Grief comes in many forms and everyone has experienced it in many different ways, but this model theory is only a reference, not a rule. The five stages of grief are:
<ul>
<li>Denial</li>
<li>Anger</li>
<li>Bargaining</li>
<li>Depression</li>
<li>Acceptance.</li>
</ul>
The five stages of grief were once known as the five stages of death, however, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, the Swiss American psychiatrist that invented this theory extended her model to many different kinds of losses.

The Kübler-Ross Model of Grieving

Love & Relationships

This is a common defense mechanism that buffers the immediate shock felt during unexpected situations. We may often fantasize about the untruths and hope that the news we've received isn't real.
After the first reaction of shock and denial, you may go numb for a while. You could feel like nothing matters to you anymore and life as you once knew it has changed. It may be difficult to feel you can move on, but once you've gained enough courage to face the truth, your healing journey will begin.

Denial

Pain takes shape in many different forms and often redirected or expressed as anger. A lot of people reject this feeling because of its intensity and sometimes because of their culture.
During this stage of grief, there is a possibility that you may lash out at other people, objects, yourself, or life in general. However, try to remind yourself that underneath the anger that you're feeling is pain and is a part of the healing process.

Anger

This is the stage of grieving where you try to find a way to hold on to hope in order to cope with intense pain; where we are willing to do anything and sacrifice everything just so that things could go back to the way they were.
Often in this situation we also tend to think about the things we could have done differently, but what's happened has happened, and that will not remove the guilt we feel. It's also a part of healing where we confront the reality of our losses.

Bargaining

We're not referring to clinical depression in this instance when talking about depression, but as a natural and appropriate response to grief.
When we begin to face the reality of our situation, it is not inevitable to feel instense sadness and despair. We could also experience fatigue, unwillingness to move on, loss of appetite, or not being able to enjoy the things you once did. This is also a part of our healing journey.

Depression

Acceptance is not about being okay with what happened, rather it is about acknowledging the loss and learning to live with it, and readjusting our lives accordingly.
Depending on your experience, it is quite understandable if ever you do not feel this way. Sometimes you will find yourself stationed at this feeling and then later feel another stage of grief. This back-and-forth is a natural part of the healing process.

Acceptance

Many people believe that there is a right and wrong way to grieve, but in reality, there isn't. Grieving isn't about following a list of steps and then getting over the situation right after. It's a unique journey and is experienced differently by everyone, some might go through every phase while others don't.
There is no specific order to grieve and if ever that you find yourself falling into the deep end and developing clinical depression, it's time to reach out to a professional.

Misconceptions about grieving

<ol>
<li>It is important to express your needs to trusted people such as your friends or family members. Allow them to help you in the ways you feel will best suit your needs;</li>
<li>There are support groups that have gone through the same thing as you have and these are safe spaces where you can freely express your grief without the feeling of pressure; and</li>
<li>Grief counsellors are professionals that can support your grieving process; this applies to therapists as wll.</li>
</ol>

Reaching out for help during grief

<ol>
<li>The best support comes from just being there and making it clear that you’re available to listen to the things they want to share with you;</li>
<li>It can be frigthening to message someone who is grieving and check up on them, but don't let fear stop you from showing empathy;</li>
<li>Try to lift some of the weight off of their shoulders. Explore the areas they might need help managing while they process their loss.</li>
<li>Wait for them to express how they feel instead of assuming that they're ready to talk about it.</li>
</ol>

Helping someone who is grieving

Love & Family

<ul><li><a href="#the-kubler-ross-model">The Kübler-Ross model </a> </li><li><a href="#denial">Denial </a> </li><li><a href="#anger">Anger </a> </li><li><a href="#bargaining">Bargaining </a> </li><li><a href="#depression">Depression </a> </li><li><a href="#acceptance">Acceptance </a> </li><li><a href="#7-stages-of-grief">7 stages of grief </a> </li><li><a href="#misconceptions">Misconceptions </a> </li><li><a href="#seeking-help">Seeking help </a> </li><li><a href="#how-to-help">How to help </a> </li> </ul>

Mourning is an intimate and unique experience for each of us. There’s no manual on how to cope with loss and certainly no right or wrong way to go through the stages of grief that might come from it.

