Unlike chemical addictions that may come to mind more easily, Internet Addiction Disorder (IAD) is not caused by a substance. It is part of behavioural addictions, along with gambling disorder, gaming disorder, and more. That doesn’t make it less serious, and it can still dramatically affect someone’s life.
Just like chemical addictions, Internet Addiction Disorder includes the following symptoms:
<ul>
<li>Mood alteration</li>
<li>Loss of control</li>
<li>Pleasure derived from the addiction</li>
<li>Withdrawal: anxiety and/or irritation when the person can’t access the Internet or their devices, cravings</li>
</ul>

Internet Addiction Disorder

There are several IAD tests that you can find online, but you can mostly tell addiction from bad habits with the following:<ul><li>One’s Internet use negatively affects other areas of their life, yet they keep at it</li><li>They plan their life around their time online</li><li>They can’t control their Internet use</li></ul>

Key Factors Proving Addiction

Persuasive design is the technology that “changes” human behaviour. Ethics related to persuasion is about to what extent we may influence the behaviour and thoughts of our users.How do we identify persuasive design? Here are some powerful questions to guide our assessment:<ul><li>What is motivating the use of a given design decision?</li><li>Are users feeling pressured?</li><li>Would they react differently if they better understood how the product works? If it was more transparent or straightforward?</li><li>Would they then feel deceived?</li></ul>

Persuasive and addictive design

<a href="https://link.springer.com/epdf/10.1007/s13347-019-00376-5">User benefit</a> is an interesting dimension to look at, but it’s not a criterion to categorise a design pattern as non-persuasive or non-addictive. Resorting to persuasive mechanisms can be framed as being in the user’s best interest, and user benefit is subjective. A dating app sending you 4 <a href="https://thistooshallgrow.com/blog/mindful-notifications">notifications</a> per day to complete your profile is good for you, because it will help you attract the right people. Meditation app Headspace uses a daily streak feature, creating artificial pressure on users so that they meditate daily if they don’t want to lose their streak.

User Benefit

Is the persuasion used to align user behaviour with goals that they themselves explicitly selected? Let’s look at the recommendations YouTube makes after you finished watching a video. What if, instead of pushing the video most people watched next — which can be <a href="https://foundation.mozilla.org/en/campaigns/regrets-reporter/findings/">harmful</a> as recommendations promote more and more extreme videos — it pushed one from your own “Watch later” list?The only form of ethical persuasion that exists in the world is when the goals of the persuaders are aligned with the goals of the persuadees(users).

Aligning To User Behaviour

Addictive design can bring a variety of burdens into someone’s life. An obvious one is spending more time online than they wanted to, but the drawbacks can also consist of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) and a sense of isolation, a drop in happiness levels, self-esteem and body image issues, dopamine dependency, and experiencing more outrage. Physiologically, addictive design can also lead to sleep issues and eye strain.

Design implications

The variable rewards used by many online platforms keep us scrolling or returning to a product because they provide us with dopamine surges we get hooked on. For instance, displaying an image feed with very aesthetically pleasing items next to ones we’re indifferent to, or sending completely irrelevant notifications mixed with very enticing ones are ways to induce rewards variability. As it turns out, we experience these addictive rewards <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3480687/">even more intensely</a> when they come from mood-enhancing content, such as pornography, video games, dating platforms, <a href="https://www.cambridge.org/core/services/aop-cambridge-core/content/view/1CC67609A12E9A912BB8A291FDFFE799/S1052150X20000329a.pdf/div-class-title-ethics-of-the-attention-economy-the-problem-of-social-media-addiction-div.pdf">social media</a>, and gambling.

Variable rewards

You should only display that there is only 2 items left in stock, or only 4 hours left to participate in something, if it’s truthful and relevant.<a href="https://uxdesign.cc/do-stories-make-social-media-more-addictive-3a1519983565">Social media stories</a> also create a sense of urgency: you have 24 hours to view them. The reduced friction (easily moving from one story to the next), induced FOMO, and variability of content are also addictive factors. If your product contains stories, you could downplay the ephemerality by extending their lifetime.

Truthfulness In Scarcity and Urgency

These can be used persuasively. Testimonials are useful, but some metrics don’t make any sense. Here are the “Top Rankings” from AliExpress, displaying the amount of followers a product has, the number of times it was ordered, and how many people have expressed interest in it. As you’ve noticed, none of these signs actually says anything about the quality of the item, or the satisfaction from people who purchased it. “3123 orders” and “605406 followers”

Social proof and Authority

Do you remember when we didn’t have a “seen” icon in messaging apps? Good old times. Have you ever felt more pressure to reply because of it? Do you feel that you need to reply faster and not “leave them on read” (we use such a telling expression)? Does it stay on your mind until you do so?

