Waiting for that "special someone" to magically appear in your close social circle isn't going to cut it. You need to go out and talk to people. Take matters in your hands. This is the reality for most people. Go to parties, social meetings or any place you feel like you have the courage to meet new people.

Getting To Know People

In social media you can literally be whoever you want. You can add filters to alter your physical appearance. You can delay and think your answers for as much as you like. You've living a life out of sync. Physical contact and close interaction is everything. It's straight forward. That's how humans are programmed to interact and that's how you should do it too. Observe the other person's facial expressions and body language and judge for yourself. Hear their voice, smell their scent and feel their touch. Don't be limited to using one sense instead of all 5.

Always Prefer Face To Face Interaction

This is a must. It's the base of everything. No matter what your style is, being clean and fresh is non-negotiable. Take a shower, change underwear, brush your teeth. Nobody likes to feel like smelling the inside of a septic tank everytime you open your mouth (unless they have a fetish or something wild like that, then you do you). Work on your mental health before dating, the other person is not your babysitter or your therapist. Do NOT talk about your exes, do NOT talk about your insecurities. If you must say you feel a little nervous that's ok, it can make you feel relaxed and open up.

Take Care Of Yourself Physically And Emotionally

Failing means learning and learning is good. The first times are going to feel painful. Failing at anything is unpleasant, but it's the only way to get your feedback and improve yourself. Accept rejection as a part of the process and don't fear it. Try to analyze what went wrong and where you can do better to have a different outcome next time. Failing is the main part of becoming successful at anything really.

You Will Fail. You MUST Fail.

Leave the cliché openers where they belong: in the trash. Nobody is gonna sleep with you or date you just because you said 10 words you saw on the internet. Be straight forward, be clear about your intentions and about the reason you approached the person in the first place. Leave no space for misunderstanding. It's not what you say specifically but how you say it. Be confident, believe in yourself. Keep your style and your humour because that's what you're gonna actually have in 2 or 3 months time. You can't keep faking forever.

Approaching The Other Person

Start new hobbies, read a lot of different things and generally don't stick to only doing one thing in your life. Everybody wants to have an inspiring and interesting person by their side. Being able to converse about a lot of things opens up your chances in the dating market by a A LOT, don't be a one-trick-pony because you're limiting yourself. Having common things to talk about is really important in the long run, you can't rely on small talk forever.

Be Versatile

Just because you're the one making the move doesn't mean the other person isn't afraid or stressed. Always make the other person feel as if they've known you for years. Pick up the conversation when it seems like it's dying and don't forget to let the other person speak. A person that feels they can let their inner child free is instantly a potential partner. Actively listen to the other person because it can always help you continue the conversation later and it shows you are able to care. Always face the other person as a simple human, just like you, not some kind of higher being

Understand That The Other Person Is Afraid As Well

You might be the most cultivated, the most interesting, the most "you name it" person in the world, but the other person might still not be interested in you or even find you boring. Many will also reject you for your looks. That's ok, that's great actually. Not everybody matches. They save both of you time with the honest rejection. Do not play the "friendship" card, people are not machines that you put kindness coins in them and they'll eventually love you. Take the loss because it's only a battle and not the war. Move on, no hard feelings. If the person says no, it's a no.

It's Not All About You

You've had your fair share of social interactions, you even feel like you are pretty good at communicating, but when it comes to dating or even talking to someone romantically/sexually , things don't seem to work out. Here's what might help:

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

motivationandinspiration

Motivation & Inspiration

communication

Communication

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

Understanding dating and unlocking your potential 

1. Success and recognition2. Harmony and relationships3. Creativity and self-expression4. Structure and order5. Freedom and adventure6. Nurturing and responsibility7. Knowledge and understanding8. Power and success9. Compassion and Idealism

People who driven by a desire for success and recognition, may bully others who they perceive as competition or obstacles to their ambitions. They may belittle or undermine others in an attempt to assert their dominance and maintain control over their environment.

1. Desire for success and recognition

People who values harmony and relationships, may resort to bullying behavior if they feel threatened by someone who challenges their sense of security or stability. They may engage in passive-aggressive tactics or manipulation to maintain control over interpersonal dynamics.

2. Harmony and relationships

People who thrives on creativity and self-expression, may bully others out of a need for validation or attention. They may use their wit and charm to ridicule or mock those who they perceive as different or less talented, seeking to elevate themselves at the expense of others.

