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Steven Wright Famous Quotes and Saying #’s 31 - 67
Steven Alexander Wright (born December 6, 1955) is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer, and film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations.
10
173 reads
#32
“If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?”
-Steven Wright
10
201 reads
#36
“I worked in a health food store once. A guy asked me, 'If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?”
-Steven Wright
10
166 reads
#37
“You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.”
-Steven Wright
10
138 reads
#38
“Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.”
-Steven Wright
10
136 reads
#44
“I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.”
-Steven Wright
11
92 reads
#48
“I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.”
-Steven Wright
10
86 reads
#49
“When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?”
-Steven Wright
10
75 reads
#51
“Right now I’m having amnesia and Deja vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.”
-Steven Wright
12
77 reads
#53
“Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, "Do I know you?”
-Steven Wright
10
63 reads
#56
“I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!”
-Steven Wright
10
69 reads
#57
“Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.”
-Steven Wright
10
65 reads
#58
“Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.”
-Steven Wright
10
62 reads
#60
“I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.”
-Steven Wright
10
62 reads
#61
“Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'”
-Steven Wright
10
64 reads
#62
“I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.”
-Steven Wright
10
57 reads
#65
“I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.”
-Steven Wright
10
65 reads
CURATED BY
CURATOR'S NOTE
Steven Wright Famous Quotes and Sayings #'s 31 - 67
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