Reciprocation

Obligations are often artificially created by streaks, that many platforms use, nudging people into visiting them daily. The bigger the commitment, the bigger the pressure: if you are to lose your streak, a 3-day one doesn’t take as long to rebuild as a 256-day one.Contrary to reciprocation that we saw just above, this pattern doesn’t involve anyone on the other end of the line expecting a certain behaviour from you.

Technology-induced guilt or obligations

Inserting natural stops in the experience is a good way to avoid people being stuck in a <a href="https://medium.com/swlh/how-to-break-the-ludic-loop-and-stop-scrolling-2beef97955a1">ludic loop</a>, which is an addictive pattern. You could use pagination instead of infinite scroll, or at least regularly verify with users whether they do want to keep scrolling. A few self-reflective check-ins:<ul><li>How well are you spending your time? (on a 5-point scale)</li><li>Are you happy with what you are doing in this instant? (closed question)</li><li>What is your current activity bringing you? (open question, adds more friction because it’s not binary, but gives a greater opportunity for introspection)</li></ul>

Lack of friction

Gamification consists of incorporating game mechanics into non-gaming software. Its whole point is to ignite dopamine surges with frequent rewards.Gamification is particularly bad when it looks like this:<ul><li>Created your account on the app? You get a badge for signing up!</li><li>Took your first photo? Get 25 points!</li><li>Published your first post? Woah, level-up!</li></ul>

Gamification

We’re all familiar with being caught up in an article and when a pop-in suddenly blocks our view and asks us to subscribe to a newsletter. And how about being stopped dead in our tracks to download an app when we’re using a mobile site, as Reddit does?These nudging interruptions can be frustrating and confusing, and particularly so to <a href="https://uxdesign.cc/inclusive-ux-in-an-era-of-anxiety-dc89c39ec202">people with anxiety</a>. My immediate reaction is that I just want this thing out of my way, and while these are persuasive design patterns, I only experience them as annoying ones.

Interruptions

In 1996, Dr Kimberly Young was one of the first scientists to warn against the addictiveness of computer use. That’s right, 25 years ago. Fast-forward to today, dark patterns are still rampant, and…

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

philosophy

Philosophy

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Product & Design

What designers can do about internet addiction

<ul>
<li>We write to share a message. To sell a product. A service. An idea.</li>
<li>Unclear messages mean you lose the opportunity to connect</li>
<li>It means you exclude people. You piss them off. And you lose out. It could mean a lost follower. A lost sale. A lost event participant.</li>
<li>Research shows that readers only grasp about 20 percent of words on average.</li>
<li>Words are often not a priority within design and development.</li>
</ul>

Write to be read, not ignored

<ul>
<li>US federal agencies must write plainly according to the Plain Writing Act of 2010 — so the public can easily understand and use the information.</li>
<li>England’s Parliament passed a Clearer Timeshare Act in 1993 to encourage plain language for the legal profession.</li>
</ul>
Plain language isn’t a trend. Plain language isn’t just for the government. It’s for businesses who want to sell. It’s for not-for-profits who want to raise funds. It’s for bloggers who want to be found on Google.
Plain language is for everyone. In every language.

The importance of plain language

Writing in simple, clear language helps us whether we’re sighted, blind, or have a cognitive disability. When we:
<ul>
<li>Need to book a vaccination online.</li>
<li>Shop online late at night after a long day.</li>
<li>Want to buy a property and need to understand the conditions.</li>
<li>Walk around the streets looking for a new restaurant on our phones.</li>
<li>Read a video transcript or captions because the kids have the tv volume up loud.</li>
</ul>

How plain language helps everyone

<ul><li>We’ve been conditioned to write with complex words and walls of text in school.</li><li>We were encouraged to learn bigger, harder words at school. Snazzy words and long paragraphs made our essays and exam answers sound impressive.</li><li>Perhaps we’ve scored interviews with swanky applications.</li><li>We think our reports, websites, and media releases sound better with flowy, 10 line sentences.</li></ul>

Why do we find it hard to write in plain language?

You might be reading this on an iPhone. Apple products are so damn easy to use, aren’t they? But you might not realize the effort behind them.It takes more effort and time to write simply.
Yet we can all create a better experience for our readers by using plain language.