3. Thrives on creativity and self-expression

People who values structure and order, may bully others who deviate from their established norms or expectations. They may impose their beliefs or standards onto others, using intimidation or coercion to enforce conformity.

4. Structure and order

People who craves freedom and adventure, may bully others who they see as obstacles to their independence or autonomy. They may use manipulation or deceit to undermine the authority of others and assert their own desires.

5. Freedom and adventure

People who prioritizes nurturing and responsibility, may bully others if they feel their sense of security or stability is threatened. They may resort to controlling or manipulative behavior to maintain order and protect their own interests.

6. Nurturing and responsibility

Those who seeks knowledge and understanding, may bully others who challenge their intellectual superiority or question their beliefs. They may use their intellect to belittle or criticize those who they perceive as ignorant or inferior.

7. Seeks knowledge and understanding

Those who values power and success, may bully others in pursuit of dominance or control. They may use their influence or resources to intimidate or manipulate others, seeking to assert their authority and maintain their position of power.

8. Values power and success

Those who embodies compassion and idealism, may bully others if they feel their values or beliefs are threatened. They may become self-righteous or judgmental, using moral superiority to justify their behavior towards those who they perceive as morally inferior.

9. Compassion and Idealism

Bullying behavior is complex and can arise from a variety of personal, social, and environmental factors that extend beyond these. Below are some examples of how someone might engage in bullying behavior towards another

mindfulness

Mindfulness

parenting

Parenting

mentalhealth

Mental Health

creativity

Creativity

Bully

Parentification can involve a range of behaviours, from the overt—making children engage in physical tasks that typically fall to adults in the family, including tasks such as cooking and cleaning[1], caring for siblings or caring for the parent themselves, to the subtler—confiding in a child in a manner that is not age-appropriate, seeking emotional support from a child, expecting tasks of a child beyond their developmental capacity, seeking advice from children, using them as mediators or buffers, and involving them in family conflicts.

What Is It

The impact of parentification on children can be vast. Parentified children may experience a range of difficulties in adulthood, including; enmeshed roles within the family, difficulties with establishing <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/boundaries">boundaries</a> , a pervasive need to please other people, <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/anxiety">anxiety</a> , <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/perfectionism">perfectionism</a> , difficulties forming and maintaining intimate or platonic relationships, missed developmental milestones, <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/grief">grief</a> , and passive styles of communication.

Impact

Difficulties arise from a range of psychological needs that were subverted in childhood, including needs for a relationship with a stable caregiver , independence, autonomy, agency, and spontaneity. Parentified children learn to discount their own needs in pursuit of caring for their parent and often carry distorted scripts about the importance of being ‘unselfish’ or placing one’s own needs aside.

Challenges In Adulthood

Parentified children learn to discount their own needs in pursuit of caring for their parent and often carry distorted scripts about the importance of being ‘unselfish’ or placing one’s own needs aside.

Were you expected to care for a parent, either physically or psychologically? Read this to understand how this might have impacted on you.

humanresources

Human Resources

The Parentified Child in Adulthood

What happened that made us believe we all had to be special, beautiful and rich? That we had to have more and be more and pretend that the two were connected..To film it all.

Shabaz explains, it's consumerism and social media, which together created this obsession of scrolling through the phone.. relatable info highlighting issues we all face but just don't won't or can't do anything about..

Being a povvo is great, because ... I don't know if anyone's noticed, but the lives of plastic people we stare at online do not look fun. They holiday in Dubai.. their most meaningful relationships are with customer service assistants (who hate them) 🤦‍♀️

The aim of this book seems to acknowledge how ridiculous it is to see extravagant living on social media platforms.. and to hype the beauty of normal people lives. A much needed dialogue for certain members of society ✌️

Shabaz shares his thoughts on how social media has warped our minds in relation to food.. 10 dollar giant strawberries.. gold steaks..He highlights the abnormalities which are normalised on the Internet, and then celebrates the reality of the average persons relationship with food.

It is adult life as designed by a child who wants to be a Princess.. the child (played by an adult Influencer) can really play grown ups by pretending to require a stimulant.. but in place of dolls there are 3 million people watching on a phone.

A reminder of times back in 2008 when we didn't all constantly take photos of ourselves .. selfies.. there was no time for being sexy ..'Today's generation have grown up in a world where everyone's just trying to look sexy all the time' .. the challenges faced using filters explained perfectly 😵‍💫😖Damage to our self image.. destructive to our sense of self..

Now we are playing the same game as the models, but we are destined to lose unless we buy some products..
No beauty products can make you beautiful..

