her <a href="https://fourminutebooks.com/talk-like-ted-summary/">speaking gigs </a>, no matter the dress code. Ultimately, belonging is about feeling good in your own skin above all else.

Throwing the expectations of others to the winds is liberating, but it takes courage. This courage to face the world on your own will partly come from <a href="https://fourminutebooks.com/dare-to-lead-summary/">building trust </a>. Trust in other people, trust from other people, and, most of all, trust in yourself.

Lesson 2: Courage omes From Trusting Both Others And Yourself

<ol><li>Be reliable . When you <a href="https://medium.com/personal-growth/the-wonderful-thing-about-broken-promises-b12ffe0b703a">make a promise </a>, value it. Honor it. Those you make to others, but especially those you make to yourself.</li><li>Own your mistakes . Being wrong isn’t a character flaw. But it can become one if you don’t own up to it. <a href="https://fourminutebooks.com/black-box-thinking-summary/">We hate admitting mistakes more than making them </a>, but that’s exactly why it’s so important to learn.</li><li>Respect boundaries . Most people will signal when you’re crossing a line. Try to stop then. Try to spot the signals.</li><li>Protect secrets . If someone confides in you, treat that vote of confidence with respect. Don’t blab.</li></ol>

7 Traits That Make You Trustworthy 

<ol><li>Be reliable . When you <a href="https://medium.com/personal-growth/the-wonderful-thing-about-broken-promises-b12ffe0b703a">make a promise </a>, value it. Honor it. Those you make to others, but especially those you make to yourself.</li><li>Own your mistakes . Being wrong isn’t a character flaw. But it can become one if you don’t own up to it. <a href="https://fourminutebooks.com/black-box-thinking-summary/">We hate admitting mistakes more than making them </a>, but that’s exactly why it’s so important to learn.</li><li>Respect boundaries . Most people will signal when you’re crossing a line. Try to stop then. Try to spot the signals.</li><li>Protect secrets . If someone confides in you, treat that vote of confidence with respect. Don’t blab.</li><li>Decide with integrity . When in doubt, just a<warningtag>sk yourself what’s the right thing to do. </warningtag><a href="https://fourminutebooks.com/blink-summary/"><warningtag>Your gut will always know </warningtag></a><warningtag>.</warningtag></li><li><warningtag>Stop judging </warningtag><warningtag>. This is hard, but you can practice it. We usually judge others based on their actions or their intentions. Try to </warningtag><a href="https://medium.com/personal-growth/there-are-two-ways-to-judge-people-both-are-useless-d28b1b6fa98b"><warningtag>replace this tendency with curiosity </warningtag></a><warningtag>instead, and you’ll become more compassionate and kind.</warningtag></li><li><warningtag>Be generous </warningtag><warningtag>. Whatever you have more of than other people, share it with them. Whether it’s time, money, a certain skill, doesn’t matter. As long as you look out for those around you.</warningtag></li></ol>

5. Decide with integrity . When in doubt, just ask yourself what’s the right thing to do. <a href="https://fourminutebooks.com/blink-summary/">Your gut will always know </a>.6. Sop judging . This is hard, but you can practice it. We usually judge others based on their actions or their intentions. Try to <a href="https://medium.com/personal-growth/there-are-two-ways-to-judge-people-both-are-useless-d28b1b6fa98b">replace this tendency with curiosity </a>instead, and you’ll become more compassionate and kind.7. Be generous . Whatever you have more of than other people, share it with them. Whether it’s time, money, a certain skill, doesn’t matter. As long as you look out for those around you.

You can do all of these in small ways, but if you repeat them thousands of times over months and years, eventually, a web of trust will form around you. And it’ll build confidence unlike any you’ve ever felt before.

In November 2015, <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/November_2015_Paris_attacks">a series of coordinated terrorist attacks </a>led to the deaths of 130 people in Paris, France. One of the many victims was Hélène Leiris, whose husband Antoine and baby son Melvil were at home. If there’s a single good reason to be angry in this world, it’s losing someone you love before their time is up.

Lesson 3: Use Your Anger To become Better, Not Bitter 

But instead of succumbing to his fury and grief, Antoine wrote <a href="https://fourminutebooks.com/letters-from-a-stoic-summary/">a letter </a>. He called it “<a href="https://www.theguardian.com/books/2016/oct/16/antoine-leiris-you-will-not-have-my-hate-interview-paris-attacks-helene-bataclan">You Will Not Have My Hate </a> ” and posted it on Facebook. In it, he showed pity for the terrorists and announced to them that his and his son’s lives would go on. That they would always look forward and that their happiness would defy everything their acts stood for.