Plain language is harder to craft than most people think

The Myth most of us believe in:‘My target readers are professionals with higher education.’The Truth:<ul><li>Writing simply isn’t about education or ego.</li><li>Our readers are bombarded with content from all directions, every day. They choose to spend mental energy on some tasks.</li><li>They can’t put 100% of their energies into everything that calls for their attention every day.</li><li>Complex writing slows them.</li><li>Usability experts, Nielsen Norman Group discovered even experts prefer plain language.</li></ul>

A myth that holds us back from writing in plain language

<ul><li>It is possible to express legal concepts in plain language</li><li>Plain language saves money</li><li>Judges prefer plain language</li><li>The public prefers plain language</li></ul> Key takeaway: College-educated professionals and experts appreciate plain language.

4 great reasons to write in plain language from a lawyer

<ul><li>In Lower Literacy Users: Writing for a Broad Consumer Audience, Nielsen Norman Group recommends we write at a grade 6 level on homepages. And a grade 8 level on other web pages.</li><li>This is consistent with the W3C (World Wide Web Consortium) recommendation:</li><li>Write text for a lower secondary education level</li><li>A lower secondary level is defined by the W3C as more than 9 years of school. If the content isn’t at that level, then extra content needs to be shared at a lower reading level.</li></ul>

Tips For Writing In Plainspeak: Write at a lower secondary reading level

Have you ever read a website’s terms and conditions? A privacy policy? Or a legal document? These documents are known for being ridiculously tedious and so damn hard to understand.Don’t make me think!Usability expert Norman Nielson Group ran research on how users read on the web. Participants complained about writing that was hard to understand.

Tips For Writing In Plainspeak: Use conversational language

A great way to start writing plainly is to use simple words instead of complex words.Example of simple word replacementsInstead of:<ul><li>Prohibit: use ‘ban’</li><li>Communicate: use ‘tell us’, ‘let us know’</li><li>Demonstrate: use ‘show’</li><li>Diversity: use ‘range’</li><li>Facilitate: use ‘help’</li><li>Amendment: use ‘change’</li></ul>

Tips For Writing In Plainspeak: Choose simple words over complex words

Cutting long sentences is a simple way to improve readability. It’s easier to digest it on mobile too. Yet many people don’t bother.

Tips For Writing In Plainspeak: Cut your sentences and paragraphs

Usability expert Nielson Norman Group recommends we:<ul><li>Spell out abbreviations, initialisms, and acronyms.</li><li>Immediately include their abbreviation in the first instance.</li></ul>This is helpful for all users including people who use a screen reader.Exceptions:<ul><li>It’s ok to use abbreviations for widely used words, such as DVD</li><li>Avoid using unexplained abbreviations in navigation links</li><li>Don’t confuse your reader. Don’t make your prospect think.</li></ul>Key takeaway: Clarify acronyms that aren’t widely known.

Tips For Writing In Plainspeak: Clarify acronyms

Your readers — your prospects — are busy. They read in a range of situations. On a range of devices.They don’t have time for big words, walls of text, and acronyms they have to rack their brains to figure out.You respect their time when you use plain language. You make it easy for them to quickly digest your message. To follow you. To download your trial product. To buy from you.

Writing In Plainspeak: The Bottomline

He didn’t understand a few sentences I’d written. It was tempting to ignore that feedback and put it down to him being a plumber who’s “not great with words”. My client speaks to his customers every…

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Personal Development

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Marketing & Sales

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Communication

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Business

How to win business and influence people: write in plain language

Each of us is occasionally overwhelmed by a multitude of competing desires: pursue job offer A or B? Start a new relationship or stay single? Sign up to run a marathon, or enjoy not getting up early to train? 
But life is full of marathons, and they don’t necessarily involve running. It’s good to know which desires to pursue and which ones to leave behind – to know which marathons are worth running. In this Guide, I aim to show you how.

How to know what you really want

It’s true that when people strongly desire something, such as a new shirt, they might feel like they ‘need’ it – but they don’t need it in the same way that they need water or food. Their survival isn’t at stake.
Desire (as opposed to need) is an intellectual appetite for things that you perceive to be good, but that you have no physical, instinctual basis for wanting – and that’s true whether those things are actually good or not.

Desires are fundamentally different from needs

Your intellectual appetites might include knowing the answer to a mathematics problem; the satisfaction of receiving a text from someone you have a crush on; or getting a coveted job offer. 
These things won’t necessarily cause physical pleasure. They might spill over into physical enjoyment, but they are not dependent on it. Rather, the pleasure is primarily intellectual.