If you or someone you love are going through a loss, the new emotions may feel overwhelming and confusing.

Feeling this way is natural and even necessary. These emotions are forward steps in the healing journey, even when it doesn’t feel like it at the moment.

Healing from a loss is possible, but it does take time and patience. Even if you’re having a particularly hard time with it, resources like counseling and support groups can help you cope.

In an effort to better understand the grieving process, many mental health experts and researchers have dedicated years to studying loss and the emotions that come with it.

One of these experts was <a href="https://www.ekrfoundation.org/elisabeth-kubler-ross/biography/">Elisabeth Kübler-Ross </a>, a Swiss American psychiatrist. She created the Kübler-Ross model, the theory of the five stages of grief and loss.

In her 1969 book, “<a href="https://www.ekrfoundation.org/5-stages-of-grief/on-death-and-dying/">On Death and Dying </a>,” Kübler-Ross examined the five most common emotional reactions to loss:

<ul><li>denial </li><li>anger </li><li>bargaining </li><li>depression </li><li>acceptance </li> </ul>

Originally, Kübler-Ross referred to them as the “five stages of death.” This was because she was working with terminally ill patients at the time, and these were the common emotions they had regarding their own mortality.

Years after her first book, Kübler-Ross adapted and extended her model to include other kinds of loss. The five stages of death became the five stages of grief.

This grief can come in many forms and from different reasons. Everyone, from all walks of life and across cultures, experiences loss and grief at some point.

Mourning doesn’t come only from dealing with your own death or the death of a loved one. Mourning can also come as a result of an illness, the <a href="https://psychcentral.com/blog/coping-with-the-end-of-a-relationship#1">end of a close relationship </a>, or even the end of a project or dream.

Grief can similarly come from a perceived or real change in your life. For example, moving to a new city, school, or job, transitioning into a new age group, or staying in isolation because of <a href="https://psychcentral.com/lib/accepting-the-reality-of-covid-19#1">a pandemic </a>.

In other words, there’s no written-in-stone list of “valid” reasons to grieve.

What matters is how you feel. And there are no right or wrong feelings regarding a loss.

Exploring the five stages of grief and loss could help you understand and put into context where you are in your own grieving process and what you feel.

Similarly, if you’re concerned or want to understand someone else’s grieving process, remember that there’s no one way of going through it. Everyone mourns differently.

You could go through many intense emotions, or you could seemingly not react at all. Both responses are valid and not uncommon.

How much time you spend navigating the stages of grief also varies from person to person. It might take you hours, months, or longer to process a loss and heal from it.

You might not experience all these stages of grief or in the order listed above. You could go back and forth from one stage to another.

You may even skip all these emotions and process your loss differently altogether. The five stages of grief are supposed to serve you as a reference, not as a rule.

For some people, this may be the first response to loss.

Denial is a <a href="https://psychcentral.com/lib/15-common-defense-mechanisms/">common defense mechanism </a>. It may help you buffer the immediate shock of the hurtful situation.

As an immediate reaction, you might doubt the reality of the loss at first.

A few examples of this type of denial are:

<ul><li>If you’re facing the death of a loved one, you might find yourself fantasizing someone will call to say there’s been a mistake and nothing really happened. </li><li>If you’re dealing with a breakup, you might convince yourself your partner will soon regret leaving and come back to you. </li><li>If you lost your job, you might feel your former boss will offer you the position back after they realize they’ve made a mistake. </li> </ul>

After this first reaction of shock and denial, you may go numb for a while.

At some point, you could feel like nothing matters to you anymore. Life as you once knew it has changed. It might be difficult to feel you can move on.

This is a natural reaction that helps you process the loss in your own time. By going numb, you’re giving yourself time to explore at your own pace the changes you’re going through.

