If you’re finding yourself experiencing some challenging emotions that feel hard to manage, or if you notice that you’re having a tough time processing and responding, slow the process down.

• One way to do that is by looping—repeating back what you hear the other person say. It also serves to help the other person feel like you understand them.
• Another way to do that is to write things down, which (especially if you do it by hand) will give you time to reflect on the conversation as you slow it down to take notes.

As much as you may find little merit in your manager’s feedback, look for any areas of agreement—no matter how small.

For example, if your boss gives you the feedback that you’re not following up with prospects quickly enough, and you think you’re doing it as fast as you possibly can, you can still agree that both of you want to convert prospects into paying clients.

See if you can agree on the what and why even if you see the “how” differently.

Ask yourself this: “If I had to admit that 2% of the feedback were true, what 2% would it be?”. This gives you the opportunity to reflect on the overall feedback, and look for parts of it where maybe (just maybe) you can see yourself in there.

For example, if your boss says, “You rushed through the client pitch” and you think you spoke at a reasonable pace, perhaps you could admit that you were a little nervous. Once you do that, be willing to share that with your boss and start from there.

 If, after your conversation, your manager backs down because you helped them see it your way, congratulations. And, in the likely event that this doesn’t happen, make a plan with your manager for you to try the new or different approach—but to check back in soon about how it’s going.

That way, you won’t spend months engaged in a new way of working without knowing whether or not it’s making a positive difference.