Intellectual pleasure

French social theorist René Girard realised one peculiar feature of desire: ‘We would like our desires to come from our deepest selves, our personal depths,’ he said, ‘but if it did, it would not be desire. Desire is always for something we feel we lack.’ Girard noted that desire is not, as we often imagine it, something that we ourselves fully control. It is not something that we can generate or manufacture on our own. It is largely the product of a social process.Our desires are mimetic, they don’t come from within; rather, we mimic what other people want.

Desire is a social process – it is mimetic

When I think about the lifestyle that I would most like to have, who do I feel most embodies it?
 In reality, this person almost certainly does not live the lifestyle you imagine them to have, but it’s still good to identify those you pay attention to the most when you’re thinking about the kind of life you want.

Influence: Identify the people influencing what you want

Is there anyone I would not like to see succeed? 
Are there certain people whose achievements make me uncomfortable or self-conscious? This is the first clue that they might be a ‘negative model of desire’ – ie, someone you are constantly measuring yourself against.

Influence: The question of success

It’s useful to recognise what kind of models are influencing you. Girard identified two main types: those inside your world, and those outside it.Models inside your world (‘internal’ models of desire) are the people you might really come into contact with: friends, family, co-workers, or really anyone you can actually interact with in some way – it could be the person who cuts your hair, for instance. These are people whose desires are in some sense intertwined with your own – they can affect your desires, and you can in turn affect theirs.

Categorise your models as internal and external

Online or offline, the closer someone seems to being like you, the more you can relate to them – and the more you are likely to pay attention to what they want. Who are most people more jealous of?
Jeff Bezos, the richest man in the world? Or the colleague who has a similar education to you, and a similar job and works roughly the same hours, but who makes an extra $5,000 a year? For almost everyone, it’s the second person. The difference between the internal and the external mediation of desire explains why.

The comparisons

Advertisements also model desires to us, obviously, but notice how they usually work: the companies serving the ads typically show you not the thing itself, but other people wanting the thing. Advertisers play right into our mimetic nature.
Be aware that internal models lead to more volatility of desire in your life because the world of internal models is highly reflexive: you can affect one another’s desires, which isn’t possible in the world of external models.

Advertisements stoking desire

Because desire is mimetic, people are naturally drawn to want what others want. Two desires converging on the same object are bound to clash. This means that mimetic desire often leads people into unnecessary competition and rivalry with one another in an infernal game of status anxiety. 
Mimetic desire is why a class of students can enter a university with very different ideas of what they want to do when they graduate yet converge on a much smaller set of opportunities – which they mimetically reinforce in one another – by the time they graduate.

Beware of becoming obsessively focused on what your neighbours have or want

Be aware that your desires can become hijacked through this process of mimetic attraction. It’s easy to become obsessively focused on what your neighbours have or want, rather than on your immediate responsibilities and relationship commitments. 
We humans are social creatures who know others so that we can also know ourselves, and that’s a good thing – but, if we’re not careful, we can become excessively concerned with others.

Hijacking Of Desires

As well as identifying the specific models influencing your desires, it is also helpful to consider whether you have become embedded in a particular system of desire. For example, consider the chef Sébastien Bras, owner of Le Suquet restaurant in Laguiole, France, who had three Michelin stars – the highest culinary distinction for a French restaurant – for a full 18 years. Until 2018. That year, he took the unprecedented step of asking the Michelin Guide to stop rating his restaurant and never come back.

Map out the systems of desire in your life

Less extreme mimetic desires might include the desire to go to a specific university because all your friends want to go there. Yet the desire could also have something to do with the school’s academic reputation. Desires can have many different influences, some mimetic and some non-mimetic. The key is to understand the forces at work, and to separate the wheat from the chaff.

Take ownership of your desires

To be anti-mimetic is to be free from the unintentional following of desires without knowing where they came from; it’s freedom from the herd mentality; freedom from the ‘default’ mode that causes us to pursue things without examining why.It’s possible to develop anti-mimetic machinery in your guts – things that have traditionally been called virtues, or habits of being, such as prudence, fortitude, courage and honesty – that keep you grounded in something deeper even while the mimetic waters swirl around you

Live an anti-mimetic life

The restlessness of desire is not necessarily a bad thing – it’s what pushes people to seek more – but a persistent feeling of restlessness could be a sign that the desires you are chasing lack the power to satisfy.