I think the Internet cosmetics industry treats young women in a similar way to how crypto/investor socials approach teenage boys

How to date on the cheap? Be single!Mathematical studies show that simply reducing the number of people on a date from 2 to 1, can reduce costs and improve your mental state by 50%!That's a saving!Throughout the book helpful povvo tips are provided 🤭

Povvo Hack!

... we turn to obsessive people with low body fat as a substitute for functioning healthcare systems, and the solutions to a society that has been massively disrupted by the rapid advance of technology.

... in reality we are all ill from a loss of community, a loss of social safety nets and the general psychological erosion that comes from spending too much time online..

... to dedicate time, money and thought to something that adds nearly no quality to your life is a sign of how free you are, and how much spare money and time you have. Ice cubes literally melt away. You are saying 'I have time and money to put into something that will disappear, because time and money are nothing to me'.

The world is full of books about how to be rich. This is not one of them. Today, many of us are feeling the pinch - and being bombarded with portrayals of social media 'perfection' is making that pinch feel more like a punch. We may know that social media - with all its billionaires and beauty queens - is just a highlight reel. So why is it still making most of us feel so low? Comedian Shabaz Ali wants to help you see the funny side of social media again. Because while it looks nice to live up in an ivory tower, this book reminds us that it is much more fun to be part of the baying mob that surrounds it. This laugh-out-loud deep-dive into social media's ridiculously rich, will help you love your own penny-pinched, rough-around-the-edges, extraordinarily ordinary life.

technologyandthefuture

Technology & The Future

books

Books

entertainment

Entertainment

Shabaz Ali

I'm Rich, You're Poor

𝐑𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐚 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐫𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐡 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐰𝐬 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭. 𝐏𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐡𝐢𝐠𝐡 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟-𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐦 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐮𝐜𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩𝐬.

leadershipandmanagement

Leadership & Management

Benefits of Informational Reminders and Trying Workarounds

If your partner is always there when they say they will be, it shows they care about you and the relationship.

Being reliable

When your partner talks honestly and clearly with you, it means they're not hiding things and want to understand you better.

Talking openly

Even when you disagree, if your partner treats you with kindness and doesn't say mean things, it shows they care about your feelings.

Respecting each other

Doing things together, even simple stuff like cooking or watching TV, shows that your partner values being with you.

Spending time together

Sometimes, your partner might give up something they like to make you happy, which shows they care about your happiness.

Making sacrifices

If your partner encourages you to follow your dreams and cheers you on, it shows they want the best for you.

Supporting each other's dreams

When your partner says sorry and tries to fix things after a fight, it shows they care about your relationship more than winning arguments.

Admitting when they're wrong

Giving each other space to do your own thing shows that you trust and respect each other.

Respecting personal space

Celebrating each other's successes, no matter how small, shows that you're happy for each other.

Being each other's biggest fan

Being open about how you feel, even if it's scary, helps you understand each other better and strengthens your bond.

Showing emotions

If your partner sticks by your side when things get hard, it shows they're committed to you and your relationship.

Supporting each other through tough times

Do you ever find yourself wondering if your partner really values loyalty and commitment in your relationship?

teamwork

Teamwork

longevity

Longevity

11 signs you're in a relationship with someone who values loyalty and commitment

MAY YOUR FAITH BE STRONGER THAN YOUR FEAR

"MAY YOUR TROUBLES BE LESS AND YOUR BLESSINGS BE MORE."

MAY YOU NEVER FORGET HOW FAR YOU'VE COME

"MAY THE SUNSHINE BRING YOU HOPE."

May is a month of blessings! Inspiring quotes to help you make the most of it

religionandspirituality

Religion & Spirituality

habits

Habits

Throughout his life, the main character blamed himself for the terrible events of his childhood. And even if he became a good person with a lot of loving people, it always remained in his memory, trying to ruin his life. He doesn't deserve this life, but it just happened. Nobody has insurance.

Bad Things Can Happen Even with the Best of Us

He has so much love, so many people around him. They were so generous, so gentle, and so careful. But they can't do all he needed. Love can't save people, but it could make their lives much better.

Love is Powerful but not Omnipotent

We all have our weaknesses. We all make mistakes, even fatal ones. But most of us are not bad people and deserve forgiveness.

People Aren't Saints

Even in the worst-case conditions, the talent couldn't be stopped. With regular practice, diligence, and repetition.

Good Discipline Leads to Bright Talent

Mom and dad's love is one of the most powerful things. Thay can't hide it and they always afraid of loosing their children.