Antoine’s outpour of love following such deeds of pure hatred went viral and received support from all over the world. Eventually, he expanded the letter into a book and, today, he’s pushing for more political awareness of terrorism at the European level. When you feel anger, acknowledge it. But don’t let it turn you into someone you’re not. Use it. Make positive change. Turn it into betterness, not bitterness.

<a href="https://brenebrown.com/my-story/">Brené </a>‘s books aren’t the most straightforward. They rarely give you a few steps and one, two, three, you’re done. They’re about processes of changes. They tell you stories that inspire. They’re honest, raw, and you have to pick out what works for you. But they never fail to make you feel like you’re on the right path. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/34565022-braving-the-wilderness">Braving The Wilderness </a>  is no exception.

Braving The Wilderness - Book Review

The 15 year old high school student who’s just learning to play our many social games, the 46 year old mother who’s scared to try something new, and anyone who knows their own anger is hurting them.

Who would I recommend Braving The Wilderness to?

My Braving The Wilderness summary shows you why true belonging means belonging to yourself, and how to do so with Brené Brown's 4-step process.

Understand yourself and those around you.

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Psychology

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Mental Health

Braving The Wilderness Summary

What does it mean when a woman's love language is quality time? Do you know what it means to spend <a href="https://www.yourtango.com/2018311184/15-men-reveal-number-one-way-speak-five-love-languages-specifically-quality-time-love-language">quality time, not just for a man </a>but for a woman whose love language is primarily quality time? I mean, you guys spend lots of time together regularly. Why does she <a href="https://www.yourtango.com/heartbreak/ways-husbands-prevent-wives-feeling-loved">not feel loved </a>the way you want her to?

20 Meaningful Things To Do For Quality Time

I am here to tell you that while spending time together is a good thing, there is a difference between quantity time and quality time. What your woman is most likely looking for is meaningful time together. That will make her feel loved. I am sure that, maybe, you are freaking out right now because you just don’t have any ideas of how you can make this ‘quality time’ happen.

There is nothing that a woman likes more than strolling down memory lane. Doing it with her man will make it even more special

1. Pull out the old photo albums.

Does your wife like to tell the story of how you met? I know I do. Take her back to that place to remind her how you, as a couple, began.

2. Take her to the place you first met.

I am not sure there is anything better than a massage. A <a href="https://www.yourtango.com/experts/jarone-ashkenazi/dos-and-donts-getting-your-first-couples-massage">massage with your man </a>would make it even better. The fact that you might have a little nudity might be fun too!

3. Book a couple’s massage.

This might seem like a fate worse than death, but she will love the movie and your sacrifice to go to it with her.

4. See a rom-com.

Doing the same old thing over and over can get stale. Spend time <a href="https://www.yourtango.com/love/things-to-do-as-a-couple">experiencing something new </a>together.

5. Do something new together.

If you are on time, you respect your woman’s time. And she will view that as quality time!

6. Always be on time.

Women who want quality time don’t always want to share it with their men. Sometimes space is just what she needs to feel loved.

7. Take the kids if you have some.

I am sure you both have your hobbies but is there something that<a href="https://www.yourtango.com/love/hobbies-for-couples">you can do together </a>?  Learning together can be very bonding!

8. Share a hobby.

This is a big one. When your woman walks into the room, say hi. When she gets dressed up, tell her she looks nice. If she looks sad, tell her you are there for her. Make sure she knows that you see her 100%.

9. Notice her.

There is nothing like sharing a cup of coffee before the day’s chaos begins to make your woman feel loved.

10. Have coffee together in the morning.

Nothing is like climbing into bed together at the end of the day’s chaos to make your woman feel loved.

11. Go to bed together.

I am sure that, when you are at work, interacting with co-workers,<a href="https://www.yourtango.com/self/bizarre-thing-happens-when-stare-into-someones-eyes-ten-minutes">eye contact </a>is key to connection and communication. So it is with your woman. So gaze into those baby blues and make your woman feel loved.

12. Make sure you use eye contact.

Again, not changing or canceling plans will prove to your woman that you value her time above all else. That is the definition of quality time.

13. Don’t change or cancel plans.

Is your wife sitting beside you as you scroll through your phone? Finish this article, put your phone down, take her hand, and tell her you to love her.

14. Get off your phone.

Of course, we can’t always be 100% present when we are together but make an effort to, when you are spending time together, be there with her, not letting your mind wander to work or to football.

15. Be present.

I know this seems mundane, but sometimes it’s nice to spend time together, doing things you both need to do. Get a cup of coffee and a donut along the way.

16. Run errands together.

Yes, you will be asleep during this quality time, but <a href="https://www.yourtango.com/love/science-snuggling-7-incredible-benefits-cuddling">cuddling in bed </a>beforehand will make your woman feel loved in a big way.