Restlessness 

<ul><li>Desires are fundamentally different from needs. </li><li>Desire is a social process – it’s mimetic. Our desires don’t come from within; rather, we mimic what other people want.</li><li>Identify the people or ‘models’ influencing what you want. </li><li>Categorise these models. Find out who is influencing you from within your world, and who is influencing you from the outside.</li><li>Beware of becoming obsessively focused on what your neighbours have or want.</li><li>Map out the systems of desire in your life. </li><li>Take ownership of your desires. </li><li>Live an anti-mimetic life.</li></ul>

Key points – How to know what you really want

From career choices to new purchases, use René Girard’s mimetic theory to resist the herd and forge your own path in life

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Productivity

problemsolving

Problem Solving

This is where hope lives for all of us - the unique adaptability of our miraculous brains.what has happened to us in past shapes who are we , how we behave and how we do things.Through the lens we can build a renewed sense of self worth and ultimately recalibrate our responses to circumstances, situations and relationships.it is in other words, the key to reshape our lives.

What Happened To You?

Not only is “what happened to you?” The key question of you want to understand someone, you need to understand their brain.In other words, personal history, people and places in your life influences your brain development. The result is they each of the brains are unique. Our life experiences shape our lives and each one of us looks and perceives world in their own way.This is why asking “ What happened to you?” Is so important in understanding what’s going on with you now.

Making Sense Of The World.

How much do you think about your heart?since before you were born, that miraculous machine has been steadily pumping energy of life throughout your body. Day in, day out at least 115,000 beats each day, with sole purpose of keeping you alive.

Seeking Balance 

Given love, the unloved can become loving .if you are loved , you learn to love The capacity to love is the core of the success of human kind, the reason we have survived on this planet is that we have been able to form and maintain effective groups. Isolated and disconnected, we are vulnerable.Relational glue keeps our species alive, and love is relational super glue.

How We Were Loved 

As you revisit your past, know that no matter what happened simply being here, alive makes you worthy. And know that there is hope.wellness is possible.It happens one moment, one step at a time.

The Spectrum Of Trauma 

making the connection, finally understanding both cause and effect of myself is a game changer for me.As you consider your individual response patterns, know that by putting a small moment of space between the immediate feeling and your instinctive reaction, you are allowing yourself to stay in present and ultimately regain control.

Connecting The Dots 

What ever your past experience created in your brain, you can’t just delete them. You can’t get rid of the past.Therapy is more about new associations. This is why understanding how resume impacts your health for everyone.

From Coping To Healing 

We take our focus off the tragedy, move on with our lives, telling ourselves that “they” will be okay.The impact of trauma doesn’t simply fade away.We can help each other heal, but often assumptions about resilience and girt blind us to the healing that leads us down the painful path to wisdom.

Post Traumatic Wisdom 

Very often, “what happened” takes years to reveal itself. It takes courage to comfort our actions, peel back the layers of trauma in our lives and expose the raw truth of our past. But this is where healing begins

Our Brains, Our Biases, Our Systems 

It is easy to be discouraged and overwhelmed by many problems in the society, to be demoralized by the many problems in our society and trauma that are all too pervasive in our world.our world is filled with so many kind, capable and creative people.We will continue to discover, invent and learn.We can make our world a safer , more just, and humane place for all.

What We Need Now 

Our earliest experiences shape our lives far down the road, and What Happened to You? provides powerful scientific and emotional insights into the behavioral patterns so many of us struggle to understand.

#1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER Our earliest experiences shape our lives far down the road, and What Happened to You? provides powerful scientific and emotional insights into the behavioral patterns so many of us struggle to understand. “Through this lens we can build a renewed sense of personal self-worth and ultimately recalibrate our responses to circumstances, situations, and relationships. It is, in other words, the key to reshaping our very lives.”—Oprah Winfrey This book is going to change the way you see your life. Have you ever wondered "Why did I do that?" or "Why can't I just control my behavior?" Others may judge our reactions and think, "What's wrong with that person?" When questioning our emotions, it's easy to place the blame on ourselves; holding ourselves and those around us to an impossible standard. It's time we started asking a different question. Through deeply personal conversations, Oprah Winfrey and renowned brain and trauma expert Dr. Bruce Perry offer a groundbreaking and profound shift from asking “What’s wrong with you?” to “What happened to you?” Here, Winfrey shares stories from her own past, understanding through experience the vulnerability that comes from facing trauma and adversity at a young age. In conversation throughout the book, she and Dr. Perry focus on understanding people, behavior, and ourselves. It’s a subtle but profound shift in our approach to trauma, and it’s one that allows us to understand our pasts in order to clear a path to our future—opening the door to resilience and healing in a proven, powerful way.