Denial is a temporary response that carries you through the first wave of pain. Eventually, when you’re ready, the feelings and emotions you have denied will resurface, and your healing journey will continue.

Sometimes pain takes other forms. According to Kübler-Ross, pain from a loss is often redirected and expressed as anger.

Feeling intensely angry might surprise you or your loved ones, but it’s not uncommon. This anger serves a purpose.

It might be particularly overwhelming for some people to feel anger because, in many cultures, anger is a feared or rejected emotion. You might be more <a href="https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-deal-with-anger-when-youre-all-too-good-at-avoiding-it#1">used to avoiding it </a>than confronting it.

During the anger stage of grief, you might start asking questions like “Why me?” or “What did I do to deserve this?”

You could also feel suddenly angry at inanimate objects, strangers, friends, or family members. You might feel angry at life itself.

It’s not rare to also feel anger toward the situation or person you lost. Rationally, you might understand the person isn’t to blame. Emotionally, however, you may resent them for causing you pain or for leaving you.

At some point, you might also feel guilty for being angry. This could make you angrier.

Try reminding yourself that underneath your anger is pain. And even if it might not feel like it, this anger is necessary for healing.

Anger might also be a way to reconnect to the world after isolating yourself from it during the denial stage. When you’re numb, you disconnect from everyone. When you’re angry, you connect, even if through this emotion.

But anger isn’t the only emotion you might experience during this stage. Irritability, bitterness, <a href="https://psychcentral.com/lib/9-ways-to-reduce-anxiety-right-here-right-now">anxiety </a>, rage, and impatience are just some other ways you might cope with your loss. It’s all part of the same process.

Bargaining is a way to hold on to hope in a situation of intense pain.

You might think to yourself that you’re willing to do anything and sacrifice everything if your life is restored to how it was before the loss.

During this internal negotiation, you could find yourself thinking in terms of “what if” or “if only”: what if I did XYZ, then everything will go back to normal; if only I had done something differently to prevent the loss.

Guilt might be an accompanying emotion during this stage as you inadvertently might be trying to regain some control, even if at your own expense.

All these emotions and thoughts aren’t uncommon. As hard as it might feel, this helps you heal as you confront the reality of your loss.

Just as in all the other stages of grief, depression is experienced in different ways. There’s no right or wrong way to go about it, nor is there a deadline to overcome it.

In this instance, depression isn’t a sign of a mental health condition. Instead, it’s a natural and appropriate response to grief.

During the depression stage, you start facing your present reality and the inevitability of the loss you’ve experienced. Understandably, this realization may lead you to feel intense sadness and despair.

This intense sadness could cause you to feel different in other aspects too. You could feel:

<ul><li>fatigued </li><li>vulnerable </li><li>confused and distracted </li><li>not wanting to move on </li><li>not hungry or wanting to eat </li><li>not able or willing to get ready in the morning </li><li>not able to enjoy what you once did </li> </ul>

This is all typically temporary and a direct response to your grieving process.

As overwhelming as it may feel at this point, this stage is a necessary part of your healing journey.

Reaching acceptance isn’t necessarily about being OK with what happened. Depending on your experience, it might be understandable if you don’t ever feel this way.

<a href="https://www.healthline.com/health/grief-without-denial-6-healthy-ways-to-accept-death">Acceptance </a>is more about how you acknowledge the losses you’ve experienced, how you learn to live with them, and how you readjust your life accordingly.

You might feel more comfortable reaching out to friends and family during this stage, but it’s also natural to feel you prefer to withdraw at times.

You may also feel like you accept the loss at times and then move to another stage of grief again. This back-and-forth between stages is natural and a part of the healing process.

In time, you may eventually find yourself stationed at this stage for long periods of time.

That doesn’t mean you’ll never feel sadness or anger again toward your loss, but your long-term perspective about it and how you live with this reality will be different.

The five stages of grief proposed by Kübler-Ross have served as a framework for many mental health professionals working with the grief process.