Parent's life is a big path of fear

Not every person needs it. It's just the fact.

Sex is overrated

NATIONAL BESTSELLER • A stunning “portrait of the enduring grace of friendship” (NPR) about the families we are born into, and those that we make for ourselves. A masterful depiction of love in the twenty-first century. NATIONAL BOOK AWARD FINALIST • MAN BOOKER PRIZE FINALIST • WINNER OF THE KIRKUS PRIZE A Little Life follows four college classmates—broke, adrift, and buoyed only by their friendship and ambition—as they move to New York in search of fame and fortune. While their relationships, which are tinged by addiction, success, and pride, deepen over the decades, the men are held together by their devotion to the brilliant, enigmatic Jude, a man scarred by an unspeakable childhood trauma. A hymn to brotherly bonds and a masterful depiction of love in the twenty-first century, Hanya Yanagihara’s stunning novel is about the families we are born into, and those that we make for ourselves. Look for Hanya Yanagihara’s bestselling new novel, To Paradise, available now.

artsandculture

Society, Arts & Culture

Hanya Yanagihara

A Little Life

Technology gives huge leverage to smaller populations and groups. It removes the advantage of number. When we go down this path it makes people to have lesser and lesser interactions with other people as the technology is taking away the necessity and dependency Is there a technology that brings back the necessity of interactions ? Yep I think it's human brain

Boons And Banes Of Technology

philosophy

Philosophy

Technology and Human interactions 

Imagine being surrounded by people.Someone says something that sounds familiar. It’s a story you already lived. And you want to share your experience.You clear your throat and wait for the best opportunity to slide in. Then, you start talking. And for a moment, everything seems fine. Everybody focuses on you. But as you go ahead, they lose interest.

When People Lose Interest

That’s the worst thing that could happen to your storytelling abilities. But don’t panic!I’ve made these mistakes myself – hundreds of times. And I can guarantee you can fix them. There’s no need to feel guilty or needy. But you must get to the heart of the problem.

The Worst Feeling When Telling A Story

First, you must understand why people are distracted when somebody’s telling a story.Be careful – I don’t care about <a href="https://www.cosmopolitanmindset.com/20-dangerous-time-wasters-and-why-you-should-stop-them/">generic distractions </a>we use to waste time. I am talking about those that occur during a conversation.I made many mistakes myself while becoming a better storyteller. And I found at least three reasons why people stop listening.<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">They lose interest in your story because there’s no added value to what you’re saying.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">An external interference catches everyone’s attention before you hook them with your story.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Or people didn’t notice you were telling a story.</li></ul>

Why do people get distracted?

When I was younger, I knew nothing about storytelling.People didn’t listen to me. They found me boring. And they had no problems saying that to my face. But I was so afraid of losing them that I accepted everything.After years, my confidence grew, and I didn’t accept those behaviors anymore. And as I started to speak up, everybody hooked on my confidence. So, here are five storytelling mistakes that almost ruined my life and a few solutions to fix them.

5 Storytelling Mistakes That Almost Ruined My Life

Pook hooks have always been my weak point – a strong admission by someone who claims to be a writer.But, in my defense, writing hooks and using them while speaking is different.When you talk to people, you don’t have too much time to think about a great hook. You may hook them with experience and instinct, or you may not.

1 – Using poor hooks. (1)

People won’t listen to your story if you don’t have a strong hook. They will get distracted by everything:<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">their smartphones</li><li class="ql-align-justify">another story</li><li class="ql-align-justify">or even a random thought wavering through their mind.</li></ul>So, how can you fix this problem?

1 – Using poor hooks. (2)

There are plenty of ways you can keep people hooked to your story. But these two do wonders.<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">Use foreshadowing to present an unexpected consequence. People will want to know how you got there.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Start with a question to make people think. They will want to share their story and pay attention to find an entry point.</li></ul>

How to Keep People Hooked

Any investment expects a return. And you may want to gain something when you invest your time in somebody’s story.You’re reading this article for the same reason – there are lessons you want to know. And you apply the same while listening to someone, even if you don’t realize it.So, as I did with the headline, the value of the story should always be some of the first things you share. The link with the audience fades out when the value isn’t clear. And if you keep making this mistake, everybody will stop listening and find a way out.

2 - Giving unclear value.