17. Take a nap together.

There is so much quality TV these days, and finding something you can watch together can be an incredibly bonding experience. What you shouldn’t do is watch an episode without her. Not ever!

18. Binge-watch a TV show.

Are your dinner dates usually comprised of dinner and a movie? Why don’t you try something different? Go bowling, roller skating, to a museum, or for a ride on a boat. Something different will make this date stand out from the others.

19. Make date night interesting.

Our days are long, and we often don’t have time to connect with our partners. Take an hour once a week to pause in the middle of the day and enjoy each other’s company. This is especially good if you have kids – you won’t be interrupted once!

20. Meet each other for lunch.

Before reading this article, were you really overwhelmed about making your woman feel loved because you didn’t understand what quality time really means? Do you have a clearer idea of what you can do to make your woman feel loved the way you want her to? Now, you can do one of two things: take this list to your woman and see what she wants to do, or take the initiative to make one happen. Whichever one you think your woman would like best.

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20 Meaningful Things To Do for A Woman Whose Love Language Is Quality Time

A true best friend is someone who makes your life better simply by being in it."

"A best friend is the one person you can't stay mad at for too long because you have too many things to talk about."

"Best friends are the people who stick around even when everyone else has left."

"A best friend is someone who knows you better than you know yourself."

"A best friend is someone who you can talk to about anything and everything."

"A true friend is someone who is there for you when they'd rather be somewhere else."

"A best friend is someone who knows how to make you smile even on your darkest days."

"A best friend is someone who knows all your secrets, but loves you anyway." - Elbert Hubbard

"A best friend is someone who makes your problems their problems, just so you don’t have to face them alone." - Unknown

"A best friend is someone who never judges you, no matter what mistakes you’ve made." - Unknown

"A best friend is someone who knows all your flaws, but loves you anyway." - Unknown

"A true friend is someone who sees the pain in your eyes, even when you’re smiling." - Unknown

"A best friend is someone who makes you laugh even when you think you'll never smile again." - Unknown

"You don't find your soulmate, you find your soul friends." - Unknown

"Best friends are the people in life that make you laugh a little louder, smile a little brighter, and live a little better." - Unknown

"Best friends are the ones who bring out the best in you, even when you didn't know you had it in you." - Unknown

"A best friend is someone who listens to your silence and understands it." - Unknown

"Friends are the family we choose, but best friends are the soulmates we find." - Unknown

Here are some popular quotes about best friends - Best Friend Quotes

Best Friend Quotes

Being raised by a parent with alcohol use disorder can lead to many adverse effects, some of which can persist into adulthood, though that’s not always the case. Read on to learn about how addiction can affect the adult children of alcoholics, how to approach a parent about alcoholism as an adult, and how therapy can help family and alcoholics recover from the emotional impacts tied to a parent’s alcohol use.

How Addiction Affects The Adult Children Of Alcoholics

According to the <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/fulltext/2008-06146-003.html">American Psychological Association’s </a>research on ACoA risk factors, patterns in a family dynamic where at least one parent struggled with alcohol use disorder can create and reinforce maladaptive (negative or harmful) thought patterns and behaviors that may present themselves in the adult children of alcoholics. Potential Lasting Impacts Of Parents With Alcohol Use Disorder<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">Persistent feelings of inadequacy and insecurity</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Actively avoiding conflict</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Difficulty controlling emotions</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Increased likelihood of developing an alcohol or substance use disorder </li><li>Hyper vigilance</li></ul>

Traits Common to Adult Children Of Alcoholics (ACoA)

ACoAs may be quick to make choices or react to a situation without considering the consequences or legitimately thinking through other options.

Impulsive Behavior

You may have experienced repeated inconsistent behavior as a child of an alcoholic, which can often lead you to have trouble following through with your commitments at work and in personal relationships. ACoAs often over-commit because they may feel a need to care for everyone around them.

Inconsistency

ACoAs generally don’t deal well with change. Rather than taking the time to identify and process the emotions elicited by a shift in circumstances, many display extreme overactions that serve no purpose.

Overreaction To Things Outside Their Control

After growing up with an alcoholic, many adults feel different from others with a healthier upbringing. They tend to isolate themselves because they may have trouble functioning with others or be upset when they don’t receive special treatment and allowances for dysfunctional behavior.

Isolation

Difficulties establishing and maintaining positive interactions with others often pose many challenges in romantic relationships for ACoAs. They may stay in unhealthy or abusive relationships or experience extreme emotional ups and downs with their partner.

Challenges In Romantic Relationships

ACoAs may have trouble identifying and accepting the role their own choices play in their various situations and the current state of their lives and relationships. They frequently blame others for the consequences they face and also show difficulties in acknowledging their mistakes.