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Health

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Motivation & Inspiration

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Books

ONE MILLION COPIES SOLD #1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER Our earliest experiences shape our lives far down the road, and What Happened to You? provides powerful scientific and emotional insights into the behavioral patterns so many of us struggle to understand. “Through this lens we can build a renewed sense of personal self-worth and ultimately recalibrate our responses to circumstances, situations, and relationships. It is, in other words, the key to reshaping our very lives.”—Oprah Winfrey This book is going to change the way you see your life. Have you ever wondered "Why did I do that?" or "Why can't I just control my behavior?" Others may judge our reactions and think, "What's wrong with that person?" When questioning our emotions, it's easy to place the blame on ourselves; holding ourselves and those around us to an impossible standard. It's time we started asking a different question. Through deeply personal conversations, Oprah Winfrey and renowned brain and trauma expert Dr. Bruce Perry offer a groundbreaking and profound shift from asking “What’s wrong with you?” to “What happened to you?” Here, Winfrey shares stories from her own past, understanding through experience the vulnerability that comes from facing trauma and adversity at a young age. In conversation throughout the book, she and Dr. Perry focus on understanding people, behavior, and ourselves. It’s a subtle but profound shift in our approach to trauma, and it’s one that allows us to understand our pasts in order to clear a path to our future—opening the door to resilience and healing in a proven, powerful way.

As the visionary and leader behind OWN: Oprah Winfrey Network and formerly the supervising producer and host of the top-rated, award-winning “The Oprah Winfrey Show,” Oprah has entertained and inspired millions of viewers to live their best lives. Her accomplishments as a global media leader and philanthropist have established her as one of the most respected and admired public figures today.

Oprah Winfrey

Bruce D. Perry is an American psychiatrist, currently the senior fellow of the Child Trauma Academy in Houston, Texas and an adjunct professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at the Feinberg School of Medicine in Chicago, Illinois.

Bruce D. Perry

What Happened to You?

When someone bothers or offends you, it’s natural to say, it’s no big deal and assumes the other person had positive intent. But, often, that phrase is used to avoid conflict and is a sign that you should take action.
Though speaking up can be difficult, it’s the only way the issue will really get resolved. The best course of action is to schedule a time to talk to the offending party or pull them aside in private. Let time pass, so you’re not emotionally charged. And treat it as an opportunity to gain more information.

"It's no big deal"

When you don’t address something early on, there’s a good chance you’ll harbor negative emotional energy and become so upset that you eventually have a hard time being in the same room with person who “wronged” you, much less trusting them or feeling good about them. 
Worse, you may snap, and when you do, there’s a high likelihood you’ll say something that only makes the situation worse.

The problem

The problem may very well not be a big deal; if that’s the case, a calm conversation will take care of it. Similarly, if the person wasn’t being nefarious, simply naming the behavior that’s troubling you in respectful terms should allow the person to address it without a big blow up. 
Well-intentioned people who’ve made small mistakes are generally capable of listening without reacting negatively.

Treat “it’s no big deal” as a cue to take action

When you let things build up, you’re more likely to act in an uncontrolled fashion at an inopportune time.
So, when your colleague says something mildly upsetting in a meeting, schedule some time to talk about it or discreetly approach them about it after some time has passed. That way you give yourself a chance to detach from your initial emotional response and to carefully think about what you want to say and how you’ll say it.

Act, but don’t ambush

True inquiry is a respectful way of testing whether something actually is a big deal and is entirely consistent with the notion of assuming positive intent. For example, try saying “Can you help me understand why you’re doing that?” or “Could you share your data or reasoning on this?”
After all, if positive intent is warranted, a person’s response to genuine questions should only confirm that. If it doesn’t, then you know that continuing to assume positive intent is both a mistake and an excuse for your inaction.

True inquiry

Not everything that triggers an emotional response requires a response. But if something is really no big deal, then you probably wouldn’t use this rationalization in the first place; you’d simply address it or ignore it. 
So, learn to recognize this when it happens, and address things before they really become a bigger deal.

Emotional responses

Are you overlooking serious problems because you’re conflict averse?

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Career

The Problem with Saying “It’s No Big Deal”

<ul><li>An increasing problem with our increasing distractions</li><li>Our attention span is less and less</li><li>More temptations than ever</li><li>Most people associate dopamine with pleasure</li><li>Dopamine is actually strongest in the anticipation of the reward</li><li>Have you ever achieved a goal and thought "is this all there is?"</li><li>It gives more juice to the old saying "it's not the destination it's the journey"</li></ul>

Dopamine Nation

<ul><li>Do gamblers get more pleasure when they lose or win?</li><li>A study in "Dopamine Nation", showed that gamblers secrete almost the same amounts of dopamine whether they win or they lose.</li><li>A phenomenon called 'loss chasing'</li><li>The chase to retrieve your losses are what makes it exciting</li><li>Maybe the urge for some to continually start from zero in the self-help world is akin to loss chasing</li></ul>