Giving value is simple when you know your story’s goal. So, before sharing value, ask yourself – what’s this story about?<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">Your value may be excitement if your story is funny.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">It might be empathy if you’re trying to build an emotional connection.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Or you may share a life update. In that case, the value would be your current situation.</li></ul>Every time you tell a story, put your value first. Prepare people for what they are going to get once you finish. Let them know if your story is fun, sad, exciting, unbelievable, etc. Put your value first, and they will keep listening.

How to Give People Value

Confident people attract others – there’s nothing you can do about it. And there are many ways you can become more confident.<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">You can fake it until you make it. </li><li class="ql-align-justify">You can use self-irony. </li><li class="ql-align-justify">Or you can <a href="https://cosmopolitanmindset.substack.com/p/the-secrets-of-charisma">become more charismatic </a>by applying the rules I shared in many of my articles.</li></ul>But one thing will impact your storytelling more than anything else – your body language. Confusing body language will give people time to get distracted and lose empathy with your story. So, even if you did everything correctly, they will lose interest and find a way to leave.

3 – Using confusing body language.

Improving your <a href="https://cosmopolitanmindset.substack.com/p/how-to-improve-your-body-language?utm_source=publication-search">body language skills </a>will improve your life. But storytelling only needs two things.<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">First, you must make eye contact with the right people. In each group, a few people define what the group does. And if you catch their attention, the group will listen to you.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">And second, you must speak out loud. Don’t give people the impression you are not confident about your story. And don’t be afraid they won’t listen. Many people may not hear you and ignore your story if your voice is low.</li></ul>

How to Use Body Language

Go to the point. And do it fast.You must tell people how you reached the expected result of your foreshadowing in under two minutes. Otherwise, they will stop listening.Don’t worry if it’s not perfect or if there are some missing parts. If they’re interested, they will ask. But for god’s sake – don’t make us wait five minutes for a story we might not even enjoy.If I were your only listener, I would leave you pending if you ever try to do something like this to me.

4 – Telling long stories.

Keep it short — it is a simple suggestion. But doing it, it’s challenging.How do you make a story short?What do you keep? And what do you remove?<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">Follow the 5W method and say a sentence for each question – who, when, where, what, why.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Could you focus on what you foreshadowed in the hook?</li><li class="ql-align-justify">And keep everything under two minutes. Leave further information for later. Hiding some parts of the story could also be beneficial and intriguing.</li></ul>

How to Tell Short Stories

You will never become a good storyteller if you don’t practice with your stories enough. Here’s a list of the things you must know:<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">one story for each situation </li><li class="ql-align-justify">how to enhance each story without losing credibility</li><li class="ql-align-justify">how to recognize good entry points and hooks </li><li class="ql-align-justify">and which people you should address to remain at the center of attention.</li></ul>You may even become a good storyteller in your group. But storytelling works best in groups you don’t know when you need to make a good first impression. That’s why you must train a lot in your comfort zone before telling your stories out of it.

5 – Missing enough practice.

I already wrote an article about <a href="https://cosmopolitanmindset.substack.com/p/3-simple-rules-to-boost-your-storytelling">storytelling and its practice </a>. But I will write a few more suggestions here.<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">Practice in front of the mirror. Once you find a story with value, try to say it by yourself without any group pressure and without thinking about the details.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Practice with close friends. The best advantage of your comfort zone is the possibility to experiment without repercussions. So, try out different versions of the story with your friends and find out which works best. Then, collect feedback from their questions to stop promising value points.</li></ul>

How to Practice Storytelling

Mistakes will forge a good storyteller. But some mistakes could ruin your life – especially when people don’t listen to you.You will become insecure. You will stop trying. And you will become a member of the group nobody cares about.But if you want to emerge, avoid these five mistakes and improve your storytelling abilities from the beginning.Think about your hooks and values. Use the correct body language. Keep your stories short. And practice them in your comfort zone.

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You are reading an excerpt from <a href="https://cosmopolitanmindset.substack.com/">The Challenge</a>, a newsletter where I discuss self-improvement, goal-setting, habits, time management, and health tips and tricks.Every week, you will get the following:<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">a challenge to pursue to improve your life</li><li class="ql-align-justify">an infographic to track it.</li></ul><a href="https://cosmopolitanmindset.substack.com/subscribe">Subscribe now</a> to help me continue publishing this type of content.

The Challenge

Do you want to improve your storytelling skills? Learn how to avoid these five common storytelling mistakes that could ruin your story.

productivity

Productivity

5 Storytelling Mistakes That Almost Ruined My Life (and How To Fix Them Now)

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