Some of these professionals, such as <a href="https://thebowlbycentre.org.uk/about-the-bowlby-centre/">British psychiatrist John Bowlby </a>, have developed their own work around the emotional responses to loss. Others, including Kübler-Ross herself, have adapted and extended the original five-stage model.

This adaptation is usually known as the Kübler-Ross Change Curve. It extends the five core stages of grief to seven overlapping stages:

<ol><li>Shock. Intense and sometimes paralyzing surprise at the loss. </li><li>Denial. Disbelief and the need to look for evidence to confirm the loss. </li><li>Anger and frustration. A mix between acknowledgment that some things have changed and anger toward this change. </li><li>Depression. Lack of energy and intense sadness. </li><li>Testing. Experimenting with the new situation to discover what it actually means in your life. </li><li>Decision. A rising optimism about learning how to manage the new situation. </li><li>Integration. Acceptance of the new reality, reflection on what you learned, and stepping out in the world as a renewed person. </li> </ol>

Because everyone mourns differently and for different reasons, sometimes you might feel your own grieving process isn’t going “according to the norm.”

But remember, there’s no such thing as a right or wrong way of coping with a loss.

These might be some of the thoughts that could cross your mind when looking at your own or someone else’s way of grieving.

One of the most common misconceptions about grieving is that everyone goes through it in the same way.

When it comes to healing from a loss, there’s no correct way of doing it. You might find it useful to remind yourself there’s no “I should be feeling this way.”

Grieving isn’t about going over or following a set list of steps. It’s a unique and multidimensional healing journey.

Not everyone experiences all the above-mentioned stages or even goes through these emotions the same way.

For example, maybe the depression stage feels more like irritability than sadness for you. And denial could be more of a sense of shock and disbelief than an actual expectation that something out of the blue will fix the loss.

The emotions used to contextualize the stages of grief aren’t the only ones you’ll experience. You might not even experience them at all, and that’s natural too.

This is no indication that your healing journey is faulty in some way. Your healing experience is unique to you and valid nonetheless.

Remember, there’s no specific or linear order for the stages of grief.

You could move along the stages one by one, or you could go back and forth. Some days you might feel very sad, and the very next day you could wake up feeling hopeful. Then you could go back to feeling sad. Some days you might even feel both!

In the same way, denial isn’t necessarily the first emotion you’ll experience. Maybe your first emotional reaction is anger or depression.

This is natural and part of the healing process.

Coping with a loss is ultimately a deeply personal and singular experience. Many factors affect how long it takes.

Some people navigate through grief in a few days. Others take months or longer to process their loss.

You might find it useful to not set any deadlines to your process.

In grief, you’ll experience some of these emotions in waves of intensity. In time, you’ll notice this intensity decrease.

If you feel your emotions stay or increase in intensity and frequency, this might be a good time to seek professional support.

Going through the stages of grief, particularly the depression stage, isn’t equivalent to clinical depression. There’s a distinction between having clinical depression and grieving.

This means that even though some symptoms might be similar, there are still key differences between both.

For example, in grief, the intense sadness will lessen in intensity and frequency as time goes by. You might even experience this sadness at the same time you find temporary relief in happy memories from times before the loss.

Bite-sized knowledge
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The 5 Stages of Grief

The Kübler-Ross Model of Grieving

Denial

Anger

Bargaining

Depression

Acceptance

Misconceptions about grieving

Reaching out for help during grief

Helping someone who is grieving

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Bite-sized knowledgeto upgradeyour career

The 5 Stages of Grief

The Kübler-Ross Model of Grieving

Denial

Anger

Bargaining

Depression

Acceptance

Misconceptions about grieving

Reaching out for help during grief

Helping someone who is grieving

IDEAS ABOUT

MORE LIKE THIS

Intermittent Fasting for Real People: Practical Tips

Anxiety: Causes, Symptoms, Treatment, and More

Catastrophic Thinking: When Your Mind Clings to Worst-Case Scenarios

It's time to

READ

LIKE

A PRO!

Bite-sized knowledge
to upgrade
your career