Loss chasing

<ul><li>Is someone doing eight gigs or one gig, what's going to get them further?</li><li>The best companies in the world all have one thing, e.g. KFC, Google, Starbucks</li><li>The goal of this book is to end multitasking</li><li>You feel like you can do two things at once but you actually can't</li><li>Doing too many things is the antithesis to productivity</li><li>Productivity is about focus</li><li>It's so much better to go after one thing</li></ul>

The One Thing

Focus is the absence of distractions

<ul><li>Something to be said about old school classics</li><li>They have so much wisdom that they had to think through</li><li>Be useful</li><li>Enthusiasm, zest and passion is when you come alive and do your best work</li></ul>

The Essential Writings Of Ralph Waldo Emerson

The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honourable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well

<ul><li>Journalling is the number one thing Clark has done to grow as a human being</li><li>The self-improvement trap is that we consume content</li><li>Don't let education and bettering yourself become entertainment</li><li>Journalling allows you to apply what you've learnt and tailor it to you</li></ul>

Your Journal

<ul><li>You have 60,000 thoughts a day and a lot of them are not positive</li><li>Most people have what Michael Singer calls the 'inner roommate'</li><li>You're actually not the voice in your head</li><li>The fact you can notice your thoughts means the inner roommate is not you.</li><li>Become the observer of your thoughts and get on your own team</li></ul>

The Untethered Soul

Some inspirational reads for 2022 from YouTuber Clark Kegley.

Here are the 5 life-changing books you MUST read in 2022! Enjoy. Last year's top 5 books: https://youtu.be/zU7OgLjA5zk 🎯 Free Case Study - Discover ONE TOOL more powerful than manifestation, rewiring your subconscious mind, or the law of attraction. Click to watch now (no sign-up required) ➡ https://www.clarkkegley.com/free-case-study 🌙 THE METAMORPHIC COACHING PROGRAM IS OPEN! Schedule a FREE consult to see if we're a good fit! (serious applicants only) ➡ https://bit.ly/METAMORPHIC Follow Me On IG/ Tik Tok: ➡ @clarkkegley

Here are the 5 life-changing books you MUST read in 2023! Enjoy.

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Last year's top 5 books: https://youtu.be/zU7OgLjA5zk

  
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5 Life-changing books YOU MUST READ in 2023

5 Life-changing books YOU MUST READ in 2022

Temperament is a configuration of inclinations, while character is a configuration of habits. Character is disposition, temperament pre-disposition.…Put another way, our brain is a sort of computer which has temperament for its hardware and character for its software.…Thus temperament is the inborn form of human nature; character, the emergent form, which develops through the interaction of temperament and environment.

What Is Temperament 

Clearly, what sets human beings apart from the other animals are two advantages we have over them — words and tools. And what sets us apart from each other is the way we use words and tools. The great majority of us are predominantly concrete in our word usage, the rest predominantly abstract. And about half of us are utilitarian in our choice and use of tools, the other half cooperative.

The Basic Dimensions of Personality

On the linguistic side Kurt Goldstein and Ernst Cassirer thought of humans as talking animals. In his Abstract and Concrete Behavior, Goldstein had some people talking more abstractly than concretely and others talking more concretely than abstractly. Abstract words can be used in slightly different but related ways — analogical, categorical, fictional, figurative, general, schematic, symbolic, and theoretical. Likewise, concrete words can be used in slightly different but related ways — detailed, factual, elemental, empirical, indicative, literal, signal, and specific.

Abstract versus Concrete Word Usage

Our attempts to reshape others may produce change, but the change is distortion rather than transformation. David Keirsey

For the past twenty years Keirsey has continued to investigate personality differences, to refine his theory of the four temperaments and to define the facets of character that distinguish one from another. His findings form the basis of Please Understand Me II, an updated and greatly expanded edition of the book, far more comprehensive and coherent than the original, and yet with much of the same easy accessibility. One major addition is Keirsey's view of how the temperaments differ in the intelligent roles they are most likely to develop. Each of us, he says, has four kinds of intelligence, tactical, logistical, diplomatic, strategic, though one of the four interests us far more than the others, and thus gets far more practice than the rest. Like four suits in a hand of cards, we each have a long suit and a short suit in what interests us and what we do well, and fortunate indeed are those whose work matches their skills. As in the original book, Please Understand Me II begins with The Keirsey Temperament Sorter, the most used personality inventory in the world. But also included is The Keirsey Four-Types Sorter, a new short questionnaire that identifies one's basic temperament and then ranks one's second, third, and fourth choices. Share this new sorter with friends and family, and get set for a lively and fascinating discussion of personal styles.