Perceiving Themselves As A Victim

Many adult children of alcoholics are unfamiliar with the socially acceptable reaction to situations because that behavior typically wasn’t modeled for them as children. Their instinctual response may be to lie, omit, or exaggerate, even when the truth isn’t problematic and would be an acceptable answer.

Lying When The Truth Creates No Problems

ACoAs are often heavily judgmental of themselves and the people around them. This behavior can make it hard to feel content in their lives and relationships.

Judgmental Behavior

The opinions of other people may carry significant weight with ACoAs. They often desire and actively seek the approval of others and have a tough time accepting criticism, to the point of villainizing the other person or ending the conversation altogether.

Trouble Accepting Criticism

Despite first-hand evidence of the harm alcohol and substance use can do to the user and their loved ones, ACoAs are predisposed to develop their own troubles. Researchers credit this to a potential combination of genetics, a history of environments with heavy substance use problems, starting young, or lacking practical coping skills to manage stress.

Substance Use Disorders

“You don’t outgrow the effects of an alcoholic family when you leave home. If you grew up in an alcoholic or addicted family, chances are it had a profound impact on you. Often, the full impact isn’t realized until many years later.”

Several mental health conditions have been shared among ACoAs. Mental health professionals often recommend cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) to help overcome lingering harmful mental and emotional habits and patterns. <ul><li>PTSD</li><li>Anxiety</li><li>Depression</li><li>Emotional Dysregulation</li><li>Substance Use Disorder</li><li>Alcohol Use Disorder</li></ul>

Mental Health Conditions Common Among ACOAs

You may have felt powerless to help your parent with their addiction as a child and want to support them now, or perhaps they developed an alcohol use disorder later in life. Knowing how to approach a parent about addiction can be challenging, but mental health experts offer tips to outline some potential routes.

How To Support An Alcoholic Parent Through Recovery

I am an ACOA. Still having to deal with this.

Growing up with a parent that has an alcohol use disorder can leave lasting impacts that don’t end when you become an adult. Learn how a parent’s addiction can affect the adult children of alcoholics, often leading to several common personality traits.

parenting

Parenting

scienceandnature

Science & Nature

9 Tips For Adult Children Of Alcoholic Parents Who Want To Help | BetterHelp

It is common for everyone to make mistakes, and when someone does something wrong, it is not productive to criticize them directly. Criticizing can make them feel inferior and defensive, leading to justification of their actions. Instead, it is better to show forgiveness and, if necessary, address the mistake indirectly rather than directly.

Try not to criticise

Sigmund Freud, a renowned psychologist who explored the human psyche and subconsciousness, posited that all human actions can be traced back to two fundamental motivations: the sex drive and the desire to be great.For some individuals, the need for validation is so strong that a simple compliment can be enough to forge a new friendship.

The Desire to be Great

How To win Friends and Influence People about overcoming challenges in everyday social life and becoming a more pleasant human being for new friendships to arise.

You can go after the job you want—and get it! You can take the job you have—and improve it! You can take any situation—and make it work for you! Dale Carnegie’s rock-solid, time-tested advice has carried countless people up the ladder of success in their business and personal lives. One of the most groundbreaking and timeless bestsellers of all time, How to Win Friends & Influence People will teach you: -Six ways to make people like you -Twelve ways to win people to your way of thinking -Nine ways to change people without arousing resentment And much more! Achieve your maximum potential—a must-read for the twenty-first century with more than 15 million copies sold!

How To Win Friends and Influence People

Find 100+ Facts about Love & Relationships - Curated from trusted sources like  Books, Podcasts & Articles - Genuine Insights from like-minded Users like You!

All About Love: New Visions by Bell Hooks

A 4-step strategy to de-escalate tense arguments

Braving The Wilderness Summary

20 Meaningful Things To Do for A Woman Whose Love Language Is Quality Time

Best Friend Quotes

9 Tips For Adult Children Of Alcoholic Parents Who Want To Help | BetterHelp

How To Win Friends and Influence People

52 Simple Lessons That Will Make Your Life 1,000X Easier

Uncover Your Values: A List Of 8 Core Values I Live By

Stuck at Home With a Toxic Person: 7 Ways to Keep Your Sanity

It's time to
Read like a Pro.

All About Love: New Visions by Bell Hooks

A 4-step strategy to de-escalate tense arguments

Braving The Wilderness Summary

20 Meaningful Things To Do for A Woman Whose Love Language Is Quality Time

Best Friend Quotes

9 Tips For Adult Children Of Alcoholic Parents Who Want To Help | BetterHelp

How To Win Friends and Influence People

52 Simple Lessons That Will Make Your Life 1,000X Easier

Uncover Your Values: A List Of 8 Core Values I Live By

Stuck at Home With a Toxic Person: 7 Ways to Keep Your Sanity

It's time to Read like a Pro.

It's time to
Read like a Pro.