For the past twenty years Keirsey has continued to investigate personality differences, to refine his theory of the four temperaments and to define the facets of character that distinguish one from another. His findings form the basis of Please Understand Me II, an updated and greatly expanded edition of the book, far more comprehensive and coherent than the original, and yet with much of the same easy accessibility. One major addition is Keirsey's view of how the temperaments differ in the intelligent roles they are most likely to develop. Each of us, he says, has four kinds of intelligence, tactical, logistical, diplomatic, strategic, though one of the four interests us far more than the others, and thus gets far more practice than the rest. Like four suits in a hand of cards, we each have a long suit and a short suit in what interests us and what we do well, and fortunate indeed are those whose work matches their skills. As in the original book, Please Understand Me II begins with The Keirsey Temperament Sorter, the most used personality inventory in the world. But also included is The Keirsey Four-Types Sorter, a new short questionnaire that identifies one's basic temperament and then ranks one's second, third, and fourth choices. Share this new sorter with friends and family, and get set for a lively and fascinating discussion of personal styles.

David Keirsey

Please Understand Me II

The study found that consumers experiencing social exclusion are more likely to make high risk investments. This effect is moderated by consumers' level of mental budgeting such that at high levels of mental budgeting the effect of social exclusion on investment choice is attenuated. The study further finds that the moderating effect of mental budgeting is mediated by pain of payment.The findings suggest that policymakers can reduce unduly risky personal investment behavior by triggering mental budgeting thoughts using methods such as advertising and mention of transaction fees.

Summary

<ul><li>a state of physical/emotional isolation involving feelings of loneliness due to being left out, ignored or ostracised by others</li><li>leads to anti-social behaviour</li></ul>influences:<ul><li>preference for distinctive products: psychological emptiness/ unsatisfactory interpersonal relationships intensify the desire for material possessions and conspicuous consumption</li><li>risk-taking behaviour: present-day bias, less conservative investment behaviour</li><li>inclination towards brand/ product switching (self-efficacy, sense of control)</li></ul> <ul><li>financial literacy is lower in developing countries; lowest w.r.t. risk diversification</li></ul>

Social exclusion

<ul><li>incl. mental budgeting (separation of monetary income into economic categories), labelling of income and assets, hedonic framing (evaluation of gains and loss combinations)</li><li>violates the fungibility assumption of money: different propensities to use money depending on the source</li><li>hampered by credit card use: decouples costs and benefits by facilitating mixing of purchases among budgeted categories and increasing temporal distance between purchases and payments (payment delayed until credit card bill is due)</li></ul>

Mental Accounting 

<ul><li>prospect theory: loss perception decreased in consumers in a low state of mental budgeting</li><li>psychological myopia: tendency to focus on immediately relevant information (e.g., transaction fees) while ignoring relevant background information stronger for high levels of mental budgeting ➡️ lower probability of engaging in high-risk investments</li></ul>

Mental Accounting II

<ul><li>painful state of mind or psychological burden consumers experience upon purchase</li><li>lowered by credit card and mobile payments</li><li>bottom dollar effect: purchases using budgets close to exhaustion result in a lower customer satisfaction</li><li>higher level of mental budgeting results in stronger pain of payment</li></ul>

Pain Of Payment

The effects of mental budgeting and pain of payment on the financial decision making of socially excluded people - Author: Sungyong Chun, Devon S. Johnson

The effects of mental budgeting and pain of payment on the financial decision making of socially excluded people

Find 100+ Psychology Facts about Human Behaviour, Mind or Nature - Curated from Videos, Podcasts, Books & Articles - Genuine Insights from Other People

What designers can do about internet addiction

How to win business and influence people: write in plain language

How to know what you really want

What Happened to You?

The Problem with Saying “It’s No Big Deal”

5 Life-changing books YOU MUST READ in 2022

Please Understand Me II

The effects of mental budgeting and pain of payment on the financial decision making of socially excluded people

What are the Holiday Blues?

To Sell Is Human

It's time to
Read like a Pro.

What designers can do about internet addiction

How to win business and influence people: write in plain language

How to know what you really want

What Happened to You?

The Problem with Saying “It’s No Big Deal”

5 Life-changing books YOU MUST READ in 2022

Please Understand Me II

The effects of mental budgeting and pain of payment on the financial decision making of socially excluded people

What are the Holiday Blues?

To Sell Is Human

It's time to Read like a Pro.

It's time to
Read like a Pro.